A
Anonymous
Guest
Hey, my name's Alex, and hopefully I'll continue to be consistent with my effort to become better socially and meet women. I've had moderate success with women, but what I'm really looking for is the social freedom to meet the types of women that really blow me away. Anyways, any type of feedback or suggestions would be helpful and most appreciated.
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I meet up with my friends and we decide to head out to a bar. When we get there, the place is dead, music isn't all that great, and the vibe is just not chill, so we bounce to another bar. It's a place we've been to before, has great music, awesome bartenders... but the line in front of it is massive, and we talk to the bouncer outside and he tells us it's at full capacity and he doesn't know how long the wait will be.
It's already 12:30 at this point, and we're running out of options. We didn't feel like going to a club, and most of the chill spots we knew were too far away. We decide to check out a local bar that I knew, and surprise, the line is even longer than the previous venue. The bar has an outside patio and large glass windows that let you see into the venue, and the male to female ratio was not in our favor. So we bounce to the next door bar, which I had heard good things about, but I never checked for myself. It's late, so we just say, screw it, and we go in.
It's a retro themed bar, oldies playing, mostly 80s and 90s, and the crowd seems to be a bit older (late 20s-early 30s).
We squeeze our way past the dance floor towards the bar, and while my friends order drinks I post up with my back to the bar and take in the scene. It's very lively, lots of people, tables with bottle service... not the most conducive for meeting girls easily, but nonetheless, I wanted to make the most of the remaining time.
I ask the bartender what type of beer they had and he surprisingly grabs the cans of beer from the girl standing next to me and points to it. She turns to me and gives me an incredulous look and I just laugh and shrug my shoulders. I ask her what type of beer she's drinking and she said there's no good beers here, but she pours me some in a glass and tells me to try it. Really chill girl. I thank her, and she goes her way.
I focus on taking in the atmosphere, because 1) I usually have trouble getting acclimated to new places, and 2) I was practicing my chilled out vibe and trying to detach myself from any neediness.
The music isn't all that great -- I prefer hip-hop and R&B -- but I try to get into a flow and just bask in the ambience, so to speak. I make eye contact with women that pass me by, trying to project sexual state, some of them return my eye contact, but most are oblivious as they try to squeeze through the crowd.
My friend, who knows and studies pickup theory, always gives me trouble whenever we're in these environments. He's always pressuring me to approach, but that isn't my style. I know I need to be more aggressive, but I like to be more selective and take a lay of the land, so to speak, and assess which girls are open to being approached. And yet, for all his talk, he doesn't really approach himself.
A cute girl, wearing a green, one piece dress slides up next to me to order a drink as I'm posted with my back to the bar. Even though there's space, she kind of sidles up next to me a bit too close, with her whole side pushing against me. My friend sees it as an approach invitation. I do too. But I hesitate before my friend grills me and I relent.
I tap her elbow. I ask her if she's single. She hesitates and tells me no. Then she fires back at me. "Are YOU single?" I pause for a few seconds before answering, yes. She calls me out on my hesitation, but I change the subject. She then grabs my shirt and starts feeling my chest. "Judging by your shirt you haven't been on the dance floor". I tell her I don't dance. I then call her out and say she hasn't been dancing either. She then grabs my wrist and runs my hand over her neck, and right below her jaw. "Can't you feel my sweat?" She then makes me touch her backside and tells me she's super sweaty. I tell her she's not drenched, so she hasn't been going hard enough. She laughs and asks for my name. She tells me her name and that it was nice to meet me and walks off.
At this point, the bar is at its peak, a bit past 1 o'clock and I don't see too many women that I find all that attractive. (an excuse, I know. I know I should be socializing, regardless of how beautiful they are.)
I had been eyeing one girl, a tall, blonde girl, judging by her looks in her late 20s. She was in a group of friends, and I had deduced that she didn't have a man with her that night. I kept chickening out on approaching her, but I decided to light a fire under my own ass by telling my friend that I wanted to talk to her but that I was too scared. I knew he would force me to approach, and his taunting finally got me to go.
I approached her from the side and I tapped her shoulder to get her attention.
"Excuse me, I wanted to ask you a question." (Pregnant pause) "Are you single?"
She hesitates before saying, "not really." I asked her what that meant and she tells me she just got out a relationship, an engagement, 2 days ago. She also went on to say that she wasn't looking for anything at the moment. I comment on her honesty, saying most women would just lie to make men go away. She tells me that it's complicated and I tell her that I'm sorry to hear it and that I don't understand how a woman as gorgeous as she is would have to go through that.
At this point, one of her friends comes up to me and butts into the conversation. "What are you trying to do here buddy?" I tell her, "nothing, just making new friends". Her friend verifies her story, that she recently got out of a serious relationship and that I shouldn't try anything with her. I tell her that I understand, and that she's a good friend for looking out for her. She's chill about it. I reengage the blonde and tell her that I'm sorry to hear about her situation, hope everything works out, and to enjoy the rest of her night. She tells me thank you and I walk away.
It's almost 2, my friend is still trying to make moves on women, but I decide to walk out of the bar with my other friend. We chill outside the bar, where there are groups and groups of people calling ubers and lyfts to get rides home. A few minutes later, my friend comes outside and points out a petite Asian girl and tells me I should approach her. I tell him he should approach, as he seems to be the one interested. He's high and drunk at this point and he just walks off. I decide to have some fun and I walk up to the girl and ask her if she's single.
"No. Why do you ask?"
"I'm asking because my friend over there (pointing at him) is really shy but he wanted to meet you because he thinks you're beautiful. Are you interested?"
She looks over and smiles. She then asks me what ethnicity I am, guessing that I'm Korean. I ask her why she thinks that. I change the subject and keep trying to sell my friend to her, but she keeps deflecting.
"Are you asking for him, or are you asking for yourself?"
I tell her for him, that he's shy and that you should go meet him, if you're interested. She tells me that if he wants to talk to her, he should come over here, because he's a coward if he can't do it himself. I try to convince her to wait and that I'll bring him over, but her friends keep pressing her to leave. I give up, tell her good night, and walk away.
So that was pretty much it. I didn't really approach that much, but I tend to be very nervous and have trouble approaching unless my friends give me that extra push. Even though none of my approaches really stuck, I had fun talking to these girls. I never tried using the "are you single" opener, but it's fun to use and surprisingly effective.
Any suggestions on how to approach in bar settings? I'm working on the chill, laid back style, where I try to preopen women nonverbally and try to radiate presence and charisma from a stationary position. I'm not a big fan of moving around the bar alot, I usually prefer posting up at a spot where people can see me and I try to get noticed and get women to see me and hopefully exchange flirty eye contact and sneaky smiles.
-----------
I meet up with my friends and we decide to head out to a bar. When we get there, the place is dead, music isn't all that great, and the vibe is just not chill, so we bounce to another bar. It's a place we've been to before, has great music, awesome bartenders... but the line in front of it is massive, and we talk to the bouncer outside and he tells us it's at full capacity and he doesn't know how long the wait will be.
It's already 12:30 at this point, and we're running out of options. We didn't feel like going to a club, and most of the chill spots we knew were too far away. We decide to check out a local bar that I knew, and surprise, the line is even longer than the previous venue. The bar has an outside patio and large glass windows that let you see into the venue, and the male to female ratio was not in our favor. So we bounce to the next door bar, which I had heard good things about, but I never checked for myself. It's late, so we just say, screw it, and we go in.
It's a retro themed bar, oldies playing, mostly 80s and 90s, and the crowd seems to be a bit older (late 20s-early 30s).
We squeeze our way past the dance floor towards the bar, and while my friends order drinks I post up with my back to the bar and take in the scene. It's very lively, lots of people, tables with bottle service... not the most conducive for meeting girls easily, but nonetheless, I wanted to make the most of the remaining time.
I ask the bartender what type of beer they had and he surprisingly grabs the cans of beer from the girl standing next to me and points to it. She turns to me and gives me an incredulous look and I just laugh and shrug my shoulders. I ask her what type of beer she's drinking and she said there's no good beers here, but she pours me some in a glass and tells me to try it. Really chill girl. I thank her, and she goes her way.
I focus on taking in the atmosphere, because 1) I usually have trouble getting acclimated to new places, and 2) I was practicing my chilled out vibe and trying to detach myself from any neediness.
The music isn't all that great -- I prefer hip-hop and R&B -- but I try to get into a flow and just bask in the ambience, so to speak. I make eye contact with women that pass me by, trying to project sexual state, some of them return my eye contact, but most are oblivious as they try to squeeze through the crowd.
My friend, who knows and studies pickup theory, always gives me trouble whenever we're in these environments. He's always pressuring me to approach, but that isn't my style. I know I need to be more aggressive, but I like to be more selective and take a lay of the land, so to speak, and assess which girls are open to being approached. And yet, for all his talk, he doesn't really approach himself.
A cute girl, wearing a green, one piece dress slides up next to me to order a drink as I'm posted with my back to the bar. Even though there's space, she kind of sidles up next to me a bit too close, with her whole side pushing against me. My friend sees it as an approach invitation. I do too. But I hesitate before my friend grills me and I relent.
I tap her elbow. I ask her if she's single. She hesitates and tells me no. Then she fires back at me. "Are YOU single?" I pause for a few seconds before answering, yes. She calls me out on my hesitation, but I change the subject. She then grabs my shirt and starts feeling my chest. "Judging by your shirt you haven't been on the dance floor". I tell her I don't dance. I then call her out and say she hasn't been dancing either. She then grabs my wrist and runs my hand over her neck, and right below her jaw. "Can't you feel my sweat?" She then makes me touch her backside and tells me she's super sweaty. I tell her she's not drenched, so she hasn't been going hard enough. She laughs and asks for my name. She tells me her name and that it was nice to meet me and walks off.
At this point, the bar is at its peak, a bit past 1 o'clock and I don't see too many women that I find all that attractive. (an excuse, I know. I know I should be socializing, regardless of how beautiful they are.)
I had been eyeing one girl, a tall, blonde girl, judging by her looks in her late 20s. She was in a group of friends, and I had deduced that she didn't have a man with her that night. I kept chickening out on approaching her, but I decided to light a fire under my own ass by telling my friend that I wanted to talk to her but that I was too scared. I knew he would force me to approach, and his taunting finally got me to go.
I approached her from the side and I tapped her shoulder to get her attention.
"Excuse me, I wanted to ask you a question." (Pregnant pause) "Are you single?"
She hesitates before saying, "not really." I asked her what that meant and she tells me she just got out a relationship, an engagement, 2 days ago. She also went on to say that she wasn't looking for anything at the moment. I comment on her honesty, saying most women would just lie to make men go away. She tells me that it's complicated and I tell her that I'm sorry to hear it and that I don't understand how a woman as gorgeous as she is would have to go through that.
At this point, one of her friends comes up to me and butts into the conversation. "What are you trying to do here buddy?" I tell her, "nothing, just making new friends". Her friend verifies her story, that she recently got out of a serious relationship and that I shouldn't try anything with her. I tell her that I understand, and that she's a good friend for looking out for her. She's chill about it. I reengage the blonde and tell her that I'm sorry to hear about her situation, hope everything works out, and to enjoy the rest of her night. She tells me thank you and I walk away.
It's almost 2, my friend is still trying to make moves on women, but I decide to walk out of the bar with my other friend. We chill outside the bar, where there are groups and groups of people calling ubers and lyfts to get rides home. A few minutes later, my friend comes outside and points out a petite Asian girl and tells me I should approach her. I tell him he should approach, as he seems to be the one interested. He's high and drunk at this point and he just walks off. I decide to have some fun and I walk up to the girl and ask her if she's single.
"No. Why do you ask?"
"I'm asking because my friend over there (pointing at him) is really shy but he wanted to meet you because he thinks you're beautiful. Are you interested?"
She looks over and smiles. She then asks me what ethnicity I am, guessing that I'm Korean. I ask her why she thinks that. I change the subject and keep trying to sell my friend to her, but she keeps deflecting.
"Are you asking for him, or are you asking for yourself?"
I tell her for him, that he's shy and that you should go meet him, if you're interested. She tells me that if he wants to talk to her, he should come over here, because he's a coward if he can't do it himself. I try to convince her to wait and that I'll bring him over, but her friends keep pressing her to leave. I give up, tell her good night, and walk away.
So that was pretty much it. I didn't really approach that much, but I tend to be very nervous and have trouble approaching unless my friends give me that extra push. Even though none of my approaches really stuck, I had fun talking to these girls. I never tried using the "are you single" opener, but it's fun to use and surprisingly effective.
Any suggestions on how to approach in bar settings? I'm working on the chill, laid back style, where I try to preopen women nonverbally and try to radiate presence and charisma from a stationary position. I'm not a big fan of moving around the bar alot, I usually prefer posting up at a spot where people can see me and I try to get noticed and get women to see me and hopefully exchange flirty eye contact and sneaky smiles.
