Tinder date. Need help!

[Bboy100]

Hey guys. So, I have a coffee date planned for this Thursday with a girl I met off Tinder. I already have some problems. Help with them would be much appreciated:

1. She explicitly told me in no uncertain terms that she has to study the night we meetup (its exam week, so it's likely true). This means that there will certainly be resistance if/when I try to pull her. And it feels like her reason is valid, and she wouldn't just be making up excuses. Ad a result, it feels like getting her to change her mind would be extraordinarily difficult.

2. In one particular message she said she feels weird being on Tinder because she's not the "hookup type of girl". In my response, I related to her by saying that I also felt weird when I first started using Tinder, but that feeling eventually goes away (I.e. I didn't even acknowledge her "no hookups" frame), she also knows I've seen other girls via Tinder before, but she doesn't know any details beyond that. Anyways, this is not so much as a problem as a question: Do you guys think that by being on Tinder she's accepted the frame that she's there for hookups? If not, has she interpreted my response as accepting her frame that we aren't there for hookups? If so, what should I do?

3. I did not ask her out on the same day I chatted her. I was kinda slow (my bad!), I asked her out like, 2 days after sending the first message.

4. We go to the same school. It's a big school, and I've never seen her, I doubt I know any of her friends. However, the fact that we still are at the same school in addition to #2 and #3 makes me think she may have already slotted me into Boyfriend land.
Is this the case?

5. What kind of excuse could I potentially use to get her in the back of my car? I feel like its the only available place in terms of logistics. My place has only 2 rooms, and 4 people live there, so I can't reliably make sure they're all gone. I don't yet know the logistics of her place, and also #1. So her place would be unreliable at best.

 

[Drck]

1. Yep. She is telling you that she will not sleep with you on the first date, she already made it clear. She is aiming for short date, perhaps just a coffee. She could change her mind, but she will go for the date with that in her mind. Yes, she will resist, the more you'll try the higher the resistance will be. So, go for a date, have fun, and save your effort for next time. Try to leave an impression that you are a sexy guy who is fun to be around, who wants sex but is not pushing too hard for it (because he can get it with other girls and sex is no big deal)

2. Who cares what she thinks or texts. She is looking for a guy, so she used Tinder because she can't find any guy that she really likes directly. So don't worry about her frame, worry about your frame. What is your frame? Well, you want to meet a girl, Tinder sounds good. So don't apologize for it and don't try to explain yourself. You are simply looking for a girl and using everything that is available to you. You know that she is putting her breaks for the 1st date. Ok, who cares, enjoy the date anyway, let her build her barriers while you have not intention climbing over them. Don't push for sex while her barriers are up, wait till she gets tired and more comfortable. Simply present as sexy guy who can easily walk away from her. Who knows, maybe this itself could change her mind and drop her barriers...

3. No big deal. At least she knows you are not in a hurry, you have a patience, you are not pushy and needy to meet a girl the first day she replies to you. That is a good frame. Maybe she thinks you are busy with other girls. Even better.

4. It depends on what you want. If you want to be BF, set such frame. If not, make sure your frame reflects that. So, she might be for example looking for a BF. If she knows right away you are not BF material and you don't exactly present as lover or exciting Alpha who she can have great sex with, she will most likely dump you. So make sure you know your frame - before you meet her. There is also a trick to it, depending how bad you are, you can e.g. present yourself as a BF, wait patiently till she sleeps with you and then (after you get what you wanted) change your frame. Dump her. I know, I know, you guys are always good and always honest, you would never do such things. Well, good for you, and good luck getting laid then.

5. There are no excuses. There are not tricks. You won't be able to 'convince' her logically to go with you in the car. If she likes you and her barriers are low, she will go with you. If not she won't. She will like you only if there is a good emotional connection. So you have to work on emotions - relaxation, good vibes, some positivity (depending on your personality), show an interest in her, you want to give impression with your body language that you are sexy guy without really saying it in words... You want to express that you are interested in sex, but at the same time you are not really needy and clingy... You want her to "feel" emotions. Emotions are the underlying force that will change her mind, words are only on the surface. So there are couple of scenarios:

* Girls has no emotional connection with you. She won't sleep with you (unless she is drunk, really horny, wants revenge to her BF, doesn't care at all and so on). You won't convince her no matter what you say or what you try, she simply doesn't find you attractive.

* She has decent emotional connection with you. Here you can - with careful words, persistance, pushing forward and sexiness - convince her. Maybe not the 1st date, but she will eventually cave in. Just don't chase, don't be needy and clingy.

* She has strong emotional connection with you, which is an ideal situation. She really likes you a lot. Here she will actually become quite active in seduction. She will be all over you, she will be seducing you, she will be pushing forward, inviting you places, showing you compliance - without you asking for it. You can just relax and let her do the work. Hey, I got that great movie that you were talking about at my place, wanna see? And she will go happily, all excited because it wasn't her who suggested to be at some place where you can be intimate... All you have to do is "get her hints", follow her suggestions, perhaps re-direct her here and there so she knows it is not about friendship but about sex, and of course - show up when she invites you or take her to your place...


Also note that she may like you for different reasons. For example, she may really like you for your personality and for having a great emotional connection with you. Or she may like the "asshole" in you - while she doesn't really care about your personality at all. She could sleep with you in either case....


Good Luck