Troubles With an 18 Year Old

[foggy]

Hello everyone,

I recently started a new job. One of my coworkers is a female who is 18 years old. Her name is Rants. She looks nearly identical to my ex. Im 24. The day I started my other coworker, named Tricky, said that Rants told him she thought I was adorable. Tricky also told me that Rant has a boyfriend that is 28 years old... Tricky told me not to bring up Rant's boyfriend's age to her. Tricky said that her boyfriend works with us. However, I don't know whether he works in the same department, or in a different department. Tricky said that once he was joking around and touching Rants, and her boyfriend got pissed. He warned me I probably shouldn't touch her.

I have some questions about how I should go about building attraction with her.

In our job, there is a lot of incidental touch which is definitely harmless and I'm making incidental touch happen as often as it can. But since she's got a boyfriend, would it be okay to touch her in other ways? For example, could I give her arm a squeeze when I make her laugh, as long as her boyfriend isn't around?

She holds eye contact with me. When we're looking at each other, her eyes are shifting back and forth ever so slightly. I understand that this means she is subconsciously trying to gauge my reactions, right?

ANYWAYS, she has no attention span, and shes really bubbly, so deep diving has been impractical. I haven't told her much about myself. Chase's article on how to pick up 18-23 year olds was awesome!!

Heres my overall question: What should I talk about with her? Should I let her initiate the majority of conversations? How do I get her talking my ear off? I have no clue what 18 year olds talk about. I was thinking about keeping conversation topics REALLY superficial. Today after work we were walking to the bus stop and she wouldn't stop talking to me about her shifts for the next week at work. It was a very facts based conversation and it bored me. I teased her for talking too much about it.

What do you guys think?

 

[Drck]

I have some questions about how I should go about building attraction with her.
>>>> The attraction is already there, don't try to build it. You are a male and she is female. You smile at her and she smiles back - That is as much as attraction as you need, you don't need more attraction that that.

In our job, there is a lot of incidental touch which is definitely harmless and I'm making incidental touch happen as often as it can.
>>>> Be careful just so she doesn't label you a weirdo

But since she's got a boyfriend, would it be okay to touch her in other ways? For example, could I give her arm a squeeze when I make her laugh, as long as her boyfriend isn't around?
>>>> If she has a true BF she will let you know. She will not flirt with you, she will give you "go away I'm not interested" looks. She will be avoiding you. If that's the case, don't chase her, let her go...

If she doesn't have a real BF, she will want to spent time with you. She will come closer to you and will give you opportunity to talk to her, touch her. If that is the case, do it...

She holds eye contact with me. When we're looking at each other, her eyes are shifting back and forth ever so slightly. I understand that this means she is subconsciously trying to gauge my reactions, right?
>>>> She is trying to figure you out. She knows you like her, but she is asking - is he going to do anyting about it? If she is giving you firm looks, perhaps even smiles, it is good - move forward, go talk to her. If she looks you in your eyes and than looks to the ground, it is good, she respects you as a potential mate and giving you a green light to approach. If she looks in your eyes and then to the side - she doesn't want to talk to you, at least not at this time. Don't chase her, don't approach, walk away, she is not interested at this time. If she looks in your eyes and then looks up, back off, take a hike...


Heres my overall question: What should I talk about with her? Should I let her initiate the majority of conversations?
>>>> Talk about work. Yea, and then add to it other stuff, such as what movies or music she likes, what does she do in free time and so on. Don't let her initiate all the conversations, that shows low confidence...

How do I get her talking my ear off? I have no clue what 18 year olds talk about.
>>>> They talk about silly things.

I was thinking about keeping conversation topics REALLY superficial. Today after work we were walking to the bus stop and she wouldn't stop talking to me about her shifts for the next week at work. It was a very facts based conversation and it bored me. I teased her for talking too much about it.
>>>> Let her talk whatever she wants to talk about... If you have other ideas or topics, you can easily switch...

 

[foggy]

Drck thanks for your reply. Conversation is not difficult with her anymore, I was overthinking it. The things she says are pretty silly usually.

I have a question. One time we were opening the restaurant and she said it smelled really bad. I could not smell anything and I was an arm's length away from her. She grabbed my arm and yanked me over to where she was. Would you consider this bad? I feel like she thinks she's dominant enough to push me around, or something like that. She did the same sort of thing later on in the week too. Other times she stuck an ice cube down the front of my shirt, and stuck a receipt in my waitress satchel which sits right in front of my crotch. I thought that was pretty bold.

 

[Drck]

There are always 100 different answers to one question...

In general, develop a frame, without frame it is difficult to know what you are doing and where you are moving...

What is a frame? You see a girl, she is cute. So you want to take her out and eventually sleep with her, duh. But you sort of have to have a goal, some milestones that you have to accomplish, some direction that you are walking... Once you reach one milestone you have to move forward to another one...

Guy A doesn't have any specific direction in his mind and he meets this cute girl. He talks to her back and forth, they are having a good time. She teases him and he teases her, there are good vibes. He really wants to take her out, but he is not sure, she gives him some clues that she might go out, but says that she is busy. It is confusing. He touches her and she touches back, but nothing is happening, she then pulls away. She even starts talking about sex, which is amazing to him because he recognizes it as one of the clues he learned online, but he is still stuck. He is then confused more and needs more analyzing. He then meets her another time, she is the same cute girl like before, maybe even cuter, and now he is confused even more, and then analyzes even more because her behavior just doesn't make sense. Finally, after some good texting, she starts getting colder and colder, she makes more excuses, and then she stops texting back. He has no clue why, in his head all seem to be going pretty well... The attraction expired, she got used to him, she moved him into a friend zone... He meets her again, but she declines further dates...

This guy didn't have any frame, he missed all milestones, he didn't move things forward. Now he wants to replay the whole interaction again and again just so he can understand, just so he can change things... He is in the fog, doesn't go where to go...

Guy B is more oriented, he knows the direction, he recognizes some milestones, he knows he needs to keep moving forward in order to get to some destination. Is the destination always sex? No, but at least he knows where he stands...

So Guy B talks to the girl and he is watching for milestones. Good interaction, good vibes? He knows he needs to be moving forward. Touching? he is moving forward, he is getting more bolder. She pulls back. Ok, pull back a little, give her a break, then push forward again. She starts talking sex? Maybe he is little bit surprised for the first time, but when she mentions it second time he knows he's got to move forward. She throws lots of weird tests on him, but he knows if he starts analyzing this and that he will become very confused. She make it even seem that she doesn't like him or she is not interested anymore, which is confusing...

But he knows that he needs to keep his direction no matter what, because his direction is clear, his frame is very clear, so he keeps moving forward no matter what she says. He may not understand the whole interaction at this time, but as long as he keeps moving forward and she follows, he knows that he is doing good...

As the time goes, he develops better understanding. He will recognize more clues, more milestones. He will understand that if some milestone is not met as expected, he can still reach it if he takes another road, perhaps bypass. Or, he has to step back, give it some time for obstacles to clear and then move forward again.

See, that is the difference. Guy A is stuck with analyzing, much doesn't make sense to him, he is stuck because he has no frame along which to move forward. He wants to do the right things because he doesn't want to mess up...

Guy B may not always understand what is going on, he is just moving forward, even though he might be moving "blindly" since he doesn't understand at this time... He is always following the frame, he is always moving forward towards the destination and he learns as he goes. He is not afraid to do mistakes because he prefers to have solid frame...

To have a good frame, develop good mood first. You should be in good/positive/relaxed mood when interacting with girls, you should feel confident, sort of "can do" attitude. You should believe that she wants you. If she gives you a weird look, if she tells you to go away, you should only laugh how cute she is because you still believe that she really wants only you. That is how convicted you should be... That makes all things 100% easier... Then just watch for milestones, learn some milestones. Some basic ones:


* Good eye contact, perhaps smile? Approach
* Good vibes, she has sparky eyes, she is excited talking to you? Move things forward, deep questions
* She is talking a lot, spontaneously? Keep moving things forward, she is relaxed, comfortable enough to be around you
* Touching spontaneously? Move things forward, look for more intimacy
* Starts talking sex? Good, move things forward, now she is thinking sex
* She throws lots of confusing stuff under your feet? Who cares, smile and keep moving forward along your frame, don't get confused.


* Ideally, make her really comfortable and relaxed while she's around you before you take her home. It all goes back to the mood you are in, so again: No matter what, keep good/positive/relaxed mood all the time... Good vibes, good touching, she talks a lot, she is telling you all about her life, you feel great connection... Sex is on her mind now, she wants to go with you now, all she wants is that you lead her there with at least awkwardness as possible...

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She is looking for a man who takes her home because he has the balls to admit that he wants sex, not for a boy who is trying to figure out whether she is attracted or not, whether he can somehow "trick her" to have sex with him while pretending that he wants to watch movie at home...

You sort of want to vibe with her so deeply that you look in her eyes and you know she wants sex, and you also tell her with your eyes that you want sex... You look in her face and she should read in your eyes that you want sex. There is no silliness, there is no awkward anxiety, there is no guilt or shame, there is only desire to have her, there is only desire to have each other...

So who cares about whether she talks about something smelly, or whether she grabbed your arm? She is around you, she is comfortable, she is open - so keep moving forward, don't get confused. Those things or clues are meaningless as she does different things at different times... Rather watch the whole context of the interaction, not just little parts...

Your simplest frame should always be the same: Either sex or rejection. She will either have sex with you or she will reject you. There is no other way, so all you have to do is keep pushing for sex. As you gain experience you will recognize more and more clues, you will learn when to push forward and when to step back, you will become more smoother in expressing what you want and how to do it, but the basic frame is always the same... As you get more experience you will become more playful and less needy to have sex, which is even more attractive... You can even make her wait for sex in stead of pushing for it, imagine that...

Hope it helps, at least some of it. If there is a desire from both sides, all you have to do is to enable it to happen.... If there is a desire from your side only, well, you can't really do so much, you will only work hard and the results will not arrive anyway...