To Radio Silence or Not To...? Help

[IHeartWomen]

So I hook up with a 3 year old fling again (never slept with her) at a day party. We wind up leaving and going to a friends and getting really intimate. She's not the type to go all the way and can be much of a tease, but whispers she wants to nonetheless. We did not but still had a great night. Obviously, we start text communications the next day.

She was going on vacation shortly after this first hook up but played the text game with me every day--always texting me first (usually around 11am which is probably when she woke up since she works nights). I thought for sure I was losing this one when she went on vacay, but sure as shit she text me when she got back. We made plans to hang out that Saturday but she wound up getting drunk during the day and after some reluctant texts/calls back and forth, she said she'd call me in a half hour when she got home. I said something like "if you aren't going to meet up, no biggie ill just make plans with friends". I am a plan maker, I don't like not having things set up. She doesn't call me until 11:30pm saying she's almost home. Of course I told her I had already gone out and we'll do it another day. Next day we get the text talking about and make plans for that night. She was out with friends during the day (it was a Sunday) and accused her friend of not driving her home and dragging her shopping. I wasn't super happy about the situation but of course didn't let it show. She reprieved herself by calling me that night, apologizing saying she would be pissed if she was me and glad I am not and we had a TWO HOUR conversation on the phone. AWESOME TALK.

Fast forward to Tuesday the next week and she sticks to our plans and meets me after work at 10pm. Mind you, we had plans but when I called to confirm she would always say "well what do you wanna do!?". It gave me the vibe and caught me off balance for some reason because I started to second guess myself. Of course I recovered and had plans for us. We go out and have AN AMAZING TIME. After dinner she was ravaging me in the car and asked to come up. I know you will all want to kill me, but I couldn't have her in my apartment because I am moving and it was a wreck. Nevertheless, I can be pretty persuasive so if we didn't do it then and there, I doubt I would have sealed the deal. But still, I kind of like her on a deeper level than that. So I think I am kind of looking for more. I don't know yet, but let me get to where it gets sticky.

The NEXT DAY she is shooting me texts how great of a time she had and wants to hang out again ASAP. I'm all like "cool, but with your schedule thats tough". She responds "I WILL MAKE TIME". I thought I was set. Now--we make plans for that Sunday. Sunday comes and I text her asking her the deal and she responds with her usual dry and seemingly intentional amnesia. So I ask about our plans and she DOES NOT RESPOND. Now, given the past we know she has a habit of making plans and being a no show. This time, how could I not shut it down when she OPENLY ADMITTED that if I did it to her she would ditch me? lol.

Now, here is where it gets even better. I go about my day and go to my boy's party he is having which her crew also knows. About an hour into me being there SHE ROLLS UP by herself. Gives me an awkward hello but makes it like everything is cool and then the rest of the night she is telling this story how a friend told her to come there and save her LOUD ENOUGH so I will hear. She eventually grabs my attention to say the same and while I was a bit in a suborn mode, the drinks loosened me up and we were soon talking a bit. Now, she leaves while I'm still there and I pull the biggest armature move of my life. I drunk text her late night when I am wacked asking if she got home okay and if she wanted to hang out. She of course responded she was tired and was going to sleep. Please don't kill me over that one.

Anyway, miserable at what I did I vow to never text her. She texts me that morning trying to continue the convo of her going to sleep and I answer without leaving open ends. That night at midnight she texts me a smiley. I don't answer... now today she texts me two more times... One with a smiley, then an angry face. I don't answer... So finally I respond with a smiley. She writes "Hiiiii", then I write "Hello", they she goes "Whats up", so I said "nm, whats up?" and then she doesn't respond for the rest of the day.

Now, I know shes doing it because she knows somethings wrong because usually I say something funny. But I'm not asking this girl to hang out again just so she can chill if she has nothing else to do.

What's my next move? Should I just give it a few days or should I just shoot a hail mary and ask her to stop playing games and tell me what she wants?

Would like some help on this since I am a bit sprung and not thinking like my usual self.

Thanks all.

 

[Thedoctor]

IHeartWomen,

From the sounds of things I really think you should read the "abundance mentality" posts. Here's a good one to start with:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/absolute-abundance

You are unclear about your intentions with this girl, but I assume you are looking for a long term relationship with her? If you don't, I'd simply suggest moving on (actually I might just suggest that altogether, but that's obviously not the answer you're looking for)

I'm just gonna list off the main points where I think you went wrong here. I'm kinda cut and dry so I apologize if some of this comes off a little rude:
1) "She's not the type to go all the way and can be much of a tease, but whispers she wants to nonetheless. We did not but still had a great night." - If she wants to that means you want to, lest you want her to feel rejected.
2) 2 hour phone conversation - This will ultimate put you in the friend zone if the two of you aren't in a relationship
3) "After dinner she was ravaging me in the car and asked to come up. I know you will all want to kill me, but I couldn't have her in my apartment because I am moving and it was a wreck." - If for whatever reason you cannot have her over (and this isn't a very good reason), find someplace. eg. car, hotel, beach etc.. .Once again, you made her feel rejected.

". . . should I just shoot a hail mary and ask her to stop playing games and tell me what she wants?" - Do that and she will reject you for good.

My advice would be to give her a couple days to cool off. Make plans to have dinner at your place or hers and TAKE THE POOR WOMAN TO BED ALREADY!

But to be honest I'd advise you to read a lot of the posts on the website and "improve your game" so to speak. Or better yet buy Chase's book on "How to be a Pick Up Artist".

-Doc

 

[IHeartWomen]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I think I royally screwed myself on this one. Definitely going to read those articles.

After trying to give it a day or so she continued to text and then called me when I didn't answer texts. We spoke for a bit and I told her not that it's a big deal, but I liked her and didn't want to chase her. I told her that making plans and continually just not showing up or responding at that time makes me feel annoying and that I didn't feel like making plans again with her and not with others just to have my day tied up in something not going to happen. She tried to explain herself and I stopped her and said I'm not her boyfriend and that her business is her business and is just prefer if she made plans not to stand me up.

Honestly, I'm bummed about it but I'm also glad because its a good learning experience. I know she will probably drop me for good after that, but tbh I was probably going to drop her if I didn't say anything. I'd rather be up front and honest, at least with this one, over playing it out, make plans again, then seem super thirsty when I try to confirm or figure out why she isn't responding.

I'm going to read up so I can make sure if I see her out and/or we rekindle, I can play it differently. Nevertheless, do I really want to continue messing with someone who acts all for chilling but making plans is like pulling teeth?

Again, thanks for the replies. What do you think on what I just said?

 

[IHeartWomen]

I have a bit of an update on this one and would like to get some additional advice. This is a quick one, so it shouldn't be too tough to read. Sorry about my usual elaborate stories. But before I do, I would just like to say how much the advice here has helped me. I met two women this weekend and one I literally applied everything I could remember and learned thus far and not only kissed her the first night we hung out (last night), but we set up a date for tomorrow with the least amount of effort I have ever put in to getting with a chick. It''s funny how I chuckled at the texting article when it says that the worst thing to do is "wait for the perfect moment to set up a meet" because when you truly follow the steps and control the situation, almost all the time is a perfect time because the ball is in your court... always. No matter how futile some of the steps or tips might seem, THEY ARE NOT.

Now, I think it is obvious to me and whoever has read this thread that this particular girl is a weak spot for me. I think it is because she unintentionally knows how to pull the strings because of her answering tactics. They are scarce and weird and not because I think she means it, but truly because she is an od person over text. This could be because she has an immature mentality or because she is just a "burn out" living literally every moment in that moment. My last girlfriend who was completely infatuated with me was the same way. Not immature, but she would answer texts EVEN WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER, then put her phone in her bag and never use it for the rest of the night. Because she truly would just be doing stuff, even if it is watching TV and not care who is texting or have no interest in what is going on with her phone.

So, after the advice given here, I gave her a few days to cool off. I did talk to her about standing me up which I totally regret because if I didn't I feel she would have texted me first like always, but nevertheless I am where I am so I have to either drop her or try to get my foot back in the door. So today, since I am recovering from an eventful weekend, I decided to text her to attempt a meet on Tuesday since I have plans Monday. Now here is where it gets tricky because when I try to follow the steps, she doesn't respond like a normal person. I text her a hello with a smiley. SHE INSTANTLY REPLIES with a "hiiii". I asked her how her weekend was and how she missed a fun party last night. She asked me some questions like where was it and such so then I replied with some answers and then an eventual "So what is your schedule like this week? Would you like to get together for some dessert this Tuesday?". She doesn't respond for about an hour and responds to one of the other texts I wrote. I answered her question and then she says "Nice, so what you doin right now?". She has done this before when she wants to hang out so I replied "Nothing actually, I went to brunch earlier and did some things but I'm home now. Why, did you have something in mind?". I also said something like "The place was awesome and had cookie doe pancakes. We should go there together sometime!". And she said something like "I want that!!!" and some "OMGs".

Then that was it. No answer to the schedule question and no follow up to her curiosity about my availability right now. Now, we have had conversations about relationships and such and she has always said if she doesn't want to hang out with a guy she just never responds. She said I am sure you do the same. I said, since I know you I wouldn't do it to you because that would be rude since we knew each other previously and still consider each other friends if anything was to happen. She said she doesn't care and would just stop answering me in a jokingly manner. So I get the impression that the girl wants to hang out or still has some interest in me. And while I want to just stop trying to get her to hang out, I do really like her on a more intimate level than just wanting to hit it. Beyond that though, I feel like this is good practice for me with difficult/not so responsive women.

What would you suggest as a next move here? Would you still just suggest I move on and just treat it as a hookup if I see her out and try to seal the deal that night?

I'm really stuck here because she lacks responsiveness, it is really hard to follow the steps. Perhaps I should give it a few days again and physically call her? She always seems more responsive when we talk on the phone. Perhaps this is just one of those non-text friendly encounters?

I really appreciate the help here and look forward to stepping up my game on ones like this. I look forward to your response