Trying to fly up meet w/ old flame who still sends <3 emails. What should I say to suggest it?

sinksink

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Last saw her in person about one year ago when I lived in her location in California. We were having sex back then and I was briefly her BF before I left the area suddenly and told her I was leaving at the very last second. (last minute, sudden decision to move somewhere else and go back to school). She misses me, still sends <3 emails and suggested (without any concrete plans) we go on a vacation somewhere someday somewhere far away (fuck that, I want to go to her place)

How should I phrase the email to her? Should I use not use email? we usually use email

"Hey X

Are you still single? I got vaccinated twice, how about I fly to your place at the end of the summer after I finish my summer classes and stay at your place for a Saturday or maybe Sat-Sunday if you let me and we'll walk around the lake and we'll cook something"

- Me"

This is the info I want to say but the above sounds a bit needy/over eager no? As far as my long term goal, trying to become her BF again as a long distance BF

1. How would you phrase the email better?

2. Would you not send it all at once, would you send one question at a time?

3. How might you better sell the date?


4. And how would you bring up 'hey and I can find a hotel near your area and stay in the area for a week if you'll let me come over each night, would you let me? I'm an unemployed student so I don't have work to go to'
 
Last edited:

Will_V

Chieftan
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With women, things are NEVER the way you left them after time has passed, regardless of <3 emails. You have to remember that right now she can't have you, but if that changes, everything about her demeanor can change too, and probably will.

I'd make it sound like I happened to be in the area for some other reason, I would not ask her if she was single or anything, just be warm and friendly and suggest catching up for a coffee. When you meet, deep dive, remind her subtly of the good times, etc. Give her nothing, suggest a little bit and make her want it all.

You have to come across like you don't need her, and she's under no pressure to give you anything. If you listen to what you just wrote, it sounds like you're negotiating a *ahem* business deal, not giving her a chance to chase you.

PS why do you want to be a long distance boyfriend? You can't bang over the phone
 
Last edited:

sinksink

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 1, 2020
Messages
124
With women, things are NEVER the way you left them after time has passed, regardless of <3 emails. You have to remember that right now she can't have you, but if that changes, everything about her demeanor can change too, and probably will.

I'd make it sound like I happened to be in the area for some other reason, I would not ask her if she was single or anything, just be warm and friendly and suggest catching up for a coffee. When you meet, deep dive, remind her subtly of the good times, etc. Give her nothing, suggest a little bit and make her want it all.

You have to come across like you don't need her, and she's under no pressure to give you anything. If you listen to what you just wrote, it sounds like you're negotiating a *ahem* business deal, not giving her a chance to chase you.

PS why do you want to be a long distance boyfriend? You can't bang over the phone

ty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be a long distance BF b/c I feel have no other options for the next few years living in my mom's basement while I study. My Mom has hoarding issues, its really disgusting inside the house, and I don't think I can take a girl home here or find someone new here and I'm not willing to borrow money to find a place. Busy studying. My hope is that I can occasionally fly to see a girl occasionally, which would be better than the sexless life in a tiny quarantine room I am living now. Mainly, I'm trapped now I just don't have a car, there's no way to get around in my city now, I'm really grounded in my mom's basement studying online w/ no place to find a new girl or take one home. I don't really want to get back on tinder in this circumstance as a guy in late 20s in Mom's basement w/o a job and no way to get around anywhere

Although I could ask her to meet over coffee,
1) all the times I have been to her city in the past, we went to her place and fucked
2) I don't have a car and can't drive and can't get a car to her city
3) that city basically has no public transport that is fast enough for this, like there are some buses and thats it I won't be able to get around the city easily w/o her and her car

"I'd make it sound like I happened to be in the area for some other reason,"

If you could not do this, what would you say? Right now, I can't do that b/c I have no reason to be in her area and if questioned, the lie would be apparent. What would you say in the email to ask to go to her place to go on a date w/ her?
 

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
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ty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be a long distance BF b/c I feel have no other options for the next few years living in my mom's basement while I study. My Mom has hoarding issues, its really disgusting inside the house, and I don't think I can take a girl home here or find someone new here and I'm not willing to borrow money to find a place. Busy studying. My hope is that I can occasionally fly to see a girl occasionally, which would be better than the sexless life in a tiny quarantine room I am living now. Mainly, I'm trapped now I just don't have a car, there's no way to get around in my city now, I'm really grounded in my mom's basement studying online w/ no place to find a new girl or take one home. I don't really want to get back on tinder in this circumstance as a guy in late 20s in Mom's basement w/o a job and no way to get around anywhere

Although I could ask her to meet over coffee,
1) all the times I have been to her city in the past, we went to her place and fucked
2) I don't have a car and can't drive and can't get a car to her city
3) that city basically has no public transport that is fast enough for this, like there are some buses and thats it I won't be able to get around the city easily w/o her and her car

"I'd make it sound like I happened to be in the area for some other reason,"

If you could not do this, what would you say? Right now, I can't do that b/c I have no reason to be in her area and if questioned, the lie would be apparent. What would you say in the email to ask to go to her place to go on a date w/ her?

I don't want to sound harsh, but you're wasting your time, in my opinion. You've put yourself in a very difficult place - not just logistically but psychologically - where you will be basically an inmate in your mom's trashy basement for years, wanting to hang onto a digital relationship with a girl so you can occasionally fly all the way over to where she is (how much does that cost?) to bang so you don't feel too lonely.

I don't know your situation, but I find it hard to believe you can't do better. I strongly suggest to get out of your mom's house immediately, get a job and instead of spending money on flights to see this girl, get a room/apartment, and become the master of your life the way you know you should. That way you'll have a grip on yourself so you won't be considering things like booking a flight just to bust a nut.

Fixing your situation is what you should prioritize. Create the logistics that give you access to local options. Create the future for yourself that you want rather than trying to hang onto a thread from the past. Besides, with this needy mindset you'll be lucky if the next time you meet her won't be the last, she will smell it on you in ways you don't even understand.

I cannot help you with what you should say to her, because I have never even considered booking a flight for a booty call.
 

sinksink

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 1, 2020
Messages
124
I don't want to sound harsh, but you're wasting your time, in my opinion. You've put yourself in a very difficult place - not just logistically but psychologically - where you will be basically an inmate in your mom's trashy basement for years, wanting to hang onto a digital relationship with a girl so you can occasionally fly all the way over to where she is (how much does that cost?) to bang so you don't feel too lonely.

I don't know your situation, but I find it hard to believe you can't do better. I strongly suggest to get out of your mom's house immediately, get a job and instead of spending money on flights to see this girl, get a room/apartment, and become the master of your life the way you know you should. That way you'll have a grip on yourself so you won't be considering things like booking a flight just to bust a nut.

Fixing your situation is what you should prioritize. Create the logistics that give you access to local options. Create the future for yourself that you want rather than trying to hang onto a thread from the past. Besides, with this needy mindset you'll be lucky if the next time you meet her won't be the last, she will smell it on you in ways you don't even understand.

I cannot help you with what you should say to her, because I have never even considered booking a flight for a booty call.

I'm not leaving Mom's basement for two-ish more years, still studying
I mean there's an advantage to being in mom's basement -> don't need to work or pay expenses, can just focus on studying which will help me get out of this situation long term

just trying to figure out how to phrase email to see this girl who lives in another state in the USA w/o sounding too desperate and without doing a big information dump like the email in the OP
 

Will_V

Chieftan
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tribal-elder
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Messages
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I'm not leaving Mom's basement for two-ish more years, still studying
I mean there's an advantage to being in mom's basement -> don't need to work or pay expenses, can just focus on studying which will help me get out of this situation long term
I don't think you understand what this 'easy life' will cost you. Your self-development is what is at risk, two years of fashioning yourself into the best man you can be that you won't get back. At the end of it, you will have saved a bit of money, and lost something way more valuable.
just trying to figure out how to phrase email to see this girl who lives in another state in the USA w/o sounding too desperate and without doing a big information dump like the email in the OP
The techniques of seduction, of saying this or that, or messaging this or that, to make her think or behave a certain way, cannot overcome a reality of overwhelming neediness and desperation, at least not for very long.

You can be a peasant and present yourself as a king maybe for long enough to bang a woman once, but you need to be at least the kind of man who can actually be a king for her to stay after that, and even so she will probably be more trouble than it's worth.

Focus on becoming the reality of what she wants, not faking it. I can't tell you how to 'phrase' the reality of your neediness out of your message, because even when I have seduced women when I was dead broke, the reality of my existence was the relentless desire to change my situation at any cost, and I believe that's what made it possible in the first place.
 
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