I had something happen for the first time yesterday that was a big lesson for me.
I was out on a university campus for some day game. It was around lunch time; I was hungry. I thought I'd try to find a woman to have lunch with. After walking around for a bit, I walked past a very cute girl, so I said, "Excuse me, are you headed to lunch?"
She was, and happily agreed to have lunch with me. We went to the campus's pub -- she offered to buy my lunch, but I said I'd get it (was that a mistake? Should I have let her buy my lunch?). We sat down and talked... very quickly this woman was very into me. The problem was, I was becoming equally interested in her. Normally, that would be good, right? But my lack of experience got the best of me.
We sat and ate and talked for maybe 45 min to an hour, at which point I asked if she wanted to go for a walk. First Mistake. I should have just gotten her number then and went my own way --after all, I set out to have lunch with a woman, and I accomplished that. She was really interested, and almost certainly would have been glad to meet me for a date after a few texts.
So we went for a walk -- I thought this was an okay move, because I was "moving" her, but it wasn't enough -- her interest was already turning stale. She started dropping hints, that I missed at the time, that she wanted to go, but I was having such a good time with her, I didn't want to say goodbye. Second Mistake. I was so into this interaction that my mind got foggy and it's almost like she seduced me -- simply out of lack of discipline.
I suggested we walk a little further; once we reached that point, I turned to go, but she suggested that we walk even further. From this it would seem she was still very interested at this point, perhaps she was as reluctant to let the interaction end as I was.
Ultimately though, I completely missed the cut-off point. I made a dumb (if forgivable) mistake; I wanted to see if I could get this woman to ask for my number first, as a "just to see if I can" kind of thing. However, it didn't really go as planned. At the last minute, she said, "Well, I hope to see you again sometime." To which I replied, "Well, there are certain actions that could be taken to greatly increase the likelyhood of that happening..." to bait her into it. She handed me her phone turned to the contacts screen, and I entered my contact information. Then, before I handed the phone back, I texted myself from her phone with her name. (Was that a bad move? I'm not sure, please tell me what you think). Third Mistake. Then, still foolishly pushing the limits, I said to her, "Do me a favor. Text me first. Don't wait for me to text you." Why did I say something like that? At the time it seemed like something I could get away with. It was partly an attempt to build compliance, and partly to see if I could get away with it. I mean, this girl was pretty swept off her feet, and I let it get to my head and thought I could get away with baiting her into taking the lead.
Well, as you might expect, I never heard from her. The next day, I texted her, but never got a response.
What went wrong?
In many respects, this interaction went splendidly well. In fact, it took a colossal train wreck of mistakes for me to fuck it up.
1. I spent too much time with her. -- Although, my original intent was to not have lunch alone, so that was a risk I was taking from the start.
2. I let the interaction drag on way past the optimal closing point -- I was having such a good time that I forgot to end things on a high note. Lesson learned.
3. I got arrogant and tried to get away with too much before building enough compliance -- I had a good deal of compliance, but it was dumb to try to get her to take the lead role.
My plan at this point is to keep up with some persistence in trying to get in touch with her; it's also possible I might run into her on campus again. But, things aren't looking good.
Oh well, at least I had a fun afternoon. Another one that got away...
I was out on a university campus for some day game. It was around lunch time; I was hungry. I thought I'd try to find a woman to have lunch with. After walking around for a bit, I walked past a very cute girl, so I said, "Excuse me, are you headed to lunch?"
She was, and happily agreed to have lunch with me. We went to the campus's pub -- she offered to buy my lunch, but I said I'd get it (was that a mistake? Should I have let her buy my lunch?). We sat down and talked... very quickly this woman was very into me. The problem was, I was becoming equally interested in her. Normally, that would be good, right? But my lack of experience got the best of me.
We sat and ate and talked for maybe 45 min to an hour, at which point I asked if she wanted to go for a walk. First Mistake. I should have just gotten her number then and went my own way --after all, I set out to have lunch with a woman, and I accomplished that. She was really interested, and almost certainly would have been glad to meet me for a date after a few texts.
So we went for a walk -- I thought this was an okay move, because I was "moving" her, but it wasn't enough -- her interest was already turning stale. She started dropping hints, that I missed at the time, that she wanted to go, but I was having such a good time with her, I didn't want to say goodbye. Second Mistake. I was so into this interaction that my mind got foggy and it's almost like she seduced me -- simply out of lack of discipline.
I suggested we walk a little further; once we reached that point, I turned to go, but she suggested that we walk even further. From this it would seem she was still very interested at this point, perhaps she was as reluctant to let the interaction end as I was.
Ultimately though, I completely missed the cut-off point. I made a dumb (if forgivable) mistake; I wanted to see if I could get this woman to ask for my number first, as a "just to see if I can" kind of thing. However, it didn't really go as planned. At the last minute, she said, "Well, I hope to see you again sometime." To which I replied, "Well, there are certain actions that could be taken to greatly increase the likelyhood of that happening..." to bait her into it. She handed me her phone turned to the contacts screen, and I entered my contact information. Then, before I handed the phone back, I texted myself from her phone with her name. (Was that a bad move? I'm not sure, please tell me what you think). Third Mistake. Then, still foolishly pushing the limits, I said to her, "Do me a favor. Text me first. Don't wait for me to text you." Why did I say something like that? At the time it seemed like something I could get away with. It was partly an attempt to build compliance, and partly to see if I could get away with it. I mean, this girl was pretty swept off her feet, and I let it get to my head and thought I could get away with baiting her into taking the lead.
Well, as you might expect, I never heard from her. The next day, I texted her, but never got a response.
What went wrong?
In many respects, this interaction went splendidly well. In fact, it took a colossal train wreck of mistakes for me to fuck it up.
1. I spent too much time with her. -- Although, my original intent was to not have lunch alone, so that was a risk I was taking from the start.
2. I let the interaction drag on way past the optimal closing point -- I was having such a good time that I forgot to end things on a high note. Lesson learned.
3. I got arrogant and tried to get away with too much before building enough compliance -- I had a good deal of compliance, but it was dumb to try to get her to take the lead role.
My plan at this point is to keep up with some persistence in trying to get in touch with her; it's also possible I might run into her on campus again. But, things aren't looking good.
Oh well, at least I had a fun afternoon. Another one that got away...
