too late or is not?

[memoboy]

Not a beginner really but just been out of the game for a while. well, until recently I really wasn't all that interested to know about how attraction works or didn't have a clue about certain rules or patterns. I maybe was a fool but I seemed to have it all too easy most of the time. Had pretty long relationships, was quite happy here and there. Then shit hit the fan and broke up with my last girlfriend last summer. Somehow I really manage to take it really personal and got hit below my waistline. It took me a really long time but I think I'm finally bloody over it.

Anyway, there has been a few other girls but now there is one I think I actually dig. The thing is she is quite a bit younger. She 23, I'm 30. But I'm good looking, successful, fit, people don't believe I'm over 30 but say I look like mid 20s or something. Anyway, we met briefly in the summer already but she had something going on with my friend. They didn't work out and it seems they're both totally fine with it. The girl started to chat me up and I responded. But I didn't really take it anywhere cause a few reasons. I still thought that she had just been dating someone I knew quite well, I also thought she is quite a bit younger than me. And also I knew she was moving away right away for a few months. And at the time I was quite attached to my location as I was working on a big project. And to be honest, I was still hurt form my breakup, so I wasn't all that into dating at the time anyway. I hooked up with a few but always cut it off quickly. We seemed to have great time together at parties though with this girl, so I thought I ask her out to a date. It went great I think. I didn't take it to being intimate though. She wanted to even get together more but I was busy during those few days and she then moved away for a few months. But during that time we ended up chatting a lot.

I wasn't completely sure how much I like her but now I think I really do. She just came back and seems she is still interested and really tries to make plans to hang out more. I kind of blew it the first night last weekend, just we met really late in the evening and we were both really drunk, haha. But she still seems weirdly interested. So I asked her out to a date(ish) kind of thing again for tomorrow. She was into it. So, maybe not too late nonetheless.

I haven't done anything with this girls, that's not me at all. I usually make my moves quickly. If I do them at all.
So maybe my "window" is gone. But hell, maybe not. Is she still is coming out with me. So, I'll try to make my moves tomorrow. Any advice?

 

[ray_zorse]

Sounds like things are fine. The only thing to worry about is if things inadvertently slipped into platonic territory, although from your description I very much doubt that. Just be sure to use sexual frames, sexual vibe, touch & male a
ke a move already! Shame u did not do that while she was drunk!
Ray

 

[memoboy]

yeah, they might have. kind o have this feeling, haha.
but I guess there's no way of knowing. we'll see tomorrow...

 

[ray_zorse]

It does appear you have read the relevant articles but perhaps might not have heaps of experience in putting them into practice (my story is actually pretty similar to yours, broke up with my gf in mid-to-late 2013 and it hit me hard, went on some dates after that, but was really fucked up emotionally and crap at dating and confidence took a further knock when those dates didn't go well, erection problems among other things, kinda gave up a bit for some of 2014 as I had lots of other personal issues to deal with, but discovered GC in about July 2014 and have not looked back since, only really started getting successes recently however).

Because of that I'll try to walk u through a date, idea is to meet her somewhere low key (unfortunately you didn't describe the date logistics so I'm guessing here) and talk for some time to build a connection, but turn it sexual, a good idea is playfully accusing her of doing flirtatious things e.g. implying she has lots of boyfriends "ah, your car broke down... did you get one of your many boyfriends to fix it? ohh, you would never use your smile for evil would you now " delivered in a playful tone... another favourite of mine is "I know what you get up to when.... (in a darkened room / when you leave your boyfriend at home / in the back row of class / etc etc)"... it's best not to reference you and her having sex directly, although this rule can be broken in some circumstances, for instance today I took a girl to the park with my kids and I said to her "okay we'll head over to the playground and the kids can have a play while we sit and... well, we can have a play!"... because I wasn't being too overt this worked okay. If you're going very sexual then don't refer to her directly... "I can think of someone who ...". Another favourite of mine is things like "I like to eat things which are soft and wet" (referring to mangos)... "whereas you would prefer something harder" (apples). Etc. I feel like you do not really need too much of the above to have a good date. Just one or two well placed sexual frames should jolt you out of the friendzone.

The other very important thing to do is add touch. This communicates your intent clearly. Ideally, if it's a coffee date you'd be sitting around a corner from each other, this happened to me the other day in Starbucks and it worked very well. Because you can touch, and you can also regulate the amount of attention you give her by pivoting a little in your seat. There are differing schools of thought in regard to touch. From one point of view you just want to be using as much touch as possible (starting with her back/shoulder and moving to forearm and hands and eventually the rest of her body, putting your hand on her leg is quite sexual but good if you build up to it). From another point of view you don't want to be overdoing the touch, especially if she isn't reciprocating, which they usually don't at least initially, because it could come across as value taking rather than value giving. So it's best to consider the touch as a reward for her interest and touch. Luckily, she'll probably be asking quite a few questions etc, at least initially, so you'll be able to use touch as a reward, and also get her used to your touch. Do not overlook incidental touch! It is very powerful! Eg. sitting side by side, just letting your knee touch hers will certainly not go unnoticed, it's a good reward to use in the early stages. And if you find yourself incidentally touching then do not be in too much of a hurry to adjust yourself, just let the incidental touch linger.

If you used some sexual frames and touch, plus other things which are just good common sense (eye contact, good conversation/showing an interest etc), then she'll be in a good place after some time, lets say 30 mins to an hour, and you'll want to move her. You can go for the pull or you can move her to an intermediate location, which might be someplace nearer your home (always be moving in the right direction) and might be a different shop, a bar, a park, or even just somewhere to sit "let's go outside and sit on a bench, since its a lovely day and it's quite noisy in here". But basically you'll want to get her home to your house, especially in your situation when there've been a lot of do-nothing meetings / wasted opportunities, you have to man up and get her home and fuck her. This will depend on time of day so maybe if it's 5pm suggest going home to cook, if it's 7pm suggest going home to watch a movie / watch TV, etc. Another way is basically just lead her to home, when you get good at this you'll be able to use the flimsiest excuses "need to drop off the shopping" (see my recent LR) or even "need to go to the toilet"... but I think in your situation, assuming you aren't so experienced in pulling girls home, and especially as you know each other quite well and so there's already a fair bit of trust, it's best to go with something more straightforward like the cooking or the movie. It's not a bad idea to avoid using the magic words "my place" as well, sometimes she asks where we are going and I say "somewhere we can cook / watch a movie" et cetera. Or just squeeze her hand, lead her, and ignore the question. She'll be glad you did it. Always remember you are the man, you must lead. Be unapologetic.

Ray

 

[memoboy]

haha, thanks for input ray-zorse. much appreciated!

I did the honourable thing, took her home and we did the thing. Coming to my place, she was totally into it. Doing the thing, she was a bit apprehensive at first, said she wasn't sure if it's a good idea, before I made my moves, but I was cool about it, either way it would go, and she melted. I think we had our little weird moments here and there throughout the evening, just because it seem it has been a while we've been sort of trying to hook up, but considering all, I think it all went pretty great. We even had breakfast and took her home in the morning. I wonder what my next "move" should be.

I know from the past that pretty much always when I've had many things going at once or I've been a little interested/disinterested, they have always begun to initiate and chase. Whatever the age/status of they might be. I'm not even at all sure how compatible we are with this gal due to several reasons. But I'd like to explore my opportunities further.

should I text her towards the evening something that was glad she came out yesterday or something along the lines? or should I keep quiet for bit. should I make an appointment for another meeting towards the weekend or next week. Maybe cut off too much chatting from now on. haha

 

[ray_zorse]

Nice one. It's good that you were cool with either way it could go (outcome independent). Much more attractive.
Ray

 

[memoboy]

I texted her thanking her for great time and asking if she wanted to go to somewhere specific at one date (maybe too early?) she haven't responded though. not freaking out as she might respond or whatnot. or whatever. but just until now she has texted me back almost instantly. I guess she might be having her doubts.

 

[memoboy]

she texted back said it was fun with me too. I asked her to somewhere else but it was maybe something a bit too public. so she would say she would skip that.
should I write her off? I mean, she seemed super interested in me before tonight, what I do etc. after today she seems more aloof.
or should I give her a week or something and ask her to somewhere private again?

 

[Franco]

memoboy,

she texted back said it was fun with me too. I asked her to somewhere else but it was maybe something a bit too public. so she would say she would skip that.
should I write her off? I mean, she seemed super interested in me before tonight, what I do etc. after today she seems more aloof.
or should I give her a week or something and ask her to somewhere private again?

Asking her out on a public date after you two have already had sex was not the correct move here. When you think about it, what is the point of a date? The point of the date is for you two to see if you are sexually compatible with each other, which eventually culminates into you two going home and spending an intimate night together. And that part has already happened, so now the next step would be... to ask her on a date? Sounds like you would be going backwards, right?

Instead, after you've slept with a girl, and assuming you want to see her again, you want to just invite her back over to your place. You can make it over something simple (possibly a movie or dinner together), but the whole idea at this point is that you two are new lovers and you aggressively want to explore each other's bodies. You are full of lust, and so is she. Everything at this moment is about having lots of sex between you two, so don't add any extra obstacles in the way of that happening.

If you're thinking about possibly wanting a relationship from this girl, then all you really have to do is repeat the above process of inviting her over, having sex with her, and treating her well for an extended period of time. Eventually, her feelings will begin to blossom for you, and she'll likely bring up the idea of a relationship herself.

- Franco

 

[memoboy]

Damn, good point Franco. Did I blew it again?, haha. She was still kind of flirty back, even though she said no to that social gathering.
I think I'm gonna just lay low for a while. And maybe ask her over at the weekend or next week or something.

Or should I not contact her again and wait if she ever contacts me?
The girl is gorgeous, so she must have shitloud of orbiters, haha.

I should probably head out and hang out with others.