FU Took a girl as my lover and girlfriend, then lost her

[NinthSanguine]

So I've known this girl for a few years, as we hung out in the dorm a time or two during freshman year, but we were dating different people.

Ask her if she wants to come to a dance party my friend is throwing, she recognizes me and I get her there, drop her off afterwards and kiss her good night. I leave with her saying to feel free to invite her out to coffee sometime.

Monday I call her before work and say my schedule is kind of busy and if she could meet up tonight or tomorrow night, she says she has homework but shed see what she can do. I get a text while i'm at work saying she changed her mind and can do tonight. I tell her to be ready between 11:30 and midnight. My plan being to bake something at my place.

Roommates are asleep after a party so I go to hers and say we're cooking and we go in. I accidentally do everything perfectly, we have sex, fall asleep together, have sex in the morning again before I have to leave for work, after we had sex the first time she told me that she was mine, and I take her as my girlfriend at this point.

Wednesday I had just finished a few board games with my friends when I hear my phone go off at 2pm with a good morning text, I hadn't eaten anything, so I was going to go home and get some food, but was thinking going out would be nice and I could take her since she's my girlfriend and lover, so I asked if she wanted to join, she said to let her shower and clean up then yes. I probably should have gone over there and taken her and a shower seeing as how I needed to take one too, but I didn't want to show up in my PJs.

I pick her up we go out, I love the food and seems she does too, I want her to come to my friends board game night so I can let my friends know whatsup, but she is in the last stages of one of her classes. SO I offer to her to either drop her off, or we can hang out for a bit beforehand and when I go she sees whether she'll join me or not. She says I don't have to if I don't want, but I did want so I did.

Hanging out was basically me doing what I normally would do, but with her in the room doing what she was going to do, with the occasional break for kisses and physical touch, we end up going to board game night, she does well, then we go back to her place to hang out some more (I prefer her bed to mine, plus she has a cat, and I love cats). We stay up until like 4 or 5, me staying up later than I normally would so we can go to bed together, was too tired for sex at that point. And I made 2 mistakes before waking up in the morning. I farted and she heard it (Literally came out of nowhere, had pizza and am slightly lactose intolerant), then when we were falling asleep, she had pulled my head onto her shoulder, and in the process of dozing off I drooled on her. When she commented I pretended to already be asleep and just turned over and mumbled something nonsensical. In both of these cases she was more amused than anything, but still not a good idea.

We wake up around 10 or 11 Thursday and I try over an hour or so to have sex with her, but she takes me into the shower instead, and afterwards I get her to the point where I could enter her, but not without a condom, and the nearest one is in the next room in my jacket, so if I went to get it her defenses would go right back up, and it was starting to feel a bit rapey to me so I backed off, she said we could Saturday night after dancing. I get some more sleep in (Not sure why she waked me up) cooked some food after I saw how she liked her eggs and left saying I'd see her Sat.

The 2 times we had sex I don't think I got her to cum, which means I probably didn't, but she says that she's never had that before, even with herself. However the first time we had sex I got to the point where I could cum on command and told I could cum whenever she was ready, but she was so into it that she couldn't understand me, so i'm not sure what was going on. I couldn't tell if she was that into it in the morning because I wanted to go down on her, so I couldn't tell if she was already wet, and was worried about whether or not I'd cum. She also said that basically I don't have to go down on her and that it would be for me, not her, but I was like whatever.

Get her text from her at 2 in the afternoon today Friday saying verbatim: "uhm, goodmorning. im going to stop this before it goes too far... i dont think i really wanted this relationship. i shouldve more firmly said no to the sex so that i didnt pressure you into a relationship just because i didnt want to be a fling. im sorry for all the leading on, but i really wouldnt fit into your life anyway."

I want to figure out what I did wrong before I do anything with her. I'm going to call my dad and grandpa and see what they have to say, but they're nice guys so idk. My dads the kind of guy who will give me money to take a girl out to dinner and then tells me to kiss her goodnight at the door, and my grandpa is religious and married his high school sweetheart, which i'm past the point of. I'm annoyed that this comes right before my workweek and this is the last time I have any significant freetime, but if I respond today i'm reactive and I'm not quite sure what to do yet, but sleeping with her again seems like a good idea, and that she won't be coming to dance on Sat (my friend specifically said not to sleep with her so that she'd come to the dance on Sat), but he's abstinent and single.

 

[NinthSanguine]

Dad said to call her up and have her come to the dance thing this weekend and to chase her a little bit and disregard everything I've been reading here. Slow down etc. I called her and she didn't pick up, so I'm guessing she's ignoring me. debating whether to text, show up at her place or what

 

[Big Daddy]

Don't do it now. Wait 4-6 days and call her to say something along the lines of: "hey, I understand. This was way too quick. We don't need the pressure of being bf/gf right now, but I think it's pretty clear we enjoyed each other's company. We can continue seeing each other occasionally, no strings attached. How about coffee this week?"

If she doesn't pick up by then, she probably won't pick up at all and if you shoot anything vague and without intent, like "hey, let's go out?" or "hey, what's up?" or "hey, let's talk" she won't reply. Your best bet at this point is to send a text with the same message as above as your first contact and pray it works. It's a tough win though.

Here's what went wrong: you took her as gf without making she work for it. And you did it way too quickly, without intrigue and giving too much of your time right away. On top of that, you came over to her place and didn't fuck her twice, when you should have sent her pussy to the netherworld.

Ideally, the scenario in which you allow a girl to be your gf for maximum relationship health is: you take her as a lover asap (check), you make her your little bitch in bed and crave your cock all day long (no check), you are non-committal towards her and see her maybe once a week max (no check), which will make her attraction go up and become increasingly attracted to you. At some point, she'll start giving a lot of signals that she wants to be your gf before giving up if you don't take her up. That generally is around the 10-16 week mark. At that point, you can take her up as your gf and start giving her more of your time (maybe once every 4-7 days).

If you skip the cadence, she will burn, and being 0% invested, she'll protest and say "hey, I don't think this is going to work, really." But if she was craving you so much she could not IMAGINE being without you, you bet she's gonna abide by your rules.

If she said she was all mine after the first time having sex, it'd take it as a very positive signal and ride this train until I felt she was about to drop. Given that it seems she really liked you, that would be close to the 16th week mark, given you could fuck her badly. Oh, and I'd also take it up a notch once she said that "you ARE my beautiful little bitch know get on your knees and suck my dick until I blow in your pretty face."

 

[NinthSanguine]

Also before any of the kissing on Monday while I was at her place, we put on a movie to watch (she and I both love movies). She initially sat far away but then something along the lines of oh fuck it or who am I kidding and then sat right next to me, I put my arm around her and she asked me if we're boyfriend and girlfriend now. And i'm all like WTF, I like you but we just met.

So I got her qualifying herself and stuff and delayed saying anything indicative until after we had sex.

Thanks for replying btw.

Up until this point I'd thought that she thought I was going to rape her Thursday morning and I scared her, but this explanation makes a lot more sense. When we did have sex she was appreciating how dominant I was being so I'll definitely focus on that in the future.

 

[NinthSanguine]

Well I called her up and she picked up, said pretty much what was here, but she's leaving for Christmas break tomorrow and the only time she'd have been able to grab a coffee was right when I called her, but I have other plans. So I won't be seeing her for 4 weeks or so.

She said she cut off communication because she wasn't sure how I'd react.

I guess i'll see where i'm at at the start of next semester.