What happened here with this FB?

[Fluxcapacitor]

Dudes! I had this FB where I bedded her on 9 different occasions, she seemed locked in and very invested the last time I bedded her.

The following week after she text me late, I was already out and didn't text her back. At the end of the night she kicked off that I didn't text back, obviously she wanted to see me that night, I offered to make it up to her and she declined. She was then distant all week, and then turned up to the club she knew I'd be at the following week, I knew she was still in a mood with me but if I didn't go to say hi to her I thought it would have gotten more awkward.

I said hi, touched her hip and she told me to get of her. I left her to it. She text when she got in that night and apologised and responded to a previous flirty message with it. I ignored it, we should have been fucking and not sending sexts.

She continued to be distant for 2 weeks, not receptive to the escalation attempts delivered on high notes at all but started to become warm again Friday night. Mid conversation (fun, flirty, playful, building to a high point) she stopped replying, I guessed it was late. 24 hours no reply, 36 hours still nothing. I dropped her another text starting a new conversation, not acknowledging being ignored staying cool and about 12 hours later still nothing.

I can't figure out why she'd go MIA after starting to go warm again? If she was going to cut ties she should have done it after she told me to get off her and not two weeks after. Thoughts?

 

[DarkKnight]

This is the girl we talked about right? I suspect it's a simple case of autorejection. Girls who autoreject can flip flop in interest. And what seems unlogical for you is logical for her, when she is away from you, or has no interaction she probably deliberates which push her again into autorejection. Big chance she wants more then you are willing to give her and she has probably sensed this. She probably feels stuck.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@DarkKnight dude! Yeah it's the girl we talked about, I mentioned that I think it could be autorejection and seeing her out at a club when I hadn't yet replied to her last message could have spiked it again earlier this week but what's thrown me is she started acting warm again, fast replies, playful and flirty and then MIA mid conversation.

If she'd have kept distant and then stopped I'd understand it, but this seems really illogical.

I'm guessing she wants more and knows she won't get it from me, I've managed the expectations so guess it's just run it's course.

(Relating this to the Corona thread I could really do with retaining this one right now, I was out Friday and Saturday and the clubs were so quiet. Legitimately 48 people out last night, 10 girls, 2 were with their boyfriends and one was a former lover. Some of these were only interested in dancing with each other and not social to anyone. Looks like girls are going to be super scarce here...)

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I agree with DarkKnight here - looks like she's playing hot and cold games to get more investment/commitment from you. If you aren't prepared to give it then it is just an FB that has run its course like you said.

For the coronavirus angel assuming you live in a big city find the super popular clubs as they seem to be consistent! I went out on on Saturday night and my usual club was as busy as ever. Speaking to promoters on the ground here in London about 2-3 central London clubs are still busy while the rest have seen significant drops in people.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

I live just outside a big town and the big clubs have seen at least a 25% fall which is what I noticed Friday. Saturday was a smaller club but other factors like its a new club could also affect it but it was a ghost town. If that's what it's going to be like it'll be difficult meeting girls just to low turn out.

I'd have considered more commitment to her making her my main girl but not exclusively. Not that that conversation would go down well now Haha.

I'm in a tough spot cause I can't ask her out, it'll look chasing and needy cause it's only ever been sex.i can't invite her over for sex or invite myself round hers or again it's chasing and while she's distant you can't escalate on negative compliance.

That leaves me with trying to get her warm so that this is achievable and I can't do that if she's not responding. Not sure if it's worth calling in a couple days (change of medium) or a ball in your court text. Failing that it's seeing her out but considering the turn out she may not be out and if she is pre selection might not exist

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I live just outside a big town and the big clubs have seen at least a 25% fall which is what I noticed Friday. Saturday was a smaller club but other factors like its a new club could also affect it but it was a ghost town. If that's what it's going to be like it'll be difficult meeting girls just to low turn out.

I'd have considered more commitment to her making her my main girl but not exclusively. Not that that conversation would go down well now Haha.

I'm in a tough spot cause I can't ask her out, it'll look chasing and needy cause it's only ever been sex.i can't invite her over for sex or invite myself round hers or again it's chasing and while she's distant you can't escalate on negative compliance.

That leaves me with trying to get her warm so that this is achievable and I can't do that if she's not responding. Not sure if it's worth calling in a couple days (change of medium) or a ball in your court text. Failing that it's seeing her out but considering the turn out she may not be out and if she is pre selection might not exist

Yeah no doubt coronavirus has had an effect! Especially for newer clubs less established.

Hahaha very true, “you can now be my non-exclusive main girl” is not something a girl will appreciate.

What you can do though is verbally say you’re willing to upgrade her in other ways e.g. drinks out, walks in parks dinner dates etc. You want to make her feel so good & appreciated that even if she suspects other girls she shuts down those thoughts because she likes you a lot. That’s how you keep girls around for 12 months +.

Pretty tough spot. I would give her at least 7 days with no contact whatsoever and instead of calling her leave her a voice note on whatsapp, FB or iMessage something along the lines of:

“Hey, hope you’re good you seem less reachable am I right in thinking your situation has changed & you can’t continue seeing me? No worries if that’s the case, it’s a shame but I understand - all the best you know where to find me”

If she’s in recoverable auto-rejection mode she’ll come up with the real issue. Then you can invite her out to a public place near you. With the aim of hashing things out then sleeping with her.

If she’s too far gone she’ll either ignore the message or say she’s just been “too busy” while not committing to a date to see you.

Good luck! Either way approach the situation with a calm acceptance that you’ll be fine if you lose her

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@DoWhatWorks dude! She ended up getting back in touch a couple hours after we were talking, in my text I took responsibility for being busy so that I wasn't blaming her. She said that she was busy to and that she knows she's been bad at replying. Didn't apologise so I don't see the point in the statement? To me it hints there's a sub context she wants addressing but I honestly have no idea what it is to address it.

Her messaging habits went to normal (almost) she mentioned something that I immediately linked to a private joke we have that should have worked well and been a reminder of the fun we have but it seemed to close her down. I'm guessing she's still pissed and she's not ready to be that warm just yet but it looks recoverable that she started being receptive.

Any thoughts how to get her to come out with the real issue? I feel your first suggestion works best after silence from her and not while she's mildly warm. I'm still in the shit position I've been in for weeks and I can't pace her reality like in the auto rejection turn around because the issue happened weeks ago, unless she's pissed that I haven't tried to arrange a meet up since (ignoring that she's not been receptive) or not acknowledging her apology, but I done this to not acknowledge the shit incident.

Thanks dude!