Toby's Banned

[Chase]

I've banned Toby. Formerly known as 'PeachFrustration'.

I was pulling for the guy; in some ways he looked like he was headed in the right direction.

However, if you want to be a part of a community, and you want help from other guys, the first rule is not to be a toxic individual. I don't think Toby can help himself from being this, at least right now.

Some of his most recent insults and flame wars are in response to guys prodding him a bit. Some of them (like this one) are completely unprovoked.

Regardless, they're all juvenile, 13 y/o behavior, from a man who is in his mid-to-late 20s.

Toby, if you read this, I think you're on the right path, with your move, going out more, and the like. I hope you'll keep at it.

More than anything though, man -- fix your attitude. I'm certain the Boards aren't the only place this stuff is showing. It's almost certainly bleeding through and poisoning you everywhere else, too.

Attitude is the source of everything.

I know it's lame advice, it's cliché, it sounds like some kind of New Age bullshit. But it's 100% the truth. I tried all kinds of tactics for seven years while trying to keep my attitude the same (from 14 to 21), and nothing changed. When I finally bit the bullet and decided to try tweaking my attitude, that's when my entire life shifted.

It really is that key. If you have an attitude that poisons your interactions and relationships with other people, all the tactics in the world won't cover that up.

But get a good attitude, and you will just naturally start to stumble into stuff that works, as you go.

Chase

 

[The Emerald Archer]

Yeah I kinda feel bad for the dude. To think that someone can let a less-than-stellar college experience mess with them that much to the point of extreme victimizing and a persistent, toxic attitude is kinda sad.

Perhaps that's what happens when a person gets too plugged into the mainstream media and red pill/manosphere narratives of the world.

Cool article I found on Barking up the Wrong Tree (which I believe you've mentioned you're a fan of Chase) to drive the point home about attitude:
https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/09/bad-attitude/

 

[uForia]

I thought he was turning around too until his posts became excessively toxic. Guess my first instinct was correct, sad to see all the time that was spent by senior members helping this guy.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Every now and then you find a member who is slowly starting to get it and bam, a nasty meltdown leads to a permanent ban. I know I am the odd one out here and have been on thin ice myself in the past but I have been thinking, if it is not a spammer or a clearly malicious dude but more of a guy going through shit actually trying, why not give them a probationary period of punishment?

Like say a 3 month ban to get their shit together and after that seriously consider a permanent ban. I know warnings are one thing but serious action taken once to let them know they are on thin ice and then after it is hopeless, permanent ban. The only catch is I do not know of any members who were on thin ice but seriously turned it around, guess you either have it or you don't.

 

[Franco]

Proactivity,

The only catch is I do not know of any members who were on thin ice but seriously turned it around, guess you either have it or you don't.

Yeah, Altair actually took a break on his own accord for weeks(/months?) and then came back and hadn't really changed at all. It was as if he just hit the "Pause" button on the remote for several weeks and then hit "Play" right where he left off when he came back.

The problem is these guys' attitude is linked to their current success/results. It's a Catch-22 though -- you don't get good results until your attitude changes... but these guys don't want to change their attitudes until they see results. So, they learn at the slowest glacial speed because they refuse to rapidly change their attitudes.

I honestly wish him the best, and I hope he gets it figured out!

- Franco