Trouble Getting the Second Date Even Though She Said Yes

[Troy]

I asked out Jody for a second date and she responded well until I... I don't know she just stopped replying. A few days ago she told me to snapchat her, so I sent my snapchat name. She doesn't use SMS ( much) and for some reason hardly uses whatsapp .

For those who don't know, snapchat is a app where people can send 10 second videos to their friends and also text . It can be used like a sms app. She messaged me first sending a 3 second pic with her in a sleeveless t shirt and " hi " written across the pic.

I send back a pic with me in a stylish red shirt with " hey cutie " across.

Snapchat Conversation

Sunday

Jody: (Send sexy pic)

Troy: (Send pic) How you been?

Jody : Fine So?

Troy : ( I send a finger drawn doodle....a smiley face

Jody : What's that? Were you drawing yourself?

Troy : lol if I was drawing myself , my nose wouldn't be so big. Draw yourself

Jody : ( draws herself)

Monday

Troy (3:17 pm) lol

Troy : ( 8:14 pm) let's chill soon ?

Tuesday

Jody (11:37am ): Yeah when ?

Troy ( 5:01pm) Next week. Friday is good for me. Tell me when is a good day for you

Jody ( 11:39pm ) Tuesday's are good for me after my class

Wednesday

Troy ( 6: 56 am) What time class finish? I have work on Tuesdays too.

Jody ( 11:57am ) My class finishes at 10

Troy ( 12:04pm ) 10am or pm lol? I once took a class that finished late at night

Troy ( 12:38pm ) Never mind that question. I wouldn't

( my snapchat starts malfunctioning and accidentally sent out 3 more texts. The phone autocorrected words I didn't need corrected SMH) See below

(12:40pm ): make it on Tuesday . Or a next date Day

( 12:46pm ): *not date I meant day SMH.

(12:47pm ): Pick a next day?

Notice what I did :

1) Kept the texting to a minimal

2) Took about as long to reply to her as she did to me

3) I built quick rapport, got her investing and made it fun ( when she sent me the drawing of herself)

4) Then I went straight to setting up the date

Yet she strangely stopped replying and I don't know why. I called her this morning at 9:01 and she didn't answer . It went straight to voicemail which means her phone was either on silent or turned off . I don't want to start chasing her so I left it at that. Now I'm confused how to move forward and get her out . I don't know what went wrong.

Troy

 

[Estate]

For what it's worth, my 2c:

That seemed like a lot of investment by text to me, not overkill but I wouldn't say "fast". It took from initiating on Sunday until Wednesday to try set a date. Most girls I'd know would have long bailed by then.
Chase and Franco set me straight on this some time back, I used to try build some rpport over text but it wasn't helping. I'll text a girl and we should have a meeting set up in 3 or 4 texts. If that's no happening she's not already invested and its a waste of time.
Not a waste of time in that you can't get her to come out still, but a waste of time i using text to build rapport, you need to have it done before you text, just use text to set up meetings.
I get that snapchat is used a lot by the younger members but I'm not a fan of it. I don't really understand sending selfie with captions or silly pics of nothing just to be cute.... or doodling. It just makes you look very available. I'd err on the side of being a little mysterious, you're a busy guy, no time for it.

Method for setting up the date could also be tweaked.
Depending where in the world we're talking about here... "Let's chill" can mean a few things. Where I'm from, chill mean no date, just sex.
I think in the U.S. it's maybe not used so blatantly in that way but it's still a lazy mans way of setting things up. Even if she doesn't interpret it to mean sex... when a girls reads "Lets chill", "Lets hang", etc, she's on the other end thinking... "Christ, he can't even ask me out? Hang? Where? When? What? Am I supposed to come up with ideas? Oh fuck it, I'm going out with the girls instead".
Also, I'm not a fan of directly saying "date" but it SHOULD be implied that it's a date. Since you're autocorrect fucked up anyway, backtracking on calling it a date felt a bit weak.

At the end of the day. Suggest firm plans... like actually have a time, place or activity or whatever it is. Invite her somewhere specific or to do something specific.
Even as a guy, if someone asks me to "hang out?" I'm just like "Eeeeh... and do what?". I hate being asked that.
No need to call it a date, makes it sound overly formal but it should be clear it's a date and not "Oh hey friend!"

 

[Troy]

Her:yeah when?
You:depends on you when's a good time to get out of your house for a bit?

Then let her tell you. Obv she would have said tues. which sucks but the more you have to negotiate the less of a chance you have of her agreeing. Also, I never schedule a date more than 2-5 days out 5 being a max. If you schedule any further out than that you're almost always going to get a flake.

You bring up a good point. I always wonder if I'm making it too difficult ( sometimes) for girls to meet me. When someone asks me " when are you free? " I think crap now I have to predict the future when I'll be free. Most girls don't make plans until the day arrives or the day before. Usually I'll ask saying " when are you free? Friday's and Saturday's are good for me. "

I give them part of my schedule so they can probably pick one of those days. I also think it let's girls think I'm a man with options who is busy yet has some free time.

Radeng, you think it's possible to be too available to any girl? I mean the date and time is on her terms so this man must have a lot of free time to suddenly make time. I'm assuming. Thoughts?

Just trust that you did well here and take my advice for setting up dates more easily. You need to make it hard for her to say no and very very brainless to say yes.

Yes I will take your advice and report back.

Troy, ideally you should already have plans with the girl when you text her. Then within a couple of texts you can say, "so are we still on for those plans we made?" This is about 10x more reliable then cold texting and setting a date.

Your idea is good. Well for a girl I met in person that is. However, remember I had a date with her two weeks ago and it went well. I wouldn't ask her for a second date right when we were still on the first date. IMO i think you're giving general advice, not for this situation, but for all where I met the girl in person first

I kind of treat your game here like tinder game. Where your having to make a bit of rapport before asking. You did pretty well with that, but ideally texting should be even more minimal than that because you've already set it up to be. Here you obviously didn't set it up like that so ur flake rate will be much much much higher.

How would you make texting more minimal?

I would stick to text of at all possible. Unless, if like above, you are exceptionally good looking. Otherwise, play to your strengths, which for most guys sending pics only shows weakness imo. An occasional pic with a hilarious caption is ok as long as it's kind of an asshole caption.

I wish I could stick to text because it's easier. However I've found that if I want the most dates I'll have to keep " modern " with the " young hype teens ". Most girls here won't send a text these days, after all they have whatsapp. I'm not the " picture " person. TBH I had snapchat for a long while and I only open it if girls want to sext or talk to me there. In that case I use it to set the date.

Also, are you in hs still or graduated?

I decided NOT to go back. I could then I thought about it and felt meh it's not advancing me to my career choice which is being a executive chef. I spent last year there and did no practical work, no cooking thus time waste another year... nah. I graduated two years ago, then there is pre college called 6th form. I did one year of 6th form and if I went back this year I could have done 2 6th form years then graduate again ( it's not required to graduate twice, 90% of students just leave).

Also, I'm not a fan of directly saying "date" but it SHOULD be implied that it's a date. Since you're autocorrect fucked up anyway, backtracking on calling it a date felt a bit weak.

Neither am I a fan of saying date. It sounds a bit old fashioned and makes me think of some dude taking a girl out on a first date to a expensive restaurant serving the most expensive wine. yikes *shiver* bad idea.

At the end of the day. Suggest firm plans... like actually have a time, place or activity or whatever it is. Invite her somewhere specific or to do something specific.

For example " Let's get ice cream " or " let's have a picnic at your place "?

Final thoughts. I don't want to give up on Jody as yet. How long should I wait to ask her out again? Should I just pick up right where I left off? I'll be busy next Tuesday. Week after next week Tuesday I won't be busy so I could probably arrange to meet her then. Still as you said Radeng, it's highly likely she's ( girls in general) will flake if it's been planned past 5 days. So what's the best idea here? She has a class every Tuesday ,it would be much easier to get her out then. Also my objective is to get her out at a good time when I can go back to her place. If her class finishes at 10 I wouldn't meet her till 12pm. Mhmm maybe her parents are at work then so it's the best time to pull? I'd meet her at a restaurant ( Not Burger King again, probably a drinks cafe/restaurant )

Could I just call her and set up the date? Honestly I don't like having to spend 4 days to plan a date. I could make a 10 minutes call and deal with it there. Thoughts? ( PS she doesn't like her voice... I'm considering if making a call is best)


Troy

 

[Troy]

How did it go well? Did you kiss her, get sexual with her, or lay her?

I didn't kiss, get sexual nor lay her. I spent one hour at Burger King getting to know her. There was a lot of flirting and we connected deeply. We have a lot in common.

Update : I went ahead and called Jody a few minutes ago and the call went well. We talked about school, what classes she was taking, and how it her studies were going.

I shared a joke then told her my schedule cleared up and I could meet her Tuesday. So the date is set at 10:30am. We'll meet at L light a popular chill spot. It's a plaza like with a food court and stage for concerts.

After I got the date set, I changed the topic and we are talking about events and how we both like to keep " stuff " ( cards, movie tickets etc ) as souvenir after we have been somewhere .

Somehow the conversation turns to her room and all the stuff she keeps in there and how she re arranged the room .


I take that as a opportunity to assume " Jody you have your own room since you can do whatever you want with it ". Note I'm screening her logistics. Does she share rooms? Meaning it could be difficult to go in her room. She has a room all to herself.

The problem is she seemed a bit defensive when I asked if she had her own room. Her tone told me she didn't want to tell me.

Even when we were discussing where to meet she got a bit defensive.

Troy : So the restaurant you want us to meet at is close to your home? ( playful tone )

Jody : ( pauses...hesitates) that's not really important for you. ( dismissive tone, not harsh, more like a polite rejection )

Troy : ( I was a bit fazed. I think I responded saying OK then quickly changing the topic. )

New number 1 problem here : she doesn't want me to know her logistics which poses the problem, she might not want me back at her place . Sigh so what do I do now?

I'm yet to find out who she lives with but any question I ask regarding logistics and where she lives, she avoids.

Thanks so far Radeng and Estate , the advice has been useful.


Troy

 

[Estate]

Hi Troy,

I'm a little confused where things stand with this girl now but a few thoughts on it:

- There's a lot of analysis here of micro-details. I used do the same but learned a while back, there's no one minor thing which wins or loses a girl, its the overall vibe. So right now it feels like this is just in limbo, she's not seriously invested. Don't let this become about "this one girl". Get your mind off her. Meet other girls, take a run, whatever you do.

- Leave it a bit then ask her out next week. No chat or snapchats. Ask her out with a firm time and place.

- If she ignores or messes you around, just forget about her. She'll wreck your head.

- If she says yes but offers another time, that's fine. It's not needy to say "Sure, Thursday works for me too after 7." It only comes off needy its like "Hey, I'm free everyday next week, when works for you? I'm always available". Ok, you won't say that, but you get the idea. It's ok to be able to accept a different time, it's only needy if you're offering ANY day since you've nothing else going on.

- I know younger kids like snapchat but I'd stick with friends for this. I've see guys use it and I don't know. It comes off super weird and needy to me. I can send a text "Drinks Tuesday?" but sending it as a caption with a selfie of myself with puppy dog eyes just feels super weird. If you can stick to text, try. I feel it just sets a tone, you're busy, you text to make plans, and that's it. She'll have to match you if she's interested. If a girl is interested, she'll find a way to see you, if she won't match you on text, she's not interested anyway so you saved yourself some time.

 

[Troy]

There's a lot of analysis here of micro-details. I used do the same but learned a while back, there's no one minor thing which wins or loses a girl, its the overall vibe. So right now it feels like this is just in limbo, she's not seriously invested. Don't let this become about "this one girl". Get your mind off her. Meet other girls, take a run, whatever you do.

- Leave it a bit then ask her out next week. No chat or snapchats. Ask her out with a firm time and place.

- If she ignores or messes you around, just forget about her. She'll wreck your head.

I got her out on a date yesterday . It was pretty fucked up. My results :

FU: Dropped the Ball on the Bus

Anyway guys thanks for the advice . From the report there I have a lot of improvements to make .

Troy