What Happened? (Another doctor... ugh)

[someone]

Hey all,

So I've been seeing 3 girls the last couple of weeks and that's about my limit with work and school I think. I think I just lost one of them and really don't know what went wrong. Hopefully you guys have some ideas.

She's a former college cheerleader, a doctor, and she's a SoCal socialite from a wealthy family. This girl has serious game, and I'm definitely having a much harder time pushing things forward with her than I have with the other girls I've dated since I started dating again.

This girl cooks some amazing food and she keeps showing me pictures of the stuff she makes. One night I texted her to see how her studies for board exams were going (with the intention of planning a date, not just for random friendly chit-chat) and she sent me a picture of the dinner she made instead of studying. I texted her back with a joking response asking what it would take for me to be able to eat one of her dinners. No response. I messaged her later that night joking that it might be intimidating to feed such a big guy (I'm 230lbs and very muscular), and again no response. She has always responded to my calls and texts up until now. I haven't tried to call her yet as I'm giving this a few days rest before pursuing again.

We've already been on two dates and I'm ashamed to say that there's been little advancement... I usually sleep with a girl on the first date if I'm interested, but this girl does a really good job of keeping me at a distance. She is an expert at dodging the deep dive by keeping things light and humorous (and I'm a pretty good deep diver), she will only let me touch her for a brief moment (like 1 second) before pulling away casually as if nothing happened, and she dominates the fuck out of the convo. I'm used to not talking much, but I pretty much ALWAYS dominate by steering the conversation where I want it to go. This girl seems immune to it all and I feel like she's seen it all and lived it all before when it comes to the dating game. I understand what Chase was talking about with SoCal girls....

Anyway, I'm not really sure what to do next. My plan was to call her at some point today (2 days after radio silence initiated) and see if I can get her on the phone. After our last date I told her that if she was interested there is a great event coming up that we could go to. She was down at the time, and she responded to my texts after the date which seemed to demonstrate interest. Although she was cautious about a kiss at the end of the date (her body language clearly said no to a kiss), she seemed to enjoy the hell out of hugging me.... At first she gave me a half hug and I was like "what was that? You call that a hug?" So she put her purse down and gave me a proper hug which left her all giggly afterwards with a huge smile from ear to ear.

 

[someone]

So, the questions are:

1.) Did I make a mistake by asking what it would take to eat one of her dinners? I really can't imagine that would spook most women....

2.) What to do next?

 

[someone]

No one? Really? Surely someone has something to offer....

Well, I will call tomorrow and update in the unlikely event it's useful to someone else, haha.

 

[someone]

Called, no answer. Left a brief message, but not expecting to hear back. So it goes. Already replaced her with, wait for it... another doctor. If this one doesn't work out though then I'm going to avoid them like the plague as this makes 4 since September.

PS - I don't intentionally seek out docs, for some reason they are the ones who initiate contact with me more than other females. Maybe they're just more confident about approaching guys?

 

[fsc]

what it would take for me to be able to eat one of her dinners

Yeah, you put yourself at an inferior position there. As an alternative, you could've spun that off in a lighthearted way about how she's a bad doctor for cooking instead of studying. If you presented yourself as a sexual guy, you maybe could've even tried to start a sexual role play by saying how if you were her boss, you would make her stay after work and have her face some consequences for slacking off with a winky face. Then if she doesn't really play along or whatever, just say she'd have to cook you dinner as a consequence.

I messaged her later that night joking that it might be intimidating to feed such a big guy

I think you made the situation worse with this. Girls sometimes simply ignore minor social blunders to give you a chance to straighten yourself up--similar to how they pretend like they didn't hear what you said, in person. So you could've just ignored what you said earlier, change topics, and text her something else that positions you in a dominant frame.

At first she gave me a half hug and I was like "what was that? You call that a hug?" So she put her purse down and gave me a proper hug which left her all giggly afterwards with a huge smile from ear to ear

This was good. She seems to respond well to dominance...well, I mean, who doesn't?

Doctors are usually busy, so they're not in a position to play games. So it should help to be direct, straight-forward, and a fast mover--and from what you've wrote, you seem to be fine in this area. Their work can also be strenuous, so I think it may be better to have lighter conversations mixed with sexual innuendos and occasional deep diving. Deep diving can feel a bit serious (and perhaps place you out of the lover category if you're super focused on getting to know her), so maybe that's why she kept dodging it and making things light and humorous--maybe she just wanted a fun fling. This is a guess, but as a doctor, she prolly dates a lot of men of high social status, who prolly spend most of their time trying to impress her by demonstrating value. So I think it'd be refreshing for her (and effective for you) if you focused primarily on being a dominant, lighthearted, sexual, lover-type of a man with tight fundamentals who can also deep dive her and all the other good stuff.

 

[someone]

Hey fsc, great advice!

I have already moved onto another doc who is a cardiothoracic surgeon. We are a great match, but we've only made out so far... She is SUPER busy, so it's kind of hard to find the right moment to escalate further... Monday should be the day though as she has the day off and we planned a date.

I think you made the situation worse with this. Girls sometimes simply ignore minor social blunders to give you a chance to straighten yourself up--similar to how they pretend like they didn't hear what you said, in person. So you could've just ignored what you said earlier, change topics, and text her something else that positions you in a dominant frame.

I think you nailed it. I definitely won't make the same mistake twice. Something I've noticed is that women hate it when you try to explain yourself. It suggests that you care too much and that you are weak I suppose.

I have actually been doing what you suggested with deep-diving and being more dominant / sexy this time around and so far it seems to be working well. I think I psyched myself out with the last one and disqualified myself by assuming (subconsciously) that she was out of my league because she was rich, a partying cheerleader girl from an elite university, and she was further along in medicine than I am. This time I reminded myself that this doc contacted me, that I have done a lot of cool shit in my life despite not being a physician yet, and that I have no problem keeping 3 - 4 women at a time so it's no big deal to lose one. Now if only I wasn't a broke ass student....

So far so good. She has even bumped a surgery just to spend time with me!