Unwanted pregnancies and sperm-jacking discussion

[jdoc]

I've had a couple of close calls with unwanted pregnancies, and it's sucky, frightening, and terrifyingly shitty every single time. It scares me that if a man even unintentionally impregnates a girl, there's absolutely nothing that he can do about it if she wants to keep it. It's completely up to the girl whether she wants to taking an emergency contraceptive pill, or have an abortion. In the case that she doesn't want to have an abortion for whatever reason, the man is legally obliged to fork up for 18 years of child support. Yikes. A simple mistake of going in raw, or having a condom slippage can potentially result in life-changing consequences.

I've also read up about stories of women for whatever reason harvesting a guy's sperm from used condoms that have been popped into the trash. Obviously this is a lowly, disgusting move on the woman's behalf. But... the dude would still be liable for child support.

I've been thinking about this in the context of my own life. I've been seeing a girl for a little over a year now, we're pretty much dating non-monogamously. I'm pretty sure that she's in love with me, and she's scarily nonchalant about the use of contraceptives. At times she had insisted that I do not use them. I've had a couple of pregnancy scares with her, but in each instant she said that I was overreacting. Objectively, I was not overreacting. To top that off, she'd explicitly told me a couple of times that she wanted a kid, and that if she ever got pregnant, she would never get an abortion.

I've already had a couple of pregnancies scares, because I was naive, stupid and reckless, so I'll definitely be wrapping it up 100% of the time in the future. I'm thinking about using a spermicidal lubricant as well.

I trust my girl, but I can't help but be a little bit scared about sperm-jacking. I don't have my own place, so we only ever have sex at her place. There's nothing stopping her from extracting my sperm from the used condom and impregnating herself.

I was thinking about my options.
1. After sex I can empty out and wash the condom and throw it in the trash/take the condom with me. We see each other once a week, and she would eventually catch on. It's a bit of an awkward thing to start doing out of the blue after over a year of seeing each other. She might think that I have trust issues.
2. I can add spermicide inside my condom after a finish when she's not watching.
3. I do nothing and trust she will not sperm-jack me.

Anyway, I'm kinda curious about what everyone's stance is on this subject. Does anyone here take preventative sperm jacking measures? Or am I just being paranoid? Is there a more elegant solution to avoid sperm-jacking altogether?

Jeffrey

 

[Lover]

Hey jdoc. I have never considered any of my sexual partners to be sperm jackers. They are usually very eager to use protection, and I am that way too. It's just common to do so here (although there are common exceptions as well), especially if you had sex education in school. Also if you appreciate your career as a fertile woman, you're going to finish your education and settle down in some kind of job before considering babies. So I have not much to offer on the whole discussion.

But I do have one tip if you suspect her of being a sperm thief: bring a small plastic bag with you, put your condom(s) in there, and throw it out somewhere outside her place. That way, you can make sure that she doesn't steal your baby cells

Take care, my man

 

[Average]

3. I do nothing and trust she will not sperm-jack me.

Sounds like she's pushing for a baby (whether she realizes she is or not). I wouldn't trust her and would cross this option off the list.

 

[Franco]

jdoc,

I've had a couple of pregnancy scares with her, but in each instant she said that I was overreacting. Objectively, I was not overreacting. To top that off, she'd explicitly told me a couple of times that she wanted a kid, and that if she ever got pregnant, she would never get an abortion.

It sounds like you've been together long enough where you might have to have a discussion with her about your plans for having children. If you're absolutely sure you don't want children until at least X years of age (or possibly never), you might want to communicate this to her so that she understands where this relationship is headed if she wishes to continue to be with you.

Keep in mind that this conversation is a deal-breaker for some women... but rightfully so. If she's desperately wanting children in the very near future and you're desperately NOT wanting children in the very near future, then your end-games are diametrically opposed, and you'll be hurting her for keeping her trapped in a relationship where she will never be able to get what she wants from you.

This is one of those discussions that could cause a lot of upfront pain for both of you (if she ultimately decides she can't be with you if you don't want to give her kids by X years of age), but she'll respect you down the line for being completely honest with her about it. Keep in mind that guys only get better as they get older (since older men generally are more attractive, and their sperm maintains its quality throughout the years) while women only become more worse off as time passes (their looks decline, thus reducing their ability to find men, and their egg quality declines, thus reducing their ability to have quality offspring).

If you've been with this girl for at least two years (or close to it), then it might be time to consider having this conversation if children is something you absolutely do not want anytime soon (and she does want them soon).

EDIT: Went ahead and moved this topic to the "Relationships" board.

- Franco