OR Today I got yelled at by a boyfriend while approaching

[NiceDice]

This is my first post here, and while I've been reading for quite a while, today I just feel that I have to tell someone about this encounter...

Sooo this is pretty interseting. This happened like 4 hours ago at a trainstation, while I was waiting for my train to go to martial arts practice. While standing there I noticed this 7/10 girl standing around and approached her (cold approach number #126 for me).

When I went up to her she was instantly very confused and cold, I still went with a direct opener because she was pretty nice to look at actually. Didn't get any better, she just said she had a boyfriend, turned away and I thought "yea, whatever...". All good till here.

But while I was slowly walking to the other end of the platform, suddenly something pulls on my backpack. First time I think it's nothing, the second time it happens I turn around and *surprise* it's her boyfriend. Super angry, yelling at me "what the fuck did you just say to my girlfriend!? do you wanna fight it out right here?!". He then went on to call me a faggot, spitting on the ground and threatening to fight me on the spot.

So while I've never been in a situation like this in all of the 125 approaches before, I was a little surprised by myself how calm I was about it, because he was standing very close, face to face to me and his GF a few meters away, watching. I calmly told him that I had just complimented his girl, and that he had a very beautiful girlfriend, put my headphones back in and walked away. Didn't see those two again afterwards, but I was pretty shocked actually by his reaction, because he was super aggressive and we were standing between a few other people. I went to my practice and home afterwards.

Now, I don't know if any of you guys have ever been in a situation like this but I just figure that it could've been way worse... tell me if any of you had similar experiences before and if there is anything to do in an encounter like this!

Peace

 

[readjusting]

If I had to guess, probably the guy was more jacked than you. So you don't want to fight him.
When I walk up to a girl, if I see she looks around, it is a strong sign that she is waiting for someone, better drop her.

I'd advise not fighting if at all possible, only fight if you have no other choice.

 

[Rain]

An older guy at the pub told me he saw a 5'3 guy, challenged by a bigger guy,and the smaller guy kicked him in the nuts, and that was the end of the fight.

Iirc Chase wrote something about asking someone their name if they are raging at you, and they take a testosterone hit in that moment. Chase did write a comment saying "I'd still expect to see him use charm and wit to defuse most situations, rather than turn into a rage monster and berserk his way out like fighters are more inclined to."

Have you ever encountered a situation like this before where someone wanted to fight you?

Did you touch the woman at all, what did you say to her, maybe it came off as creepy on accident. Any other women gone stone cold like this one did?
Or maybe she lied to her boyfriend and wanted to see some drama/action/wanted to make her boyfriend jealous.

 

[NiceDice]

Have you ever encountered a situation like this before where someone wanted to fight you?

Did you touch the woman at all, what did you say to her, maybe it came off as creepy on accident. Any other women gone stone cold like this one did?
Or maybe she lied to her boyfriend and wanted to see some drama/action/wanted to make her boyfriend jealous.

Nah, like I said it was the first time someone wanted to fight me openly on the street. The approach might've been weird for her but I didnt touch her besides tapping her shoulder. The drama thing could be true but I didnt look over to her again because this guy was piercing straight at me haha.

Just staying calm and playing bomb defuse should do the trick I guess.

 

[Fuck This]

Curious, what was your direct opener?

Truth be told the boyfriend looks bad for over reacting and trying to escalate the situation. That is the real lesson here.

For what it is worth, if I were to approach a woman for the first time in a public area, not knowing her relationship situation, mood, events the previous 24 hours, I'm probably going to be indirect with my first words, unless I can make eye contact and get a smile returned. Some women will do you a favor by putting out a "Leave Me the Fuck Alone" Vibe and it will save you from being viewed as a creeper and making a foolhardy approach.

This has inspired a thought from the boyfriend angle though....

 

[Big Daddy]

Great job de-escalating the situation. But,

put my headphones back in and walked away.

Street fighting 101: never turn your back to a guy charging against you and clearly looking for trouble, and especially put back your headphone in such a way that you will have no idea of what happens in your surroundings. A friend of mine tried to de-escalate a situation once and turned his back to the guy after he felt he had everything under control and the guy punched him from behind.

This is a really complicated situation from a threat management point of view. I have another friend who is a fucking pro in street fights and talking about situations like this, he said he'd always be the first one to strike if he feels he can claim self-defense. Either way you go, he recommended that you never turn your back to the target and either a) face him until he goes away b) walk backward but looking at him/your surroundings until you get to a safer spot.