Urgent** Seeking help and direction for this one girl that I fell for

[lostforwy]

Dear fellow brothers & sisters from the the world.

As the subject suggests, I am faced with an issue that comes at a sticky time.

The story will be long, I hope and sincerely bear high wishes that plenty wisdom would be shared within here so I could salvage or steer towards to correct direction for this one Woman I fell for.

Before I begin, let me fill you guys in with abit or two of my lifestyle.
I am 25, a Chinese male. I came from Singapore and am also an Entrepreneur. If this is needed, I am also a sagittarius.
"The game" as I know it or learnt was always something I am skeptical about.
However, upon knowing it, I had been unknowingly practicing it with my previous dates and they do work out.
So "The game" is definitely real. So to say, I am no stranger to "the game".

AND HER
Shes 24, A chinese Female. From Singapore and has a full time job. Shes a taurus.

Alright, enough of that.. I will begin the story.

Exactly two months before, on my birthday I met this one Girl which I shall alias her as WY.
Friend was celebrating my day at a neighborhood Karaoke Drinking Hole and she was invited along.
To clarify, this wasn't the first time I met her.
Matter of fact, I met her through the same friend a couple of months before but we didn't interact much but I have always feel that she was somewhat different.

Okay, so WY came on my birthday, we drank had fun. I sent her home she gave me a hug and that was it.
The very next day when I woke up, streams of emotions begin passing through me. I couldn't forget that night. No, I couldn't forget her at all.
It was like a sudden influx of the universe in me. That gentle smile, the gentle voice of hers and her very sweet and likable persona. Makes her a winner.
On the very same day itself, or infact the next of couple of days.. my friend told me that WY has been asking him about me. Like what kind of a person am I? Do I have any girlfriend?
I was pretty sure she was very interested in me cause she initiated our very first text.

So we begin texting each other, we texted for just about everyday (till Now) about anything. A week after, we met up again. This time round was two weeks before Christmas. We were gonna hang out at the same Drinking hole again. Upon meeting her, I was strucked immediately by this weird feeling. A feeling of confusion.. because I guessed I am still trying to sort out my own emotions and trying to determine what is her place in my heart? A friend or a potential lover?
So this time round, my friend (Who was driving) offered to send us all home (Including her). But I declined. I had no idea what I was doing. I just declined and went home on my own.
Upon reaching home, she texted me asking if I had reach home or not. At that point, I couldn't help but smile and probably to me, that served as a confirmation that I am indeed interested in her.

Couple of weeks ahead, my feelings towards her grew tremendously. We went out on a few dates simple ones nothing much happened. The closest that I went was just purely holding her hands in the Cinemas.
Then there came the day when I made the mistake I knew I shouldn't had. I indirectly confessed to her twice. both two weeks apart from each other. I know, this is a huge turnoff for many dating couples out there. But hey, I didn't knew why I just couldn't bring myself to control my emotions infront of her.
Her respond towards me was simply, "She did not felt the connection & she do not like anyone else in her life currently". I knew that was a rejection and she was just being nice because my friend was a good friend of hers. My whole world came crumpling down.
The very next day, we talked and surprisingly we agreed to meet up later part of the week cause I said I will be around her workplace so we could catch dinner together.
Came the day, had dinner, walked a little to a point where theres a nice scenic view. I held her from the back while we embrace and enjoyed the scene together. She didn't reject my embrace either. That leaves me confused.
And the at the very last time we met up, she hug me when I was sending her home as well.

To sum things up below are couple of facts and details I had since found out about her past relationship & what she felt towards "us"
- Her previous relationship flung because of their age gap. Her parents do not agree to their relationship and her ex decided to call it quits.
(She probably felt that more could have been done on her ex's side to help convince her parents but he just left without trying)
- She finds that sometimes I am very quiet and non-assertive. (I do admit that was present during our first few dates. Afterwhich, the very latest and previous few ones/as earliest as last week - was all fun and that was when the hug came as well.
- She is confused as to what she wants. She do not know if she is ready or wants to commit to a relationship right now.

Below are my analysis on the outtake of this situation
- Her previous relationship probably gave her huge decline in confidence.
- Her self-esteem could be low.
- I am slowly getting used to her presence hence I am reverting back to my fun self again infront of her. Instead of the zombie like "me" a month and a half back
- She is slowly opening up to me - letting me in with emotion connections - telling me her past relationship failure and how good she could have been a girlfriend.
- She is emotionally conservative

Below are advises given by some of my PUA friend
- I should take it slow.
- I should move on and give up. Stop wasting my time on this one Girl.

Dear all, I had since made my own risk assessments. I know I might put on on her pedestal. I might just get hurt really badly in the end if this doesn't goes well. She might just be taken away by another Man if his smooth enough regardless of all my efforts. I know, I clearly knew it all before I jumped into this seemingly endless pit.
I believe, she is the one for me. After all this while (Given so if its just two months). I am very certain that this is love. At least on my side here.

I really sincerely seek kind advises and wisdom from the fellow brothers and sisters here cause I really do not want to lose her. I am ready to any sort of move to test her reactions. But one thing I do know about her is that, she herself could be a "Gamer". She knows whens the pull and whens the push. So clearly I probably met a foe stronger than me myself.
But still, deep down inside of her, I somehow know that she likes me.

I am having date with her this Saturday, we will be bringing my nephew in the afternoon to some place and probably evening would just be two of us.

Help please, I am desperate and lost! Any Captains advises please! :<
I really want to make this work

PS* In Singapore, we are a country populated mostly by Asians. Most of us are still quite conservative by nature.

 

[Light]

Hi Buddy,

I don't usually comment on posts that cannot be saved except to "Move On". But I do sense a slim chance here.

A few important things you need to realise:

1) You are VERY close to being Friend Zoned. You are walking on the very borderline right now, and all it takes is one or two mistake and it will tip you over to being a friend forever.

2) Your emotions is exactly what is affecting your "game," and thus, you are not presenting to her your "Alpha, mysterious and sexy" side.

3) You are investing far too much on her, there is an imbalance here.

4) Her past relationship has nothing to do with you and her. That is an illusion. Get that idea out your head. Its not that she isn't ready for another relationship, otherwise she wouldn't be coming out and meeting guys like you. She just isn't ready for YOU. There is a difference.

I'll explain the above how to deal with the problem.

- Don't treat her like a friend. Touch her more, play with her, tease her. Tell her that her nose twitches when she talks and you find it cute and funny Or something similar. Don't be afraid to tease her. You will only end up as another "Nice Guy" eventually if you don't stay on your game.

- Throw all your emotions out of the window. Be a gambler. You must be ready to lose. The fact is you're already prepared to lose, so if that is the case, then stake your friendship on the line too.
If you can't have her as a lover then you don't want her as a friend either. Be prepared to lose everything.
The honest fact is you have nothing to lose. Don't be afraid to take things to the next step.
She is already comfortable being around you.
She is already comfortable allowing you to hold her from behind.
Now its time to get comfortable invading her personal space.
The next time you see her, don't be afraid to look her in the eyes, and move in closer to her face at a high point of a conversation (I,e: when you 2 are laughing about something). Bring your face closer to hers slowly as if you're about to kiss her. See what reaction she has. If she pulls back, you stop, stay looking at her, and smile. then pull back smoothly. Try it again and again after every 20 mins or so at another high point of the conversation.

If she Doesn't pull back, you still don't kiss her. You stop with your face right in front of hers. Have your nose touch hers, then pull back slowly and just giggle. She will be so confused.
Once you sense that she is now comfortable with you being right inside her personal space, she will not reject you when you're ready to land the kiss. MN. Make sure you do this on your next date, as your time is running out.

- Stop investing in her, search for the blogs about "Investment" and "Law of Least Effort" within this website, and read it. Apply it.

- She didn't reject you when you confessed to her. When she told you that she doesn't feel the connection, she forgot to put the word "Yet" behind her sentence. Its YOUR job to give her that connection. Its YOUR job to appear sexy to her by your action. Its YOUR job to make her ready. If you don't some other guy will. And that connection isn't going to happen if you carry on treating her like a friend. What you need to is more eye contacts and more sexy smiles, as if you're telling her in your mind "you won't believe what I want to do with you"

P.S: STOP texting her. Only friends and couples talk on the phone, and you're neither. Leave all the conversation face to face until you make her yours.

 

[lostforwy]

Hi Buddy,

I don't usually comment on posts that cannot be saved except to "Move On". But I do sense a slim chance here.

A few important things you need to realise:

1) You are VERY close to being Friend Zoned. You are walking on the very borderline right now, and all it takes is one or two mistake and it will tip you over to being a friend forever.

2) Your emotions is exactly what is affecting your "game," and thus, you are not presenting to her your "Alpha, mysterious and sexy" side.

3) You are investing far too much on her, there is an imbalance here.

4) Her past relationship has nothing to do with you and her. That is an illusion. Get that idea out your head. Its not that she isn't ready for another relationship, otherwise she wouldn't be coming out and meeting guys like you. She just isn't ready for YOU. There is a difference.

I'll explain the above how to deal with the problem.

- Don't treat her like a friend. Touch her more, play with her, tease her. Tell her that her nose twitches when she talks and you find it cute and funny Or something similar. Don't be afraid to tease her. You will only end up as another "Nice Guy" eventually if you don't stay on your game.

- Throw all your emotions out of the window. Be a gambler. You must be ready to lose. The fact is you're already prepared to lose, so if that is the case, then stake your friendship on the line too.
If you can't have her as a lover then you don't want her as a friend either. Be prepared to lose everything.
The honest fact is you have nothing to lose. Don't be afraid to take things to the next step.
She is already comfortable being around you.
She is already comfortable allowing you to hold her from behind.
Now its time to get comfortable invading her personal space.
The next time you see her, don't be afraid to look her in the eyes, and move in closer to her face at a high point of a conversation (I,e: when you 2 are laughing about something). Bring your face closer to hers slowly as if you're about to kiss her. See what reaction she has. If she pulls back, you stop, stay looking at her, and smile. then pull back smoothly. Try it again and again after every 20 mins or so at another high point of the conversation.

If she Doesn't pull back, you still don't kiss her. You stop with your face right in front of hers. Have your nose touch hers, then pull back slowly and just giggle. She will be so confused.
Once you sense that she is now comfortable with you being right inside her personal space, she will not reject you when you're ready to land the kiss. MN. Make sure you do this on your next date, as your time is running out.

- Stop investing in her, search for the blogs about "Investment" and "Law of Least Effort" within this website, and read it. Apply it.

- She didn't reject you when you confessed to her. When she told you that she doesn't feel the connection, she forgot to put the word "Yet" behind her sentence. Its YOUR job to give her that connection. Its YOUR job to appear sexy to her by your action. Its YOUR job to make her ready. If you don't some other guy will. And that connection isn't going to happen if you carry on treating her like a friend. What you need to is more eye contacts and more sexy smiles, as if you're telling her in your mind "you won't believe what I want to do with you"

P.S: STOP texting her. Only friends and couples talk on the phone, and you're neither. Leave all the conversation face to face until you make her yours.

Hey Bro,

Your reply certainly came at a right time. Thank you so much for it.
I will definitely take heed of them and apply them to good use.
She seemed to also gave me hot and cold treatment. Like for E.G. If I were to not really shower her with alot of attention on a particular day, she would seemed to rebuke by replying with one lners whenever I text her.
Like there were times she would have alot to say and times she just appear to not feel like talking.
I think my biggest disadvantage has to do with my emotions which was pointed out by you as well.

Below are a few more observations I made during & after our dates.
- There were instances she threw me glances.
- Time to time, she would always stop and just look at me in the eye for no reason.
Seemingly like she wants to say something.
- She would appear to have withdrawal symptoms (Usually lasts 2 - 3 days)
- Be sightly elusive
- Being non attentive in text conversations

Is there any explanation for the above?

 

[Light]

Yes.. You're on the verge of being Auto-Rejected.

Read This: https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-staying-out-auto-rejection

Then Read This: https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-move-faster

It really says the same thing of what I have already covered. You're getting very closed to being friend zoned if you don't hurry up and sweep her off her feet, and give her some passionate sex.

I can already tell you what she thinks:
She Wants You! - And you better hurry, because there is a time limit until she become over frustrated.

 

[lostforwy]

Hey Bro,

The articles and your piece made ultimate sense. Come to think of it, she once commented that I was too quiet and less open. (Which definitely isn't who I am)

Matter of fact, I believed I missed two of such "windows". For I feared by the norms of how a timid little mice would had. I am such a dork.

But rest assure, this time round, this Saturday. I will seek for this window and take the plunge.

I will keep you updated on my progress this Sat.

Wish me luck bro!

 

[lostforwy]

Hey Light,

Just an update on my side.

So we went out on Saturday, had some drinks. There were some slight intimacy, alot of teasing & laughing. It was like none other dates that we had before.

However still, I did not managed to secure the window to move in for the kiss. (I know that was really loserish )

Given so, I felt that that night was entirely different to the sense we were connecting on another level.

However, now comes the jitters. You see this week's Valentines Day. Should I ask her out? Kinda confused here bro!

**My PUA budds are telling me that I should not ask her out and forgo this valentines with her since she WILL BE expecting me to do so.

 

[Light]

That is good to know. At least you are progressing.

However, now comes the jitters. You see this week's Valentines Day. Should I ask her out? Kinda confused here bro!

**My PUA budds are telling me that I should not ask her out and forgo this valentines with her since she WILL BE expecting me to do so.

I've dug this out from a recent comment that Franco wrote relating to Valentine's Day:

This is actually a much more high effort move than you might realize, and gifts should only really be considered after you've already slept with the girl. Girls know that gifts like this come from a place of neediness, and that's exactly how it's going to be perceived. The gift will either only (A) put you further into boyfriend territory or (B) cause a drop in attraction for you. I would avoid sending gifts to girls you haven't slept with like the plague. I have it as a hard rule of mine.

I also personally agree that it is too early for you to even give her anything on Valentine's Day. Remember, you're not her Boyfriend (yet). Not to mention you only just saw her on Saturday!
I would actually call her sometime on Wednesday to ask if she would like to go on another date again on the 15th (This coming Saturday) instead! Don't mention anything relating to Valentine's Day.
If she brings it up, just pretend you forgot and say "Oh, its Valentine's Day on Friday? I forgot. Who's your lucky date?"

She will be on a "I want a Man!" Mode.

 

[lostforwy]

I also personally agree that it is too early for you to even give her anything on Valentine's Day. Remember, you're not her Boyfriend (yet). Not to mention you only just saw her on Saturday!
I would actually call her sometime on Wednesday to ask if she would like to go on another date again on the 15th (This coming Saturday) instead! Don't mention anything relating to Valentine's Day.
If she brings it up, just pretend you forgot and say "Oh, its Valentine's Day on Friday? I forgot. Who's your lucky date?"

She will be on a "I want a Man!" Mode.

Hey Bro,

Thanks for your wisdom once more. Yes, I am glad there were some progress going on here.
Matter of fact, she initiated text with me last evening however, after a few exchanges she stopped replying.
Can you help me to analyse the short text convo we had?

Her: Hows the boy? (My Nephew cause he was unwell)
Me: Took his meds. Hug his plushdog to sleep. His okay now.
Her: Thats good to hear. He don't have much soft toys?
Me: Why ask?
Her: Nope, just curious
Her: (I didn't replied her last text) Plucked all the petals on the roses out cause they weeded so fast
Me: Are you trying to do the "He loves me or he loves me not" thing?
Her: Haha no. I took those petals to shower. haha
Me: Put one petal in each of your armpit then one petal in each of your ears. Will be more lucky (Was trying to tease her)
Her: Haha no. I don't think so haha will only make me look like a flower girl.
Me: Im glad that you are still not that superstitious. How was your day today? (Was read earlier this morning but she didn't reply as of now - about 10 hours or so)

The same PUA budd analysed and told me she could be trying to test if I am still on her "hook".

Frankly, I am confused between if shes testing me or throwing any hints for me to initiate more contact in order to open invite her out on Vday.

Lastly, So to say from your saying, I should also forgo this coming Vday and ask her out only on Sat?

Many gratitudes for your support on this bro!

 

[Light]

Lastly, So to say from your saying, I should also forgo this coming Vday and ask her out only on Sat?

Many gratitudes for your support on this bro!

Yes. Because Saturday is National Rebound Day, me and my boys will all be going out too:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-valentines-day

I don't think she is testing you at all. I think she is into you, and is trying to form some connection between the both of you through text.
You're doing good. Don't talk too much, and don't talk nonsense. Keep the conversation funny, cocky, and sexual.
Keep teasing her at every chance you get.
E.g: "Flower? Me like flower. You'll look good in my garden."
Save all the deep conversation for dates, so you can deep dive her.

I think you should go for the kiss soon.

 

[lostforwy]

I don't think she is testing you at all. I think she is into you, and is trying to form some connection between the both of you through text.
You're doing good. Don't talk too much, and don't talk nonsense. Keep the conversation funny, cocky, and sexual.
Keep teasing her at every chance you get.
E.g: "Flower? Me like flower. You'll look good in my garden."
Save all the deep conversation for dates, so you can deep dive her.

Yo Bro,

Thanks!

She replied after the last text.

Her:It was alright. Too many things to do. Haha not much time to breathe.
Me: Get an oxygen mask then
Herkie pls provide
Me: Why would I have that. Im cpr certified I dont need that...
(no replies thereafter)(Read last night at 10pm)

So you think after that, should I still give her a call tonight to ask her out on Sat?

 

[Light]

Yes. Call her.

Tell her you'll give her the Oxygen Mask if she comes out.

 

[lostforwy]

Yes. Call her.

Tell her you'll give her the Oxygen Mask if she comes out.

Called her.

She told me she didn't have any plans on Saturday and so I asked if she wanna hang out.

Initially she said no. After which, I told her that I made some plans for her on Saturday and she says "let me think about it"

Should I follow up with her like on Friday to check her out on her decision or Saturday?

I think I might have screw this bit up. Bro Did I?

 

[Light]

Getting a girl out is like closing someone on a sales call.

You went wrong by telling her you have something planned for her, which displays neediness. Never ever do that.

If a girl wants to hang out with you, you don't even need a valid reason. By simply saying "Come out, because I said so" is more than enough.

You don't take "No" for an answer. You command her to come out, in a very persuasive way.

Call her again on Saturday, NOT Friday. Because she may suspect its a Valentine's Thing.

In fact, definitely wait until after Valentine's so she can get emotional about not having a Valentine's date.

Call her on Saturday again, and open the call by saying "So are you ready for tonight?" (with a very enthusiastic and excited tone of voice), as if she had already agreed.

IF she refuses to come out - Its Fine!! No serious. Just say "ok, cool. Catch you later then" in the most happy casual coolest way you can, and then hang up.

You need to let her know that you don't care, and that it is her that is missing out.

Then go out with your friends that night and pick up some new chicks!

 

[Franco]

lostforwy,

Without getting into too much detail on this situation as a whole, there was a big mistake here:

She told me she didn't have any plans on Saturday and so I asked if she wanna hang out.

Never just invite a girl to "hang out" unless you've already had sex. You're pressuring her into a situation of which she has no idea what you want, and it comes across as trying to conceal what that is. It's not attractive to girls, and they often will decline offers that aren't direct with intention. Something along the lines of this would have been much better:

"Hey WY, I'm cooking dinner at my place on Saturday... it's going to be delicious! I'd love it if you joined me. The chef needs an assistant cook. "

Your vagueness and indirectness is causing more and more doubt in her, and soon she is going to realize that you're wasting her time (if she hasn't reached that point already). Also, I noticed you claimed that you "love" this girl and you have yet to be intimate with her. This is a red flag that you lack experience and are not fully in control of your own emotions. It would be a wiser idea to start going out with your PUA friend and start learning to meet women so that you can stop thinking about her, develop an abundance mentality, and become more experienced.

Two more articles that might be of use to you:

• Understanding Love: How it Works in Romance and Relationships
  How to Not Fall in Love (Too Soon)

- Franco