Hey guys,
Quick background about me before i describe the FU situation. I was raise in a very dysfunctional family - dad was a white knight and very physically abusive. mom always put me down telling me how "ugly" and "stupid" i am and that I'd never get a girl. Plus she would always drill into my head that its "rude" and "vulgar" to be sexual around women. I was terrified of expressing my sexuality around women and was convinced that I'm unlovable / unwanted by women.. I always excelled in academics and business but with women I would always end up in the friends zone. There were many times in high school/college when women would randomly seem to make moves on me but I was always so shocked and thought to myself "woah, what is this girl doing I thought its rude to be sexual around a woman" so I would just be really passive about it and end up getting friend zoned and humiliated without understanding wtf was going on. Lots of cognitive dissonance.
IN my early 20s I moved out, got my own place, started going out, and women would randomly start coming on to me. I started getting laid, but it was purely due to "getting lucky." I could not figure out why I was getting laid - it was all luck. Whenever I tried to pursue a girl I really liked, I would still end up in the friend zone. In short, I only succeeded in getting laid by girls who randomly seemed to pursue me and make all the moves. I had a very strong madonna/whore mindset and believed that the only way to "get laid" was to be lucky enough to encounters 'sluts' who would put the moves on me.
Ok fast forward to my mid 20s, I started reading GC and learning more about female psychology. Lots of my past experiences started making sense. I forced myself to go out consistently, make approaches, and follow all the advice on this board. Ended up getting laid a few times with some beautiful women, but I still had many situations where I would get rejected. In those rejection situations, I would suddenly feel extremely guilty and ashamed of myself. It was that old "shame" from my childhood coming back. Even thought I knew I should not feel ashamed, the emotion of humiliation was so strong that it made me awkward around women for weeks or months after the rejection. This really slowed down my progress because I could not override my body's response to this 'shame' emotion.
So now let's get to the context of tonight's FU. 1 month ago I went out to a bar, told a girl "hey you look cute", started chatting her up, passed her shit tests, took her on the dance floor and started grinding, when it was obvious that she wanted to hook up i said "hey its hot in here lets go for a walk outside" then just grabbed her hand, walked her back to my place. She had her clothes off as soon as we got back and I got laid. So far so good.
Fast forward to tonight. I came back from a bar without any luck. It was around 2:00am. I park my car and get in the elevator to go up to my apartment. Just before the doors close I see a sexy girl rushing to the elevator. I hold it open for her nad let her in. I've never seen her before but it turns out she lives on the same floor as me. I make small talk with her in the elevator, then as soon as the doors open and we get out, I say to myself "dont be a bitch, make a move!." So I blurt out "you're cute." She says "thanks!" then i say "want to hang out?". She says "sure." So i say "cool lets grab a glass of water at my place." I take her to my apartment and pour some water. I was making small talk to make her feel comfortable. Just asking her how long she's been living here, what she does, etc. She asks me questions about myself. The hwole time we're both smiling and just being relaly chill so the mood was good. She then told me that she has a great view of the city from her balcony and invited me over to her apartnemtn. I said "yea lets check it out" then we walk to her unit which was just down the hall. We go inside, and she brings me out on the balcony to look at the view. By now we've done enough small talk to get comfortable with eachother. it was freezing out side so I said "its cold" then put my arm around her trying to subtly escalate. She didnt' really reciprocate the hug and instead said "lets go back inside." I sat with her on her sofa, then she tried looking for her remote. She was feeling under my butt for the remote - I thought this was a great sign so I started being really playful and said "why are u trying to touch my booty!" with a big playful smile on my face. Basically just trying to tease her. At first it seemed to work, she was like "oh my god! im just looking for the remote". But then all of a sudden she went COLD. I couldn't figoure wtf was going on, so I just kept it casual and went back to chit chatting about how her night went. She said she was at a party with her girlfriend but it was boring. She got up from the sofa and poured us both a drink, then she sat on the counter top. I was sitting on a bar stool at the opposite end of the counter. I started deep diving her and she opened up to me about all the issues she was having with her girlfriend. I gave her my insight and she found it really interesting. Then I changed the subject to make things more playful and got up to go stand next to her. I tried touching her back as we were etalking but again she just wnet cold and I couldnt' figure out wtf was going on. I just wanted some sign of reciprocation from her so I could comfortably go in for a kiss, but every time I tried to touch her or come near her she went totally cold. So we chilled for 15 more minutes, then all of a sudden she said "i have to go." I said "oh.. where do you have to go". Then she said "just give me your number." i said "naw first you tell me where youre going." Then she said "i just dont feel like starting something right now." I thought to myself "ok im getting rejected, theres no way im playing into this girls ego and giving her my number." So I just smiled and said "well maybe we'll bump into eachother again." Then she showed me out and I walked back to my place.
#1 I cant figure out what I did wrong. Any ideas?
#2: When situations like this happen to me, I get this deep sense of shame and humilation that I've had in the background since childhoos. I have this voice in my head saying "see! hot girls dont really want you. You're too weak. You should have just grabbed her and made a move. You just let a woman make a fool out of you." As much as I logically know I shuold not give into these feeligs, the emotion of humiliation and shame are so strong.
Since she lives in my building, I have a voice in my head saying "if you ever bump into her you're going to look like a pussy." I'm worrying baout how I should act if I bump into her. Should I ignore her, or just give her a friendly smile and act friendly? If I do that I'll look like an even bigger pussy.
As you can see my mind becomes wracked with anxiety after situations like this. I'd appreciate some insight!
Thanks guys.
Quick background about me before i describe the FU situation. I was raise in a very dysfunctional family - dad was a white knight and very physically abusive. mom always put me down telling me how "ugly" and "stupid" i am and that I'd never get a girl. Plus she would always drill into my head that its "rude" and "vulgar" to be sexual around women. I was terrified of expressing my sexuality around women and was convinced that I'm unlovable / unwanted by women.. I always excelled in academics and business but with women I would always end up in the friends zone. There were many times in high school/college when women would randomly seem to make moves on me but I was always so shocked and thought to myself "woah, what is this girl doing I thought its rude to be sexual around a woman" so I would just be really passive about it and end up getting friend zoned and humiliated without understanding wtf was going on. Lots of cognitive dissonance.
IN my early 20s I moved out, got my own place, started going out, and women would randomly start coming on to me. I started getting laid, but it was purely due to "getting lucky." I could not figure out why I was getting laid - it was all luck. Whenever I tried to pursue a girl I really liked, I would still end up in the friend zone. In short, I only succeeded in getting laid by girls who randomly seemed to pursue me and make all the moves. I had a very strong madonna/whore mindset and believed that the only way to "get laid" was to be lucky enough to encounters 'sluts' who would put the moves on me.
Ok fast forward to my mid 20s, I started reading GC and learning more about female psychology. Lots of my past experiences started making sense. I forced myself to go out consistently, make approaches, and follow all the advice on this board. Ended up getting laid a few times with some beautiful women, but I still had many situations where I would get rejected. In those rejection situations, I would suddenly feel extremely guilty and ashamed of myself. It was that old "shame" from my childhood coming back. Even thought I knew I should not feel ashamed, the emotion of humiliation was so strong that it made me awkward around women for weeks or months after the rejection. This really slowed down my progress because I could not override my body's response to this 'shame' emotion.
So now let's get to the context of tonight's FU. 1 month ago I went out to a bar, told a girl "hey you look cute", started chatting her up, passed her shit tests, took her on the dance floor and started grinding, when it was obvious that she wanted to hook up i said "hey its hot in here lets go for a walk outside" then just grabbed her hand, walked her back to my place. She had her clothes off as soon as we got back and I got laid. So far so good.
Fast forward to tonight. I came back from a bar without any luck. It was around 2:00am. I park my car and get in the elevator to go up to my apartment. Just before the doors close I see a sexy girl rushing to the elevator. I hold it open for her nad let her in. I've never seen her before but it turns out she lives on the same floor as me. I make small talk with her in the elevator, then as soon as the doors open and we get out, I say to myself "dont be a bitch, make a move!." So I blurt out "you're cute." She says "thanks!" then i say "want to hang out?". She says "sure." So i say "cool lets grab a glass of water at my place." I take her to my apartment and pour some water. I was making small talk to make her feel comfortable. Just asking her how long she's been living here, what she does, etc. She asks me questions about myself. The hwole time we're both smiling and just being relaly chill so the mood was good. She then told me that she has a great view of the city from her balcony and invited me over to her apartnemtn. I said "yea lets check it out" then we walk to her unit which was just down the hall. We go inside, and she brings me out on the balcony to look at the view. By now we've done enough small talk to get comfortable with eachother. it was freezing out side so I said "its cold" then put my arm around her trying to subtly escalate. She didnt' really reciprocate the hug and instead said "lets go back inside." I sat with her on her sofa, then she tried looking for her remote. She was feeling under my butt for the remote - I thought this was a great sign so I started being really playful and said "why are u trying to touch my booty!" with a big playful smile on my face. Basically just trying to tease her. At first it seemed to work, she was like "oh my god! im just looking for the remote". But then all of a sudden she went COLD. I couldn't figoure wtf was going on, so I just kept it casual and went back to chit chatting about how her night went. She said she was at a party with her girlfriend but it was boring. She got up from the sofa and poured us both a drink, then she sat on the counter top. I was sitting on a bar stool at the opposite end of the counter. I started deep diving her and she opened up to me about all the issues she was having with her girlfriend. I gave her my insight and she found it really interesting. Then I changed the subject to make things more playful and got up to go stand next to her. I tried touching her back as we were etalking but again she just wnet cold and I couldnt' figure out wtf was going on. I just wanted some sign of reciprocation from her so I could comfortably go in for a kiss, but every time I tried to touch her or come near her she went totally cold. So we chilled for 15 more minutes, then all of a sudden she said "i have to go." I said "oh.. where do you have to go". Then she said "just give me your number." i said "naw first you tell me where youre going." Then she said "i just dont feel like starting something right now." I thought to myself "ok im getting rejected, theres no way im playing into this girls ego and giving her my number." So I just smiled and said "well maybe we'll bump into eachother again." Then she showed me out and I walked back to my place.
#1 I cant figure out what I did wrong. Any ideas?
#2: When situations like this happen to me, I get this deep sense of shame and humilation that I've had in the background since childhoos. I have this voice in my head saying "see! hot girls dont really want you. You're too weak. You should have just grabbed her and made a move. You just let a woman make a fool out of you." As much as I logically know I shuold not give into these feeligs, the emotion of humiliation and shame are so strong.
Since she lives in my building, I have a voice in my head saying "if you ever bump into her you're going to look like a pussy." I'm worrying baout how I should act if I bump into her. Should I ignore her, or just give her a friendly smile and act friendly? If I do that I'll look like an even bigger pussy.
As you can see my mind becomes wracked with anxiety after situations like this. I'd appreciate some insight!
Thanks guys.
