Was this Dominance?

[LearningMan]

Hanging with some folks last night and one of my friends asks me if I could drive her teenage daughter and friend to her friends house.
I'm the only sober one in the bunch, so I agree.

I'm waiting for the details to get ironed out, then her daughter walks by me(using a corruption of my name by adding a "y" to the end of it) and exclaims,"come on D___y, let's go!"
For a second, I nearly comply....but as I'm a actively practicing frame control, it hits me: this teenager just gave me a command, and I'm not going anywhere.
She gets to the car, I haven't moved and haven't acknowledged the fact that they're ready to leave. As she is walking back towards me I say something along the lines of,"that isnt how you treat someone who is doing you a favor."
Without hesitation she asked,"will you please take us to...."
"That's better, lets go"
Here's where I noticed the change. As I'm cranking up the car, I ask if they've got their seat belts on.
Almost in harmony, I get a resounding "yes sir!"
It made me smile a bit.
Was this dominance at work?

 

[Skid]

Yea I'd say it was a form of dominance - you are setting your boundaries so the kid respects that and it definitely changed how she is viewing you. It's good you reminded her that you're doing her a favor so the trade is even : I'm doing you a favor so you give me respect else no favor. Just keep it balanced like this instance and its all good. There is always the extremes where you ask too much and people will resent you or ask too little and people wont respect you.

 

[Estate]

In one way, yes, I guess it was dominant... but there's a big obsession in the community with having to "control" every situation.

At the end of the day, you acting more like their Dad then being "dominant" here. In the end you, still drove them so by the literal PUA sense, you'd refuse to drive them, right?
Though I don't think that's good either...

The thing is, to be a cool good guy, you don't need to be this stiff "I control all" character. I've seen it a lot, and it has the opposite effect. Guys acting like they have a stick up their butt but people can manipulate them easily. I see it with PUA guys, bosses, etc... they want to be made feel important, people see it. But they also no they won't actually say NO. So stroke their ego and little, and you can get anything you want from them.

I can't really tell what's going on here... like are these teenage girls and youre older or someting? I'm not sure. But here, you come across more like their Dad.
i.e. you could make it fun. Play around in the car. ACTUALLY HAVE FUN. Make it feel like you're actually just having a good time and they're along for the ride. Instead, I feel they'll leave the car just thinking of you as a Dad figure. Like how a teenage girl will tell their friends their Dad is "soooo lame" with a stick up his but but will certainly bat her eyelids and play the game if she knows she can get what she needs.

If anything, telling them to put on their seatbelts... again, like a Dad.
The "Yes Sir!".... hmmm.... sounds like "Yes, old man, just take us where we want to go... lameeeeee".

Personal opinion here but the obsession of frame control and having to be the most dominant person in the room is weird. They're much more likely to see you as a cool older guy if you're the fun one. You're having fun on their level but you're also kinda cool because you're the one with the car and you always make the car rides fun.

Being a stiff about everything is extremely easy to spot in someone. They want to be made feel important but people willing to take advantage of it, can see your insecurity and will play it like a fiddle.

 

[LearningMan]

In one way, yes, I guess it was dominant... but there's a big obsession in the community with having to "control" every situation.

At the end of the day, you acting more like their Dad then being "dominant" here. In the end you, still drove them so by the literal PUA sense, you'd refuse to drive them, right?
Though I don't think that's good either...

The thing is, to be a cool good guy, you don't need to be this stiff "I control all" character. I've seen it a lot, and it has the opposite effect. Guys acting like they have a stick up their butt but people can manipulate them easily. I see it with PUA guys, bosses, etc... they want to be made feel important, people see it. But they also no they won't actually say NO. So stroke their ego and little, and you can get anything you want from them.

I can't really tell what's going on here... like are these teenage girls and youre older or someting? I'm not sure. But here, you come across more like their Dad.
i.e. you could make it fun. Play around in the car. ACTUALLY HAVE FUN. Make it feel like you're actually just having a good time and they're along for the ride. Instead, I feel they'll leave the car just thinking of you as a Dad figure. Like how a teenage girl will tell their friends their Dad is "soooo lame" with a stick up his but but will certainly bat her eyelids and play the game if she knows she can get what she needs.

If anything, telling them to put on their seatbelts... again, like a Dad.
The "Yes Sir!".... hmmm.... sounds like "Yes, old man, just take us where we want to go... lameeeeee".

Personal opinion here but the obsession of frame control and having to be the most dominant person in the room is weird. They're much more likely to see you as a cool older guy if you're the fun one. You're having fun on their level but you're also kinda cool because you're the one with the car and you always make the car rides fun.

Being a stiff about everything is extremely easy to spot in someone. They want to be made feel important but people willing to take advantage of it, can see your insecurity and will play it like a fiddle.

At the end of the day, regardless of PUA mentality, when a long-time friend(girl's mother) asks a favor of you(knowing full well it will be reciprocated) you do it if it's within your ability.
I was doing the favor for her mother, not her. I'm 35 and these girls are both 15. No PUA/gaming was involved. In the car ride, however I did somewhat deep dive about their cheerleading competitions, what they liked about it, etc.....for a bit of practice.

What would be the most socially savvy way to handle this?
If a teenager just gave you a command, how would you handle it?

 

[Estate]

I think the first part of your reply was most savvy.

If this is for someone you know. It's not submissive to do it necessarily. It makes you a good guy. Which is attractive.

Where I was going with it is that you don't necessarily need to make everything into a power struggle.

Sometimes there are situations your being challenged and need to stand firm. This seemed just like a favor from a friend. It's not submissive to do it if it's not totally taking advantage and something you can do.