Understand my poisonous belief but don't know how to fix it.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Hay there Girlschase, it is me again and though I am talking to more women and being more social, I still feel empty inside. This post is going to be me analyzing my belief from what I have gathered about it but not knowing how to fix it.

Just a day ago I was watching a movie called "Inception" starring Leonardo DiCaprio and in that movie he talked about how an idea is a powerful parasite. When an idea is in a person's head, it is difficult to get out of their head and I am afraid that might be the case for me. The idea in my head is a poisonous belief about women which I have had a tough time losing. I sat down and really thought about this poisonous belief, literally analyzed it to see what was wrong, and I started to pick out some things which immediately made me realize why it has become so powerful.

The poisonous belief I had used to be an opponent that could take me by surprise and I didn't even understand what made it so powerful, I only knew that I was powerless and had no knowledge of it. I knew that was more powerful than me, controlled me, and made my life miserable. Now it is to the point where I have analyzed my opponent (this poisonous belief) but don't know how to actually combat and finally destroy it.

My belief is that American women (meaning white girls that are American) hate men that look like me (south asian/middle eastern appearance). I sat down and thought to myself why I want American women so desperately and then why I feel that I cannot get them.

So I thought about why I want American women.

1. I was raised by strict immigrant parents while my classmates had lenient American parents which let them enjoy their adolescence and childhood, this made me want to be a part of the American culture and date American women.

2. I was around a lot of immigrant and minority families (mostly of the same background as me) growing up which led to me being around them a lot and I didn't like it very much because I don't agree with their ideals about life.

3. I feel so free around my friends who are American and can actually talk about interesting topics to them as opposed to my immigrant friends who are practically bookworms that are busy throwing their grades around and bragging about how accomplished they are in life. The fact is that I want to get away from their mentality and feel like an American rather than some overly studious foreigner.

I can't quite exactly put a finger on it but I know that I like American girls more than foreign girls and want to do better with them and be in relationships with them, despite all the bad things I have heard, I still want to be with American girls over foreign girls. Then I thought about why I feel that most American women who are decent looking or attractive would hate me because of my ethnic background.

1. I have not personally met any men of my background who had success with American women and I have met a few men of my background that were successful in life.

2. I had low self-esteem growing up due to parents that emotionally and verbally abused me (I think this could be playing a major role!).

3. I have heard so many bad things about men of my background that it has practically flooded up my head, whether it is due to media, real life conversations, blogs, or just reading forums (this also plays a major role!). Though Chase and Franco have provided some counterexamples, I feel that my mind keeps focusing on the many many negatives rather than those counterexamples, this could be another major issue.

4. I have a very inquisitive and analytical type of mind that keeps thinking too deeply into things, eg: I have never personally seen or met an attractive and young American girl with an arabian, south asian, or a latino that could possibly pass for either groups (even when traveling), that makes me think American girls hate those groups. Then I feel that no matter what I do outside of being a millionaire or a celebrity, I will never be able to get the kind of girls I want.

I believe those 4 things have made my belief very powerful and I know where it comes from. Then it also results from the fact that I have this validation problem to where I feel I have to have an American girl to feel fulfilled or to feel like I have finally made it. It has almost become an obsessive thought of mines and even when I do well with other girls (foreign girls and girls from minority groups), I still feel empty because I desire American girls but then feel the barrier in my head about them.

Somedays I feel like these girls were raised to hate me and dislike me. Right now, even though I have options in terms of women and do talk to various kinds of women, I still have this issue involve American girls and it has made me feel a bit empty and at times very miserable. I know what's causing it and I know what is going to fix it is if I start having good results with American women but I just can't seem to get out of my head with this. Even when I see a blonde bombshell around at a bar or restaurant, I am too scared to even talk to her and for that particular kind of woman I get approach anxiety because of all the beliefs in my head.

Is my poisonous belief just too powerful to overcome or is there hope?

 

[Smith]

You need more experience with white american girls. Just from reading this, I felt like you have little experience with them and you just assume them to not like you.

this kinda negative self-talk is not only detrimental to your success and bad for your self-esteem. You probably heard this so many times before, but you need to cut this shit out!

Instead of listing reasons on why white american girls DON'T like you (seriously who the fuck in their right mind would do that?) Start listing reasons why they would like you.

Work on your self-esteem, stop reading the media or forums, cut out negative people in your life, and just go out and create your own experience. I'm sure you know all these, but are you actually doing them and taking A LOT OF action?

Looking for more examples of south asian-white girl couple is not gonna help you. You're just gonna make up excuses on why it won't work for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1upvIf81YVA&list=WL&index=10
Watch this video. Your belief can be changed.

I would also recommend you to do some meditation. It trains you to be mindful of your thought, which is not really you at all. Most of the time, it's your ego or fear talking to your consciousness.

You have everything you need to seduce a white girl, stop listing reasons and beliefs on why you can't. It pisses me off to see you still complaining about this problem after a few months. You already have all the tools you need, but you're not applying them.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Smith you do bring up a good point, I have not added value ever since I have been on this forum and all I have done is taken advice. Right now I feel like I have most of the answers but for some reason I keep reverting back to this pattern of negative thinking which is stopping me. Meditation is how I came up with a lot of the material of this thread as I kept asking myself why I feel the way I do and why I want the kind of girls I want. I have figured out my poisonous belief, what is causing it and why it exists. To an extent I have been given some answers by those on this forum, particular Chase who gave me somewhat of unique info about attracting the kind of girls I want, but the problem I have now is executing it.

It isn't like I am some loner sitting on the couch who can't talk to people, I can do that. The problem is just that I am having troubles getting the specific kind of girls I desire and it has turned into a victim's mentality and quite frankly I even see it making me bitter. It's like a circle of self-defeat I would like to stop.

I want particular kinds of girls who in my mind hate men of my background but the second I interact with them I keep having this voice in my head which tells me that the girl will never be interested in me, will see me as inferior, and I always feel that way around them. A large part of it has come from people I grew up with telling me all these negative things about them, telling me I can't get them, and a lot of information out there confirming these beliefs I have. I am trapped in this defeatist attitude involving these kinds of girls and it practically screws me over and makes me miserable......

 

[Smith]

It's good seek help, but I have a feeling that you've already gotten some good advice from your previous thread. It's just a question of whether you're applying them.

Meditation is how I came up with a lot of the material of this thread as I kept asking myself why I feel the way I do and why I want the kind of girls I want. I have figured out my poisonous belief, what is causing it and why it exists.

Do you try to think of nothing when u meditate or do u think about a lot of stuff when u meditate? It should be the former.

If u have time to watch the video I linked to u, it talks a lot about how people have their own set of assumptions that they just assume to be true, i.e. their own fish tank and how to overcome it, which I think shld help u more.

I want particular kinds of girls who in my mind hate men of my background but the second I interact with them I keep having this voice in my head which tells me that the girl will never be interested in me, will see me as inferior, and I always feel that way around them.

Try making friends with those kinda girls first. It will help u become more comfortable around them, know more about them and see past your own limiting belief.
Focus on the positive side of things. People will always look for evidence to support their own belief, but they will often dismiss evidence that contrary to their belief.
Every time you interact with a white american girl, instead of looking for signs of disinterest, look for signs of interest, and interpret everything positively.

Also remember, don't let your ego putting any meanings into 'rejection', like "oh she must hate me because I'm ....". don't take it personally. Just breath through the outcome and accept it for what it is. It can be crippling to u if u put any labels into an interaction that literally has no meaning.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Problem is, I am even having issues making friends with these kinds of girls. TBH, a lot of them are cold and unreceptive and aren't too keen on even hanging out with me. Now more on the fair side of things, the kinds of girls I am going after (American, white, and usually attractive) do have a reputation of being cold and fake but then I ask myself how is it that other guys are having the success I am not. That is what gets me almost all the time, the fact that other men (never of my background) are having success with these girls, out on dates with them, and hanging out with them while I am not. It is what is causing the frustration and even brought me to this site in the first place.

Something I have tried to do is pick out how these men are dressed and how they look to try and imitate their style perhaps.

 

[Smith]

Problem is, I am even having issues making friends with these kinds of girls. TBH, a lot of them are cold and unreceptive and aren't too keen on even hanging out with me.

just be friends with any white girls that's cute enough and not too hard on the eyes. But do choose wisely what kinda friends you wanna have - Bitchy, negative people will bring u down even more.

That is what gets me almost all the time, the fact that other men (never of my background) are having success with these girls, out on dates with them, and hanging out with them while I am not.

this is another assumption u assume to be true and you're using it to back up your belief. Don't u see this is a vicious cycle? Your thoughts -> action -> bad feedback from the girl -> reinforces ur mindset.

u seem a little bit too outcome dependent, which is causing your frustration.

The reason u keep falling back to this victim mentality is because u think the problem is ur race, which is outside of ur control.

Like dealing with depression, censor ur thought. every time this excuse comes up. stop it. look to fix other aspects that u can control, like ur fundamentals. Ignore media and forums and videos that wud reinforce ur negative belief.

 

[Drck]

Try to understand how our mind works first. When we get some idea in our head and repeat it 1000 times, the idea becomes reinforced 1000 times. For simplicity, you can imagine a connection between 100 neurons. When you think about something 10x there will be 10 connections between those 100 neurons. When you thing about the same thing 1000x, there will be 1000 connections between these neurons. The more you think about the same thing the stronger the connections becomes.

But it is not as simple as that. When you think about something 10x AND you add some intensive emotions to it (positive or negative) at the same time, you will reinforce that connection say 500 times.

In reality the numbers are of course much higher, there are billions of neurons with billions of connections, but this is how your memory works.

So for example, when you repeat 100 times in one week: "It is very easy to talk to blonde girl", you create 100 connections. BUT, say that the next day you meet a blond girl and try to talk to her only 1x, and you get blown off. This 1 connection has very high emotional content (unfortunately negative) because you consider talking to a blond girl as very important, thus this 1 connection is very strong, say 1000 times stronger than those 100 connections you made by repeating "It is very easy to talk to blonde girl". Next, because this 1 high emotional meeting with that particular girl is much more intensive, it overwrites those 100 connections. They are still there but your brain is using that 1 intensive connection as your belief. Your current belief now is "It is very difficult to talk to blonde girls, I always get blown off". When you talk to a blond girl next time and you get blown off again, this 1 connection will be reinforced another 1000 times.

Now you created a huge problem, by reinforcing this 1 connection you unintentionally built a high obstacle in your brain, and you can't overcome it. This one strong connection won't even allow you to talk to blonde girls, you can't even become their friend. You can't remove that 1 connection from your brain either because it is too strong, it will always be there, it will always be a part of your memory. You can't really combat it or destroy it, the more you focus on it the stronger it becomes.

There are ways how to overcome this road block. You simply have to create strong connections between another neurons, you have to build another solid road for your mind while avoiding this barrier. The best and fastest way is to change your internal beliefs and then add some actions to it:

1. First, you have to decrease importance of this block. You have to start believe that white American blond girls are just girls. You need to remove focus from them, you need to stop chasing them, stop thinking about them. You need to remove them from the pedestal that you placed them on and kept them there for so many years. Right now, in your head, all the other girls are somewhere 5/10 on your scale. White American girls are 9/10, and you probably put yourself somewhere 6-7/10 (1 or 2 points lower than American girls, you feel inferior to them, they are unreachable).

So, you have to raise your self-esteem; You have to learn to believe that are more important than those girls, you should place yourself at 8/10. At the same time you have to lower their value to 6/10. I wrote some of it several times previously, I'm just gonna briefly repeat what is important. (1) Learn to meditate. (2) Once you meditate generate positive feelings, positive emotions. (3) Repeat many times something like:

"I used to believe that white American girls are important but now I understand that I am more important"
"I used to put white American girls on a pedestal, but now I know that I have more value than them"
"I used to chase white American girls because I thought that they have high value, but now I know they are just silly girls"
"American girls are silly, cute and sexy; They are just girls"
"All girls are the same, silly cute and sexy, and none of them deserve to be on a pedestal"
"I refuse to put any girl on a pedestal. Not white girl, not American girl, not other girl"
...and so on.

This way you will create new belief, a new road for your thoughts, and you should reinforce it by positive emotions (while meditating). At the same time you reinforce understanding that white American girls are no longer that important, they are "just silly girls" - like any other girls that you don't have problems with. If everything goes well and you practice, the new Belief should be strong enough within several weeks. Then you just keep focusing on this new belief, while ignoring the old one.

2. Actions. Now the girls should be at the same level. You see American girl. You go to her, you talk to her briefly, and you leave, let her go. Don't ask for number, don't assume any attraction, refuse any ideas about dates and sex with, refuse any excitement and fun. You don't want to be attractive, you want to be boring, just brief talk and you leave, that is it. This way the barrier in your brain will be naturally minimized, there will be new connections built to the "white American girl". By this behavior you will just reinforce over and over the new connection that says": "white American girl is just a normal girl". Do it couple of times, see how you are doing. Ideally, you should have no problems talking to American girls, now they should be "normal" to you. Once that is the case you can upgrade your actions to GC tools.

3. You need to build self esteem. You have problems with your background, ethnicity, the way you were raised... Similarly like above, build a new belief. Your current belief is something like "I am Asian/middle eastern and that is why many people look over me". Change it to:

"I am Asian/middle eastern, and it is perfectly normal"
"I totally except my background, there is nothing wrong being Asian/middle eastern"
"I reject the idea that any race is superior to other, we are just people
"It is great that there are so many races, and it is great to be Asian/middle eastern"
... and so on.

Then you go out to the crowded area (mall), and learn to FEEL good while you are there (among other races). This feeling will also reinforce your new belief.

4. There are no miracles, there is no magic bullet. You have to understand that regardless of your new beliefs and actions, there will always be white American girls who will reject you and who will not be friends with you. There might always be some people looking through fingers at you. That is just reality, no matter how you look or what is your background. Accept the reality, and keep working on your new beliefs, keep focusing on your actions.

5. You should always lift weights. You should lift weights because you want to be strong man and not a pussy. Pussy falls easily into victim mentality and self-pity, pussy always wants to swim in niceness-ness. Pussy always makes some smart excuses, pussy always flakes. Man always reject pussyness and easiness, he rejects nice and comfortable life, he rejects excuses. Every guy can say it is a waste of time to lift weights, I don't really want to look like Arnold anyway. But not every guy can go to fitness and move couple of tons of iron within an hour, knowing that he will never look like Arnold anyway. So man chooses to suffer instead, because suffering, overcoming obstacles and building new roads to move forward is what makes him truly strong. Don't be a pussy, be a man...

 

[Estate]

Oh Pry,
I kow you're not the biggest fan of my advice but I DO understand how and why you feel the way you do.

Firstly, I just don't think it's your background. But maybe you need to work on some fundamentals. The girls you're describing sound like they are the "popular" sort and if they are off college age then it's pretty possible they are the "mean girl" types too. The problem with them is that even to befriend them you need to have some sort of "cool factor", i.e. all your fundamentals, so instead of dismissing you as an outsider of her group, she needs to be wondering "Wow, who is THAT guy?" when you pass by.

I know this isn't a like for like comparison but where I work there is a lot of different nationalities. Indian's who've come to American to study/work make up a big portion of the workforce.
(Sorry to single out Indians to any Indian guys out there, it's just an example I can relate to).
The thing is, a lot of these guys have had a traditional upbringing. They are very polite, quiet, don't really like to upset people or dominate conversations, let alone be too forward or aggressive.
Yet most are really cool nice guys to be friends with, they are exceptionally smart and well educated and if they are careful with their money after starting their career are pretty financially stable.

I've seen the same thing though where the think the "being nice" and flashing some money will help them get the women they want (which is also usually very attractive blonde American women) and get very frustrated when they have no success.

But for ever few guys who are frustrated I see one guy who's REALLY successful, he is the most popular guy around, has the hot blonde girlfriend, etc.
So what's the difference? Chase would call it all his fundamentals.
Basically they become more American I guess you could say. Some even soften their accent (something I've had to do too), get into american sports and activities, drink with the boys, approach women while smiling and just being really cool approachable guys.

I say it because I've had to do a portion of it myself. Learn the fundamentals Chase teaches but day to day I just have integrated myself to American culture more whereas others where I'm from refused to. It's just all about being relate-able. I just couldn't relate to these American women at first, neither can a lot of my Indian co-workers... but I saw a few guys just "get it" and I guess that was the beginning for me, I saw what I needed to do.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Legitimate posts by both Drck and Estate. Also, Estate, we may have had our differences in the past but I admire you helping me on this thread brother! We are a part of almost the same struggle and looking to get better, it is good that we help each other out rather than argue and your advice was also rock solid.

Drkc, something I have been trying for quite some time now is envisioning all of the positive experiences in the past I have had with American women, particularly blondes. What I find is that surprisingly, I have had good experiences with some whether it was obvious IOIs or just great treatment. That has helped me somewhat move forward with this but something I keep falling victim to over and over again and the reason I am even here is that I keep thinking I am being delusional. Of all the good experiences I can think of, what I see in real life no matter where I go contradicts those good experiences and makes me think I am being delusional. Fact is I have never met a brown guy (of any type whether it be a pakistani or a brown latino) with an attractive white girlfriend or a blonde bombshell girlfriend that was American. Celebrities do not count, I am talking people I meet in real life.

Most of the times I see these girls with your generic white guy and on some occasions a black or mixed black guy who is usually tall and muscular. These converts my thought pattern to the fact that these women in their heads are actively seeking out white men or a tall and muscular black guy which causes me frustration and anger. I keep getting the thought in my head that these women will hate me because of my skin tone and racial appearance alone no matter what I do. A part of it also has to do with me constantly being told that women of that appearance hate men that look like me and the fact that there is no evidence in real life of a Sienna Miller or Hayden Panetierre lookalike with a brown guy, it makes me believe in my head that everyone is right and I am being delusional for thinking the way I do.

That whole pattern of thought based on what I see and experience sabotages my mindset towards this whole thing and I keep saying to myself if I could meet one, and I mean just one out of a billion brown dudes (not celebs because I don't count those as relationships) dating the kind of women I love, it would break me free. It would make me think that one way or another, what I want to do can be done. But the problem is I have never met that kind of a guy I can look up to.

Growing up I never had any role models that looked like me and it has caused me to generate this low self-esteem about myself. As bad as I might be, I know I am doing better than at least 90% of the men of my background because most men of my background are geeks that practically have to beg their parents to arrange them with a girl while I am not in that situation.

It is just the fact that I have never seen anything in real life contrary to the negative things I have heard that makes me think in my head that it isn't possible. Makes me think that no matter how good I get at this or how good I become, I will never get the kind of women I like.

Is it possible that my poisonous belief is too powerful of an enemy for me to overcome?

 

[Drck]

You just have to re-direct your thoughts. Once you have an obstacle in your mind (as described above), there are several ways to overcome it. Some people try to analyze it and resolve it. Imagine a road, and you have a big barricade over it. You can try to take the barricade apart piece by piece, you can try to climb over it, dig beneath it or so on. Eventually you might overcome it but the thing is, any effort you are putting into it is as if you were making that barricade stronger, meaning that you are constantly aware of that barricade. The more you analyze that barricade the more you are stuck.

I say screw it, there is another way how to get forward. Forget that barricade and just take another road. Go around; make your mind think about something else. If you do it long enough, your mind will become occupied by thinking about new ways, and it will forget the old one. The old one will be there always no matter what you do because it is just a part of your memory, but you are focusing on another road. It is much simpler and easier.

In your life, when you look at some direction you may see 95% negatives and only 5% positives. It is easy to focus on the negativity because the negativity is simply overwhelming. Say that you have never met any Asian guy going out with white girl. That is your 95% negativity, huge obstacle in your mind.

But there are Asian guys who were/are going out with white girls. For example Bruce Lee, he got married to an American girl. There you go, that is your 5%. Bruce Lee was a winner and you should follow winners. Focus on those winning 5% and leave those 95% where they are, just forget them. Go practice martial law, go lift weights. Bruce Lee did it; that is why he was a winner in many other areas of his life. He did what others consider impossible because he was focused on ways that lead through, instead of fighting ways that didn’t go anywhere...

Even today, 40+ years after his death, you have millions of WHITE guys following his example. Imagine, white people admiring Asian guy, and that is reality...

Seek reasons why you should lift weights, and forget excuses why you can’t. Forget those who can’t date white girls, just follow those who can…

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Drck, I am not talking those kinds of asians, I was talking south asians like indians for example (apu from the simpsons or kumar from harold and kumar). Ya I see white women with asians sometimes but never with brown guys which has been clogging up my thought pattern.

As for your part about lifting weights, I have to admit that in the past 2 months I have neglected my health and put on some fat which I am going to lose.

The problem for me right now is that I am thinking in terms of society rather than individual. In my mind, I feel that no matter what I do, what I become, and how awesome I get I will always be a brown male and ineligible to date or marry a blonde bombshell simply because I have never for the life of me seen a guy that looks like me (south asian which means indian and pakistani not chinese and japanese), with the kind of women I desire. It is just that I know in my mind I cannot avoid being labeled by women (especially blonde bombshells) as my race and that is the first thing they will see me as.

It has led to me developing almost a severe case of the victim's mentality to where I myself am now becoming more negative, angry, bitter, and even bigoted towards different kinds of women. I am starting to have these poisonous beliefs about women which was not the case before because I feel confused about the fact that I can date a gorgeous girl from a minority group but not date the blonde bombshell. My personality is becoming more reclusive and I find myself interacting with people less and less. It is all because my mind keeps feeding me the idea that a blonde bombshell will never want to touch me because of my race alone and that is heavily backed up by the fact that I have never in my life seen or met a normal brown guy with a blonde bombshell girlfriend or wife.

I also feel a bit paranoid too in that I think society and other people are trying to stop me from getting the type of women I love.

I do think that just meeting a brown male (south asian) with a blonde bombshell wife or girlfriend will make all of my poisonous beliefs go away for good because then I would know that it can be done. Yet I have never met a couple like that or seen one like that so my mindset is just poisonous right now.

So far I have avoided even interacting with most women because I am highly fixated on white women and want to date them exclusively. I think it would probably be best if I just gave up for a while and became more of a social recluse who finds happiness through working out, playing videogames, watching TV, and just not being social anymore....

 

[Estate]

Oh Pry,
It's hard to say more than has alre a dynamic been said. Maybe the demographics are against you where you live in that there are not many guys like you therefore you don't see any guys like yourself with the women you want.
But there's a big world out there. There are people from every walk of life dating each other. You'll see it more in bigger cities simply because there is more of a mixture of people.

Again I can only give you personal experience. Growing up in Ireland... everyone was pale white and catholic, every person in my early school days was the same, every single one born locally in Ireland. The country has changed a lot in the last 10-20 years but that's how it was. So I'd never see someone dating someone of another skin color or religion or even just nationality. Not that it couldn't happen but the demographics were totally out of its favor.

These days it's different though. A girl I used to work with when I was at college took a year in Japan teaching English and came back with a husband. He's happily living with her in Ireland now. Two totally opposite cultures which would never meet just going back as far as when I was a kid.
Another friend of mine has a thing for Asian girls. He is now very fortunate to be dating one.. A model no less. But I could equally say if I went to an Asian country I wouldn't fit in and nobody would date me... except I've seen it!

Again.. While I might look American.. Once I open my mouth people know I very much am not. We all battle against stuff. Some women have preconceptions that they won't date an Irishman assuming I abuse alcohol, am a mommas boy or have a fiery temper. But they judge without knowing me the person.. so I move on to the next who does not judge whatsoever.

You won't win over every woman. But nor will Brad Pitt. Drck is right.. just push past it. So what if you don't know many guys like yourself with beautiful women. When you say screw it and just break your assistance until you make it happen... won't it be all the sweeter to have gone through all the pain effort and growing to get it? If you've never seen it... change that! Be the first guy you know to make it happen!

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I think what my mindset is affected by might be something deeper than just what I see in society. It might not even be exclusive to women and dating but just about everything else, what I am starting to notice is that I have the kind of mindset as to where I have to see someone with similar circumstances as mines succeed before I give something a shot. It's like I don't see myself as a pioneer, innovator, or inventor type of guy. I prefer to be the follower and the sheep rather than be the wolf which I think is showing in this regard.

In my mind, I have grown up seeing blonde bombshells and gorgeous white women with either white men, black men, or in some rare cases Asian men. Since I have never seen them with men that look like me, it makes my mind ask so many questions about why things are like that and when I realize that factually speaking, men from my ethnic background are just undesirable to attractive white women I start to have self-doubts. A part of me starts to think that no matter how much I set myself apart from men of my background, to most if not all blonde bombshells I will just be another guy of my background. That no matter how awesome I am or how much people like me, these kinds of women will actively ignore me because for some reason in their heads they hate men of my ethnic appearance and look down on me.

Feel like once I can somehow resolve that part of my mindset, I will finally be happy and able to fulfill my potential. The problem is that nature had to make me a part of a race of men who are literally the jokes of western society so I have no role models to look up to in real life.

Estate:

Bro, women are CRAZY for Irishmen, especially here in the USA. Colin Ferrel? Johnathan Rhys Meyers? American women drop at their feet for them. Also, you can change your accent and be thought of as completely American, I cannot change my ethnic appearance....


To Girlschase and users who have tried to help me:

I am going to try and take some time out to also diagram my thought pattern, find the weak link, and move forward.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Also, I am finally satisfied in the fact that now I can accept that a lot of it also has to do with me than society. Now I have personally never seen or met some brown (specifically desi) male with a blonde bombshell wife or girlfriend who happened to be an American woman so that is playing a major part in how my mind works but I also think it is my weak mindset.

Given that I had parents who emotionally abused me growing up, constantly belittled me for not being as good as other kids, and the fact that they never let me take part in activities such as sports which help build leadership skills I think my mindset has taken a beatdown from that. Even though I have recovered a lot, I feel like I have ways to go. It doesn't help that now my low self-esteem has turned into paralyzing poisonous beliefs which are so bad that I cannot even interact with girls as much.

Just two days ago I was sitting and eating at a restaurant (alone) and there were two girls looking at me, one was a black girl and one was a blonde. The black girl just started talking to me out of nowhere by saying something like "that's a nice shirt you got on, go pats!", I said thank you and kept on eating while ignoring her. Then she goes on to say "you're not too social are you?", I replied saying "no". Then I try to ignore her and she says something about how I should be more open to meeting people and I just replied saying how I am stressed right now and don't feel like talking. The whole time I was bothered by the fact that her blonde friend who was with her did not try to talk to me and it kept feeding into my limiting belief about how those kinds of women hate men of my ethnic appearance...

 

[Estate]

Bro, women are CRAZY for Irishmen, especially here in the USA. Colin Ferrel? Johnathan Rhys Meyers? American women drop at their feet for them. Also, you can change your accent and be thought of as completely American, I cannot change my ethnic appearance....

I know where you are coming from man, but those are hollywood stars. Believe me, we don't all sound, act, look like those guys.
Also the "Irish" things you see in movies is more what Americans fantasize Ireland and Irish men to be, it's not actually any reflection on real life and is quite a let down when you dont play up the "fantasy" when talking to women.
I know I can't identify or help by telling you my experiences about my skin color because you are right, I have no footing or experience to really use that as the basis for my advice.

All I can offer though, is that we all have things in our heads *like* what you do. By that I mean, when you say skin color is the problem. I can equally list a whole bunch of things about me that work against me. For example, Italian and Irish American are easy for me... but Latino, Black, Asian women? Nope, not at all as easy. But it doesn't mean I can't get them, it means I needed to work hard to be an attractive guy just beyond flaunting an accent which might be enough for some other girls. I've heard most Latino women tell me the fact that I am SO pale, freckles, etc, is very off-putting to them. It's not at all what they are attracted to speaking generally.

There's a recent blog posts on here too which is about the same... 4 guys sitting in a bar, one is tall, one is rich, one is black, etc... all thinking if only they had what the other had, things would be easiser...

 

[Franco]

Just two days ago I was sitting and eating at a restaurant (alone) and there were two girls looking at me, one was a black girl and one was a blonde. The black girl just started talking to me out of nowhere by saying something like "that's a nice shirt you got on, go pats!", I said thank you and kept on eating while ignoring her. Then she goes on to say "you're not too social are you?", I replied saying "no". Then I try to ignore her and she says something about how I should be more open to meeting people and I just replied saying how I am stressed right now and don't feel like talking. The whole time I was bothered by the fact that her blonde friend who was with her did not try to talk to me and it kept feeding into my limiting belief about how those kinds of women hate men of my ethnic appearance...

Yet in reality, the blonde one was probably the girl who was actually attracted to you, hence her being too nervous to talk to you and having her "outgoing" friend try to break the ice for her.

You don't see things from a positive mindset because you aren't giving yourself an opportunity to do so. Basically, what we are asking you to do here is forget EVERYTHING you think you know about women (heard from friends, relatives, parents, etc.) and trust EVERYTHING you hear on this website. I understand it's much harder to put your faith in a bunch of people behind keyboards on a website of whom you've never met in person and only known for a handful of months, but is it really so hard to do so given that your current life is obviously just not doing it for you?

You need to erase everything you think you know about women, race, and attraction. You need to start fresh. This website needs to be your new religion and your new bible, and you need to put 110% faith in every word that is said here until you are succeeding with women. Once you are, you won't even believe that the old you was someone you used to be.

Right now, you are stuck in the Matrix, and everyone here is doing their best to try to pull you out.

- Franco

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have read Oh Pry's past posts and though at first I thought I was going to be frustrated at this thread, I do applaud him for trying to work through some stuff and putting in his part into finding out what is wrong. That said, I am going to suggest something controversial and see what people on here have to say about it.

Approaching the kind of women you love at this point will be a bad idea because your mind is full of so much negative emotions, I don't recommend it. One way or another, you need to learn to be happy in life without the need for an attractive girlfriend. You said you are out of shape so make some gains at the gym, work hard in school, read good books, take up a contact sport, and find happiness in life without the need for a girlfriend at all. Now I know that it goes completely against what this board says because you joined this board to get better with women but in your case I think you just need to take time off and better yourself physically and mentally. I recommend that in these coming weeks and month, you pursue something in your life that makes you happy and puts a smile on your face. You should be living a happy and productive life without women anyways.

I say it was a good move on your part to completely ignore the black girl and her blonde friend, who knows, they could have just been playing games to make you miserable anyways. What I recommend is that you keep doing that for the coming months, just ignore women in general unless it is for friendship or professional (school projects, etc.) purposes. Now what you might start to notice is that you are seeing more and more IOIs and if you happen to receive one from a blonde or attractive white girl, learn to just take it as a small compliment and just move on from it. That is the mentality a lot of attractive men have, the abundance mentality.

What you need to do is disconnect yourself from all of this approaching women stuff, learn to be very happy without any of these girls, continue to ignore these girls, and if you get some IOIs then take it as a minor compliment and move forward with it. Learn to treat women and all these IOIs as just perks, you get the validation in life when you least look for it.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have talked about this in the past and didn't want it to take away from my above post which gives advice but I am a south asian guy who is dating an attractive white girl (blonde) that also happens to be in a sorority. In the past I have slept with women like this and I want to comment on a few things that you are going through.

Having grown up around a few minorities myself, what I found was that I received immediate hostility when I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. A lot of guys from minority groups see white girls as the prize so in order to stop other men from getting those girls, they will tell you that those girls hate you because of your background. Then you also have to take into account that women from minority groups see white girls as rivals so if you happen to be a quality guy from a minority group, it is their nightmare to see you with an attractive white girl. I have met a few black, indian, and latin girls who have been very frustrated and angry at men of their backgrounds going for attractive white women. Most of the racism my girlfriend and I have received has come from people of minority groups whom I had to grow up around. Now usually, you see this a lot in the lower class areas and not as much in well off neighborhoods.

About why you aren't seeing indian and middle eastern men with these white women you idealize could likely have to do with your location and the fact that Indians and Arabs are recent arrivals. You see, the reason you might be seeing these white women with black men is simply because black men have been in the US for many generations and are in touch with the culture while indian and arabian men are recent arrivals. That said, I don't know what others might think but I have seen quite a lot of brown latinos with white girlfriends and wives on the west coast, maybe Franco could confirm my experience. It is not too uncommon to see a bimbo type blonde that is sexually appealing with a latino boyfriend who happens to be an Aaron Hernandez lookalike.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Well guys, I am working on bettering this mindset and I think it would be best if I took my mind off of it for just a little bit. The worst part about it is that I could be getting some attractive girls that aren't white but it is like my mind is almost fixated on doing well with that demographic (attractive white females). For me, the biggest problem with my mindset has been that I feel like I am improving somewhat but I see myself trying to question a lot of things rather than just do. As I said, I have never seen a guy with my ethnic appearance date the kind of women I am going after and that makes me develop some self-doubt. That self-doubt there is what I believe is hurting me a lot because it keeps re-enforcing the negative beliefs I have. The problem for me is that I don't have any examples in real life to go off of which contradict those negative beliefs.

That said, if one of my biggest worries is being unable to get a certain kind of woman, then I need to start living my life more. I am going to take a short break from this forum and better my life in other aspects. Now I do plan on returning and updating you guys on how I am feeling but any advice to add to this thread would be welcome. I am more than grateful to have found this community and its members have been very helpful in helping me take my final step to improving. Franco did his part through messaging me while others have helped me in previous threads and I do feel that I am being redundant in the fact that I keep talking about this.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Life update:

So the semester is over and so far when it comes to women I have had sex with four different girls. Two redheads (one with a cute face and nice athletic body, happened about 2 weeks ago), a French brunette with a tan, and a skinny Italian brunette with a nice ass. I have definitely broken the dry spell and am proud of it. Making gains in the gym too, looking slightly better now but there is work to be done.

There is work to be done when it comes to women too. I still haven't landed that blonde bombshell type I like though there is this short and cute blonde with a nice bubble butt that shows when she wears her yoga pants. Then there is this really hot blonde with hipster glasses that one day when I was sitting outside of class kinda bumped into me and said something. I had a bookbag loaded with stuff but it was a large hallway so I feel that she could have easily walked past me.

So with women I have come to this point, I can get the girls that show strong interest in me. All 4 girls I have been with showed interest in me. Problem is, I cannot get the girls I am interested in. My game is not strong and I feel that I am pulling girls that are into my looks (tall, dark hair, olive skin, and in decent shape). I feel like while I did have lays, I still need to work on my game some to where I can approach girls I like and get them.

My poisonous beliefs about women are gone and I am somewhat happy for it but I do still have that inner desire to get with my type (the blonde bombshell).