Hey folks,
Just wanted to get your 2-cents on how to handle this situation I'm in. Been with this girl near 3 months now, and for the first 2 months or so, we've been having sex every time we met. Recently, I've been getting a look of reluctance on her face whenever I'm escalating towards sex (we'll end up having a good session anyway), and it bothered me, so I asked her about it.
She says she feels reluctant because she shouldn't be wasting her time doing this, as long-term, she sees herself in a relationship, but she feels like if she says no to me, I will be gone. I tell her that if she doesn't want to have sex, she can turn me down (at times, I make her go out of her way for us to get some alone time), and that whenever I escalate, it's because I feel the vibes.
In response to that, she asks me if we can stop having sex for 2 weeks and just hang out, which I agreed to, because her reaction makes me feel like the sex is not always consensual. It's pretty clear that she's steering us towards a relationship, which I'm not entirely opposed to, but it's in a direction that I don't want -- because sex should be the cornerstone of a relationship, and not a bonus.
When we were hanging out, there were times when we were both clearly horny, and I felt she was giving clear signs, but I didn't escalate because I wanted to stick to the 2-weeks of no sex. This was probably, partly, in reaction to her being resistant to engaging in sex talk with me when we're hanging out and bantering.
Don't think I'm gonna do any more of these sex curfews after this 2-week one. It's sexually frustrating for both parties, and results in a fair bit of lost respect on the guy.
Would you have agreed to the sex curfew in my situation? And how would you make sure that the curfew isn't going to be a thing again? I've thought of talking it out with her after the curfew, but that may not be as effective as just escalating whenever there is an appropriate situation from thereon out.
Just wanted to get your 2-cents on how to handle this situation I'm in. Been with this girl near 3 months now, and for the first 2 months or so, we've been having sex every time we met. Recently, I've been getting a look of reluctance on her face whenever I'm escalating towards sex (we'll end up having a good session anyway), and it bothered me, so I asked her about it.
She says she feels reluctant because she shouldn't be wasting her time doing this, as long-term, she sees herself in a relationship, but she feels like if she says no to me, I will be gone. I tell her that if she doesn't want to have sex, she can turn me down (at times, I make her go out of her way for us to get some alone time), and that whenever I escalate, it's because I feel the vibes.
In response to that, she asks me if we can stop having sex for 2 weeks and just hang out, which I agreed to, because her reaction makes me feel like the sex is not always consensual. It's pretty clear that she's steering us towards a relationship, which I'm not entirely opposed to, but it's in a direction that I don't want -- because sex should be the cornerstone of a relationship, and not a bonus.
When we were hanging out, there were times when we were both clearly horny, and I felt she was giving clear signs, but I didn't escalate because I wanted to stick to the 2-weeks of no sex. This was probably, partly, in reaction to her being resistant to engaging in sex talk with me when we're hanging out and bantering.
Don't think I'm gonna do any more of these sex curfews after this 2-week one. It's sexually frustrating for both parties, and results in a fair bit of lost respect on the guy.
Would you have agreed to the sex curfew in my situation? And how would you make sure that the curfew isn't going to be a thing again? I've thought of talking it out with her after the curfew, but that may not be as effective as just escalating whenever there is an appropriate situation from thereon out.