Went on a date with a girl who sort of had someone?

[Michaelrng]

I'm not sure if this is in the right board, but since it's more than one encounter with the same woman I'm guessing it's not a FR. I suppose the girl I have a few questions about is kind of in my social circle, but I only saw her once before and we'd never even talked. She's apparently a friend of a friend.

I've been reading articles on GC for a little over a year now and I'm wondering if my read on the situation is correct and if you have any tips for me (last time I posted here I got some real eye-openers, thanks for that).
I tried to keep it short, but it's more than one enounter and I didn't want to skip any important details.

The first night
So I was at the birthday party of a friend of mine, a relatively small get together of about 10 people, 3 or 4 women. There was one cute girl there but she was kind of pre-occupied talking to one of the other girls there. I just socialized / mingled and didn't really talk to her in private.

After a while we all went to a bar. At first I simply socialized with everyone like I'd been doing earlier, but as the night progressed I felt a lot of social momentum, so I decided to try some deep diving and chase framing on the cute girl.

We talked: I got her to really open up, show me some personal stuff and we had some solid/warm conversations. I moved her, and she said something vague about how she would enjoy having
another drink with me or something, I don't know. I just ordered us a fresh round and told her we should get one the next day as well then. We found ourselves alone by that move, and we kissed. She complemented me on my kissing, I complemented her back, and shortly after that we went outside (her not being totally comfortable making out with her brotherly guy-friend in the proximity, who also happens to be a buddy of mine). Unfortunately, when we got outside the rest of the gang was waiting on us, and my drunk buddy suddenly inviting himself over to my place for a place to crash, not realizing the cockblock (and apologizing for it to me the next day). He actually didn't even end up crashing at my place, so I texted her about a nightcap but she was already in bed. She responded though, but she was very tired and asked me if we could please meet the next day and that she really enjoyed herself with me.

The next day / the (first) date
So I texted her the next day, pretty much just following protocol from chase's main articles on texting with girls.

Sidenote: texting had always felt like one of my weak points and later that day, during the date, she even told me I was very suave and also good at texting when I told her I'd rather talk to a woman face to face than being a boring texting guy (so yeah, thank you Chase!).

Anyway, so I did a little bit of rapport but mostly just setting up the date. I handled logistics and gave her a ping right before I left for the date to reassure her I was on my way. We went to a cozy bar and had our first two drinks and some good conversations there. Little bit of flirting but not too much (perhaps I should have done more, I'm not sure). I paid for our drinks and we hopped to another bar, it was still early. We had a few drinks there as well and she told me this bill was on her. Again, maybe I should have done a little bit more flirting, but at the time I thought I'd rather keep my cool. I did give a few sexy compliments though. During the entire evening she only once looked at her phone and that was while I was at the bathroom, she put it away as soon as she saw me get back. Now we were both pretty tired from a long night before that so we decided to call it a night. She paid for the drinks and I walked her home. I decided not to hold hands or anything, as that felt too couple-y, but that also means no physical contact. When we got to her door we kissed a few times and she told me she enjoyed herself, but she didn't invite me in. Instead she told me the next date should be at her place to listen to some music (when we were on the topic of music during out date, I told her she should show me her collection).

Now I have to admit two things here:
1. I didn't really push for sex on this date as I was kind of tired and she seemed really into me, so I figured I had more time (mistake)
2. She actually beat me to saying we should end the date / I should walk her home. Maybe partly because she was going to pick up the bill anyway, but honestly it just means that technically she ended the date and not me (another mistake, or forgivable?)

The day(s) after
After I woke up I waited a while to see if she would send me a text first. After a few hours I decided to just send a reassuring text that I'd had a good time (and reminding her that so did she). She responded in the same way.

The following day (second day after the date) I didn't send her anything.

The day after that (third day after the date) I send her a text to set up the second date. Once again just following protocol from chase's articles on how to structure your texts and the one on how to set up a second date (when it was a good date, without failed escalation, but no sex either).
After a few hours I got a reply saying she had really enjoyed herself with me, but that she needed to be honest. She wasn't ready for "something new" and the reason for that was that she had some unfinished business with some other guy. I just replied with an "Ah, that's too bad..", nothing else. She apologized but I never responded.

And now..
I ended up calling my buddy the next day, he told me he knew about the guy and that apparently the guy's a real downer (but I'm guessing quite manipulative seeing as what she just did for him?). I suppose they were sort of a thing. I just cursed my buddy for not telling me about this guy (I mean, I can forgive the cockblock, but really.. if I had known this I would have definitely pushed things further on the first date).

So what do you guys think. Did I make any mistakes other than not pushing for sex on the first date harder. Even though there were no failed attempts at physical escalation or anything, do you think she will rationalize this as the universe stepping in and us not being meant to be or whatever, or is there hope that she will grow tired of the downer guy and think back of our warm encounters and maybe realize her mistake? To me it seems like she made her choice, which is why I didn't pursue her any further. But I kind of liked her hence me asking for advise to be sure (and to learn).

I think I would know how to react if she got back in touch (play it cool, etc.), but I'm not sure if she ever will. I certainly don't intend to chase her or anything and I doubt we'll run in to each other much soon (though some day, we surely will due to our mutual friend). The thing is, I'm wondering:
- should I ping her again in a few weeks, or just forget about her?
- is it possible she will see her mistake? (and even then.. yes, she was honest in the end, but should she have told me about this before the date?)

Really interested in your thoughts, and wondering if my read on this is kind of alright or if you guys have some eye openers for me. Thank you for reading.

- M

 

[Frost]

When we got to her door we kissed a few times and she told me she enjoyed herself, but she didn't invite me in. Instead she told me the next date should be at her place to listen to some music (when we were on the topic of music during out date, I told her she should show me her collection).

The way I see it, she was inviting you for sex on the next date. But, even though she was really into you on the date, you don't know what could have happened between then and the time you talked to her again. I think what happened with you is similar to the story in this article https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-girls-last-post-youll-ever-need in the way that while you were waiting for the next date maybe she ran into that other guy and realized that she "wasn't ready" or whatever.

Does this mean that if you pushed for it on the first date you could have avoided all this mess? Not necessarily. You certainly were tired that night, and she might have been as well.

I would say it's a good report, despite the ending, but you can't anticipate every possible contingency. Maybe next time you should try pushing for sex on the first date.

It wouldn't hurt to ping her in a few weeks. Maybe she got rid of the guy, and you got another shot. But in the meantime, it goes without saying, meet other women

 

[Michaelrng]

Thank you for your feedback Frost. What you say makes sense, I also see the similarities between my situation and the article https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... -ever-need , I guess at the time of the date I just thought I had slightly more time. Moral of the story I suppose is even if you do things right, the longer you wait the more chance life has of intervening, so take every opportunity and move fast, always.

Although no eye-openers this time, I do feel quite reassured by this. Thank you.

 

[Michaelrng]

So, without trying to spam..

Are there any tips or articles on how to get back in touch, how long to wait.. or things to certainly NOT do? I'm going out tomorrow to hopefully meet some new girls, but still want to learn and handle this situation as best as possible. Thanks in advance GC

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hi Michael,

What lost you this girl was moving too slow with no game plan. Believe it or not, this girl went on the date with you expecting to get laid, but you didn't make it happen, in fact you didn't even try. This causes her to auto-reject to protect her ego (she thinks if she was attractive enough you would've made a move), and she comes up with the, "I'm kinda seeing someone right now" excuse to protect herself. You could have got the lay quite easily with this chick if you just had a game plan.

Your game plan should have been:

1) Go to bar close to your place
2) Have one or two drinks, talk, touch
3) Invite her home for night cap, movies, food, or whatever
4) Escalate at home

1. I didn't really push for sex on this date as I was kind of tired and she seemed really into me, so I figured I had more time (mistake)

100% correct. Whenever you get the sense that, "This chick really digs me", warning bells should be ringing in your head to take her home immediately and escalate hard to sex, because you will NOT get a second chance. In the girl's mind she was giving you so many signals that she was DTF it's practically like hanging a big blinking sign over her head that reads, "I like you, let's have sex!" When you ignore those signals and don't invite her home, it's like telling her, "Meh, not really interested." Needless to say, it's pretty tough to comeback after that.

 

[Michaelrng]

You are so right, and I have to say I especially like how you phrase the part about alarm bells ringing in your head when you get that "this cick really digs me" sense.

I actually went on a date with a different girl a few weeks later and had that alarm bell going off big time even before the actual first date. I didn't have much time that week so I decided to at least have a decent game plan set up. I figured I'd try "date compression" to at least make it seem like I am able to move fast, and made sure that:
- I flirted more with this girl than the previous
- she knew I had a busy schedule and had to get up early next day, so I could keep the first date rather short
- I was the one who ended the date
- set up a second date for a few days later shortly afterwards (but not during)
- made sure the second date was at my home

On the second date I figured all I had to do was make sure she got comfortable with me and then escalated to sex. Which worked!
Now I guess if I was better at the dating game I could (or should) have had sex with this next girl on the first date. But for now I'll take it as progress and take second date sex over no sex any day of the week.

Thank you for your explanations, I will try to remember it all and hope I can use it to keep improving my (dating) game.