What does a healthy LTR look like?

[Zoro]

My 7 year LTR is coming to an end. Looking forward to new experiences, new lovers. Ever since I was a teen I told myself "the next relationship will be even better" and so far that has been true.

To make sure that happens, I would like to get your guys opinions and experiences on healthy LTRs.

I'll share my own below:

In my experience, good communication and setting the right relationship expectations are very important. Keeps drama low and when fights do happen they resolve quickly.

Assuming the role of masculine in the relationship is perhaps the most important (and fun). It allows her to be more feminine and is just way more sexy. You must lead well, and be a firm rock for her emotional chaos. And you will receive her enthusiasm and beauty like a blossoming flower.

There are two elements I consider important in a relationship that I call "Chemistry and Compatibility":

Chemistry is the magnetism between the two of you. Physical attraction, intrigue, mystery, comfort, fun, laughter, flirtation, inspiration

Compatibility is the similar world views you share. Your common interests, your shared vision for life, your dreams and goals, your views and beliefs about the world.

My relationships have all had varying degrees of these elements, the most enjoyable one had good Chemistry and good Compatibility.

Another important point: I think the way you meet is important. The girls I've met in dominant and masculine ways (meeting through daygame, playing out as a successful musician, and/or escalating fast and smoothly) became submissive and feminine with me from the very start. It set the tone of the relationship, and once this is set, it is hard to change. Try getting your balls out of her purse once they are in there... I think the better option is just start over with a new woman.

Here's some things that I think are unhealthy for an LTR.

Having no options. If you have options, you are in a LTR because that's the best you could do. If you have options, you're in a LTR because you've chosen the best.
Also having no options makes it harder to do the right thing when you hit some turbulence in the relationship. Instead of being attractive and firm in your stance, you might become needy, lonely, desperate or worst of all a beta bitch...

Being completely broke. No money, no muscles, no status... no girls. Just kidding, but actually a major factor in my latest relationship coming to an end is not being able to provide. At 7 years into the relationship, with my girl feeling the biological clock, and working her ass off, she got sick of having to provide for herself. I don't like it either. I would like to be able to provide for women who have earned their place in my life. I think I did pretty well keeping her around for as long as I did on game and good sex alone, but I know that I do not want to be in this position again. For my sake and for my future girlfriends & wives.

Emotional Baggage/Co-dependence . I think a healthy relationship looks like two trees standing next to eachother. They may support each other at times, but they do not need the other to stand on their own. If one or both of you are codependent then that is a weak link in your relationship that will either result in drama or loss of attraction from the relationship. Emotional baggage is similar and can get in the way of good communication and resolving conflict.

 

[Zoro]

I would also like to ask the next question:

What role does “love” have in a man’s life?

For me, the ideal situation is made possible through good game and having options.

And that ideal situation looks like this: a man finds a great girl among his options and decides she’s worthy of earning her place into his life. He lets her a little deeper as she shows she’s a good fit for him.

I once heard that behind every great man is a great woman. I only really understood that when I found myself with a woman who inspired me and yet also held me to a standard as a man in a way that only a feminine woman can do. Not in a nagging way (I consider that masculine, trying to enforce order), but in her vulnerability and trust. Knowing that she believes and trusts in me enough to give a part of her to me, and also knowing that it’s conditional on my continuing to be a strong man. It’s invigorating. In a way it’s also dependent on the man having a mission, something he’s trying to create. Sexual energy isn’t just about making babies, it’s about creation in general, and having a healthy sexual relationship with a feminine woman who loves you because you’re are a man on a mission to create something is a uniquely fulfilling experience.

There is also another role of love for a man. It’s facing chaos and destruction. Nothing can fuck up a guy like a woman. Men thrive on order, and women in a way are the opposite. We compliment each other in that women appreciate man’s direction and leadership (order, directing the chaos) and men appreciate the enlivening effect of the raw potent energy of femininity (chaos). But many men do not understand femininity, and go into relationships thinking women will help them find order in life. This is only true if they are able to find the order within themselves, but if they look to the woman for that, they either become the beta in the relationship, hurt very badly or lose her. The good news is that even if these things happen, they are opportunities to learn. Every time you enter into the chaos, you can learn how to find the order within yourself.