I'm a college junior in the Midwest who recently transferred from a smaller school in a small town to a large, well-known public university in a large city. I'm excited to start, since this is the college I originally wanted to attend, since it's in a fun, urban environment. I'm also extremely nervous about making friends and meeting girls, the latter especially since I'm a virgin.
At my old school, I tried to be someone who I wasn't. I threw on the bad boy persona and people could see through it. I acted weak and needy and drove people away. I came across as awkward and nervous because I was masking my true nature. It also didn't help that I was 35lbs heavier than right now, and my former college was a poor fit for me. I've realized who I am, and I'm not a boy whose sole redeeming quality is his prowess with women (seeing as I have none, yet). Rather I'm a good guy. I play saxophone (and am interested in other musical pursuits), I dress well, I'm in good shape, easy to talk to, and am good looking. I have many passions, from music to food to literature to exercise to politics/current affairs. I'm creative, intelligent, witty (when I'm not trying too hard to be funny), urbane, and love to have fun. But I'm inexperienced and unconfident with girls.
I know I have a lot of great qualities, but that doesn't always translate into results - it's about what you do with what you have, and what you need to do to become your best, most attractive self. I know and like who I am, but I don't know how to express that to other people. I want these next two years to be a wonderful experience, and with that in mind, I have a few questions:
1. I'd like to develop more meaningful friendships in college. I've never had a strong group or array of male friends, and want to feel more connected. Though I'd like to sleep with more than befriend girls, having a few female friends is always fun as well. I know friendships can't be forced, and I almost feel as if I'm desiring instant social status, which is insane for a campus of 50,000. I've considered going Greek, and many people extol the virtues of Greek life, but as a creative type, I don't think I'd necessarily be a good fit. I do plan on joining clubs, and I regret not doing that at my old college. I'll also probably run into people I knew from high school who I haven't seen for a while, and it would be cool to hang out with some of them. What are some good ways to meet people, to connect with them, and reconnect with old friends or classmates you may run into from time to time?
2. I'd love to have sex with lots of girls. Thing is, I'm a virgin. I never admit it to anyone, yet feel there is a huge stigma attached to it and that girls can smell it on me from a mile away, especially since college students seem to be fucking left and right. Ideally I'd be sleeping with 5-10 girls at a time, but it's admittedly a lifestyle even most guys can only dream of, and I need to learn to walk before I can run. I'm not seeking one night stands (though I wouldn't turn one down), and would rather fuck girls who I enjoy, who are beautiful and have a lot going for them besides their looks. I want to meet girls everywhere (class, clubs, parties, coffee shops, etc.), yet I become so anxious when I want to approach a girl I'm attracted to. I have a huge fear of rejection, and that girls will find me creepy for asking them out/escalating with them (funny, since I know girls absolutely love sex and want to be fucked silly). I also feel I need more finesse flirting and to become more confident. My uncle's girlfriend who designs wedding gowns and is in constant contact with gorgeous models told me all I need to do is "be more confident"; in theory it sounds simple, but in practice it feels difficult. I'm not looking to develop liquid confidence; I want to be able to have flirtatious conversations with girls and keep them engaged, and I want to connect with them emotionally, intellectually, physically, and most of all sexually. I'm horny all the time, and would love to talk to and fuck beautiful girls sooner rather than later. What are some effective flirting and escalating tips to succeed with girls ? How do I work to become more confident around women (and in life in general)? And how do I become a better conversationalist and more assertive with girls, instead of someone who's afraid and makes a lot of small talk?
3. After pretending to be something I'm not, I know who I am, and I want to be able to own it. I feel my chances will be decimated since I'm not like the average college guy. My looks and tastes are sophisticated for a college student, and a lot of guys, even if they're cool, project a more slovenly demeanor and girls eat them up. This has always been a problem for me, especially at parties. I love having a wild, crazy time, but I've never felt at ease at parties (mostly because my sole goal was to get laid, not have fun). I want to connect with people, whether it be at parties or clubs or class, but am afraid my sophistication will make me seem pretentious, arrogant, and unrelatable. How do I use sophistication to my advantage, especially with girls?
If you have any other tips for college students/transfer students, they would be greatly appreciated as well.
At my old school, I tried to be someone who I wasn't. I threw on the bad boy persona and people could see through it. I acted weak and needy and drove people away. I came across as awkward and nervous because I was masking my true nature. It also didn't help that I was 35lbs heavier than right now, and my former college was a poor fit for me. I've realized who I am, and I'm not a boy whose sole redeeming quality is his prowess with women (seeing as I have none, yet). Rather I'm a good guy. I play saxophone (and am interested in other musical pursuits), I dress well, I'm in good shape, easy to talk to, and am good looking. I have many passions, from music to food to literature to exercise to politics/current affairs. I'm creative, intelligent, witty (when I'm not trying too hard to be funny), urbane, and love to have fun. But I'm inexperienced and unconfident with girls.
I know I have a lot of great qualities, but that doesn't always translate into results - it's about what you do with what you have, and what you need to do to become your best, most attractive self. I know and like who I am, but I don't know how to express that to other people. I want these next two years to be a wonderful experience, and with that in mind, I have a few questions:
1. I'd like to develop more meaningful friendships in college. I've never had a strong group or array of male friends, and want to feel more connected. Though I'd like to sleep with more than befriend girls, having a few female friends is always fun as well. I know friendships can't be forced, and I almost feel as if I'm desiring instant social status, which is insane for a campus of 50,000. I've considered going Greek, and many people extol the virtues of Greek life, but as a creative type, I don't think I'd necessarily be a good fit. I do plan on joining clubs, and I regret not doing that at my old college. I'll also probably run into people I knew from high school who I haven't seen for a while, and it would be cool to hang out with some of them. What are some good ways to meet people, to connect with them, and reconnect with old friends or classmates you may run into from time to time?
2. I'd love to have sex with lots of girls. Thing is, I'm a virgin. I never admit it to anyone, yet feel there is a huge stigma attached to it and that girls can smell it on me from a mile away, especially since college students seem to be fucking left and right. Ideally I'd be sleeping with 5-10 girls at a time, but it's admittedly a lifestyle even most guys can only dream of, and I need to learn to walk before I can run. I'm not seeking one night stands (though I wouldn't turn one down), and would rather fuck girls who I enjoy, who are beautiful and have a lot going for them besides their looks. I want to meet girls everywhere (class, clubs, parties, coffee shops, etc.), yet I become so anxious when I want to approach a girl I'm attracted to. I have a huge fear of rejection, and that girls will find me creepy for asking them out/escalating with them (funny, since I know girls absolutely love sex and want to be fucked silly). I also feel I need more finesse flirting and to become more confident. My uncle's girlfriend who designs wedding gowns and is in constant contact with gorgeous models told me all I need to do is "be more confident"; in theory it sounds simple, but in practice it feels difficult. I'm not looking to develop liquid confidence; I want to be able to have flirtatious conversations with girls and keep them engaged, and I want to connect with them emotionally, intellectually, physically, and most of all sexually. I'm horny all the time, and would love to talk to and fuck beautiful girls sooner rather than later. What are some effective flirting and escalating tips to succeed with girls ? How do I work to become more confident around women (and in life in general)? And how do I become a better conversationalist and more assertive with girls, instead of someone who's afraid and makes a lot of small talk?
3. After pretending to be something I'm not, I know who I am, and I want to be able to own it. I feel my chances will be decimated since I'm not like the average college guy. My looks and tastes are sophisticated for a college student, and a lot of guys, even if they're cool, project a more slovenly demeanor and girls eat them up. This has always been a problem for me, especially at parties. I love having a wild, crazy time, but I've never felt at ease at parties (mostly because my sole goal was to get laid, not have fun). I want to connect with people, whether it be at parties or clubs or class, but am afraid my sophistication will make me seem pretentious, arrogant, and unrelatable. How do I use sophistication to my advantage, especially with girls?
If you have any other tips for college students/transfer students, they would be greatly appreciated as well.
