FR was she legitimately tired or just avoiding to move things forward?

[Prehistoric]

So, I went on my first date with this girl yesterday.

We went to a restaurant (I know it's not the best choice, but there's this place she really wanted to try so proposing the restaurant was essential to get to date her in the first place).

We got there. She's having a great time. I basically mix deep-diving (which I am learning now) and provocative teasing (which is my natural thing) the whole time. She starts conversation every time that things seems to fade away.

At one point in the conversation she mentions that in 3 days she's going away for one month (she's from another country and is visiting relatives) and she says "will you remember me after one month?".

Later on, towards the end of the dinner I mention having some other drinks at a bar I know. (I didn't ask her straight home because the place was kinda far from my home and we were with public transportation so my idea was going to some bar closer to my place, getting a bit more physical there and then bring her home). She said ok, but then some minutes later she said "Is it a problem if we go for drinks next time? I came back from a business trip yesterday, I didn't sleep at all, I have to wake up early tomorrow and I am very very tired". I kinda said yes dismissively and I asked her at least 3 other times (pausing some minutes between and always in a "cockily funny" way, to avoid looking needy) she was always answered as if she wanted to but she was really tired. Before we left the restaurant I asked her to go for drinks in a couple of days (she's leaving in three) but she mentioned a birthday (that's when I started to doubt whether she was actually tired and think that maybe she was just resisting escalation). Then she said she had a great time, that we have a lot of topic we can talk about and blah blah blah (I am really past the point of getting excited when they say those things, I am only satisfied when they agree to move things forward here and now) So we got to the metro station, she kept on asking me a lot of questions, I kinda touched her hair two or three times, suggesting her various hairstyles (was that a big gay? ) at one point even sinking my whole had in her hair starting from her forehead. we chatted a bit in the train, then she had to get off, hugs me and tells me "let me know about this and that (things we talked about during the conversation) and that when she comes back she wants to go to this and that place. I didn't send her a text later. It felt like rewarding her without reason and setting a chasing frame (communicating "I went out with you on the first date and even if we didn't escalate I'll stick around like a dog". I didn't want to come across as that. Rather I wanted to communicate "I am a guy who moves things forward, don't put too many hopes on my if you don't wanna go along)

I am really thinking about nexting her. There's no point in starting messaging her with her being 1 month away. In the best situation I would end up looking like a provider, in the worst case friend-zoned.

What's your opinion and did you think I made some relevant or less relevant mistakes?

I am thinking a mistake was not asking her home immediately after the restaurant, but 1) I didn't feel enough tension yet 2) it really looked a long way from the restaurant to my place with public transportation. She would have had plenty of occasion to just say "you know what, maybe next time, now I have to go home". Getting her to an intermediate place before made more sense at the moment.

 

[Smith]

Prehistoric,

It sounds like you were dating on her terms in the first place and that puts you less in the lover category and more in the friends /bf category.

I understand your logistic pain man! But once you get her on the train/bus, it's a lot easier since all u had to do is to keep the conversation going. Tell her to come to your place and if she ask how far, just underestimate it a bit since she won't really care once she has decided to go with you. If she complains on the way, just keep saying we're almost there then keep the conversation going! I would just wait for her to get back in touch when she comes back

Good luck

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Prehistoric,

These days I find that doing a lot of touching works well for me. I date a girl, within the first minute I meet her, I take her hand in mine. After the initial surprise she would usually pull her hand out, and maybe take my arm instead, but often would place her hand back in mind after a minute. If not I ask for her hand again. During the date I would maintain constant physical contact, hand in hand, then touch / caress her arm, caress her forehead and hair, put my hand on her leg "accidentally" then keeping it there etc... In the meantime I maintain her logical brain on the conversation with deep diving etc so that the touching only occurs in the background. When dinner is over I take her by the hand and lead her. Instead of telling her where we go, I don't, I just bring her there, unless she asks. If the connection is good and excited I would even gently caress her ass lol.

In your case, maybe she was not excited enough. She could be genuinely tired but if sufficiently excited, she would forget about being tired and come over. Yet if she does not want to come, then I would insist (it could be that she tests your a motivated man who doesn't give up on first resistance), and only give in if she resists my insistence.

If it was me I would simply not text her and wait to see if she comes back. And in the meantime, focus on another one. You may have the good surprise to see her initiating texting.

Cheers,

Seppuku

 

[Prehistoric]

Hey Prehistoric,

These days I find that doing a lot of touching works well for me.

Yeah me too normally, but in a restaurant there's less room for touching if she's sitting in front of you. Still I touched her legs with mine often, and as I said, I did some significant touching as we were waiting for the train.

By the way, I didn't write her but she wrote me back today (two days later). I had told her during our date some things I was interested in and she sent me some websites she said I might like.

Looks like an excuse to get in touch again. I'll see how it plays out but obviously I am keeping on meeting girls and experimenting things. I can see the abundance mentality getting stronger, and the fixation for individual girls getting weaker.

 

[Seppuku]

If she's back by herself it is a positive sign in my opinion.

Next time try dating on your terms. The place that is convenient for you given your agenda.

OK good luck!