What just happened?

[thebewlaybrother]

Hi
So a few weeks ago I met this 30 year old woman on tinder. We immediately hit it off. She's an extremely bright woman with a high-flying career.

Over the next couple of weeks we ended up exchanging a huge number of messages. These became very intimate. She sent me multiple pics of herself naked. We made short whatsapp videos and sent them (so I know I wasn't being catfished). She talked about how she wanted to visit me soon, meet my parents, see the countryside where i lived. She said she thinks i'd be very good for her. This was a little bit much for me but i was so into her I let it slide.

She said she wants to sleep with me and we made plans to meet up - she lives in a city 2 hours away which I happen to be in the process of moving to. A few days
before the date she flew to a wedding in Manchester. Before going to the wedding she would send a sexy selfie from bed every morning, often naked. Im pretty experienced with girls and in my mid 30's by I fell hard and fast for her.

Manchester is where she had lived for 15 years. She had 2 ex bf's from there. The last relationship ended over 2 years ago. While there the messages became less frequent. Which was normal cos i assumed she was busy with the wedding. Then the day she was the fly back (and the day before i was to drive to the city to meet her) she sent a long message saying her very close friend has gotten very sick and was in a serious condition in hospital. So she was going to stay in Manchester for a few more days. She seemed upset and apologised profusely saying she'd make it up to me. I was pissed off but accepted it saying we'd meet when she gets back.

The next day i noticed she had updated all her tinder pics - which i thought was odd given her friends condition. Then later that day she either unmatched me or deleted her account as i couldn't see her tinder profile anymore. The following day I sent her a message asking about the friend and when she's flying back. I got no response. That was 4 days ago. Im pretty sure I'm being ghosted.

What the hell happened? How can a girl send hundreds of messages, including naked pics, constantly reiterate how much she cant wait to see me, then suddenly act like that? I suspect the friend being sick story may be made up.

What's yer best guess? She got back with the ex of 2 years ago? That seems like a longshot. And is there any way to rescue this? Im very pissed off about it and I want to let her know that...

 

[Sandman]

Girls will be girls, maybe she got bored, maybe has a new (or old) man in her life, there might be a million reasons. Just forget about her and move on, online pics mean nothing you guys haven't even met up yet...

 

[thebewlaybrother]

Girls will be girls, maybe she got bored, maybe has a new (or old) man in her life, there might be a million reasons. Just forget about her and move on, online pics mean nothing you guys haven't even met up yet...

Ya i'll have to. I over-invested. Wont let it happen again.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Time is an enemy when it comes to dating. That's why the motto of GirlsChase is move quickly. She fucked somebody else at the wedding and would rather see him than somebody that she hasn't met.

 

[mindful]

Both responses sum it up quite well.

I'll just say that when a girl goes cold like that then yeah, probably some other guy in the picture. Someone who is more available and meets her (current) needs.

No need to over think it - just move on. Maybe she will hit you up later in the future, girls are funny like that.

 

[lostnumber]

Bewlay brother,
I'm going to give you my unbiased perspective on this, and I'm going to warn you up front that you probably will not like it. This girl sounds very unstable to me, and I think it's for the best that things didn't work out.

I use Tinder almost exclusively, so I'm very familiar with the space. The behavior you describe is not what I would expect to see from an emotionally stable high value woman with strong prospects.
Think of a truly beautiful successful girl that you've met in real life, and how many options they have. Is it realistic that a stable person with a plethora of options would fall madly in love with an online profile? A stable high value woman is unlikely to fall madly in love with ANYONE quickly. She KNOWS that she had a ton of options, and is going to make guys hang around and prove their worth before putting out. I wont tell you that an amazing healthy sexually forward girl who sends naked pictures to someone she had never met can't exist, but they are a rare enough breed that Ive never met one. In my experience (which again, is extensive in this particular space) girls who are that forward with guys they have never met are either a) lacking in prospects or b) emotionally unstable

I have dated and slept with many attractive women via tinder, and not one of them would have ever considered sending me naked pics before we met. Hell, half of them wouldn't be willing to send me naked pics even after I was boning them on the regular. And the women I've matched that DID express interest in meeting up right away for sex, or exchanging pictures were almost universally below my standards.

I know that last paragraph is going to clash with your perception of this girl, who you clearly fell for. I'm not trying to say that this girl didnt present herself in a very attractive way. Clearly you found her attractive emotionally. She may or may not have been physically attractive, you didn't say, but based on you falling for her I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was hot. Regardless of those things though, she clearly wasnt stable. You have to admit the evidence is on my side here. After all, what kind of stable healthy girl would do what this person did to you?

Now, I don't know the full extent of your conversations with this girl. You say you exchanged a great deal of messages and pictures, and made some whatsapp videos. I'm not sure at what point the conversation turned risque, nor do I know how much time the two of you spent talking via phone or videochat vs messaging. One thing Id be very wary of is that this person is NOT who she made herself out to be, especially if most of your exchanges took place via message. Her body might be real, but that high flying career? Whatever personal details she told you? Easily faked. And that would be a strong reason for her to pull the plug on the whole thing as you approach a physical meetup, because she knows the whole thing will fall apart.

Alternatively it could be that everything she told you was legit and her problems are entirely emotional in nature. Maybe she did get back together with the ex. Maybe she met a guy at the wedding party and he banged her, and she decided that his real physical sex was better than the online relationship you guys had been cultivating. Maybe she was doing the same thing she did to you to four other guys, and one of them got to her first. Or maybe she has some kind of weird fetish about seducing guys online but then never sleeps with them. We don't know the full story and probably never will

The bottom line is that if she changed her Tinder photos, then unmatched you and isn't returning messages whatever relationship the two of you had is clearly over. My advice is to move on

As for what to message her? My advice is nothing. I know you feel angry right now, this person hurt you and your instinct as a human is to try and hurt them back. I can tell you from experience that instinct is not your friend. This girl has, for whatever reason, moved on and left you behind. The only person you are going to hurt by lashing out is yourself

 

[thebewlaybrother]

Time is an enemy when it comes to dating. That's why the motto of GirlsChase is move quickly. She fucked somebody else at the wedding and would rather see him than somebody that she hasn't met.

The most likely scenario

 

[thebewlaybrother]

Both responses sum it up quite well.

I'll just say that when a girl goes cold like that then yeah, probably some other guy in the picture. Someone who is more available and meets her (current) needs.

No need to over think it - just move on. Maybe she will hit you up later in the future, girls are funny like that.

I've deleted her number and unfriended. Fuck it, im moving on.

 

[thebewlaybrother]

Bewlay brother,
I'm going to give you my unbiased perspective on this, and I'm going to warn you up front that you probably will not like it. This girl sounds very unstable to me, and I think it's for the best that things didn't work out.

I use Tinder almost exclusively, so I'm very familiar with the space. The behavior you describe is not what I would expect to see from an emotionally stable high value woman with strong prospects.
Think of a truly beautiful successful girl that you've met in real life, and how many options they have. Is it realistic that a stable person with a plethora of options would fall madly in love with an online profile? A stable high value woman is unlikely to fall madly in love with ANYONE quickly. She KNOWS that she had a ton of options, and is going to make guys hang around and prove their worth before putting out. I wont tell you that an amazing healthy sexually forward girl who sends naked pictures to someone she had never met can't exist, but they are a rare enough breed that Ive never met one. In my experience (which again, is extensive in this particular space) girls who are that forward with guys they have never met are either a) lacking in prospects or b) emotionally unstable

I have dated and slept with many attractive women via tinder, and not one of them would have ever considered sending me naked pics before we met. Hell, half of them wouldn't be willing to send me naked pics even after I was boning them on the regular. And the women I've matched that DID express interest in meeting up right away for sex, or exchanging pictures were almost universally below my standards.

I know that last paragraph is going to clash with your perception of this girl, who you clearly fell for. I'm not trying to say that this girl didnt present herself in a very attractive way. Clearly you found her attractive emotionally. She may or may not have been physically attractive, you didn't say, but based on you falling for her I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was hot. Regardless of those things though, she clearly wasnt stable. You have to admit the evidence is on my side here. After all, what kind of stable healthy girl would do what this person did to you?

Now, I don't know the full extent of your conversations with this girl. You say you exchanged a great deal of messages and pictures, and made some whatsapp videos. I'm not sure at what point the conversation turned risque, nor do I know how much time the two of you spent talking via phone or videochat vs messaging. One thing Id be very wary of is that this person is NOT who she made herself out to be, especially if most of your exchanges took place via message. Her body might be real, but that high flying career? Whatever personal details she told you? Easily faked. And that would be a strong reason for her to pull the plug on the whole thing as you approach a physical meetup, because she knows the whole thing will fall apart.

Alternatively it could be that everything she told you was legit and her problems are entirely emotional in nature. Maybe she did get back together with the ex. Maybe she met a guy at the wedding party and he banged her, and she decided that his real physical sex was better than the online relationship you guys had been cultivating. Maybe she was doing the same thing she did to you to four other guys, and one of them got to her first. Or maybe she has some kind of weird fetish about seducing guys online but then never sleeps with them. We don't know the full story and probably never will

The bottom line is that if she changed her Tinder photos, then unmatched you and isn't returning messages whatever relationship the two of you had is clearly over. My advice is to move on

As for what to message her? My advice is nothing. I know you feel angry right now, this person hurt you and your instinct as a human is to try and hurt them back. I can tell you from experience that instinct is not your friend. This girl has, for whatever reason, moved on and left you behind. The only person you are going to hurt by lashing out is yourself

Fascinating take on it - and yes the girl is hot.

It had occurred to me that it was unusual to receive naked pics so quickly. But I dismissed any worry and thought it was a huge turn on as I love a woman being confident in her body.

By the way, it may be rare but it's happened to me before - another girl on tinder sent me topless pics before meeting up. She turned out to be stable and attractive, and we dated for a while. So I wouldn't necessarily dismiss girls who do it.

Her behaviour after though does point to a seriously unstable person.

Thanks for this thorough response - I'm taking yer guys advice and moving the fuck on.

 

[thebewlaybrother]

There have been major developments since we last spoke. So I confronted the girl (lets call her Tinder Girl) over whether we would ever meet and she told me to relax and don't wait for her and "ill see you when I see you". I then said I came across her in tinder and doubt she's even left the country. She said "see you around". The next morning though she had sent me a saucy pic saying she definitely wants to see me. Later that day she sent a screenshot of tinder showing distance from where I live and that she had deleted tinder. I replied saying there was no need for that and that I'm not deleting mine! I'm sure this must have shocked her. So we arranged to meet in a few days on the day she got back. She sent me her address.

We text sporadically and she repeated a couple of times that she can't wait to see me. The day before we were to meet I asked her what time. No reply. The next morning I text again telling her to let me know if she was cancelling so I can make alternative plans for the weekend. She replied a couple of hours later saying that she wasn't feeling good and she wasn't ready to start anything with anyone and thanks for the chat. I was dumbfounded and furious. I replied, very angry, saying it was crazy what she was doing having come on so very strong (at one point she was texting me first thing every morning and last thing every night). She said that me pushing to meet up so quickly was a bit of a turn off (ridiculous since we've been texting for 3 weeks). I threatened to break off contact with her and delete her from social media. She seemed taken aback. I asked directly if she liked me and she said she did and would have brushed me off if she didn't. We text throughout the day and she started to say stuff like "see you next week when I'm back" - she's traveling overseas for a few days for work. Later that day I went to a party and met a sexy Italian. We kissed and I got her number. I added her on Facebook. The next morning had a text from Tinder Girl asking how the party was. That was unusual as she hadn't sent a morning text in a long time. I think it may be because she saw I friended a hot girl that night. I also noticed Tinder Girl now had her friends public on Facebook. All her recently added (about 20) were men. Not a great sign. Probably all from tinder - she meets men exclusively there. Oh I forgot to mention the previous day she said she had downloaded tinder again.

She then said she better "keep hold of me". I left it. That evening I moved house and sent her a pic of new pace. She text again looking for the address and wondering how far it is from hers. She seemed happy it was only 20 mins by car. She sent cute pics to me again. I text her the next day but got a quick one sentence response. The following day I messaged saying good luck with the trip and I'll see her when she gets back. Simply got a "thanks xx". So she had gone from hot to cold yet again.

I have a date arranged with the Italian on Sunday, the day Tinder Girl gets back and have another date with a different girl from tinder next week. I think this is good to take my mind off Tinder Girl as I've been focusing on her too much. My plan is to not text her until Monday, and when I do I was going to demand she meet me within the next few days, not ask. But I'm also thinking maybe I shouldn't contact her at all and wait for her to. The danger is that I won't hear from her. I would love to make her jealous by letting her know I'm going out with 2 other women next week (Tinder Girl did say after all I shouldn't wait for her).

Has anyone come across a girl like this? Someone who comes on very strong (she has repeatedly said she can't to see me)? What's the best approach? My inclination is that texting too much and pushing to meet up is a turn off for her. I also think she's probably texting multiple guys and I have serious competition. Perhaps I'm her plan B. I also wonder does she like the bad-boy type. She came across as sweet and innocent at the start but later revealed her ex was a complete dick. Yet she stayed with him.

She's back next Sunday. Would like to hear suggestions.

 

[Regal Tiger]

When a girl is so hot and cold like this it should be her job to get the meetup to happen. It should be her asking to meet up and it should be her making plans and it should be her coming to you. Why? Because she's deliberately trying to keep you in her back pocket which is very far away from being in her pants, that's why. And anything you do or say is automatically considered try-hard chasing by her. Unless she herself does quite literally ALL of the work to make it happen.

A girl that is not compliant with you, that doesn't want to meet up with you is not a girl that wants to have sex with you. Therefore your job is to pretend that she doesn't exist (unless you happen upon each other in real life and she comes to say hi to you or you lock eyes or something, then just be nice and exit as soon as humanly possible).


Ignore everything that women say and only pay attention to what they do.

What's this girl say? All kinds of sweet things.

What's this girl done so far? Not met up with you.

Forget her and fuck the Italian girl. The Italian girl will probably give you much more positive emotions/experiences than this girl ever could.

This girl is just a psychic vampire distracting you from meeting and dating other women. Is she evil? No, probably not. She's just a girl that wants to maximize her sexual strategies, same as you.

I don't advise blocking her or anything like that because she might realize she fucked up and come back to you. It happens, though is very unlikely.


So my advice: start ignoring the psychic vampire. Take a little longer to text back, if you feel like it at all. And by feel like it I mean that the only emotion that this girl gives you is boredom. Until then, completely ignore her (but don't block unless you can't control yourself). Until the only emotion this girl inspires in you is boredom, don't text back because your emotions are misleading you. False hope and all of that. And don't talk about Italian girl to this other girl, it's only going to look lame and push both girls further away from you.


Oh, and have fun with the Italian girl and keep meeting other women! Possibly read this article by Chase: https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant- ... more-girls


TL;Dr
My suggestion is to pretend that this girl died and doesn't exist anymore. Whoever texting you from her number is some crazy person that now has her phone. If she gets mad at you then that's actually better than what's going on now, at least then she feels something. Your attention is your manly life blood. Only give it to women that are compliant. Giving your attention to undeserving women is like giving all of your money to the crack addict down the street. It's not helping anyone.

 

[lostnumber]

I cannot possibly stress enough how badly you need to next this psychic vampire. I cannot possibly see this ending well for you. The odds that this girl keeps stringing you along without ever following through are like 95%, and on the 5% chance she does sleep with you will probably end up regretting it afterwards because of the bucket of crazy you are dumping in your life. You can do better

Ignore everything that women say and only pay attention to what they do.

What's this girl say? All kinds of sweet things.
What's this girl done so far? Not met up with you.
Forget her and fuck the Italian girl. The Italian girl will probably give you much more positive emotions/experiences than this girl ever could.
This girl is just a psychic vampire distracting you from meeting and dating other women. Is she evil? No, probably not. She's just a girl that wants to maximize her sexual strategies, same as you.

Regal Tiger basically hit the nail on the head here.

Once you are successfully banging other girls you won't have a need for this girl anymore. At that point it might be fun to get nudes from her and have her chase after you because you will have abundance. But right now its just a distraction

 

[thebewlaybrother]

When a girl is so hot and cold like this it should be her job to get the meetup to happen. It should be her asking to meet up and it should be her making plans and it should be her coming to you. Why? Because she's deliberately trying to keep you in her back pocket which is very far away from being in her pants, that's why. And anything you do or say is automatically considered try-hard chasing by her. Unless she herself does quite literally ALL of the work to make it happen.

A girl that is not compliant with you, that doesn't want to meet up with you is not a girl that wants to have sex with you. Therefore your job is to pretend that she doesn't exist (unless you happen upon each other in real life and she comes to say hi to you or you lock eyes or something, then just be nice and exit as soon as humanly possible).


Ignore everything that women say and only pay attention to what they do.

What's this girl say? All kinds of sweet things.

What's this girl done so far? Not met up with you.

Forget her and fuck the Italian girl. The Italian girl will probably give you much more positive emotions/experiences than this girl ever could.

This girl is just a psychic vampire distracting you from meeting and dating other women. Is she evil? No, probably not. She's just a girl that wants to maximize her sexual strategies, same as you.

I don't advise blocking her or anything like that because she might realize she fucked up and come back to you. It happens, though is very unlikely.


So my advice: start ignoring the psychic vampire. Take a little longer to text back, if you feel like it at all. And by feel like it I mean that the only emotion that this girl gives you is boredom. Until then, completely ignore her (but don't block unless you can't control yourself). Until the only emotion this girl inspires in you is boredom, don't text back because your emotions are misleading you. False hope and all of that. And don't talk about Italian girl to this other girl, it's only going to look lame and push both girls further away from you.


Oh, and have fun with the Italian girl and keep meeting other women! Possibly read this article by Chase: https://www.girlschase.com/content/cant- ... more-girls


TL;Dr
My suggestion is to pretend that this girl died and doesn't exist anymore. Whoever texting you from her number is some crazy person that now has her phone. If she gets mad at you then that's actually better than what's going on now, at least then she feels something. Your attention is your manly life blood. Only give it to women that are compliant. Giving your attention to undeserving women is like giving all of your money to the crack addict down the street. It's not helping anyone.

Just saw these replies. I should have taken this advice earlier. Im 100% ignoring her from now on.

The story gets madder. I told her about the Italian. She flipped out then agreed to meet a few days later, i was to come to her apartment. She sent me videos of herself which left absolutely nothing to the imagination. We basically had text-sex the night before. One hour before I was to meet her, she cancelled saying she's not ready for anything and blocked and deleted me on everything. I was shocked. The next day she unblocked and sent a long message about how she's not ready for anything at the moment, how I should go an enjoy myself. We talked more and she began insisting again that she wants to meet me soon, but not right now. She has said I should fuck other women first as I'm just out of a long-term relationship. Most days she sends on almost pornographic pics or vids of herself. By the way, I mentioned earlier that she's smart. She's extremely smart with a high-flying career. One of the brightest people I've met. This isn't some unstable halfwit. Also, It's dangerous of her to be sending these images, if they got out her career would be destroyed. Which I why I believe she's only sending them to me.

I now wonder is this some sort of a weird fetish where she gets a kick out of sending naked images/vids to a stranger? I shall do my best to ignore. I've rearranged the date with Italian, meeting her tonight.

 

[thebewlaybrother]

I cannot possibly stress enough how badly you need to next this psychic vampire. I cannot possibly see this ending well for you. The odds that this girl keeps stringing you along without ever following through are like 95%, and on the 5% chance she does sleep with you will probably end up regretting it afterwards because of the bucket of crazy you are dumping in your life. You can do better

Ignore everything that women say and only pay attention to what they do.

What's this girl say? All kinds of sweet things.
What's this girl done so far? Not met up with you.
Forget her and fuck the Italian girl. The Italian girl will probably give you much more positive emotions/experiences than this girl ever could.
This girl is just a psychic vampire distracting you from meeting and dating other women. Is she evil? No, probably not. She's just a girl that wants to maximize her sexual strategies, same as you.

Regal Tiger basically hit the nail on the head here.

Once you are successfully banging other girls you won't have a need for this girl anymore. At that point it might be fun to get nudes from her and have her chase after you because you will have abundance. But right now its just a distraction

I agree, I've tried to move on a couple of times but she always hooks me back in. I am arranging dates with other women, have 1 tonight. I don't want to block her just yet as there's always the chance she will actually come over. I'll try to ignore for now and concentrate on other women.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Good luck my man! Let us know how it goes with the Italian!


But this is actually why it's so important to develop an abundance of women. It's like a shortcut to being able to ignore women who give you bullshit drama. Because you're less likely to even entertain the idea of it if you have 3 other willing women.

So definitely keep bringing in new women! Once you have a few others in the pipeline mrs video star will fade away into your memory banks until one day you'll think to yourself "What ever happened to her... oh well"