University Girl

[Anonymous]

Gentlemen,

I'll start by saying sorry for the essay... i need some opinions..

I've been interested in this girl for a while now, say 2 years but haven't put my life on hold for her. It started at the beginning of 2013, she was on a term break from university... this girl is very good friends with my brothers girlfriend so i always bump into her when she's back in our home town. We basically got chatting and i decided to make the move which leaded to us getting off all night, the following day she had to go back to uni. No problem, No attachments, didn't see her or communicate for months. Only until a week ago..

She came back down again for another term break... We chatted online, she decided to tell me shes having problems with her family.. but things got flirty, she then asked for a lift to meet my brothers girlfriend. The following day i picked her up to come to my house to meet with my brothers girlfriend, instantly started making eye contact and flirting.. progress. We all decided to head out for a few drinks and then all came back to mine. My brother and his misses went to bed leaving me and this girl in the kitchen, again we got flirting and both started making out resulting in me cancelling her taxi [took a few tries to convince her] and taking her to bed. As i came in the room she decided to undress and lay next to me but didn't want sex, reasons i'm sure i understood so being the gentleman i respected it. A lot of touching, spooning, cuddling and kissing happened all night and morning, anyway to my point i took her home the next day and she said she wasn't going back to uni until next week and will probably see me during the week.

Having her number i decided to text her asking if she was alright..no reply... 2 days later tried again following a phone call no reply.. so come Wednesday i text her saying i was attracted.. thinking i was running out of time [ She went back Monday ], finally got a text from her telling me again she doesn't see me in that way, was having problems at home with her parents breaking up and wanted to explain things in person but didn't know when she would see me in person. Here comes the stupid part, i deleted her on Facebook thinking I'm just getting played.. feeling bad, a few days later i got a friend to come with me and drop of some expensive ass flowers to try and cheer her up, but bailed on the last minute and made my mate deliver the flowers! bad move! apparently she loved them and couldn't keep her eyes off them and told him to thank me.. feeling nervous/rejected i didn't stop to talk and we drove off.

I'm now sat here in confusion, I've got with this girl 3-4 times now and just when i try progress a little she tells me she doesn't see me the same way.

Questions i'm asking myself..

Did i move to fast?
Did i do something wrong?
Was the timing wrong? parents breaking up.. going back to uni... ?
Is it wrong for me to pull her again in the future like i have so many times in the past, i do enjoy it!
What the hell do i do when i see her next? i know ill try and pull her again..

I'm just finding it hard to except theirs nothing there.

Peace

owenscot x

 

[Ross]

Hey owenscot, a few things pop out at me:

As i came in the room she decided to undress and lay next to me but didn't want sex, reasons i'm sure i understood so being the gentleman i respected it.

This sounds like classic resistance. She's playing at the power struggle to see if she who's in power; if it's her, she knows that you are attached, and there's no reason to sleep with you. If it's you, she will know you are in power because you managed to pick back up where things were left off; she'll trust you to move forward.

In order to fix this, you need to move past the resistance. The best way to respect and understand a woman is to sleep with her. And it sounds to me like she wanted it, but wasn't just going to give it away willy-nilly. She was into it, but put up barriers for non-physical reasons which sound like they could easily be torn down. Anytime a woman gets naked and says she doesn't want sex is plain teasing you and thus she gains the power.

Having her number i decided to text her asking if she was alright..no reply... 2 days later tried again following a phone call no reply...

Two problems here:

- Bad idea to try and deep dive over text. Even worse to try and deep dive right off the bat by asking her a question that implies something is wrong.
- No need for the second phone call.

The reason that there is no need for the second phone call is because you should have communicated interest in your first text to her. Something along the lines of:

"Had fun last night Take care "

This reverses things into your favor even if you didn't sleep with her. You are communicating attraction, but at the same time are keeping an abundance mentality. Since she didn't have sex with you, and therefore maintains the power, you leave this at her doorstep. By telling her to take care, she knows you are not attached, and the power struggle is still up in the air.

Everything after the calls and texts confirms that she has complete power over you. It would be very hard to get back with her, but I understand that you have a great deal of feelings towards her. Therefore, I will give you my best battleplan;

-Next time you meet up with her, sleep with her. This can be done by only organizing any sort of date around being close in proximity to your home. Or, even better, you can have sex in an unconvential place such as a car or secluded area. Refuse to have any sort of date unless the end result can be sex; make it on your terms. It may take a few weeks or maybe a month, but it is the only possible way I see it happening.

 

[Flames]

What you need to do is deliberately not try and pull her next time you see her.

I could go into the many things 'going through her head' but essentially that's all you need to do, be cool, don't 'reject her' but don't invest anything more until she's invested a lot more herself.

 

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the support fella's. It amazes me how blind love makes you and what stupid mistakes you make! I do feel like I've lost her from her telling me she doesn't see me this way, time heals i guess and these experiences only make you stronger so time to move on. Cheers for the tips!

Also this site is genius so holla to chase and the team, excellent work

owenscot x

 

[Ross]

Thank you for the support fella's. It amazes me how blind love makes you and what stupid mistakes you make! I do feel like I've lost her from her telling me she doesn't see me this way, time heals i guess and these experiences only make you stronger so time to move on. Cheers for the tips!

Also this site is genius so holla to chase and the team, excellent work

owenscot x

Make mistakes, learn from them. Listen to those who have made mistakes before you, and learn from those as well. The more mistakes you examine and learn from, the better.

Most of us owe a lot to Chase, so I'd have to give him the credit here for working so hard to learn from those mistakes and then sharing them.