Using a Larger Vocabulary

[Rage]

I spent some time with a friend of mine yesterday who I’ve been friends with since childhood and is a couple years older than me.

My friend is quite ambitious and rather accomplished at a young age: he heads a successful startup that he started at age 19, 3 years ago and is doing this startup alongside doing med school (and paying with it full ride with the 6 figure funds he makes with his startup I might add).

We chilled yesterday and talked about many things for hours and it was a pleasure for me as it always is with good like-minded friends.

…

I observed something and wanted to ask about it; I realized that when I can talk I really want to use vocabulary that I would normally but often the other person might not understand the words I want to use so I won’t use them. A lot of the time certain words just seem perfect to use and better than a lesser word and while more people may be familiar with the other word it wouldn’t be the best fitting word as the word you have in your own mind.

It isn’t for wanting to appear erudite or especially scholarly or any of that, but just in conversation with other guys I’d like it if I could use bigger words cause I wish to use them and want to use them.

I can in writing and like to do so at times in writing; but even with writing (and definitely in conversation) there seems to be an unconscious unspoken rule where you kind of dumb down language to the level of whomever you are talking with.

I’ve seen that when I talk to friends who are still very hard working but maybe lower in education or background or IQ or whatever it is, I’ll gravitate towards using smaller words and sort of mirroring their vocabulary in my own conversation. And if I use a big word or two, I’ll explain right away what I mean by that in simpler words so as not to confuse and to get through to them, before they even ask.

…

On a related note, in learning some things over the years about SEO and about writing web content for other readers, I’ve read that it’s suggested that you use simpler words and not use big words for the sake of themselves. I Definitely think though that there is a distinction of using the big words for the sake of themselves and to show off or something vs. using those words time to time because they just seem to fit best and would happen to be what you’d naturally wish to say in the situation.

I wonder about this shit lol.

I read a lot of Chase’s writing and have chatted before on comments, but haven’t met in person and wonder if he or any of the other guys here would use the words they do in writing, in conversation with other guys.

With girls I am oddly enough totally fine dumbing my language down and mirroring everything I need to to work towards the end goal of a lay, or a date or a number or whatever.

But with people I am keeping around in my life, friends or relationships, I’d like it if I could use bigger words and if they could understand that? Or if I’d be allowed to and it would be fitting and not weird?

Lol I’m not even sure I have a coherent question here; but rather I just feel some cognitive dissonance because I want to use bigger words and get to use the vocabulary I learn and am exposed to, among other reasons I listed, also because it helps me to better learn the words and build the vocabulary I wish to (improving my writing a bit too in that way).

I’d like to use those words without being a social burden and without being uncalibrated with friends or other people. But I think I got in the habit from a young age of trying to pretend and act dumber and more average and more like everyone else than I actually was.

I try to do less of that now and more be just myself. But really who’s to even say who yourself really is; I think necessarily you kind of end up mirroring the other person a bit in conversation or mannerisms when you are with them… and even in just a few moments they likely influence you in ways that you are not immediately seeing feeling observing or realizing.

Maybe the answer here is to surround myself with even smarter and more accomplished and higher level friends who will respect that and get the vocabulary and use it themselves? But then I do have friends who are not that intellectual persay, but are immensely hardworking and have gotten to high levels because of it, who just don’t happen to read that much or use those words that much…

But yeah; I guess my question at the end of all this would be that is there sort of a good rule of thumb to follow here, if one exists at all?

I haven’t met any people who are like minded to me and accomplished who are also significantly older than myself, but likely in doing so I’d almost unconsciously right away be observing for this and looking for what the pattern they seem to be following in this is and how they seem to be going about this (and if they are following a rule if any regarding vocabulary use).

Maybe mirroring is better; or maybe saying what you want to a degree is better and then explaining if necessary a bit kind of like I do now; or maybe I’m just worrying about this all too much and can just carry on conversing in the future with others like I do now.

Some mirroring probably inevitably does happen.

But I’d like it if I could use bigger words/the words I want in person more of the time… at least I can do that in writing (but even then to make conversational writing such as this, the big words necessarily even appear less huh?)

Bit confused about all this, and not sure what to think or make judgements about in any of it.

But curious as to what you guys think and any ideas, views or thoughts you have on the matter.

Likely some of you may have thought about this before yourselves, being such avid readers of girlschase

-Rage

 

[Lover]

All kind of communication is about being relatable to the people around you, thus it depends who you are talking to. It depends of two factors: your and their level of absolute vocabulary and the frame.

First factor, absolute vocabulary. I'll create a scale for this purpose.

The scale goes like this:

- A: absolute minimum vocabulary
- B: intermediate vocabulary
- C: absolute maximum vocabulary

I'll assume that all people are looking for other like themselves (or using your own phrasing, they are looking for a mirror of themselves) in just about any matter - emotions, experience, ambitions and so on. So yes, somebody talking the way you do (vocabulary wise) is also fundamental when looking for someone like yourself.

If my assumption is true, then I think you understand what I'm getting at. If you are C and talk to A, you have to really "degrade" your vocabulary to his level. If he is B, you have to "degrade" it but not much compared to A. And if he's a C, you just go with your big ass vocabulary.

I was once part of a social circle consisting of six guys. Two (myself included) of us were C's, three were B, and the last one was A. The other C and the B's were good at talking with a vocabulary similar to the A, thus they related great to him but I sucked at it back then.. we were completely opposites in regards to vocabulary. I remember once we all went to the cinema, on our way back I said something apparantly too complex for this guy, and he replied "I just got stroke from listening to you, my brain hurts as fuck" LOL.. I still keep in touch with these guys, and on our last outing I was better at talking his "language" so to say, but also a lot of other things have improved as well (vibe, fundamentals etc.). We all had a great time even though I hated that I had to degrade my vocabulary and humour to his level.. but that's the game man It made him feel good.

Second factor: the frame/the interpersonal relationship

I think you know this already, so I'll keep it brief. The way you use your vocabulary when you have adjusted your level of it can attract and disgust certain types of people, but that is only based on the frame - your interpersonal relationships - or the process of defining it. Example: pickup artists (seducers if you prefer that term) don't talk to women's logical brain, but their emotional one to attract them sexually. Thus, you also have to be relatable in regards to the frame or when defining it.

Hope this clarifies some of your concerns.

 

[Rage]

A-Jay,

That's the perfect answer yes, really well summed up thanks!

Unconsiously we mirror, and the more we do this the more people like us.

My guess would be that to have a balance in life, and be able to use vocabulary to the degree I want to, would be to have a number of C friends as you say that I converse with semi frequently or a few times in a week or whatever. Then when I mirror to other folk and other girls and am dumbed down a little bit on ideas or what I would want to say and talk aobut and stuff (cause the higher vocabulary is in a way access to higher thoughts), I won't mind that much and can just enjoy it because I know I'll get my times to talk about bigger things with my C friends soon like later in the week.

I also would guess that there is a difference between online talking over text like we are now vs. talking in person. For example I can go live at my parents home and feel dumbed down considerably because everyone watches TV all day no one reads, and I have no one to talk to about the research I read or the new advances in x technology that came out yesterday. They will care about that about as much as I'll care about what happened on gossip girl or whatever other show that is popular these days; but no judgment though, they aren't wrong and i'm not wrong either. Just different type people and want to talk about different things.

I've observed in that situation that I'll want to have some friends that I can at least see once or twice in the week and talk to so that I don't feel myself going stupid from not having anyone to share ideas with and discuss with in this way; even talking over text or skype over computer I kind of feel, also, doesn't quite measure up to what you get in person. Maybe that's because of all the unconsious mirroring that goes on in person that doesn't get to transpire over any other mediums.

Some ideas i have on this topic at least; thanks for the input bro

-Rage

EDIT: I realize just now too that i wouldn't like having only C friends; it is nice to have friends who are ambitious and hard working who I can lift with sometime, who won't be talking about stuff all that much. They aren't crazy, aren't big readers, are pretty regular cool dudes who train really hard and work hard on their goals with lifiting and other parts of their life. And it's cool to just bullshit and get food and lift heavy with those friends...

Yeah that is funny; maybe a balance of types of friends is somehow ideal? Perhaps...

 

[Lover]

Rage

Unconsiously we mirror, and the more we do this the more people like us.

It's probably for the same reason that if you want to develop your social skills, the best way of doing this is hanging out with people who have developed theirs and are still improving. The more you hang out with them, the more you'll mirror their actions with time

My guess would be that to have a balance in life, and be able to use vocabulary to the degree I want to, would be to have a number of C friends as you say that I converse with semi frequently or a few times in a week or whatever. Then when I mirror to other folk and other girls and am dumbed down a little bit on ideas or what I would want to say and talk aobut and stuff (cause the higher vocabulary is in a way access to higher thoughts), I won't mind that much and can just enjoy it because I know I'll get my times to talk about bigger things with my C friends soon like later in the week.

It's a good idea to have friends for different purposes. As I see it, most people (women in particular) tend to do everything together - shopping, homework, working out, partying, social events etc. I prefer to have people for different purposes - like my best friend, I can do almost everything with him because we're very likeminded. But the six guys I mentioned before, I would never go to the gym with them because they're lazy (even the other C is lazy with life in general, probably from hanging with these guys too much) and don't have a killer instinct - they want good/fun times. And that's fine, however I don't exercise to have fun but because I have to And you noted this yourself: we unconsciously mirror others. I would definitely mirror them if I worked out with them from that point (has happened before on similar occasions). Instead we hang out sometimes, playing computer games or eating dinner. That works for me. So we could also conclude that you want to befriend people who are similar to yourself on certain occasions.

Be aware though, that when you meet new pepople, they will usually pretend to be dumper than they really are. I don't quite understand this, but maybe they unconsciously know that people might not relate to them if they talk with big ass vocabulary from the get-go.

I also would guess that there is a difference between online talking over text like we are now vs. talking in person. For example I can go live at my parents home and feel dumbed down considerably because everyone watches TV all day no one reads, and I have no one to talk to about the research I read or the new advances in x technology that came out yesterday. They will care about that about as much as I'll care about what happened on gossip girl or whatever other show that is popular these days; but no judgment though, they aren't wrong and i'm not wrong either. Just different type people and want to talk about different things.

I've observed in that situation that I'll want to have some friends that I can at least see once or twice in the week and talk to so that I don't feel myself going stupid from not having anyone to share ideas with and discuss with in this way; even talking over text or skype over computer I kind of feel, also, doesn't quite measure up to what you get in person. Maybe that's because of all the unconsious mirroring that goes on in person that doesn't get to transpire over any other mediums.

In manga the protagonists are usually good to make the crowd follow his lead. In real life though, it's another story... people will drag you down to their level, and guess what? Most of the time it's not even on purpose. They might not know how social dynamics (in this particular case, mirroring) work.

maybe a balance of types of friends is somehow ideal? Perhaps...

That might be a good idea to not be some unrelatable fool If you know what is possible with certain people, you can definitely narrow down what you can get from them