FU "Wanna fuck?"

[Bboy100]

So this is my first field report I've labeled as an "FU". I feel like this was probably one of the easiest lays I could have had and I messed it up big time. ...Let's take a look.

There was this girl I talked to over Tinder a few weeks ago. I stopped replying to her because her responses sounded pretty depressing, and it seemed like going out on an actual date with her would be no fun.

In any case, today she messaged me again:

Her: Wanna fuck [Laughing emoji] <---This was completely out of the blue. Our conversation was not at all sexual when I last talked to her. LOL
Me: Sure I can come pick you up?
Her: What about tomorrow? [laughing emoji+smiling emoji]
Her I would now, but I literally just got myself off lol <---Seems fair. I took half an hour to reply to her text, so this seemed plausible.
Me: I might be busy tomorrow not sure haha. How about later tonight?
Her: Haha probably I'll hit you up if I get horny again
Me: Ok, sounds good. <---I actually did not like this at all frame at all. It made me seem like her servant at her beck and call. But it didn't seem like I had any choice. This whole thing could have been avoided had I seen her original text in a timely manner and replied.

[1.5 hours later]

Her: Yo
Me: Hey, whatsup?
Her: I'm nervous about meeting people on here haha. But I'm horny [laughing emoji]
Me: I know it can be kind of intimidating. But remember, I'm just another Western Student. I promise I don't bite! Also, I have vodka if that will help [laughing emoji]
Her: Hahaha do you have an fb or something so I can like see idk I'd feel better
Me: Yeah, ofc. My name is bboy. I'm probably the only one you'll find haha.
Her: [Adds me on FB and looks at it] If you wanna come over, I'm free for the rest of the night haha.
Me: Yeah,, let me just take a quick shower and get rdy, then I'll be omw Where do you live?
Us: Logistical Texts.

I arrive at her place. She greets me. She lives in a single dorm. I chat with her for about 5 mins or so, then I start making out with her. I bite her neck. As soon as this happens:
Her: This feels weird, can we stop?
Me: Yeah, sure.
Her: Sorry...I feel so bad. I called you over specificly to have sex.
Me: Haha yeah, it's all good. I kind of expected this to happen.
Me: Wanna just hang out?
Her: Yeah, sure.

We chat for a few more minutes. One of the thing she mentioned is that she has hooked up with another guy off Tinder before. And he apparently gave her gonorrhea. Then tried to blame her for it. LOL.

Me: Do you have a laptop?
Her: yeah
Me: Wanna watch something on it?
Her: Yeah, lets do it

We go on her bed and watch a full episode of "How I Met Your Mother" In the middle of it, I ask her if she wants some vodka to make her feel "less nervous". She declines. I persist. She still declines. <---Negative compliance...not good.

After it's over
Her: I just feel really bad for not hooking up with you. You can go if you want. <---This actually might have been her politely telling me to leave. And tbh, I might as well have. It was probably game over.
Me: [I start making out with her again]

This time, I go through my escalation ladders and avoid biting her. Admittedly, I did a poor job. Regardless, I got all her clothes off except for her underwear. And I had moved her underwear to the side, so given that I have permission, I could easily put my dick inside her. Also, as soon as I was fully naked, I tried getting her to give me a BJ. She wasn't down.

I start humping her without actually putting my dick inside. So basically, my dick is rubbing up against her vag but not actually going inside. At one point, I just decide to try to quickly put it in. I get it halfway in:

Her: [Starts pulling away] No! I don't want to do that.
Me: Ok

I start the escalation ladder over again, all while continueing to dry hump her. This goes on for a while, but still, she doesn't want to fuck. In the middle of all this she says: "Be more gentle". I should've taken this into account. Especially since at the start, she wasn't into the biting. Clearly, this was one few girls who doesn't like rough sex.I ignored this for some reason. None of what I was doing was working.

So I try a different angle. I try to address her objections:
Me: So whatsup?
Her: I don't know...I'm just not feeling it.
Me: Howcome?
Her: I dunno...I'm just not in the mood. You're too aggressive. <---This is a big red flag to me. As per usual, my attempts to "deal with LMR" probably came off as Chasey/pushy which turned her off.

Despite this...for some reason...I STILL contine pushing. I makeout with her for a little while longer...she really doesn't seem that into it. Eventually I say:
Me: Is this making you uncomfortable?
Her: Yeah...a little bit.
Me: Do you want to stop?
Her: yeah...kinda.

I get off her entirely. We watch how I met your mother for a few more minutes. She gives me a few more obvious hints that she wants me to leave. Statements such as "I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep" "I'm so sorry for making you come all the way out here for nothing"

Eventually, I say:
Me: Do you want me to leave?
Her: Well, we're not gonna have sex tonight.
Me: Ok, that's fine. But do you want me to leave?
Her: yeah...kinda.
Me: Ok, np. Well I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
Her: It's ok.

I get dressed, wish her good luck etc. and leave.

Overall..I must say...it takes a special kind of boneheadedness to turn off a girl who called you over specifically to have sex with her. LOL

Also, I feel like a good way to deal with LMR would be to incorporate some push/pull instead of just push. Any suggests on how I might go about doing that?

 

[ProblemSolving]

Me: Do you have a laptop?
Her: yeah
Me: Wanna watch something on it?
Her: Yeah, lets do it

Watching movies is great for taking her mind off of what's about to go down, but where's the cuddling and rubbing? Don't just sit there beside each other staring at a laptop - PREHEAT THE OVEN haha.

This time, I go through my escalation ladders and avoid biting her. Admittedly, I did a poor job. Regardless, I got all her clothes off except for her underwear. And I had moved her underwear to the side, so given that I have permission, I could easily put my dick inside her. Also, as soon as I was fully naked, I tried getting her to give me a BJ. She wasn't down.

I start humping her without actually putting my dick inside. So basically, my dick is rubbing up against her vag but not actually going inside. At one point, I just decide to try to quickly put it in. I get it halfway in:

Her: [Starts pulling away] No! I don't want to do that.
Me: Ok

So by the sounds of it your escalation went like: kissing, clothes off, dry hump, then penetrate?

Next time get your hand on her pussy. Start over top of her pants or underwear, once she's moaning and getting wet, rip her pants and underwear off. Once a girl is good and wet, most are begging to be penetrated, so it makes the final transition easy.

I start the escalation ladder over again, all while continueing to dry hump her. This goes on for a while, but still, she doesn't want to fuck. In the middle of all this she says: "Be more gentle". I should've taken this into account. Especially since at the start, she wasn't into the biting. Clearly, this was one few girls who doesn't like rough sex.I ignored this for some reason. None of what I was doing was working.

Yeah bud, every girl is different, some like to be slapped around and manhandled, while others like slow and tender loving. Take their prompts to heart.

So I try a different angle. I try to address her objections:
Me: So whatsup?
Her: I don't know...I'm just not feeling it.
Me: Howcome?
Her: I dunno...I'm just not in the mood. You're too aggressive. <---This is a big red flag to me. As per usual, my attempts to "deal with LMR" probably came off as Chasey/pushy which turned her off.

Yeah, never ask them "what's wrong?" in the future. Nothing kills the mood faster than addressing her concerns logically. It's up to you to figure out how to turn her on enough to push her over the edge.

 

[Bboy100]

Yeah, never ask them "what's wrong?" in the future

Yeah. I know exactly why I did this. I've been having a little bit of an internal conflict which causes me to behave like this. And it happens in a variety of situations. Basically, I know that women like a guy who's dominant, persistent, assertive etc. But at the same time, I feel kind of bad for this behavior. I feel like I'm not really taking her feelings into consideration, and I feel like this type of behavior often makes women uncomfortable. And tbh, I don't really like doing it. Makes me feel like a complete asshole.

So what ends up happening is that I take some sort of action which would fall into the above category (persistent, dominant etc.), then I'll feel bad for it, and I'll be apologetic/show that I have a sensitive side as well. This manifests itself in the form of me asking the girl questions such as "What's wrong?", "Am I making you uncomfortable", "Sorry if that made you feel weird" etc.

To add insult to injury, I can't even tell when a women likes what I'm doing and when she doesn't. Cause women will often allow me to do things which make them uncomfortable without saying anything. And since I don't get honest feedback, calibrating myself has become very difficult. This girl is a perfect example of this. She let me take all her clothes off. But it's very possible that she never even wanted to kiss me in the first place. Then again...maybe she did. There's no reliable way for me to tell.

 

[HellAtlantic]

Yeah, never ask them "what's wrong?" in the future

Yeah. I know exactly why I did this. I've been having a little bit of an internal conflict which causes me to behave like this. And it happens in a variety of situations. Basically, I know that women like a guy who's dominant, persistent, assertive etc. But at the same time, I feel kind of bad for this behavior. I feel like I'm not really taking her feelings into consideration, and I feel like this type of behavior often makes women uncomfortable. And tbh, I don't really like doing it. Makes me feel like a complete asshole.

So what ends up happening is that I take some sort of action which would fall into the above category (persistent, dominant etc.), then I'll feel bad for it, and I'll be apologetic/show that I have a sensitive side as well. This manifests itself in the form of me asking the girl questions such as "What's wrong?", "Am I making you uncomfortable", "Sorry if that made you feel weird" etc.

To add insult to injury, I can't even tell when a women likes what I'm doing and when she doesn't. Cause women will often allow me to do things which make them uncomfortable without saying anything. And since I don't get honest feedback, calibrating myself has become very difficult. This girl is a perfect example of this. She let me take all her clothes off. But it's very possible that she never even wanted to kiss me in the first place. Then again...maybe she did. There's no reliable way for me to tell.

I definitely understand what you're saying. I was in a situation recently where the girl kept telling me she didn't wanna do it but everytime she'd say that I'd agree and take it a step back by making out with her and she'd passionately make out with me. That tells me in hindsight she ultimately wanted me to just dominate her. I kept persisting and restarting escalation ladder each time. But here's the thing - cat and mouse turns me on...up to a point. Like 5 minutes of it. Makes me want it even more. Buuuuuut...car and mouse should only last for like 2-5 minutes. Once you get into 30 minutes of this shit then the opposite happens and I lose excitement. I get excited and stimulated by seeing the girl get excited and stimulated. And ultimately I too had to verbalize stuff. Not in a "what's wrong?" way but a "if you don't wanna do this then we won't do this...but I don't wanna stop. But I will stop if that's what you really want." sorta way. You can only persist so much. GC has taught me to spot LMR and how to persist thru it but I still operate under the mindset that if a girl really wants to fuck she's not gonna make u jump thru 100 hoops and walk thru a ring of fire to get in her pants.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Bboy,

To add insult to injury, I can't even tell when a women likes what I'm doing and when she doesn't. Cause women will often allow me to do things which make them uncomfortable without saying anything. And since I don't get honest feedback, calibrating myself has become very difficult. This girl is a perfect example of this. She let me take all her clothes off. But it's very possible that she never even wanted to kiss me in the first place. Then again...maybe she did. There's no reliable way for me to tell.

This is important, my friend. This is what makes the difference between guys who girls just say "yeah, he's aggressive, whatever" in a cheeky, "oh he's just a manly man" kind of way and a guy who they get rape-y vibes from and will spread rumors about. I know you would never intentionally hurt a girl, especially since you're asking how to tend girls' emotions and follow their cues (a guy who doesn't care wouldn't ask), so that's not the issue here.

But women only know what you do and what you say. They don't know what's going on in your head, so analyze this interaction very, very carefully. I don't want you dealing with a FRA, especially since you're on a college campus, the most vile breeding ground of FRAs.

Her: Wanna fuck [Laughing emoji] <---This was completely out of the blue. Our conversation was not at all sexual when I last talked to her. LOL
Me: Sure I can come pick you up?
Her: What about tomorrow? [laughing emoji+smiling emoji]
Her I would now, but I literally just got myself off lol <---Seems fair. I took half an hour to reply to her text, so this seemed plausible.
Me: I might be busy tomorrow not sure haha. How about later tonight?
Her: Haha probably I'll hit you up if I get horny again
Me: Ok, sounds good. <---I actually did not like this at all frame at all. It made me seem like her servant at her beck and call. But it didn't seem like I had any choice. This whole thing could have been avoided had I seen her original text in a timely manner and replied.

Why'd you take 30 mins to respond? Lol. As for "ok, sounds good," you're half-right. I need to write an article on this. While "ok, sounds good" isn't the best response, demanding respect from her or trying to dominate her over text won't really work either. Demanding respect from women directly almost never works unless you're deep into a relationship with them, and by that point, demanding respect is just slapping a band-aid on an infected wound - the problem is beneath the skin.

A better ending response would be "" or "you little minx." Something flirty and sexual to let her know you're on the same page.

Her: This feels weird, can we stop?
Me: Yeah, sure.
Her: Sorry...I feel so bad. I called you over specificly to have sex.
Me: Haha yeah, it's all good. I kind of expected this to happen.
Me: Wanna just hang out?
Her: Yeah, sure.

Talk to her, man. I know there's a lot of advice about not bringing up logical issues and just rewiring her brain with NLP or whatever, but the lays I've gotten from that and all of the failures with it tell me that it's way too complicated and circuitous a route. I've had much more success and more consistent sex with getting her to explain her emotional issue with it. I've literally asked girls "why don't you want to?" and have them tell me, then I keep asking them questions until you get her to confess that she wants to and she's just trying to rationalize it herself. Once you get to that point, HELP HER RATIONALIZE IT. Make her feel good for unleashing her inner slut.

Conversation would have went much better like this

Her - This feels weird, can we stop?

Me - (backs off and tilts head to the side, like "huh"?)

Her - Sorry I feel so bad. I called you over specifically to have sex

Me - Of course, we're both horny. But I take it you're not much of a biter??

Her - Haha, it's not that, I just...I don't know, this feels weird

Me - Weird in a good way or bad way?

Her - Idk...I guess both

Me - Well tell me in what way it's bad weird

Her- I barely know you, we just met on Tinder and I knew it was a bad idea, I was just so horny -

Me (cutting her off) - Yeah you were! I loved it!

Her - Haha, I'm sure but idk it's just weird...

Me - Well, obviously you found me attractive enough to invite me over, ya?

Her - Yeah, you're cute

Me - Perfect, and now we're getting to know each other - physically and emotionally, but here, let's talk a bit. I want you to be comfortable (holds her hand) and then if you start looking at me like you're gonna eat me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I might just let you do that (wink and squeeze her hand or thigh)

Her - Haha okay.

Me - So what's your favorite flavor of toaster strudel?

Boom. You just

1. Reassured her that you're not a creepy-Tinder rapist/serial killer
2. You can handle curveballs and hold your frame
3. You care about her, so she's not feeling like a slut even if she fucks you 10 minutes into your first physical meeting

I've had girls legitimately tell me "thank you for being so caring about all this; usually guys get annoyed or weird when I tell them no, but it's actually really hot that you care." This one specifically was from a girl who I'd fucked but lost contact with, because as I found out running into her a few months later, she'd gotten a boyfriend. Saw her at the library and got her all the way back to my place, despite tons of playful "I want to but..." Every time I felt like I was ever being too pushy verbally, I'd say, "hey, we're just having fun here with this whole no and yes thing right? I want to make sure you're having fun, so if you really want to go, you can go, of course, but if you're having as much fun as I am, I'd love for you to stay."

But in order to know when this is the case, you have to know when she's feeling comfortable with you and just resisting playfully

We go on her bed and watch a full episode of "How I Met Your Mother" In the middle of it, I ask her if she wants some vodka to make her feel "less nervous". She declines. I persist. She still declines. <---Negative compliance...not good.

[/quote]

Never offer a girl intoxicants so she can feel less nervous. If she does it of her own accord, that's fine, I've had a girl go hit a bowl so she could get over her nerves (she told me that I made her nervous but in a really hot way, like "I've never been this excited to fuck a guy before you" kinda way. Her smoking weed helped calm her). But if you offer it to her, it seems weird and manipulative and if shit ever did go south, she could bolster her case against you with this one little detail. Also, given that her original messages to you were "depressing" and weirded you out, that means this girl has mental issues. Those are the ones most likely to claim rape falsely, because their sense of reality is so fucking warped that they can rationalize ruining your life to save themselves embarrassment.

Her: I just feel really bad for not hooking up with you. You can go if you want. <---This actually might have been her politely telling me to leave. And tbh, I might as well have. It was probably game over.
Me: [I start making out with her again]

No. What was her tone here?

If you have the instinct it was telling you to leave, then you gotta back off hard and have a real conversation with her, not escalate (also drop in the "if you WANT me to go, just tell me, but otherwise, let's talk about X, Y...")

If you recognized it as genuine guilt, then her saying "I just feel really bad for not hooking up with you" isn't so much about you, as it is about her. I mean, the linguistics are actually clear with this one. "I" <---- feel really bad.

"Why do you feel bad, silly goose?" Tease her and make her laugh. Have her tell you what's up, because you CAN remedy it with honesty. It's about discovering what's wrong and doing the opposite of what's wrong. Women WILL tell you what's wrong - just ask! But of course don't say "what's wrong," because it makes you look clueless. Instead, "hmm, you seem like you do feel bad, but for not having sex with me? Naw, don't worry about me, I'm a big boy, tell me what's going on with you, sweetie. I get pleasure from YOU!" Can't tell you HOW many girls have loved when I put the emotional onus on them. They turn into little angels when you do that. You're a hot and manly savior who would be sad if he didn't get her but in a desperate kind of way, just a "aww that's too bad. You were so cute" kind of way.

You really need to pay more attention to female body language and words. You might lose a few girls by being honest and asking them how things work, but they will actually tell you the truth, even if they don't think they are. Her tone, facial expression, and body language are everything. If you ever think a girl is nervous, ask her "are you nervous?" while you smiley devilishly with wide and warm eyes. If you get a "yes," then ask "in a good way or bad way?" If it's a good way, you're quite close to being her lover. If it's bad way, ask her how so. Again, you might lose the lay, but the education you receive might give you 10 more in the future.

You did start asking her questions, but they were all clueless "what's up?" No no no, you gotta at least communicate to her you're TRYING to understand. Offer cold reads and even if they're wrong, she'll appreciate that you actually thought about it instead of mindlessly pushing through her resistance.

Pay attention to her. Study her. Get to know her. If her words match her emotion, they're true.

Hector

 

[Bboy100]

Thanks for the analysis Hector! The examples you gave throughout are actually super helpful to me

Why'd you take 30 mins to respond?

I literally didn't see the message till 30 mins later haha. The only reason I even knew it was 30 mins is cause on the app, it says how long ago she sent the message

Talk to her, man. I know there's a lot of advice about not bringing up logical issues and just rewiring her brain with NLP or whatever...

You really need to pay more attention to female body language and words. You might lose a few girls by being honest and asking them how things work, but they will actually tell you the truth, even if they don't think they are.

This is where I get caught up a lot of the time. When I ask girls clarificatory questions or otherwise press them for answers, they seem to close off and become uncomfortable. This is true even if only moments earlier, they seemed to enjoy my company. Probably because as you already mentioned, I fail to ask the question in a way which sounds like I actually give a shit. And tbh, I genuinely do care about her side and how she's feeling. It's just that in the moment, I kinda freeze up and can't really think of exactly how to ask her to clarify her feelings/reasons without seeming pushy or overbearing. This is a very common problem for me. It happens not only in the context of LMR, but pretty much any time a girl is refusing compliance and doesn't directly want to tell me why. I can definitely see how your example is much better than what I would have done. I guess this is just something I have to consciously work on? haha

Never offer a girl intoxicants so she can feel less nervous.

Yep. This was the only time I've ever done this. Realized how retarded and dangerous it was soon after leaving her dorm. lol

Bboy100 wrote:
Her: I just feel really bad for not hooking up with you. You can go if you want. <---This actually might have been her politely telling me to leave. And tbh, I might as well have. It was probably game over.
Me: [I start making out with her again]


No. What was her tone here?

Hmm yeah, she said it pretty quietly. So yeah, I could see how this might've been her just feeling guilty.