Turning Around Auto-Rejection with Casual Relationship?

[Ambiance]

Hi everyone. Been awhile since I last posted. I had a field report that is linked here: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewt ... =5&t=11790
This was with the girl I chose to lose my virginity with. Anyway I am in a bit of a dilemma. Any advice from those wiser than I am (which would be pretty much all of you haha) would be so hugely appreciated.

Some background: I fell for a girl over a year ago and was too afraid to do anything but text her. We could have been together but I was not man enough and never made a move. She eventually moved on and vanished from my life. I was devastated and grew obsessed with her, and chased after her. Until I found this site. To destroy my infatuation and revamp my dating life I religiously devoured this sites articles and applied them voraciously, and transformed everything. I am still under a year into this but already have changed so much... Not that I have a lot of work to still do. Anyway, here's the problem...

The girl I talked about in my LR above was my first. I was raised Catholic and losing my v-card was a big deal to me. I rationally know it's not a huge deal but whatever. So I waited for my next love at first sight girl, and using this site and everything I have learned got her and we had A Night Beyond Expectations. I know I rocked her world and that she really likes me, but due to the nature of our logistics we haven't really gotten to know each other since I moved so fast. We have seen each other several times since, but not enough for me to feel ready to make her a girlfriend, since it is supposed to be the girl who wants the relationship more and I was so afraid of being needy as I was with girl I lost. So I never hinted that I wanted anything more. I am a senior in high school and she is a sophomore. Our parents don't know about each other, and she voiced her concerns in a recent phone call that I will get into that her parents might not let her date a guy 2 years older.

So far our relationship has been very casual, according to my design, even though I do want a relationship, which is kinda silly since I am a senior. I guess I am a hopeless romantic. Like I said before, I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't scare her away with needy behavior, even though we are sleeping together. She has been flakey lately but I didn't let it alarm me until today. I was going to have her come over so I sent her this

Shanelle... It's been far too long now. Do you miss me?

You might recognize that from an article

A few hours later she replies with this:
Hey... I'm sorry I've been so flaky for the past two months. If I'm being honest it's just that I'm trying to get my shit together right now and sneaking out all the time and screwing someone just doesn't really fit into the picture *laugh/cry emoji* I feel like I have to have sex with you everytime We hang out and I don't want to everytime cause I know we don't really have a future. I really like you but I am wasting your time cause we have different goals I guess. I should have explained this sooner, i just wasn't really sure what I wanted before this.

I had no lmr with her that night in the LR but I also know she still thinks sex is a big deal and that her parents are religious. Anyway I text her immediately

What do you want?

Then tell her i am calling her. I get this before I do call her though

I don't want to do the whole hooking up with a bunch of people thing anymore. I want a relationship but I don't think that's with you and I know you don't want one either.

So I called her, and was real with her. I told her that I am open to a relationship and really like her. She explained how much her parents have been grounding her and that she is sick of it and can't party or sneak out like she had been, plus thatit had been destroying her grades. She also wants an actual relationship. She told me how much she likes me, and I told her I really like her and don't want to lose her. I told her that I'm not going to force her into Nything but that her presumption was wrong about me, and she said that she didn't know if her parents would let her date me and was afraid to ask. I told her just to try and that I'll talk to her later tonight

I know she really likes me. We lost our virginity to each other and I highly doubt she has slept with anyone else from what I heard, but who knows. I feel like since I came across as this seductive fuck buddy to her that she felt she couldn't have a relationship with me. I allowed her to think that I was seeing a lot of girls and that this was what I do, even though she is very special to me. I want her to be my girlfriend. I was so afraid of revealing this that I wnet in the opposite direction. I screwed up with my One Special Girl and resolved not to lose this girl the same way. But it might be too late.

I've considered the fact that she has another guy in her life, and since she thought she couldn't have me she mentally blocked her huge attraction to me and now there is some guy in my place. I don't have evidence to back this up but she is very beautiful and has a lot of guys chasing after her at her school. I feel like I missed my chance to get this girl as my girlfriend. I know from my tone in the LR that I sounded ambivalent,but I really care about her and want her and just wouldn't admit it to myself.

Out of all the girls I have hooked up with only she was someone I would want a relationship with. I am freaking out and feel like I lost her. She said we will talk tonight. I need advice on how to move forward. Girlschase has given me so much, can it help me get this girl now?

 

[Smith]

Ambiance,

Have u slept with other girls beside her? and at the same level as her attractiveness?

This is important because as a beginner, it's easy to just find the first attractive girl who likes you and make her your gf. It's the easy way out, and neediness can blind you from seeing the reality.

We have seen each other several times since, but not enough for me to feel ready to make her a girlfriend, since it is supposed to be the girl who wants the relationship more and I was so afraid of being needy as I was with girl I lost. So I never hinted that I wanted anything more.

I think the lesson here is to learn how to show desire without being needy, and know the difference between the two. The main difference is when you're showing desire, it's an invitation for her to dance with you. You don't feel hurt or rejected when she decline. Then your behaviour/vibe will naturally be non-needy. Essentially, you're in the zone where you don't give a fk about what she thinks. You're just enjoying yourself. On the other hand, neediness requires her to say yes to you or you're crushed. What happens then is you start micro-managing what you say and do, which will alienate her even more. I had this problem before a couple of times when girls I'm sleeping with is pretty attractive , and I can tell you from experience that the more you're trying to be non-needy, the more you start to do and say little manipulative stuff so she'll validate you. You're also blocking the potential to fully express yourselves, because now you're holding back. You're holding back because you were hurt in the past. You're afraid you're not good enough for this girl, because that pain of rejection from the last girl still exist somewhere in your body. Now you're in this fear state of losing her, instead of giving her good emotion and enjoying yourself.

Also, if you want this girl to be your gf, then you can usually start doing more gf-bf stuff together and hangout more. Gradually, it will seem like you're a couple already, then she'll ask you to confirm you're exclusive. Also look out for signs when girls want to take things to the next level. I've realized that some girls won't tell u they want a relationship, but they'll give u small hints that they want more. I think u took the whole "casual relationship" too far, when all you wanted is to make her your gf. That's why she thought u just wanted to hook up. It's a little too late now to tell her u actually want a serious relationship, because that MAKES YOU the one chasing for a relationship. It will look like you're reacting to her, rather than you deciding where you want to go in this relationship. I don't really have any advice on turning this around besides moving on and date more girls. Trust me, you can do even better next time =) It's not the end of the world. You will be glad you didn't get this girl.