Ok theres this gir at work. Shes a muslim. She and me really got close over the course of time. I tried to kiss her on the stairway. I kissed her cheek coz she turned and i left without saying much. Now she doesnt want to talk to me as in her religion kissing a non-muslim guy is a huge sin. She says shes disgusted and ashamed of herself and me..she said i tried to take undue advantage of her. She also said she hates me and doesnt want to talk anymore and that its ended. I don't want to end it this way with her because thats not how I'd want her to feel after so much time together. Can anyone suggest anything to make things right????? I did act a bit needy over text and told her I'm sorry and that i did an insensitive thing. She wont reply anymore...please help....how do i make it right now???
URGENT HELP REQUIRED I tried to kiss the wrong girl
- Thread starter pks391
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There were two ways this would go......the way she reacted was one of them.....that much i knew but ithought ahe wudnt react that way.....i told her i did what i felt was right in my heart a that time......but she wudnt listen.....its not her fault.....its just that her upbringing was very religious....
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pks391 said:
This is one of those situations in which "you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't".
Either you go in and make a move on her in which she might freak out but you expressed yourself and your intent like YOU wanted.
Or you hide your expression and intent and keep not making a move and grow resentful of yourself for not being true to yourself.
You knew before you tried to kiss that this might happen. I think you made the right decision but next time accept the consequences of your actions unapologetically like a man.
I think the proverb goes "you made your bed now sleep in it".
As far as advice goes I think the best option for you is to cut contact and find a girl that is into you (or likes you so much she's willing to tell her belief system to screw off for you).
Good luck dude!
-Rob
Thanks Rob, the thing is that i already unapologetically told her what i felt. She trusted me very deeply. I don't want to be the guy who broke her faith in men. She is a sweet girl like that. Preferably if i can i want to keep contact with her. Do you have any ideas?
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+3, never supplicate and if you absolutely must apologize in future do it like this: "I realize I embarrassed you. I shouldn't have done that. I will make it up to you by buying you a coffee. Let's go." This is a much more dominant way and acts as a test of whether she's still into you also.
So yeah, be true to yourself, take action, take rejection in your stride... but for Pete's sake stop pedestalizing and Madonna-izing and white knighting! You've already accepted her frame so it's too late now but, next time reject it utterly.
Remember girls will do what their emotions dictate and then attach a plausible sounding reason/excuse afterwards (and then believe this utterly, as they don't have much insight into their mental processes). That's why it's important to shrug off their frame.
People with religious beliefs are remarkably flexible when it suits them (otherwise the religion wouldn't be able to spread and infect new people).
Ray
So yeah, be true to yourself, take action, take rejection in your stride... but for Pete's sake stop pedestalizing and Madonna-izing and white knighting! You've already accepted her frame so it's too late now but, next time reject it utterly.
If she rejected a kiss it would be best to backoff, rinse, repeat, and go a bit slower next time. If she rejected your kiss then either you surprised her (uncalibrated escalation) or she did not see you as a sexual option (waited too long to escalate, too friendly vibe and not sexual enough, etc).
Remember girls will do what their emotions dictate and then attach a plausible sounding reason/excuse afterwards (and then believe this utterly, as they don't have much insight into their mental processes). That's why it's important to shrug off their frame.
People with religious beliefs are remarkably flexible when it suits them (otherwise the religion wouldn't be able to spread and infect new people).
Ray
This girl had been hurt in the past by a guy who was muslim. Staying with me she had jst started to trust guys a little more. She said she wanted me but she could not let anything go further because the muslim society is rough with girls who date outside their religion. Plus she has issues as well. I know cutting contact is the best thing. But not in this situatiom
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Argh, this is like a girl who I saw a decade ago who had been raped, I tried to do this whole white knight / putting her needs first thing and it backfired totally and put all the power in her hands, after a year of one-itis it left me a total fuckup. STAY AWAY! Her problems are her problems, so don't make them your problems! Just her game like any other chick and if she wants you she'll respond. Guaranteed. Although in this case gaming her like any other chick means NEXTing her.
Ray
Ray
Hey ray,
You're right i anticipated something like that would happen so i kept my emotions for her in check. I told her about that too. She was fine with it. She told me i was someone very important in her life and that no man has ever understood her the way i did. I saw it in her body language/eyes. I told her i never feared her rejecting me. She appreciates that fact. Not soon after that i created a moment of tension and then kissed her, although i kissed her cheek cause she turned in time.
The point is i know what limits i have to set while dealing with her. So its fine in that department. I just need to know how to get it right with her cause indont want to have hurt her again
You're right i anticipated something like that would happen so i kept my emotions for her in check. I told her about that too. She was fine with it. She told me i was someone very important in her life and that no man has ever understood her the way i did. I saw it in her body language/eyes. I told her i never feared her rejecting me. She appreciates that fact. Not soon after that i created a moment of tension and then kissed her, although i kissed her cheek cause she turned in time.
The point is i know what limits i have to set while dealing with her. So its fine in that department. I just need to know how to get it right with her cause indont want to have hurt her again
Be careful man, you are not dealing with that girl only. You are dealing with all of her family plus with her religion.
You are not helping her in any way because you simply don't belong there. You are not solving any problem, you are only creating more mess, and with any of your effort you are only splitting her more apart...
You are not helping her in any way because you simply don't belong there. You are not solving any problem, you are only creating more mess, and with any of your effort you are only splitting her more apart...
Drck,
Both her and me understand that we cannot go past a certain point. She knows it and i know it. I just wanted to teach her to be her old self again. She was not always so deeply religious in her teens. She became like this after her breakup.
Both her and me understand that we cannot go past a certain point. She knows it and i know it. I just wanted to teach her to be her old self again. She was not always so deeply religious in her teens. She became like this after her breakup.
What are you trying to accomplish at first place Pks, what is the final result that you want to see with this girl?
You kissed her... You already have feelings for her and you are investing emotionally... You want to be with her, you want to protect her, and you also want to sleep with her... All of that is just normal, you are a guy and she is a girl, that's what guys and girls do...
She was already hurt and nobody can un-do that. She is also very religious. She likes you but she's got a lot of guilt and shame because of her belief system... Her religion and her family is very important to her, and she is from different culture... How are you going to address that? You can't ignore it, it is there and it is a huge part of her life...
Be true to yourself, I know you want this girl, you don't want to be "just a friend" who is watching her getting married with another guy. The chances that she will end up with you are low, just for the fact that you are an outsider. She will eventually find somebody else and you will most likely end up feeling miserable about yourself... Which is good, Mr. Life is your best friend and your best teacher, and if you want to be a Savior, Mr. White Knight or Platonic Lover - well, enjoy...
With any of your effort you are only investing more of your emotions into this girl... Sometimes we just can't change how other people feel, the more we are trying to fix it the more we generate those undesired feelings... You are chasing, you are trying to fix things that can't be un-done...
Personally I would just walk away with friendly/positive attitude, no harm was done. She is a girl and she doesn't hate you for kissing her, you don't have to appologize for showing her that you like her. You did what you wanted to do, and if she is not interested and doesn't do anything for this relationship to work - well, let it be that way. You won't be able to change it anyway and there are plenty of other girls out there...
You kissed her... You already have feelings for her and you are investing emotionally... You want to be with her, you want to protect her, and you also want to sleep with her... All of that is just normal, you are a guy and she is a girl, that's what guys and girls do...
She was already hurt and nobody can un-do that. She is also very religious. She likes you but she's got a lot of guilt and shame because of her belief system... Her religion and her family is very important to her, and she is from different culture... How are you going to address that? You can't ignore it, it is there and it is a huge part of her life...
Be true to yourself, I know you want this girl, you don't want to be "just a friend" who is watching her getting married with another guy. The chances that she will end up with you are low, just for the fact that you are an outsider. She will eventually find somebody else and you will most likely end up feeling miserable about yourself... Which is good, Mr. Life is your best friend and your best teacher, and if you want to be a Savior, Mr. White Knight or Platonic Lover - well, enjoy...
With any of your effort you are only investing more of your emotions into this girl... Sometimes we just can't change how other people feel, the more we are trying to fix it the more we generate those undesired feelings... You are chasing, you are trying to fix things that can't be un-done...
Personally I would just walk away with friendly/positive attitude, no harm was done. She is a girl and she doesn't hate you for kissing her, you don't have to appologize for showing her that you like her. You did what you wanted to do, and if she is not interested and doesn't do anything for this relationship to work - well, let it be that way. You won't be able to change it anyway and there are plenty of other girls out there...
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You gave her much too much information about your emotional state. Next time stay mysterious. Even if you have tried to kiss her and ended up getting her cheek, it's no big deal and I wouldn't show any reaction... in fact this happened to me a month ago, I was singing karaoke with a girl and after about 10min of adding touch I tried to kiss her, she turned her cheek... I just went on to another song and kept adding touch and got her on the lips towards the end of the hour.
Unfortunately, if you give manipulative people information about your emotional state, they will use it to manipulate you. You're obviously not paying attention, so go back and read the advice already given:
A friendzone is an abusive relationship. Never forget that. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's for your own good, we've all been there but it's best not to repeat mistakes.
Ray
Drck,
I just wanted to show her that there are guys out there who will make her happy. I'm being sort of white knightish i know. Its just that i see alot of myself in her and i know how she felt. Thats why i did all this stuff. We both know what'll be the result if we continue on this path. I just wanted to enjoy the little time i have with her and part on good terms. I'm leaving next January.
I just wanted to show her that there are guys out there who will make her happy. I'm being sort of white knightish i know. Its just that i see alot of myself in her and i know how she felt. Thats why i did all this stuff. We both know what'll be the result if we continue on this path. I just wanted to enjoy the little time i have with her and part on good terms. I'm leaving next January.
