FR Two Types of Approaches

[onlyshallow]

Hey community, I posted my first approach in the beginner's board about a month ago and promised to give you some feedback through a field report when I'd have some time for it. Well, wait no longer, here it is!

So, I did about 40-50 daygame approaches last month (I don't really like the club scene where I live so no nightgame), and approximately 10 of those were not really approaches because the girl really, but REALLY didn't seem interested (probably had a bf, was rushed,etc), but the rest of them, where the girl was initially interested, took two routes. Some were light and sexual, but there was no rapport and trust, so the numbers turned out to be flakes and some had a bit of rapport but became boring and overly serious, so the girl would make up some excuse and walk away.

One of the approaches that falls into the light-and-sexual category:

-(while walking around town on a really hot and sunny day, I notice a cute girl sitting on a bench looking at me playing with her hair)
-Me (as I walk towards her, with sexy eye contact and smile): It's OK, you got me, you can talk to me (love this line haha)
-Her (as I sit beside her): Ohhh ok haha didn't know I was that obvious (she seemed surprised in a good way)
-Me: I'm OnlyShallow btw
-Her: Well hello OnlyShallow, I'm XYZ
-Me: And what are you enjoying your day on, XYZ? ( said with sexy smile and eyes)
-Her: I'm just waiting for one of my girlfriends, we're going for an ice cream
-Me: Oh I see, it's getting harder to stand the heat ;p (it went across as a sexual innuendo, we were close enough that our thighs touched, feel free to give me more suggestions I'm really trying to be good at sexual conversations too)
-Her: Yes indeed ;p, and what are YOU doing?
-Me: Just out and about, getting inspired while I go about my business
-Her: For what?
-Me: Just something personal, doesn't matter right now. (don't know if that was a good reply or just made me look shady though)
-Her: Ok Mr Enigma , I really like your eyes btw
-Me: Thank you, yours are quite gorgeous as well, beautiful color (with sexy smile)
-Her: Yeah, thanks to green contacts
-Me (we're now facing each other and the conversation's going well, so I try the number grabbing technique): Listen, I have somewhere I gotta be right now, but we should definitely hang out or go to the coffee shop sometime next week. Here (giving her my phone), give me your number.
-Her: (puts her number into my phone) Ok cool, I'm pretty free next week
-Me: (As I leave) See ya soon XYZ !
-Her: Yes, OnlyShallow

This was one of the best ones, but when I focus on being light and sexy, the feel and shape of the interactions usually resembles that, but I always leave because I feel that the interaction will become awkward, so I try to end and escalate by grabbing the number and setting up the date. I think the girls flake because I don't really deep dive them and make them trust me, so the interaction stays really superficial despite the physical attraction. I think I should be less afraid of letting go of intent-filled conversation for a bit of rapport.




However, my biggest problem right now is really about how to deep dive and use rapport building during day game, when I don't have a lot of time with the girl and never met her before. On days I try to focus more on deep diving and rapport, my approaches go more like this one :

-(noticed girl checking me out a bit at the bus stop, but I don't approach until I notice that we both missed our bus)
-Me: I'm glad I'm not the only one who missed his bus! (with sexy smile, but not a full on sexual face)
-Her: Haha yeah student life I guess
-Me: Yep, well where do you study actually? I'm Onlyshallow btw.
-Her: I'm ZYX. I go to TrapLord University
-Me: Ok, what field particularly?
-Her: I study Psychology
-Me: Cool, is there a particular branch that passionates you?
-Her: Well, I like personality development stages, it sometimes make me nostalgic.

The conversation went on and on like this for about 3 minutes until she said that she had a call to make. Most of the approaches that fall into category 2 are like this. I really have trouble getting out of this interview mode to relate to her. I could've talk about how I like Psychology class in my 2 year college (preuni 2 year college is mandatory where I live, so we have a year less in high school and university), or something. I definitely had enough informations to relate back to her, but I have so much difficulty doing in it in the moment, if someone has some tips for this issue, your contribution is welcome! Also, the vibe is way less sexy than the other type of approaches. I would like to spark some sexy in the deep dive, makes it less generic. On this note, I also had an approach where it didn't feel like an interview and there was some bonding, but it didn't felt very sexy. I wonder how I could have made it more sexual. Here it goes:

-Me: I'm glad I'm not the only bookworm around!
-Her: Yes, but that book is lame, need to study it for school (it was a a non-fiction book)
-Me: Yea, now that I notice it seems to be about politics.
-Her: Yes I study International Development
-Me: Cool... what is it?
-Her: It's about politics, international relations,etc
-Me: Ah I see, it's like political science, but with job prospects after graduation ;p ?
-Her: Exactly hahah. You seem to already know a lot though, do you study in a related field or something?
-Me: Not exactly, but knowledge is power y'know. When you got into that, was it from longtime passion or you just went with whatever seemed alright?
-Her: Actually, I went into another program when I first got into college and dropped out of it the first month. I took a two years break afterwards, to see where I was going,etc

The conversation went on and on like that for 5-6 minutes. I was happy at first because I really got to know her and we definitely related to each other, yet I didn't reveal a whole lot about myself so I stayed mysterious a bit. Obviously, I also had great posture, good voice and I didn't talk fast with jerky movements,etc. At least, I've gotten those down to a T. However, it didn't really felt dangerous and I'm really confused about how to deep dive girls without being too serious or too much of an entertainer, just with a sprinkle of sexy basically. Anyway feel free to point out where I'm good at as well as where I need to improve, to share suggestions,etc. Just whatever that can help me improve my game at the moment.

 

[Smith]

Onlyshallow,

You're doing well! I think you just need to practice relating to the girl, it was hard for me at first too but you'll get the handle of it once you start doing it more.

Another thing I noticed when you deep dive, is that you forgot to qualify her and show your intent. The interactions become rather platonic, except the first one you posted. I would keep the start of your interaction light-and-sexy, then calibrate between deep diving and flirting during the interaction. Keep practicing until you find that balance between comfort and sexual tension.

 

[onlyshallow]

Thanks man, I plan praticing again for sure! But what do you by qualifying? Do you mean it in the way Chase describes it in his article?

 

[Smith]

Yes you can qualify her by asking her questions or share related stories like Chase describes it, or you can simply tell her what you like about her. Think of it as rewarding the girl after she has invested in the conversation with you. It's part of showing intent.

 

[ray_zorse]

In addition to what Smith said, I would try the "questions as statements" technique. Instead of "are you on your way to the shops now?" say "so you're on your way to the shops now". Most of your questions should ideally be cold reads, so you effectively suggest the answer and she can agree or correct you as required.

This does a lot of good things for you, you seem more engaged (because you are -- you're actively listening), you get huge bonus points for anything you get right -- her age, nationality, interests etc -- and strangely she never even notices your wrong guesses. It also makes the conversation easier and more free flowing for her, for instance if you asked "what do you do when you're not working?" it puts her on the spot and she has to think of something, she also doesn't know if you mean in the sense of hobbies, travel, her social life, etc... so if you follow up with some suggestions "you live out of town, do you enjoy nature walks, gardening, horse riding...?" she gets a little context and will happily comply with your request.

Chase suggests that when deep diving you should periodically "come up for air", this is a perfect time to apply a chase or sexual frame. e.g. she is studying to be a chef and she works in various restaurants etc and you deep dive her about the cuisine styles she is interested in etc... then you say something like "i would love to visit your restaurant, but i'd better not" she says "why" you reply "you will get me drunk.and take me into the kitchen and tie me up"... continue like "well, you are very charming, I bet you always have your way with the customers"... and then back to deep diving, see what I mean? this will fix the problem you complained of.

Great approaching brother, it's good to have you on the team. Hit it hard for your homies and let's get some sexy stories up, hahaha.

Ray

 

[onlyshallow]

Yeah I'll try to implement those techniques, but you really think that I shouldn't ask questions that aren't cold read at all? Sometimes I think non coldread is a good option though! But yeah, I'll give it a try, it's something I don't really do thanks man ! One love!

 

[ray_zorse]

Just try to cold read as much as you can, and if you can't then you can fall back to asking questions, however, if the interaction gets too 20-questions like, then maybe try some silences with eye contact, to get her to invest.
Ray