What makes a girl so enjoyable to be intimate with?

[student94]

I recently encountered an ex whom I dated for about a year after not seeing her for about 9 months. At first meeting, we only talked about our lives post relationship and I unsuccessfully tried to sleep with her (I posted about this a few weeks ago). However, when we talked again, and after much flirting and persistence, we became intimate and eventually slept together. We went on to sleep together the next two days before I left for home as well. The intimacy and sex were great. I distinguish the two from one another because although I love having sex with her, the most enjoyable part for me is lying with her and talking about nothing while she rests on me post-sex, which is what we did for hours.

My problem is, over the past year since breaking up with her, I've gone on to briefly date and sleep with a number of girls but its never been very fulfilling/enjoyable. The sex is more of an accomplishment than an enjoyable process. Sex/intimacy aside, we broke up because she was a pretty mean/cold person who hurt me emotionally, but nevertheless when I was with her alone, it was amazing both before the breakup and afterward when we got together again for a few times. She is older than me, and seemed to always be somewhat aloof/less interested in me than I was in her, but always claimed that she deeply cared about me. I feel like this alone could contribute to the quality I feel the sex /intimacy is, but I'm wondering what you guys think? I've never enjoyed sex and intimacy with someone like I have with her and its making me wonder what contributes to this? Is it sex mechanics, looks, history, etc. Moreover, it makes me worry about whether I can be really invested in someone sexually/enjoy the intimacy if they don't have some sort of power over me. (In this case, although she never admitted it, there was a power dynamic where I always wanted to be with her, and it wasn't always the same on her end).

Thanks in advance guys!

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey man, your last few sentences kinda echoed what I was thinking when I read this, that basically she's a challenge and this makes you invest, and makes you value her more. I think the trick is to raise yourself to a level above all this, observe it happening in yourself and others, and use it to your advantage. You say this feels too cynical, but as a seducer you should be able to rise above your emotions and think about it objectively, that sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

If you genuinely get off on the other person having power over you, you could look at a master/slave relationship, actually I have been looking for a suitable slave and I decided to check some personals, it was hopeless (will have to find a slave through cold approach I think), but I did see a lot of slave guys looking for a mistress. Here's an example:

27 old Sub here.Seeking a dominant Mistress to serve and worship.I served a few Mistresses in the past and have a bit of experience.I Love to serve and please.
I'm into
corporal punishment
foot worship
Oral servitude( both oral and rimming)
Arse and pussy worship
Pain
Strapons
degration
etc.

If there is any mistress( 18-40) out there looking for a slave/sub please do get in touch.

Another example

I'm a 6'2 fit 23 yr old looking for a female mistress to be there sex slave.

I like to be tied up, dominated & told what to do.

Look forward to hearing from you

Will trade pics

I have the feeling that these guys are probably co-dependent, i.e. want to recreate the dysfunctional roles they fulfilled in their family system growing up, and/or it has something to do with their schooling and socialization and society's expectations of today's male. They probably do not realize (as I didn't) that the man is meant to be the dominant one. So they'd probably benefit from reading "No more Mr Nice Guy" and some of the other resources I've been working with. Now I'm not saying you're a sub but I'm just pointing out that possibly some of the same dynamic is going on subconsciously, if you don't value yourself or you feel you are not worthy of a female, then you'll always be in a kind of chasing mode, and literally won't be happy with a relationship with a female who isn't a challenge.

Ray