what is girl's mindset about committing in a relationship?
- Thread starter Emmanuel
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That's quite complicated. Unlike men, women are on biological clock. A girl who is 20 is looking for different things than woman that's 35.
Generally speaking, younger girl is looking for more excitement, experience, guy(s) who can teach her and who she can have fun with. In US it would be unusual if she doesn't have more BFs between 20-30, but if she is raised in more conservative environment there will be the the pressure for her to keep one BF for longer time. If she is more liberal she may be more open to different relationships.
In her 20's she is more open to find exciting guy who she can have lots of fun and so on. So say Alpha traits will be quite attractive to her, but say she meets a guy who is 50/50 Alpha/Beta, so she might date him for a while. Say she is inexperienced sexually, she may "try" it with more Beta guy, assuming that good Alpha is not around. At the same time, if she finds quite attractive Alpha but has not experience at all herself, she will be very shy around that Alpha, and no matter what the Alpha do she may not sleep with him anyway. So for this particular girl, mixture 50/50 should be good enough. But then she gets 2 years older and has some expereince - now she may dump the 50/50 guy and move on to 70/30 guys. There is nothing wrong with the 50/50 guy though, he was simply dumped because now she is seeking something else.
Say she is 25 and she still want to have lots of fun, and she meets a really good provider that has a great value to her. She knows that she may have difficulties to meet such guy in the future, so she will get married quite fast. She may cut off all the desire for alpha just so she can keep that relationship. She dumps that 70/30 guy(s) now, and she goes for the provider, who is say 50/50 again. She marries him and have 2 children within 3 years. She may have occasional flings with more alpha guys to satisfy her desire, but only if she is sure that the provider she married never finds out.
Or say she doesn't meet a great provider, but meets a guy who has great Alpha traits instead, say 85/15. She already has quite decent experience, so she will let him fuck her brains off, and she will want more. She will want to fuck with this guy for next 5 years, and she will because there is no guy with great provider skills around.
Once she is approaching 30 she becomes more aware of her desire to have a child, which means she will want to settle down; She will still seek a provider, guy with more Beta traits, but since she can't find really good one she will lower her expectaions. Now she will date guys who she never cared before, say 30/70, and she may date several of them at the same time. The best one "wins", he will be allowed to fuck her, at least for the first couple of months.
Say that another girl has the same mind set and is already 30, and she still can't find a good provider. She may be trying different guys, she may still have a great desire for fucking with "alpha" and so on, but at the same time she is feeling quite a pressure to have a child. She gets 34 and now the pressure is really high, but there is still no good provider around. So she will be happy to marry a guy who is "the best" choice out of guys she knows, perhaps who is 20/80. Once she is 35-38 it wouldn't be surprising to find out that she is desperate to have a child, and if she is family oriented she will just grab what is available.
So it is about supply and demand of guys that are around, and it is about what is she looking for at particular age. Simply, she is always looking for the best available value guy.
There are of course thousands of variations out there, each girl is little bit different, so it simply all depends, it is all relative.
But what is also important is the guy. You and me, and every other guy. Our mind set. Because if you are young and "Nice Guy", you can't really get laid in today's society. Those younger girls will fuck with guys who have more "alpha/asshole" traits, who don't give a damn about those girls. Then you get 30-40 or more years old and because you have a mind set of a provider (assuming that you have a good job/income, good education, good social circle and so on), now you will be desired by more girls. But remember, those girls closer to 30 alrady have miles on them, and some of them quite high.
It all of course depends how you look at it, but the reality is that you are getting used material. She dated more than you, she fucked more than you, and she rejected more guys than you rejected girls. Many guys have a HUGE value as providers as she needs them now - but can she really match it with the same value?
As if that wasn't good enough, many girls have such a strong frame that they make it seem that they are the catch in the relationship. They may already have a child or two, but the guy can still put her on a pedestal just because how she presents herself to him. He just doesn't know any better, he has no other experience - for him she is the best that ever happened...
I'm not saying that it is good or bad to date or marry such girl, with or without a child. I'm just saying that every good guy should know what is his real value, and who is the true catch in that particular relationship - and then behave according to that...
Generally speaking, younger girl is looking for more excitement, experience, guy(s) who can teach her and who she can have fun with. In US it would be unusual if she doesn't have more BFs between 20-30, but if she is raised in more conservative environment there will be the the pressure for her to keep one BF for longer time. If she is more liberal she may be more open to different relationships.
In her 20's she is more open to find exciting guy who she can have lots of fun and so on. So say Alpha traits will be quite attractive to her, but say she meets a guy who is 50/50 Alpha/Beta, so she might date him for a while. Say she is inexperienced sexually, she may "try" it with more Beta guy, assuming that good Alpha is not around. At the same time, if she finds quite attractive Alpha but has not experience at all herself, she will be very shy around that Alpha, and no matter what the Alpha do she may not sleep with him anyway. So for this particular girl, mixture 50/50 should be good enough. But then she gets 2 years older and has some expereince - now she may dump the 50/50 guy and move on to 70/30 guys. There is nothing wrong with the 50/50 guy though, he was simply dumped because now she is seeking something else.
Say she is 25 and she still want to have lots of fun, and she meets a really good provider that has a great value to her. She knows that she may have difficulties to meet such guy in the future, so she will get married quite fast. She may cut off all the desire for alpha just so she can keep that relationship. She dumps that 70/30 guy(s) now, and she goes for the provider, who is say 50/50 again. She marries him and have 2 children within 3 years. She may have occasional flings with more alpha guys to satisfy her desire, but only if she is sure that the provider she married never finds out.
Or say she doesn't meet a great provider, but meets a guy who has great Alpha traits instead, say 85/15. She already has quite decent experience, so she will let him fuck her brains off, and she will want more. She will want to fuck with this guy for next 5 years, and she will because there is no guy with great provider skills around.
Once she is approaching 30 she becomes more aware of her desire to have a child, which means she will want to settle down; She will still seek a provider, guy with more Beta traits, but since she can't find really good one she will lower her expectaions. Now she will date guys who she never cared before, say 30/70, and she may date several of them at the same time. The best one "wins", he will be allowed to fuck her, at least for the first couple of months.
Say that another girl has the same mind set and is already 30, and she still can't find a good provider. She may be trying different guys, she may still have a great desire for fucking with "alpha" and so on, but at the same time she is feeling quite a pressure to have a child. She gets 34 and now the pressure is really high, but there is still no good provider around. So she will be happy to marry a guy who is "the best" choice out of guys she knows, perhaps who is 20/80. Once she is 35-38 it wouldn't be surprising to find out that she is desperate to have a child, and if she is family oriented she will just grab what is available.
So it is about supply and demand of guys that are around, and it is about what is she looking for at particular age. Simply, she is always looking for the best available value guy.
There are of course thousands of variations out there, each girl is little bit different, so it simply all depends, it is all relative.
But what is also important is the guy. You and me, and every other guy. Our mind set. Because if you are young and "Nice Guy", you can't really get laid in today's society. Those younger girls will fuck with guys who have more "alpha/asshole" traits, who don't give a damn about those girls. Then you get 30-40 or more years old and because you have a mind set of a provider (assuming that you have a good job/income, good education, good social circle and so on), now you will be desired by more girls. But remember, those girls closer to 30 alrady have miles on them, and some of them quite high.
It all of course depends how you look at it, but the reality is that you are getting used material. She dated more than you, she fucked more than you, and she rejected more guys than you rejected girls. Many guys have a HUGE value as providers as she needs them now - but can she really match it with the same value?
As if that wasn't good enough, many girls have such a strong frame that they make it seem that they are the catch in the relationship. They may already have a child or two, but the guy can still put her on a pedestal just because how she presents herself to him. He just doesn't know any better, he has no other experience - for him she is the best that ever happened...
I'm not saying that it is good or bad to date or marry such girl, with or without a child. I'm just saying that every good guy should know what is his real value, and who is the true catch in that particular relationship - and then behave according to that...
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Emmanuel said:
Depends on which Asian you speak of and if they're traditional vs westernized. My wife is filipina and actually born and raised in the Philippines. She had the exact traits I was looking for. Message me if you have questions and curiosities I visited quite a few Asian countries.
I'm not familiar with Asian girls, but I'm assuming that their mind set is 'the same' like other girls.
The best way would be to talk to her (assuming that you already have Asian GF). Talk about 'other' people that are in relationship, e.g. your friends and see how she reacts, what are her expectations. Describe some problem and see how she reacts, she will for example say "The guy should be doing this or that to keep his GF" and so on. By talking about other people's relationships with her you will find out easily what she expects.
Basically, she is looking for a man, for a guy who will help her with family, raise her child, protect her... Somebody who is stable emotionally and financially. Somebody who can be her lover and her friend. Somebody who's got a great vision for life: Great and functional family.
So, having that in mind, what you should do in General:
If she is looking for long term relationship you need lots of patience. Most likely she will test you and see how you react. For example, she may stop communicate with you for some time, say 2 days. But it could be weeks, it all depends. If you are emotionally unstable you will flip, get all anxious, start bombarding her with calls and texts. Well, you've lost lots of points. On the other hand, if you think long term, if you remain calm, just sent a brief message or two: "hey, what's going on, give me a call when you get a chance" and then let go. You won. She will run after you the day after and you will notice that she is very happy. You, of course, act as if nothing happened. And if you are a man, nothing really happened, you didn't even notice...
She may suggest break up (and again, she will observe your reactions). Do you flip, start throwing stuff around? Get angry and upset? Crying, calling your mother, asking for explanation, begging her not to do it? Well, you've lost many many many points. You lost your soul. But if you remain calm, just give her warm look while attempting to read her face with little bit surprised look (and not saying much), remain somehow emotionally calm/stable, if you try to understand what is going on in her mind but not necessary want to know every details, if you show that you respect her decision, and at the same time you might be just little bit hurt (after all, you love her, no?) - you won big. Again, if you are a man nothing really happened, you are just surprised why would she break up with a great guy like you...
She may try to get you jealous, talk, perhaps even flirt with other guys in front of you. Now, it depends on your personality, but again, you want to remain calm and you don't want to react too much. If you can, ignore that guy and if she asks you what you think about him, just give her another surprised look: "What the fuck are you talking about? What guy? I haven't seen any guy (that could compete with me). Sure, go ahead and talk to him as much as you want"... But, at the same time, you have to make sure that it is not ok for her to be with other guys in romantic/sexual ways. She can talk to other guys freely with no problem (without you being jealous and anxious), she can have male friends - but she also needs to know that you will leave her if she starts "something" with other guy. And you need to be ready to leave her if it really happens.
There are many scenarios and possibilities, those are perhaps the worse she could do (but most likely won't). Basically, she may try to throw your emotions out of balance, and you should always remain calm, not so much reacting. No drama, never. You should always be strong and leading, you should make important decisions. That is what she expects from man, and that is the only way she can respect you. You should make some clear rules and stick to them. For example, you are going to fitness every Mo/We/Fr, so you need to keep the same schedule. It doesn't seem so but that's actually quite important because that is very strong language you are talking: You have rules and she can't bend them no matter what, no matter how sweet she is about it. There is no negotiation, and she needs to adjust herself to your rules. She needs to know that she either accepts your rules - or is free to walk away...
If you have to, tell her NO once in a while. She will not like it, she will get pissed and all emotional (playing hurt), but that is how you lead. NO is NO and there is no negotiation about it, it's very important that you don't cave in because you will lose your spine. She expect yo to have strong spine, she can't respect you if you don't have a spine, and if she can't respect you she won't love you. Don't worry, she will turn around and she'll be happy again next day.
You don't want to bore her. It is easy the first year or two because emotions are high. But then the boredom kicks in. You want to generate the emotions. Piss her off occasionally. Then make romantic love, buy candles and flowers. Take her for a nice trip, get her all excited. Next week you will be totally cold, non-reactive, closed in your cave. Tell her that it bothers you when she does XYZ. Then you tell her you love when she does ABC. Have a great conversation with her and her mother because she's the best mother in law that you know - don't worry, next week she will be the bitch eating your life away, it's ok because all mothers in law are bitches. Next month you will be planning the best birthday your mother in law ever experienced (e.g. You really have no fucking clue what she likes, thus your wife can be in charge of it, she can cook and clean to impress her, she can do all the decorations, and if she behaves well she can even participate in choosing a gift). Tell her one day "Fuck no, I'm never gonna agree this crap". Next day you tell her "Sorry sweety, lets do something amazing, lets do XYZ". And so on, you got the idea, rock her emotions and you will rock her world...
The best way would be to talk to her (assuming that you already have Asian GF). Talk about 'other' people that are in relationship, e.g. your friends and see how she reacts, what are her expectations. Describe some problem and see how she reacts, she will for example say "The guy should be doing this or that to keep his GF" and so on. By talking about other people's relationships with her you will find out easily what she expects.
Basically, she is looking for a man, for a guy who will help her with family, raise her child, protect her... Somebody who is stable emotionally and financially. Somebody who can be her lover and her friend. Somebody who's got a great vision for life: Great and functional family.
So, having that in mind, what you should do in General:
If she is looking for long term relationship you need lots of patience. Most likely she will test you and see how you react. For example, she may stop communicate with you for some time, say 2 days. But it could be weeks, it all depends. If you are emotionally unstable you will flip, get all anxious, start bombarding her with calls and texts. Well, you've lost lots of points. On the other hand, if you think long term, if you remain calm, just sent a brief message or two: "hey, what's going on, give me a call when you get a chance" and then let go. You won. She will run after you the day after and you will notice that she is very happy. You, of course, act as if nothing happened. And if you are a man, nothing really happened, you didn't even notice...
She may suggest break up (and again, she will observe your reactions). Do you flip, start throwing stuff around? Get angry and upset? Crying, calling your mother, asking for explanation, begging her not to do it? Well, you've lost many many many points. You lost your soul. But if you remain calm, just give her warm look while attempting to read her face with little bit surprised look (and not saying much), remain somehow emotionally calm/stable, if you try to understand what is going on in her mind but not necessary want to know every details, if you show that you respect her decision, and at the same time you might be just little bit hurt (after all, you love her, no?) - you won big. Again, if you are a man nothing really happened, you are just surprised why would she break up with a great guy like you...
She may try to get you jealous, talk, perhaps even flirt with other guys in front of you. Now, it depends on your personality, but again, you want to remain calm and you don't want to react too much. If you can, ignore that guy and if she asks you what you think about him, just give her another surprised look: "What the fuck are you talking about? What guy? I haven't seen any guy (that could compete with me). Sure, go ahead and talk to him as much as you want"... But, at the same time, you have to make sure that it is not ok for her to be with other guys in romantic/sexual ways. She can talk to other guys freely with no problem (without you being jealous and anxious), she can have male friends - but she also needs to know that you will leave her if she starts "something" with other guy. And you need to be ready to leave her if it really happens.
There are many scenarios and possibilities, those are perhaps the worse she could do (but most likely won't). Basically, she may try to throw your emotions out of balance, and you should always remain calm, not so much reacting. No drama, never. You should always be strong and leading, you should make important decisions. That is what she expects from man, and that is the only way she can respect you. You should make some clear rules and stick to them. For example, you are going to fitness every Mo/We/Fr, so you need to keep the same schedule. It doesn't seem so but that's actually quite important because that is very strong language you are talking: You have rules and she can't bend them no matter what, no matter how sweet she is about it. There is no negotiation, and she needs to adjust herself to your rules. She needs to know that she either accepts your rules - or is free to walk away...
If you have to, tell her NO once in a while. She will not like it, she will get pissed and all emotional (playing hurt), but that is how you lead. NO is NO and there is no negotiation about it, it's very important that you don't cave in because you will lose your spine. She expect yo to have strong spine, she can't respect you if you don't have a spine, and if she can't respect you she won't love you. Don't worry, she will turn around and she'll be happy again next day.
You don't want to bore her. It is easy the first year or two because emotions are high. But then the boredom kicks in. You want to generate the emotions. Piss her off occasionally. Then make romantic love, buy candles and flowers. Take her for a nice trip, get her all excited. Next week you will be totally cold, non-reactive, closed in your cave. Tell her that it bothers you when she does XYZ. Then you tell her you love when she does ABC. Have a great conversation with her and her mother because she's the best mother in law that you know - don't worry, next week she will be the bitch eating your life away, it's ok because all mothers in law are bitches. Next month you will be planning the best birthday your mother in law ever experienced (e.g. You really have no fucking clue what she likes, thus your wife can be in charge of it, she can cook and clean to impress her, she can do all the decorations, and if she behaves well she can even participate in choosing a gift). Tell her one day "Fuck no, I'm never gonna agree this crap". Next day you tell her "Sorry sweety, lets do something amazing, lets do XYZ". And so on, you got the idea, rock her emotions and you will rock her world...