What girls think about you.

[Romy]

Hey guys. This has been bothering me for a couple of months. 2-3 years ago, I was skinny, had medium long hair and was pretty decent looking. I generally had no problem with girls and it was easy for me to get where and when I wanted with them. During these 2-3 years I started working about, started shaving my head due to receding temples and changed the style of clothing. Needles to say, I look like a typical gym douchebag (read Vin Diesel or Jason Statham) and I see I have a lot of trouble with women opening up and giving me a chance.

Now, I understand the stereotype. That look intimidates men and women alike but the problem is that I'm a pretty good guy with normal upbringing, able to care and provide everything that a girl/woman needs in a relationship. It's pretty easy to hook up with Cluster B women in the clubs but I'm not interested in that. Normal girls dismiss me right away, not giving me a chance to prove myself because my looks tell them I'm aggressive and not trusting. I assume it because I know basic fundamentals with women. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty self-confident but I haven't been in a relationship for the past 3 years. My question is this:

Should I change my style and let my hair grow out (even though I wouldn't be able to style my hair the way I used to because of the receding hairline) so that I look less intimidating or should I just rock the look I want to? Keep in mind that I'm perfectly comfortable in my own skin and I like this look I'm having. I don't care what other people think but for meeting women, I'm thinking of making an exception. Thanks in advance, guys.

 

[To Need a Woman]

Well at least your accent doesn't sound rough??? Get the tatoos removed too if you can

 

[Smith]

If you like the look you're having then you should totally rock it. The problem of women not opening up to you is probably not because of your hairstyle. Women still open up to Jason Statham and the likes. I have women responding warm to me when I had bad hair day and women who just walked away when I styled my hair perfectly.

 

[Drck]

"That look intimidates men and women alike but the problem is that I'm a pretty good guy..."

IMO that is the problem. You probably look too serious and too tough, which in a sense is the opposite what most guys have problems with. I would put some "nicer" face on to balance your appearance, smile just little bit more do dissolve the toughness... You don't want to appear like Nice Guy who only smiles to show that he is harmless, but you don't want to look as true bad*ss MF either. It is more about balance. I'd try to put on nicer clothes too, just little bit more classy before I touch my hair.

I used to shave my head, but it just didn't fit my face, I think I looked too serious, maybe too rebelious... My appearance didn't vibe with my personality, I had to change the look to more nicer - short hair, even without any style is much better (for me).

Also watch your facial hair, try to change it (add some if you don't have any, or remove some if you have it). I didn't believe it at first but I was quite surpriced, facial hair has lots of influence on raising initial attraction, but you got to find what fits your face. For example I noticed that when I grow sideburns (I used to hate sideburns) many more girls notice me. When I remove them their interst drops, literally multiple times. Perhaps I'm not exagarrating that much when I say: The uglier the sideburns the higher the initial attraction... But again, IMO it's got to fit your face and your personality...

 

[Franco]

Romy,

If you have an extra aggressive look about you (muscular, tatoos, shaved head) and you like it, then you should definitely stick with it. With that being said, you need to keep in mind what strengths/weaknesses come with that look. The general strength is that women that enjoy muscular/tatted men (which is the majority of them, contrary to what nice guys might try to tell you) will initially be very attracted to you, and some of the ones that might have been inaccessible had you been skinny with long hair might now be accessible with your new look.

The general weakness of this look is, of course, the stereotype associated with a "gym rat." This is generally a douche-y guy who is very into himself and his bodybuilding program, and sees women as pieces of meat who want a piece of his meat (excuse the metaphor). In order to counter this, the first thing you must do is break the stereotype by introducing yourself with a very warm approach; the more masculine and "bad boyish" you look, the more of a "nice guy" approach you want to go for. If the physical attraction is there, you just want to focus on making her realize you're not a "gym rat," and you're instead an intelligent, sexy individual who has a knack for socializing warmly with women. Don't try to overdo your aggressiveness in your verbals.

You can also do things with your fashion to make yourself seem more approachable -- one idea might be to wear a nicely-fitted coat during the winter. It covers your muscles and tattoos so that she isn't "intimidated," but she can see your broad size and still see that you're masculine. Wearing nice clothing is always helpful as well.

The last, and possibly most important thing to do with this appearance, is to smile a LOT. A guy who is big and intimidating for a woman suddenly becomes a LOT less intimidating if he is constantly seen smiling (while being genuinely warm); it makes him appear much more approachable and easy to converse with. (NOTE: This would be in contrast with a skinny guy who might want to smile "less" as to make himself appear tougher than what his physical body communicates)

Hope that helps. =)

- Franco

 

[Romy]

"That look intimidates men and women alike but the problem is that I'm a pretty good guy..."

IMO that is the problem. You probably look too serious and too tough, which in a sense is the opposite what most guys have problems with. I would put some "nicer" face on to balance your appearance, smile just little bit more do dissolve the toughness... You don't want to appear like Nice Guy who only smiles to show that he is harmless, but you don't want to look as true bad*ss MF either. It is more about balance. I'd try to put on nicer clothes too, just little bit more classy before I touch my hair.

I used to shave my head, but it just didn't fit my face, I think I looked too serious, maybe too rebelious... My appearance didn't vibe with my personality, I had to change the look to more nicer - short hair, even without any style is much better (for me).

Also watch your facial hair, try to change it (add some if you don't have any, or remove some if you have it). I didn't believe it at first but I was quite surpriced, facial hair has lots of influence on raising initial attraction, but you got to find what fits your face. For example I noticed that when I grow sideburns (I used to hate sideburns) many more girls notice me. When I remove them their interst drops, literally multiple times. Perhaps I'm not exagarrating that much when I say: The uglier the sideburns the higher the initial attraction... But again, IMO it's got to fit your face and your personality...

Yeah, my face is pretty serious and I try to balance it. I don't think I look too tough, I'll post a pic down there. As far as fashion goes, I think I dress the way it fits my body type.

I think my looks correspond with my personality but the problem is they bring the negative assumptions as well. To tell you the truth, changing hair isn't an option for me since the receding temples are becoming a problem and I look a lot better with a shaved head anyway (I have a nicely shaped head).

As far as facial hair is concerned, I have too little of it. The sideburns are non-existent on me, I only let it grow on my chin so it resembles a beard. It has mixed feelings. Some girls like it better, some don't. Thanks for the insight.

Romy,

If you have an extra aggressive look about you (muscular, tatoos, shaved head) and you like it, then you should definitely stick with it. With that being said, you need to keep in mind what strengths/weaknesses come with that look. The general strength is that women that enjoy muscular/tatted men (which is the majority of them, contrary to what nice guys might try to tell you) will initially be very attracted to you, and some of the ones that might have been inaccessible had you been skinny with long hair might now be accessible with your new look.

The general weakness of this look is, of course, the stereotype associated with a "gym rat." This is generally a douche-y guy who is very into himself and his bodybuilding program, and sees women as pieces of meat who want a piece of his meat (excuse the metaphor). In order to counter this, the first thing you must do is break the stereotype by introducing yourself with a very warm approach; the more masculine and "bad boyish" you look, the more of a "nice guy" approach you want to go for. If the physical attraction is there, you just want to focus on making her realize you're not a "gym rat," and you're instead an intelligent, sexy individual who has a knack for socializing warmly with women. Don't try to overdo your aggressiveness in your verbals.

You can also do things with your fashion to make yourself seem more approachable -- one idea might be to wear a nicely-fitted coat during the winter. It covers your muscles and tattoos so that she isn't "intimidated," but she can see your broad size and still see that you're masculine. Wearing nice clothing is always helpful as well.

The last, and possibly most important thing to do with this appearance, is to smile a LOT. A guy who is big and intimidating for a woman suddenly becomes a LOT less intimidating if he is constantly seen smiling (while being genuinely warm); it makes him appear much more approachable and easy to converse with. (NOTE: This would be in contrast with a skinny guy who might want to smile "less" as to make himself appear tougher than what his physical body communicates)

Hope that helps. =)

- Franco

I have a tattoo on my shoulder but it's not visible. I enjoy my looks and I don't want to change them.

Yeah, that's exactly the problem because of the term it's associated with. I try to balance it all out. Appearing warm and caring to diminish the impact of the look. I've also read about body language since I think I give too much information with it too, and not in a good way. Good posture, chin up and stuff like that actually adds up to perceived arrogance and narcissism. It's a bit contradicting.

I like my clothes slim fit. I think that too is a bad indicator but I like the way I look. I'll show you.

Yeah, I do try to smile a lot to make up for my "rough" looks. I'll post two pics so feel free to judge. Thanks for all the insight, much appreciated.

 

[wardog]

Romy,

I also have shaved hair, bit longer than you, about 6mm (sry, metric system were i'm from) and i'm also trained and usually have a tough look on my face.
Girls are usually attracted, but if i don't pay attention to my facial expression, often intimidated. Like others said before me, smiling is key. I'm always having a charming smile on my face when opening women, almost a bit shy and they dig it.

Attainability is key

 

[Franco]

Romy,

I think you look fine, dude!

I agree with also toning down any narcissism and arrogance too; these are traits that are also pretty common with gym rats, along with showboating. Just be smiling often and showing genuine interest in her by getting to know her well, and when she asks about you, try to be relatively modest (without actually seeming bashful either; you still want to come across as masculine).

- Franco