FR++ Tinder Date on a Tight Schedule

[Skippy]

Let's call this girl Alison

Tinder Messages:

Me: Alison! I like your aesthetic

Her: ShuaiGe! Hello. Thank you! So I'm from New York and am in Chicago (for the first time) for the next two days.
Her: Looking for suggestions of things to do while I'm here;0; I came here without a plan

Me: Well you can't say you've been to Chicago unless you've taken a picture at the Bean
Me: There's an art institute, which is also downtown
Me: but both of those pale in comparison to one thing

Her: Well I've officially been here for about 3 hours and have gotten a picture at the bean! Woo
Her: What?

Me: Getting deep dish with yours truly

Her: LOL well when are you free, bud
Me: I'm free tomorrow, actually

Her: Okay cool! Lunch or dinner?

Me: Lets do dinner. I'm guessing you haven't seen [my university's] campus?
Her: I havent but I really want to!!!

...continued as usual
--Okay so I don't want to type out the whole thing, but basically she half-flaked and we rescheduled it to getting lunch the day after. We met at 12:30

The Date:

By the time we actually meet up, it's around 1. I greet her with a hug. (I think I'm going to try handclasps from now on) and I take her over to the library to check out places. So we're walking around and checking out parts of campus. We talk about the usual things although I try to be a bit more mysterious and try to deflect her questions.

She asks me: What do you do for fun
Me: I like to watch paint dry(thanks Bboy <3)
Her: Oh! me too
silence

Her: So actually though...what do you do?
Me: Well I like to go swing dancing on weekends, and some origami. I mostly just hangout with friends when I'm bored.

Should I still keep deflecting? If so how?

I ask her about TV shows she likes and when she returns the question to me, I talk about seeing a show on polyamory and how its great that we can live in a time that this is socially acceptable(she eats it up and agrees with me).


around 2:30ish, I tell her that I have something fun planned for lunch and I take her to a grocery store. We're cooking at my place *surprise* *surprise*

We finish making lunch around 3:30, and then she says she needs to get back to her hostel at 5(Her flight is at 8).While we're eating, she asks what I want to go to grad school for, so I say I'm getting a PHD in making women smile . She says "Ah, I see" silence "So what are you actually...?" So I tell her. Again, maybe I should've deflected.

So after lunch I bring her to my room under the pretext of wanting to show her some gordon ramsay vidoes. We sit down and she asks: "So why did you even agree to meet up with me if you knew I was only going to be around for a couple days" I just said " Oh, just something to do"(maybe I should've used a bf disqualifier here)(but what exactly do you say?)


She said she'd have to leave after one episode. We sit down and I put my arm around her but she's not comfortable with that and acts awkward, and she says she needs more space. So I just sit and didnt know what to do. After the episode is over she leaves, and I give her a goodbye hug.




In my opinion I made these mistakes: Building intrigue wasn't done too well, but honestly, I don't think that was the main issue. First of all, I was running on a tight schedule since she left at 4. So I could've brought her home sooner and not shown her too many places on campus. I think the main issue was building comfort. When we were walking around I didn't touch her at all except for the hug I gave her in the beginning. and maybe one tap on the shoulder while cooking, but that was it. I think she needed more. I think she was genuinely attracted to me because she would always be trying to relate to what I said and she was always trying to build rapport. so the issue was more comfort based instead of attraction(I think?).

Here's what I think I did well: My routine for bringing a girl back to my room is solid: you just tell them you have a surprise planned for dinner and take them to your kitchen and then after eating tell them you want to watch some episode and go to your room.
We went to a lot of different places which helps her feel like the date was longer than it actually was. A lot of things that I'm doing now are much more natural for me compared to a year ago, when I'd still be nervous about greeting a girl with a hug.

If I had more time, I think I could've at least kissed her. but damn, this girl was cute! she wore tight jeans that showed off her amazing ass and some top which showed her entire back and barely covered her boobs. I think I just didn't know what to do once my routine got derailed (usually girls are okay with me putting their arm around them).

Do you guys have any comments or suggestions?

 

[foggy]

Hey dude, nice report.

I want to start off by mentioning you could have easily fucked this chick. Your problem was that you missed some escalation windows and made some mistakes, and by the time you were in your room with her she had already gone into auto-rejection.

You didn't set a proper frame in the beginning. As a result she was confused about your intentions with her and asked you why you met up with her. You said, "Oh, just something to do." That's a bad answer and it doesnt express your interest for her in any sort of way. She still has no idea what you want from her. This was her giving you your last chance to make things happen. There's no need to use a boyfriend disqualifier considering she's not even from town. It's pretty well understood between you two that you're not going to see each other again. All you needed to do is set the frame that you are a lover who's good for quick sex and nothing else. There was no point in going to a bunch of different places - lovers don't do that. She probably honestly did not care either. As soon as you noticed she was taking a heavy interest in you, that's when you should have moved as quick as you can.

I agree, your way of creating intrigue was a little awkward. Heres an example of how it could have gone:

Her: What do you do for fun?
You: Well..I'll be honest. I'm a guy who lives in the moment. Lately I've been going on some pretty exhilarating adventures.

I think you can agree that that answer creates intrigue. By answering like that, you do not answer her question fully - it only makes her want to ask more questions to try to figure you out. By comparison, telling her you like to watch paint dry does not make her wonder anything about you...that's an answer you would give to an unattractive chick to shut her down.

Her: Tell me more.
You: The best adventures are the risky ones that give you an adrenaline rush and make you feel so alive! Have you been on any awesome adventures?

That is a deflection. When she further inquires you respond with another vague answer, then you totally change the subject/turn it back on her and get her talking about herself.

You're right, you definitely could have touched her some more. I feel like there was an overall lack of sexual tension which contributed to the failed escalation at the end.

 

[Skippy]

Hey backstory! Your feedback really clarified things for me!

I want to start off by mentioning you could have easily fucked this chick. Your problem was that you missed some escalation windows and made some mistakes, and by the time you were in your room with her she had already gone into auto-rejection.

Yea the more I think about it, the more I realize you're absolutely right that it was auto-rejection. In fact, during our conversations, I also said things which implied preselection. In hindsight, this was completely unnecessary because just from her texting it was evident she was very interested. So I didn't need to do that. In fact, I texted her today to tell her it was nice meeting her, and there was no response. So definitely auto-rejection+failed escalation

There was no point in going to a bunch of different places - lovers don't do that. She probably honestly did not care either. As soon as you noticed she was taking a heavy interest in you, that's when you should have moved as quick as you can.

.

Yeah I should've just disregarded her saying that she wanted to check out the campus. In fact, I was the one who brought it up in the first place and she probably just agreed so she had an excuse to see me. I think I should've just taken her into the library for the plausible deniability and then bounced to my place because now that I think about it, if she's not down to initially hang out at my place, then I probably wouldn't have gotten anywhere with her after showing her around campus and then bringing her back. I think from now on, I'll make a rule to pull within 30min at the very most. I've made the mistake before of not treating a tinder date like a hookup and the girl also went into auto-rejection. The other time, I made the same mistake of taking her words at face value. This was a slightly more elaborate version of that.

I think you can agree that that answer creates intrigue. By answering like that, you do not answer her question fully - it only makes her want to ask more questions to try to figure you out. By comparison, telling her you like to watch paint dry does not make her wonder anything about you...that's an answer you would give to an unattractive chick to shut her down.

Oh I see what you mean. That makes more sense and probably fits my style better

You didn't set a proper frame in the beginning. As a result she was confused about your intentions with her and asked you why you met up with her. You said, "Oh, just something to do." That's a bad answer and it doesnt express your interest for her in any sort of way. She still has no idea what you want from her.

In fact, I realize what I said was even worse. After saying "Oh, just something to do" I joked that I was "just looking to expand my professional network on LinkdIn". She said "Oh" but I think she sounded a little hurt.

What would you recommend saying instead? How about taking her hand and saying: "You know, when you said you were only in Chicago for two days, I thought well, she's intriguing and sometimes it's good to live spontaneously" I realized it was an important question but I didn't want to be direct.

Thanks for the advice, man!

 

[foggy]

What would you recommend saying instead? How about taking her hand and saying: "You know, when you said you were only in Chicago for two days, I thought well, she's intriguing and sometimes it's good to live spontaneously" I realized it was an important question but I didn't want to be direct.

That's a good question. You have to take into account the undertones of the conversation. When she said that, she was indirectly saying, "If you're going to make a move, now is your last chance." Was her body language already closed off at this point or was it open and receptive to you? If her body language was good then it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you kiss her right after. You didn't even have to say anything either, you could have given her a seductive look, looked into her eyes and kissed her.

Lookin forward to your next report for sure.

 

[Skippy]

We were sitting side by side on my bed, but she was facing me and I was facing straight ahead. oops! but I'll definitely remember this next time a girl asks a question like that. Show, don't tell.