- Joined
- Dec 27, 2016
- Messages
- 1
Hi there,
a little bit about me : I'm 33 and have so far bounced from LTR with one girlfriend to another, without ever finding "the one". My last relationship lasted 6 months and ended a couple of months ago, leaving me pretty bruised. I came accross the site after a google search and read so many interesting and insightful articles, it really blew my mind and made me reconsider a lot of things. I now want to gain more experience with women, and have decided to stick to casual dating for a bit and see how that goes.
So at the beginning of December, I joined a few dating sites, and started chatting up some girls. There's one girl that I really liked, we talked for 3 days, and then I set up a date IRL for 2 days later (moving fast as recommended).
the girl : just broke up after a 5 year relationship, I was her first date in 5 years! Had lost her sex drive for the past 12 months, and had family issues / stress at work which led her partner to not getting much attention, feeling neglected, and eventually cheating on her. She broke up and moved out as soon as she found out, and is now in "recovery" phase I guess.
1st date : kept it simple (I can't believe I used to spend SO much time organising the perfect date!!) : we went to a bar for drinks. We talked for about 2h, did the deep diving, not so good at chase framing yet, but all in all it went well. I was clear about not wanting a girlfriend, and under-promising, and aware not to lead her on. Went to another club afterwards to dance, started kissing the girl, she responded very well, escalated to making out, again she was really eager, invited her to mine but she apologised and said she couldn't do that so soon. I felt like pushing for it wouldn't work, so left it to that.
The week after : kept touch via text, set up a next date for 1 week later (crazy agenda). During the week, she was contacting me almost everyday, but I was aware to only text in the evenings in "windows" of time, and keeping the texting sexy and naughty - to not become her text buddy. (I was trying to not text at all as recommended, but at the same time, you don't want to look like a cold b*stard by never replying back).
2nd date : Dinner and cocktails. Again deep diving, chase framing ; and I learned that she comes from a religious / Conservative background, even though she's not I definitely think i's influencing her. Then moved to another bar, and she was chasing me this time, and actively touching, kissing etc. I invited her over and after hesitating for a bit, we were in a taxi off to her place. At her place, we had another drink, and then more kissing and after some more persuasion, went to bed.
Once there, it was one of the craziest, most fun night I've ever had! I really didn't expect much, but it was really excellent and we barely slept at all. I made sure she orgasmed a few times, she was really good at pleasing me too, and we had another 2 morning sessions too. We talked for a bit, and she asked me what I wanted from this relationship, and again I was honnest and said I just wanted to keep it casual, but that I cared about her and wanted to treat her properly, but that I didn't want a girlfriend at the moment.
I made sure to leave, but not rush out, and texted her after a few hours to tell her I had a great time. She responded the same. The next morning, she texted again to say she'd had an amazing time, and that a night with me did more for her sex drive than the whole last year combined - which felt... pretty good. We texted briefly that evening and the next, (still sexy talk) and set up a date for when we are both back from the holiday break.
The next morning though, I got a text from her saying : she's really sorry, she cannot do this, and a relationship only based on sex is not for her. She thought she could, but she's not like that.
It was really a bad surprise and I was quite annoyed, but I kept it cool and told her : no worries, I wish you the best, you deserve someone great, keep in touch etc... She just texted to say thanks for being understanding etc.
The next day, she texts me again, saying she still wants to keep in touch and if I want to go shopping with her some time.
ALARM bells go off, and I remember everything about the friendzone, so just ignore the text and don't reply.
I texted her on Xmas (3 days later), just to wish her a good day, and got a some really excited texts back wishing me the same (heart emoticons, exclamation marks, etc..), asking how i'm doing etc, telling me about her break, etc...
No contact since.
I'm really confused... what should my next move be:
- no contact for a few weeks, then see if we can start being casual again?
- no contact for a few weeks, and see if we should become friends? (the article about friends or lover was good and made sense for some specific women)
- no contact for a few months and see if she could be a potential girlfriend?
- no contact and moving on?
- ...?
Appreciate your help here
a little bit about me : I'm 33 and have so far bounced from LTR with one girlfriend to another, without ever finding "the one". My last relationship lasted 6 months and ended a couple of months ago, leaving me pretty bruised. I came accross the site after a google search and read so many interesting and insightful articles, it really blew my mind and made me reconsider a lot of things. I now want to gain more experience with women, and have decided to stick to casual dating for a bit and see how that goes.
So at the beginning of December, I joined a few dating sites, and started chatting up some girls. There's one girl that I really liked, we talked for 3 days, and then I set up a date IRL for 2 days later (moving fast as recommended).
the girl : just broke up after a 5 year relationship, I was her first date in 5 years! Had lost her sex drive for the past 12 months, and had family issues / stress at work which led her partner to not getting much attention, feeling neglected, and eventually cheating on her. She broke up and moved out as soon as she found out, and is now in "recovery" phase I guess.
1st date : kept it simple (I can't believe I used to spend SO much time organising the perfect date!!) : we went to a bar for drinks. We talked for about 2h, did the deep diving, not so good at chase framing yet, but all in all it went well. I was clear about not wanting a girlfriend, and under-promising, and aware not to lead her on. Went to another club afterwards to dance, started kissing the girl, she responded very well, escalated to making out, again she was really eager, invited her to mine but she apologised and said she couldn't do that so soon. I felt like pushing for it wouldn't work, so left it to that.
The week after : kept touch via text, set up a next date for 1 week later (crazy agenda). During the week, she was contacting me almost everyday, but I was aware to only text in the evenings in "windows" of time, and keeping the texting sexy and naughty - to not become her text buddy. (I was trying to not text at all as recommended, but at the same time, you don't want to look like a cold b*stard by never replying back).
2nd date : Dinner and cocktails. Again deep diving, chase framing ; and I learned that she comes from a religious / Conservative background, even though she's not I definitely think i's influencing her. Then moved to another bar, and she was chasing me this time, and actively touching, kissing etc. I invited her over and after hesitating for a bit, we were in a taxi off to her place. At her place, we had another drink, and then more kissing and after some more persuasion, went to bed.
Once there, it was one of the craziest, most fun night I've ever had! I really didn't expect much, but it was really excellent and we barely slept at all. I made sure she orgasmed a few times, she was really good at pleasing me too, and we had another 2 morning sessions too. We talked for a bit, and she asked me what I wanted from this relationship, and again I was honnest and said I just wanted to keep it casual, but that I cared about her and wanted to treat her properly, but that I didn't want a girlfriend at the moment.
I made sure to leave, but not rush out, and texted her after a few hours to tell her I had a great time. She responded the same. The next morning, she texted again to say she'd had an amazing time, and that a night with me did more for her sex drive than the whole last year combined - which felt... pretty good. We texted briefly that evening and the next, (still sexy talk) and set up a date for when we are both back from the holiday break.
The next morning though, I got a text from her saying : she's really sorry, she cannot do this, and a relationship only based on sex is not for her. She thought she could, but she's not like that.
It was really a bad surprise and I was quite annoyed, but I kept it cool and told her : no worries, I wish you the best, you deserve someone great, keep in touch etc... She just texted to say thanks for being understanding etc.
The next day, she texts me again, saying she still wants to keep in touch and if I want to go shopping with her some time.
ALARM bells go off, and I remember everything about the friendzone, so just ignore the text and don't reply.
I texted her on Xmas (3 days later), just to wish her a good day, and got a some really excited texts back wishing me the same (heart emoticons, exclamation marks, etc..), asking how i'm doing etc, telling me about her break, etc...
No contact since.
I'm really confused... what should my next move be:
- no contact for a few weeks, then see if we can start being casual again?
- no contact for a few weeks, and see if we should become friends? (the article about friends or lover was good and made sense for some specific women)
- no contact for a few months and see if she could be a potential girlfriend?
- no contact and moving on?
- ...?
Appreciate your help here
