Turning a girl down for a meet, right or wrong?

[Project River]

Hey there,

I'm new to the boards here, but have been reading up on a lot of the Girls Chase material so you'll have to bare with me here.

I have an interesting situation on my hands here. I met a girl on Monday at a bar and got her number shortly after meeting her. Keep in mind, I was able to steal her away from 5 guys that were trying to get her that night. She ended up having interest in me. I'm afraid I'm in the advanced here. I had attempted to setup a date thru our first conversation via text, to which she turned me down for that night due to having plans. Just after saying no, she offered to get together on Friday (It is now Wednesday) without any prompt from me to attempt another day. The next day (Today) she texted, here's how the conversation went:

12:30pm
Her: How's your day

1:36pm
Me: Ugh, meetings and deadlines due all morning.. How 'bout you?

1:56pm
Her: Fun stuff! Not too bad. So my plans got canceled. I'm open tonight if you are

(At this point, I have plans that could be canceled to go out with her. That was my first plan. Later, I decided I should begin the attempt to get her to chase me, so I did the following)

2:16pm
Me: That sounds great, but I've got plans tonight.
Me: Thanks for thinkin' of me though

2:16pm
Her: Yeah no worries!

So my question is, does me turning her down in this way make her lose interest, or gain interest?

I came to the conclusion to do this due to the fact that I'm sure she has guys chasing her every second of every day. This gave me the upper hand. Makes me seem like I'm a busy person and that she should be the one chasing. Notice I also didn't console her by mentioning our date on Friday, and I didn't mention what my plans were.

Thanks everyone!!
- M

 

[Franco]

PR,

2:16pm
Me: That sounds great, but I've got plans tonight.
Me: Thanks for thinkin' of me though

2:16pm
Her: Yeah no worries!

There's nothing wrong with turning down an offer if you're genuinely busy. However, it generally is in good taste to vaguely suggest another meet-up in the future. Something like the following would suffice:

Me: That sounds great, but I've got plans tonight. How about we shoot for sometime (later this/next) week?
Her: Sure! That would be great
Me: Ok, I'll hit you up soon then

Women often take rejection to heart, even if it seems warm and sincere, so you have to be careful not to overstep your boundaries. What might happen the next time you hit her up now is that she'll say that she's busy and has plans, and this will be just to make it seem like she isn't so available to you. You end up in a form of "battle" between who is more busy than the other, and eventually attraction fades on her end in the meantime while you're left smacking your forehead because you wonder if you could have met up with her sooner.

With that being said, you are by no means in cold water either. I would hit her up in a day or two and suggest another meetup before she possibly goes into auto-rejection.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Project River]

Thanks so much for your response!

Now in this case, I'm not sure your advice applies. As I mentioned in my post, we have a date plannealreadydy tomorrow. So my rejection due to being busy and not offering other plans I feel was the best way to go.

Anyways, I did end up actually going out with her, this was last night. I suspected she was either from out of town, or newly single from a long term relationship because she lives alone, has three pets, has no friends, and is single. I found that she had gotten out of a long term thing about two months ago. This put me in an odd situation because I don't want to move too fast for her and ruin it. So we ended up getting some vodka and hanging out in my car after getting drinks at a bar. I decided it would be best if I asked before I attempted to kiss her, she actually said no because she wanted to make sure she was ready. At this point, I'm looking for a relationship with this girl (hopefully) and don't know how to further things, or really how to handle myself. I definitelyally do not want to end up friend zoned.

Any advice?

 

[Franco]

PR,

As I mentioned in my post, we have a date plannealreadydy tomorrow. So my rejection due to being busy and not offering other plans I feel was the best way to go.

Ah, I missed this the first time I read your post. If you already had a date set in stone for Friday, then canceling on Wednesday was fine. In fact, I would recommend it. You had good intuition there.

This put me in an odd situation because I don't want to move too fast for her and ruin it. So we ended up getting some vodka and hanging out in my car after getting drinks at a bar. I decided it would be best if I asked before I attempted to kiss her, she actually said no because she wanted to make sure she was ready.

...this, however, was probably not the best course of action. A few of the main things taught on this website is to move fast with women, always lead, and always have your logistics toward sex planned out accordingly beforehand. Women are always looking for the strongest, most desirable man they can find, and a man who is afraid to move things forward (whether that is because he does not have other options of the same quality or because he is inexperienced) is not attractive to a woman. And women are not naïve -- they know this intuitively... especially the more attractive ones. Regardless of her situation, you should always be attempting to move things towards sex, and you should never "ask" her for permission to do so. It's better to have her slightly pull away from your advances and for you to remain calm and unfazed when she does rather than "ask" her if you have permission to proceed.

Does James Bond ask women if he can take them to bed? Does Brad Pitt ask women if he can take them to bed? No. They just convey a sexy aura about them and make a move knowing deep down that that is what a woman desires.

Now, that's not to say that your situation is dead in the water either. If she's new to town and has children, it means she probably has her hands full and doesn't have many men courting her at the moment, which means she will probably willing to see you again. But I would go ahead and start running through some of the articles on this website if you get a chance so you can get a better idea of what needs to be done the next time you see her as well as the next time you meet new women in general. You need to take her to bed before some other man does it for you! Remember, she's a woman who has her needs as well.

Cheers,

Franco