Ways to screen for girls who are genuinely interested in you

[Smith]

Hey guys,

Today's not a really good day for me haha Just got two texts in a row from two different girls who changed their mind and don't wanna see me again. Knowing what I know about women, it was just funny reading their excuses.
The first girl was pretty enthusiastic to set up a date with me, then we went on a coffee date, I thought we had fun, but she resisted my invitation to come over 3 times at different point throughout the date. She was pretty resistant to the "us vs world" frame, and deep down my intuition tells me something's wrong, but she wasn't resistant to my touch, so I ignored it. We were holding hands in the end and she gave me a hug. All smiling and shit. I thought everything was good, because I encountered a similar situation before so I thought I knew what to do....then 3 days later, I send her a text...cold response (I was surprised). I waited for another week and invited her out again...then I got this.

Her:"I'm sorry but I would rather not. I don't want to waste your time because I am not really interested in getting into that kind of relationship with you."
Her:"I'm sorry for the late reply as well as I wanted to think thoroughly about it before saying all of this."
Her: "But thank you for going out of your way and taking your time to try and get to know me =)"

I wasn't surprise to read this, and suddenly remembered Chase mentioned that you'll have no idea how your first date went until you ask her out again, and he was right lol
But I was still so confused, even though I know women's emotion change 5 times per second.
So I replied
Me: "Haha no worries...thought we had fun last time =) just curious..what change your mind though?"
Her: "I've been denying for ages that I really like one of closest friends. (and no I am no bs-ing LMAO) and so, I very much think that it is totally unfair to lead you on when I do not have any feelings for you and that I like someone else. I haven't told ANYONE this at all but I owe it to you to tell the truth"
Me: "Thanks for your honesty haha I hope everything works out for you =)
Her: "Thanks =)"

Now I'm thinking maybe I dropped the ball during the date for not moving fast enough or missing an escalation window.....
OR she wasn't even interested in the first place and just wanna do it for the sake of an experience.
Whatever it is...I feel like I've wasted my time with a girl who wasn't even interested in the first place. I thought she was interested because of her eagerness to meet up, but I was wrong. I'm pretty busy these days and I really want to make good use of my time so this doesn't happen again...
So what are the ways to screen for girls who are genuinely interested in you earlier?
I feel like it's a hit or miss thing for me

Then there's another interaction that's pretty interesting. I stopped her and we had a nice conversation then she said she's going to be late for dinner, so I asked her out and she said that would be nice. We exchanged numbers and we walked together since I was going the same way. Then she asked me.

Her: "do u do this a lot?"
Me: "yea I do."
She mumbles something I couldn't quit hear.
Me: "you mean what's my intention?"
Me: "well...um.. definitely sexual but in a romantic way. And I also wanna get to know you as well"
Her: "I'm sorry if this isn't what you expected"
lol I rolled my eyes... seduction has taught me to expect nothing.
Me: "oh I wasn't expecting anything haha"
She starts smiling.
Her: "Forgive me if I seem a little guarded"
Me:" naa you're good. you're pretty friendly"

Then we part ways.
two days later, I asked her out.

Her: "Hey Smith, Thanks for your text! I'm on call tonight and turns out 3 unexpected friends visting from XX so not free right now.. Can I get back to you? Sorry this text probably sounds like I'm trying to avoid you. Defnitely not intending to be rude. Sorry"
Me: "Sure =) wouldn't wanna keep you from saving lives dear"
The next day.
Her: "Hey Smith I've been thinking and I've decided we shouldn't meet up for coffee. Thanks for the other day and it was nice to meet you, always good know my flatmates' classmates! I'm just way too busy at the moment. Wish you well =)"

Kinda glad I screened her out by literally telling her my intention, but now I wonder what I could have done better to make sure my intent is clear without telling her that...I usually use my eye contact, voice, touch and some sex talk if she's receptive, but sometimes girls still tell me they're not sure what I want. One of my ex-fwb told me she thought I wanted a relationship, and it wasn't until I invited her home on our 1st date, she realized I just wanted sex, and she was ok with that lol...

Any advice is appreciated =) Cheers

 

[Zoro]

Now I'm thinking maybe I dropped the ball during the date for not moving fast enough or missing an escalation window.....

I'm putting my money on this one. All my moneys.

 

[Chase]

Smith-

Seems like some of this is the girls weren't that into you (could be fundamentals, or your approach... or could just be you got unlucky with two girls straight). Much of it though seems to be miscalibration, which you can fix.

Comments...

The first girl was pretty enthusiastic to set up a date with me, then we went on a coffee date, I thought we had fun, but she resisted my invitation to come over 3 times at different point throughout the date. She was pretty resistant to the "us vs world" frame, and deep down my intuition tells me something's wrong, but she wasn't resistant to my touch, so I ignored it.

When a girl resists any kind of "two peas in a pod" frame like this, it means her interest isn't really there. Depending on when it happened, that can tell you a lot about where the issue was though.

e.g., if the date started out strong and then lost steam, and you threw this frame out there later, just means you made some mistakes that cost you her interest.

You did the right thing here going for the pull if she was already fighting the "us vs. the world" frame because your goose was probably cooked at that point, so might as well burn it down.

However, be advised for future dates, if you'll push hard for her to come back with her, and she resists and doesn't do it, this gives you low odds at seeing her again. So, if you're just trying to feel her out, then feel her out without pushing too hard, and if you want to use a second/third date, don't push too hard on the first. Throw it out there and see how she responds, then adjust.

Her: "I've been denying for ages that I really like one of closest friends. (and no I am no bs-ing LMAO) and so, I very much think that it is totally unfair to lead you on when I do not have any feelings for you and that I like someone else. I haven't told ANYONE this at all but I owe it to you to tell the truth"

Don't buy this (doesn't sound like you did); the more likely thing here was she's been thinking about it, and went out with you to help make up her mind. Didn't pan out with you, so now in contrast the friend looks even better.

Certainly looks/sounds like you had a chance to be the guy who got her and keep her friend in the back seat, however. Not sure what happened on the date, so I don't know if it was cold/off from the get-go, or if it started off with some potential and then just petered out as mistakes were made / windows were missed / etc.

Now I'm thinking maybe I dropped the ball during the date for not moving fast enough or missing an escalation window.....
OR she wasn't even interested in the first place and just wanna do it for the sake of an experience.
Whatever it is...I feel like I've wasted my time with a girl who wasn't even interested in the first place. I thought she was interested because of her eagerness to meet up, but I was wrong. I'm pretty busy these days and I really want to make good use of my time so this doesn't happen again...

I don't know what the approach looked like, or what the date looked like before the pull, but if she was excited... yeah, sometimes you'll get girls who are excited to go out with you because you're a really unique experience for them. Like if you're the first punk rocker guy she's ever had coffee with or something. If you travel a lot you can sometimes get the "first guy I've ever met from California - how cool!" thing or whatnot.

However, the rest of the time, if she's excited about you, it means she's got high hopes for you (which isn't always good - better to have girls who are nervous than girls who are excited).

It almost sounds like she's boyfriend hunting, and thought you were a good prospect. And then you tried to pull her on Date #1 without any romance to it and dumped a bucket of cold water on those hopes for her, so now she's going to retreat to the friend.

This girl probably was a better candidate for date compression.

So what are the ways to screen for girls who are genuinely interested in you earlier?
I feel like it's a hit or miss thing for me

Escalation and compliance. That's really it. Keep escalating how invested she is, keep getting her doing more and more stuff with you and for you, keep things moving ahead. If you're trying to gauge when first meeting her, move her a lot and ask for lots of compliance. Then on the date, keep it up.

Her: "do u do this a lot?"

Means you came across too polished / slick / insincere. Add some sincerity to your approach and make it seem less practiced, or else find ways of getting her to reveal unique details to her so you're running "off script".

Me: "yea I do."

Girl: "Am I special to you?"
Smith: "Nah, girl. You just another ho."

Funny to do stuff like this after you've slept together. Do it right and she'll just punch you in the arm and keep seeing you.

Doing it when you're total strangers though...

Check out this article:

Answer Questions Like a Politician

But yeah, that's just for troubleshooting. When you're getting questions like "Do you do this a lot?" out of the blue, without context, it means she's thinking something seemed really off to her when she met you. Much more extreme than, say, "So... do you talk to LOTS of girls on the street?"

That she didn't even provide context tells you she was thinking about it so much that it didn't even feel necessary to add the context in, she was that deep in her head over it.

Chances are, she DID like you (or she wouldn't have cared), but it just seemed so off to her that she auto-rejected.

Me: "you mean what's my intention?"
Me: "well...um.. definitely sexual but in a romantic way. And I also wanna get to know you as well"

Well... that's quite a response!

First rule of seduction: you are curious about her, not sold on her, until she gives you reason to be otherwise. And the more easily you are sold on her, and for less, the "cheaper" a man you are.

Think of it like this: you walk into a bar, and a girl turns towards you and strikes up a conversation. A few minutes in, you ask her, "So why did you talk to me tonight?" and she says, "Well, honestly, what I'm looking for right now is to get married and start a family. And I'd also like to get to know you and stuff." (I actually did have a girl do this to me once - and she was pretty! - and I've got to tell you, little else a woman has done has sent me running for the hills like this did)

It's not even about "Oh, she doesn't want sex." It's about "Sexy, attractive, preselected men do not talk like this." A girl could be dripping wet and hungry for a roll and still reject a guy who chats to her this way. It's a sign of inexperience / that you don't know your way around women yet, and this is an attraction killer to girls. Women want men who are more sexually experienced than they are (and if you're not this yet you'll just have to fake it till you make it).

A seduction should be a pleasurable experience for her, filled with flirting and teasing, not matter-of-fact man-friendly guy-logic answers. Guy talk's great for chilling with the boys, but giving matter-of-fact guy answers to women makes their hair stand on-end.

Your intentions should always be "I'm curious about you" until she's given you a reason to be more than that. Make her wonder a bit. Check out these articles:

• Book Excerpts: What to Screen Women For
• Is Qualifying Women Really That Important?
• How to Qualify a Girl and Ramp Up Attraction
• The Conversationalist

Major takeaways:

I get the impression from both dates you are jumping the gun like crazy with these girls.

They aren't feeling qualified, which makes it "weird" and "off" to them. Like, you meet a guy at a social event and after a few minutes of chatting in which you tell him nothing about yourself he starts telling you he wants to start hanging out a lot and maybe you two can hit the bars on the weekends and go rock climbing together. You're like, "Whoa dude... you don't KNOW me!" It just feels really weird, doesn't it? It feels like this guy has already made up his mind about you and is trying to sink his hooks into you, and neither of you know anything about the other. Red flags all over the place.

I don't know exactly what you did on your dates, but my suggestions for what needs to improve the most here are going to be, most likely:

• Screening women and making them feel qualified
• Deep diving and eliciting values from women
• Getting women to invest - escalating compliance
• Calibration to where the girl is at in the seduction

Get those handled and you should be able to put a dent in the "sorry, I don't think I'm down for this" rejections, which happen a lot more when the girl either auto-rejects if she feels insulted (e.g., you imply she's nothing special to you) or excuses herself kindly if you've shown you're too low value for her (e.g., you know nothing about her but she's already good enough for you... meanwhile, her interest in you is still far below yours in her). Keep that balance of power - you need it to sleep with 99.999923418% of women

Chase

 

[Smith]

Thanks for the thoughtful response Chase =) For a while, I've been kinda banging my head against the wall trying different things but my reference experience has been all over the place as well.

When a girl resists any kind of "two peas in a pod" frame like this, it means her interest isn't really there. Depending on when it happened, that can tell you a lot about where the issue was though.

e.g., if the date started out strong and then lost steam, and you threw this frame out there later, just means you made some mistakes that cost you her interest.

Actually, she was pretty resistant to the "us" frame from the start, but I thought she probably just needed more time. I would say the date started out warm, she seemed shy. I casually invited her home after about an hour, which she rejected, but I quickly move on and talked about something else. I tried again 15 mins later suggesting that we go buy some food and cook at my place...no go because she told she has a lab at six (I remembered she told me she didn't have class anymore....but I didn't wanna bust her balls because I knew it was an excuse, no point making it awkward) So we walked around the campus. I started touching her more and she seemed receptive. I tried to invite her home again by giving her my hand. She took my hand and I started leading her. On the way towards my place, I threw out another "us" frame and even though she was laughing she was having none of it lol then she told me that she needed to have dinner with her friends (different excuse again). I didn't wanna persist because that was the 3rd time, so she gave me a hug and that was it.

I think you're right that I didn't qualify her enough and that it didn't feel "romantic" when I invited her home. This is probably the major sticking point for me now! I'm starting to see a pattern here in all my previous dates/interactions that went like this =p

That she didn't even provide context tells you she was thinking about it so much that it didn't even feel necessary to add the context in, she was that deep in her head over it.

Chances are, she DID like you (or she wouldn't have cared), but it just seemed so off to her that she auto-rejected.

I'll be more relatable here in the future =)

Smith wrote:
Me: "you mean what's my intention?"
Me: "well...um.. definitely sexual but in a romantic way. And I also wanna get to know you as well"

Well... that's quite a response!

First rule of seduction: you are curious about her, not sold on her, until she gives you reason to be otherwise. And the more easily you are sold on her, and for less, the "cheaper" a man you are.

Haha yea almost forgot that rule. After the interaction, I felt like I could have said something like "well I want to see if we like each other".

I don't know exactly what you did on your dates, but my suggestions for what needs to improve the most here are going to be, most likely:

Screening women and making them feel qualified
Deep diving and eliciting values from women
Getting women to invest - escalating compliance
Calibration to where the girl is at in the seduction

Thanks again for the pointers =) they make perfect sense. Lately I've been focusing too much on having fun and flirting, and forgot about the emotional connection side.

 

[Chase]

Smith-

Don't mention it. Usually when you're in the "banging your head against the wall" point it means there's something big you're missing, so can make sense to sit down and go back through the basic building blocks of seduction and grade yourself on how you're doing on each.

One more comment:

I would say the date started out warm, she seemed shy. I casually invited her home after about an hour, which she rejected, but I quickly move on and talked about something else. I tried again 15 mins later suggesting that we go buy some food and cook at my place...no go because she told she has a lab at six (I remembered she told me she didn't have class anymore....but I didn't wanna bust her balls because I knew it was an excuse, no point making it awkward) So we walked around the campus.

If your intent is to pull, you either want to:

• a.) Seed the date early on if it's somewhat involved, to feel her out and prime her for it, or
  
  b.) Make it totally effortless

So, if you want to do dinner, that'd be one where earlier on in the date you talk with her about cooking food and ask if she's a good cook and what she likes to cook, without saying anything about the two of you cooking together. Then a little later you find out what else she has going on throughout the day. Then later still you probe a bit and ask if she's hungry. Then you can propose cooking at your place if the answer is yes and she seems excited / willing about the hungry question.

If you don't want to do all the setup, keep the pull simple: "Let's go watch a movie" "Come on, I'll show you that X I was telling you about earlier" etc. Avoid things that sound like they're going to be a lot of work, like "Let's cook dinner together", unless you already know she's down for that work. Otherwise, you muddy the water so the decision is not just "Okay, do I want to be alone with Smith?" but also "Okay, do I want to stand in front of a pot and stir spaghetti for 15 minutes?"

Chase

 

[Flames]

As your question was about screening I assume you want to be doing that as early as possible into the date.

So (as Chase said) compliance and escalation is the way to go. If she's resisting this early on you can probably guess how it's going to turn out.

For example.

On a coffee date you can simply pull a chair out, say let me take your coat and see how she reacts. It seems like your just being a gentleman but it's actually a double whammy of compliance.

Also something to consider is something I've done a few times (but not really nailed down yet) recently and that's a fake bail. Make it look like your preparing to leave the date early (or social event etc) and see how she reacts. If the reaction is neutral or positive (ie she says let's stay) then you just carry on as if you were never going to leave. I've tried it a few times recently and it seems to give a bit of a kick to things. If however she says let's go then you know your not going to waste time sitting in a cafe/club etc chatting. This also has the side-effect of being able to turn it into a quick lay/escalation depending on the situation.

You also get an idea of her comfort level ie happy to stay and chat, bored/not interested or wants you to take her home for naughty times.

I also like the way you go direct, that takes balls. I tend to be a bit more implicit than explicit but I've got to hand it to you for that.

Hope that gives you a few ideas.

 

[Smith]

Thanks again for the tips =) and love the new article Chase

On a coffee date you can simply pull a chair out, say let me take your coat and see how she reacts. It seems like your just being a gentleman but it's actually a double whammy of compliance.

Also something to consider is something I've done a few times (but not really nailed down yet) recently and that's a fake bail. Make it look like your preparing to leave the date early (or social event etc) and see how she reacts. If the reaction is neutral or positive (ie she says let's stay) then you just carry on as if you were never going to leave. I've tried it a few times recently and it seems to give a bit of a kick to things. If however she says let's go then you know your not going to waste time sitting in a cafe/club etc chatting. This also has the side-effect of being able to turn it into a quick lay/escalation depending on the situation.

Thanks man, will try this out too =)

I went back and read those articles again, and in the last couple of days, my interactions have been wonderful. Compliance test (or compliance invitation as I like to call them) is still something I need to get used to doing. However, I get objections a lot when I try to move them, and sometimes I don't really have any "logical reason" to move them.

For example,
Chatting up this girl during the day around campus and there were barely anyone around us. She seemed pretty receptive.
Me: "Hey let's go sit over there"
Her: "I have to go home though."
Me: "Just a couple of mins. Then I have to go meet my friends"
Her: "hmmm no sorry, but it was nice meeting you"

or

On a fairly busy street, and a few mins into the conversation.
Me: "Hey let's move out of the way"
Her: "umm I actually have to go meet someone"
Me: "sure, me too. I won't keep you long"
Her: "sorry gotta go"

Maybe they were genuinely not interested, but I felt the vibe was good from the start and was surprised they wouldn't move with me. Granted, I probably need more practice delivering these, but I'm surprised at how hard it is to move girl, even when they seem to be receptive from the start.