What do girls value about lovers and how do I portray these values?

[Average]

Gents

I believe I had an epiphany when I read chase's latest article titled : How to be a hard target part 1.

It gives you advice on how you can avoid being targetted by women who you want to seduce but will merely waste your time. It is an awesome read and I recommend you have a look if you haven't already.

I liked the whole article but there is a particular section which may hold the key to me having a breakthrough in my growth in seduction.

Note for beginners: I do NOT recommend you nix
your platonic value if you’re still a beginner and
need more reference points with girls. When
you’re starting out, it’s most important for you to pick up
good experiences with girls and get comfortable with
them. If you abandon your platonic value, you will get far
more polarized reactions from women, at least until you
are talented enough with them. Before you’re all that
talented with them though, you’ll find some women are
into you, but many don’t have time for you – because if
you don’t offer much sexual value yet (or boyfriend
value), and you kill your platonic value, then what value do
you have to offer?

The same warning was repeated twice in the article. Which I am grateful for because it made me realize that I offer, or at least I imply, to the girl that I don't offer any platonic value. Which was a problem because I have like 2 friends (therefore, no social value) and I still never had sex before (therefore, no sexual value) and am jobless (no provider value).

Basically, I show no value at all.

If I think about it, that's probably the reason why so many girls either reject me or flake on me, the don't think they have anything to gain.

Alright, anyway...I've pinpointed what could be the problem. Now, here's what I think is the solution (open to discussion though):

To give off vibes that I would make a great lover.

I'm not really the relationship guy and I'm still a bit commitment phobic. So giving off the provider vibes would probably attract the wrong girls to me. And I'm not really great at making friends so the social status value isn't really gonna emanate from me any time soon.

I think there is a chance that I can give off value as a sexual partner because many people compliment me on how I have a great body since I'm slightly buffer than average. And I might be able to give girls a few orgasms since I've been reading up on some methods to use on them. So if I studied well enough, maybe i'll get lucky and make her night?

Anyway, I guess what my question is, how can I show the girl that even though I lack social status and financial status.....I still have enough sexual value to rock her mind?

And what is it that girls value from lovers (especially those who are social outcasts and are jobless). Is it only the sex or do the lovers do other stuff? And if so....what?

NB: I really wanna become a lover of many women and to give off that vibe. But if you think it would be easier to instead try and start off by providing other kinds of value like social status and whatnots, could you please tell me how to get that social status for myself in the first place? Since like I said, I'm legitimately valueless. I really wanna be a lover but beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Ash,

I am hoping to give you a picture of the Lover frame, from direct experience.

First, there's a good news for you. If you successfully convey the Lover values, girls will not care if you don't have Social value, or Provider Value, or anything else. I'm myself not much a social guy, and while I could be a resourceful Provider I usually disqualify myself right off the bat, by telling them within the early stages that I'm not looking to marry again, that I already have two kids and enough, and that I highly enjoy my life as a single. Yet I managed to surround myself with a harem of girls 15 to 20 years younger than me.

If you're the Lover, girls first and foremost simply value your sperm. You'll have some girls asking you to remove the condom and come inside them. As a Lover, you understand that you need to satisfy her sexually, and you make her love every single time you meet her. Other thing girls value from a Lover, he does not put up to their shit. They are the hurricane and throwing all they can at you to make you bend, but you're the strong oak tree that doesn't move an inch. Also, they sense that he has many sexual options and could leave any time. There is a balance to create here, because if she feels too insecure she will autoreject and leave. But because you're a man in demand, they value your sperm even more. To summarize, the Lover is uncontrollable, a challenge, and cannot be put in a safe box.

The best way to convey you're a Lover is by seducing her fast - what they call "swipe them on their feet". They rationalize that if you could kill their defenses and put them on a bed that fast, you must be really good with girls in general and probably have many girls... Therefore Lover. You don't meet them very often (once a week perhaps), and when you meet them, you keep things in sexual territory. They'll get the message smoothly.

If you manage to seduce her fast, she will initially try to bring you "under control" in boyfriend zone - by asking you to go out every other day and do things like restaurant, friend parties and cinema, but of course as a Lover you dodge that smoothly and make sure that all subsequent meetings happen at your place, when it suits you, and concludes horizontally.

I hope this helps!
Seppuku

 

[Average]

Seppuku,

The lover persona has always been tricky for me to understand and made me a little nervous because of my past moral beliefs and social pressure and how courageous one has to be to pull it off. Your advice is really helpful and is helping the image of a lover become clearer for me and less intimidating. But I am still a bit confused by it so let me ask a few follow up questions.

Other thing girls value from a Lover, he does not put up to their shit. They are the hurricane and throwing all they can at you to make you bend, but you're the strong oak tree that doesn't move an inch.

1) How should I react when she does that? When she gives me shit? Or when she gives me a shit test?

You don't meet them very often (once a week perhaps), and when you meet them, you keep things in sexual territory. They'll get the message smoothly.

2) Does this mean that the only thing that I give her can be sex? As in we don't talk, we don't make jokes, she doesn't tell me about her day, we don't connect emotionally. Its just sexual tension from the get go? (I don't mind this, Its quite exciting, I just wanna know if this is what the lover does on a regular basis)

Also, they sense that he has many sexual options and could leave any time. There is a balance to create here, because if she feels too insecure she will autoreject and leave. But because you're a man in demand, they value your sperm even more. To summarize, the Lover is uncontrollable, a challenge, and cannot be put in a safe box.

3) The most important question of all: I might go to university next year....I read that lovers mostly work in the shadows. I have no idea what to expect from university, but I have a strong feeling that my lover charecteristic will become well known. If that happens, will I be outcasted? From women with broken hearts and men (and women) with ridiculous moral standards? And will my lover side die as a result of women avoiding me to save their social reputations if I become well known as a lover?

 

[Seppuku]

Hello man,

1) How should I react when she does that? When she gives me shit? Or when she gives me a shit test?

That's two different things.

Gives you shit = some sort of drama.
I try to kill it off the bat and not even engage into it. If she goes on anyway, I take her back to the nearest taxi stand. She's welcome to see me again after she calms down.

Gives you shit tests = testing if you're the real deal or just faking it.
The best way to pass the tests is to be congruent. Everything in your responses, body language, and way you come across, are pointing to the same, consistent Lover persona.

Frankly five years ago I couldn't imagine I had it in me. I had always followed the Good Boyfriend route with my girls. My way of thinking was "I was always the charmer, not the seducer" (something I was always reminding myself back then). I learned the Lover side of things initially by reading, then trying to emulating it. Good news is, after some time you start to live it and breath it. It becomes you. When you get there, things comes naturally and you don't experience congruence problems. Easier to pass shit tests then.

Also, it is all easier to pull off once you get abundance. Once you have abundance, you don't care about this one particular girl. There are tons of others waiting. If you don't care as much, then you're not afraid that she could leave. When you're not afraid and accept that you could lose the girl, that's when things get waaaaay easier.

2) Does this mean that the only thing that I give her can be sex? As in we don't talk, we don't make jokes, she doesn't tell me about her day, we don't connect emotionally. Its just sexual tension from the get go? (I don't mind this, Its quite exciting, I just wanna know if this is what the lover does on a regular basis)

No of course. To get her into bed, in the first place, you will have to connect with her emotionally. And you will continue to connect emotionally with her if you keep seeing her. Keeping good vibes at all times. But make sure that you make love to her strictly every time you see her, and love her good.

You can call yourself Lover, but if you act as a Boyfriend, then Boyfriend you are. So... here are a few things you normally don't do as a Lover:
Parties and friends with her (especially her friends).
Cinema and other fun dates.
Restaurants and other "formal" dates.
Tell her "I love you". That's a girly thing, let her say it. You, you just keep fucking her good.
See her every other day.
See her at her request. You're the one calling the shots on your terms.
Etc...

3) The most important question of all: I might go to university next year....I read that lovers mostly work in the shadows. I have no idea what to expect from university, but I have a strong feeling that my lover charecteristic will become well known. If that happens, will I be outcasted? From women with broken hearts and men (and women) with ridiculous moral standards? And will my lover side die as a result of women avoiding me to save their social reputations if I become well known as a lover?

In general you want to protect your reputation within your social circle. You can get a reputation as a "player" very fast. This is out of the norms, beyond the socially approved, conventional dating life. Other people (even other guys) won't understand. I've past my university days long ago. There are plenty of college guys on these boards. See what they write and how they have coped with this.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Average]

Thank you very much Seppuku!

The future is looking brighter now that I see the lover side of me clearly. Will keep the boards updated on my progress and whatever humps and bumps I end up meeting. But for now, I'll be off and practising.

Thanks a million.