Hi Everyone,
This is my first thread on the board as I am new to the pickup community. Although, I've been following girlschase for quite a while and read and reread almost all core articles. However, this didn't help me not fuck up a great opportunity due to my lack of experience (my own fault)
A bit of background - I'm 22 and so is the girl. I just got out of a 4.5 year relationship 4-5 months ago (and thus when I stared reading girlschase.. typical huh?
and she is currently in a relationship. Another huge thing to mention here is she is much more experienced than me both sexually and in number of relationships. A year ago we met in another country when I went on a conference but then the sides were switched - she was single I was in a relationship.. we ended up sleeping in the same bed (I was battered) but I refused to take things further as I would never cheat on someone I truly loved at the time. Nevertheless, there was something there...
Now that we are both back, some of the feelings came up again. Initially things were quite casual - chatting, jokes, having fun.. Slowly but surely I started developing feelings for her (first error), but in fact she was showing clear signs as well - spending loads of time with me, touching me, taking my arm, mentioning "we", always smiling to me.. even her boyfriend was jelous ... white flags all over the place. But the more attached I got to her, the more stupid excuses I made (and keep making) in my head - she has a boyfriend, maybe she wants to be just friends, I don't want to skrew it up etc etc.. all the typical excuses Chase and the crew have mentioned on here. This was further reinforced as she mentioned a few times how she would never cheat on her boyfriend (pretttty sure thats a lie now - you will find out why below) and how she would never sleep with a boy in a relationship... Moreover, I made a dumb mistake down the line as I mentioned I'd feel bad if I sleep with a girl with a boyfriend and she said "thats a great principle in life!"...
Though, despite that things somehow managed to escalate slightly - we got drunk at a party together and I escorted her home.. where we were alone for a while in the living room - she was literally lying in my lap TOOK my hand and put it around her and wanted to talk... (RED FLAG TO YOU DRUNK ME).. Still I escalated a bit, as I started massaging her on the neck etc.. Moreover, once 2 other guys showed up in the living room she said something in terms of "I'd take you to my room but it is a mess" - and what do I do ? Say its okay and start talking about something irrelevant and retarded (black/pink/red flag with a slap to drunk me). Eventually I left and I imagine I left her super frustrated. I won't even go to how much I hated myself in the morning. Next 1-2 days she was quite cold and hard to talk to.
Few days later, she continued with anti slut defense comments such as "those guys last night told my friends that we looked like we wanted to be alone last night - they don't know nothing!" she said this a few times, but luckily thanks to reading the theory on this site I deflected these quite well (finally some bonus points) - saying that we could of done it infront of them if we wanted to or just ignored it with a smile...
A few days later - I grew some balls and asked her out for last night. Meanwhile things got back to where they were with her - chatting having fun etc .. This is where I deep dived her via chat (she is a bit of a faceobok maniac and I know its not the way forward but..) and also in person - I literally know almost everything about her childhood,dreams,work, uni, past relationships and etc ... (so I kinda did this part . I also barely talk about myself - its maybe 30:70 in her corner.
Last night, we went to a nice bar.. we sat together, I touched her, checked her jewelry, deep dived her loads (honestly I probably know more than her boyfriend now...) Then I moved her to a 2nd bar.. this continued.. Two comments here are first that now she refused to sit by me (excuse was her neck hurts, which I know is true, and couldn't turn to me.. but could just as well be made up)... and secondly she had a phone call with her roommate and when she hang up she said she invited her to join us but she was busy (pretty sure this was another ASD - so she could say later that she didn't expect a 1on1 date or something?). Then I started moving her to a 3rd bar which turned out to be closed so I proposed to go to buy a bottle of wine and go to her place and she agreed! I got quite excited, but once we got there, she went and intentionally knocked on her room mate to join us and she did... And this is pretty much where I kind of gave up as I saw no way forward. We had some wine the 3 of us and I called a cab as I had to catch a train in the morning. (just for the sake of not feeling like I'm hiding anything - there was a opened condom wrapper on top of her garbage .. it was super obvious and I don't think her boyfriend was there that soon. Thought that didn't really annoy me as I kinda thought she does cheat on him). Again I hate myself from the bottom of my heart for not escalating at one of the bars or at the street or god knows... I also should of added more sexual context and chase framing probably. And definitely escalated touching...
Funnily enough I thought this is completely over as I've pissed her off beyond imagination.. When in the morning she texted me "Did you manage to catch your train?" - I was quite suprised, but I replied 10 minutes later " Yeah I've even arrived. Last night was really cool we should do it again - I'm annoyed I had to leave so early - I didn't set up the logistics very well again" to which I got no reply...
So overall, I realise I'm way over my head here - coming out from a long relationship and jumping on a hot, much more experienced girl with a boyfriend - I know how to challenge myself if anything... A few bonus points I'd give to myself are - I never chased, never judged, set up the "I hate when girls are called whores" theme, did great deep diving and created some intrigue by not talking about myself or bragging.
But I made numerous mistakes as I've outlined above mainly with missing escalation windows, moving slowly, overthinking and being a chicken basically.
I believe I've become attached to a point where I'm no longer objective in my own thoughts so I decided to post this here for two reasons. Firstly share my failure so that I feel more accountable. And secondly to ask you guys if you think there is any chance? I hate failure and I will rather go in one more time all or nothing and see what happens than to NEXT her. Question is - ask her on Thursday night (before Valentines!) or 5-6 days after Valentines? Not sure what the theory says on this one!
Any comments are welcomed - including mocking me
This is my first thread on the board as I am new to the pickup community. Although, I've been following girlschase for quite a while and read and reread almost all core articles. However, this didn't help me not fuck up a great opportunity due to my lack of experience (my own fault)
A bit of background - I'm 22 and so is the girl. I just got out of a 4.5 year relationship 4-5 months ago (and thus when I stared reading girlschase.. typical huh?
and she is currently in a relationship. Another huge thing to mention here is she is much more experienced than me both sexually and in number of relationships. A year ago we met in another country when I went on a conference but then the sides were switched - she was single I was in a relationship.. we ended up sleeping in the same bed (I was battered) but I refused to take things further as I would never cheat on someone I truly loved at the time. Nevertheless, there was something there...Now that we are both back, some of the feelings came up again. Initially things were quite casual - chatting, jokes, having fun.. Slowly but surely I started developing feelings for her (first error), but in fact she was showing clear signs as well - spending loads of time with me, touching me, taking my arm, mentioning "we", always smiling to me.. even her boyfriend was jelous ... white flags all over the place. But the more attached I got to her, the more stupid excuses I made (and keep making) in my head - she has a boyfriend, maybe she wants to be just friends, I don't want to skrew it up etc etc.. all the typical excuses Chase and the crew have mentioned on here. This was further reinforced as she mentioned a few times how she would never cheat on her boyfriend (pretttty sure thats a lie now - you will find out why below) and how she would never sleep with a boy in a relationship... Moreover, I made a dumb mistake down the line as I mentioned I'd feel bad if I sleep with a girl with a boyfriend and she said "thats a great principle in life!"...
Though, despite that things somehow managed to escalate slightly - we got drunk at a party together and I escorted her home.. where we were alone for a while in the living room - she was literally lying in my lap TOOK my hand and put it around her and wanted to talk... (RED FLAG TO YOU DRUNK ME).. Still I escalated a bit, as I started massaging her on the neck etc.. Moreover, once 2 other guys showed up in the living room she said something in terms of "I'd take you to my room but it is a mess" - and what do I do ? Say its okay and start talking about something irrelevant and retarded (black/pink/red flag with a slap to drunk me). Eventually I left and I imagine I left her super frustrated. I won't even go to how much I hated myself in the morning. Next 1-2 days she was quite cold and hard to talk to.
Few days later, she continued with anti slut defense comments such as "those guys last night told my friends that we looked like we wanted to be alone last night - they don't know nothing!" she said this a few times, but luckily thanks to reading the theory on this site I deflected these quite well (finally some bonus points) - saying that we could of done it infront of them if we wanted to or just ignored it with a smile...
A few days later - I grew some balls and asked her out for last night. Meanwhile things got back to where they were with her - chatting having fun etc .. This is where I deep dived her via chat (she is a bit of a faceobok maniac and I know its not the way forward but..) and also in person - I literally know almost everything about her childhood,dreams,work, uni, past relationships and etc ... (so I kinda did this part . I also barely talk about myself - its maybe 30:70 in her corner.
Last night, we went to a nice bar.. we sat together, I touched her, checked her jewelry, deep dived her loads (honestly I probably know more than her boyfriend now...) Then I moved her to a 2nd bar.. this continued.. Two comments here are first that now she refused to sit by me (excuse was her neck hurts, which I know is true, and couldn't turn to me.. but could just as well be made up)... and secondly she had a phone call with her roommate and when she hang up she said she invited her to join us but she was busy (pretty sure this was another ASD - so she could say later that she didn't expect a 1on1 date or something?). Then I started moving her to a 3rd bar which turned out to be closed so I proposed to go to buy a bottle of wine and go to her place and she agreed! I got quite excited, but once we got there, she went and intentionally knocked on her room mate to join us and she did... And this is pretty much where I kind of gave up as I saw no way forward. We had some wine the 3 of us and I called a cab as I had to catch a train in the morning. (just for the sake of not feeling like I'm hiding anything - there was a opened condom wrapper on top of her garbage .. it was super obvious and I don't think her boyfriend was there that soon. Thought that didn't really annoy me as I kinda thought she does cheat on him). Again I hate myself from the bottom of my heart for not escalating at one of the bars or at the street or god knows... I also should of added more sexual context and chase framing probably. And definitely escalated touching...
Funnily enough I thought this is completely over as I've pissed her off beyond imagination.. When in the morning she texted me "Did you manage to catch your train?" - I was quite suprised, but I replied 10 minutes later " Yeah I've even arrived. Last night was really cool we should do it again - I'm annoyed I had to leave so early - I didn't set up the logistics very well again
" to which I got no reply...So overall, I realise I'm way over my head here - coming out from a long relationship and jumping on a hot, much more experienced girl with a boyfriend - I know how to challenge myself if anything... A few bonus points I'd give to myself are - I never chased, never judged, set up the "I hate when girls are called whores" theme, did great deep diving and created some intrigue by not talking about myself or bragging.
But I made numerous mistakes as I've outlined above mainly with missing escalation windows, moving slowly, overthinking and being a chicken basically.
I believe I've become attached to a point where I'm no longer objective in my own thoughts so I decided to post this here for two reasons. Firstly share my failure so that I feel more accountable. And secondly to ask you guys if you think there is any chance? I hate failure and I will rather go in one more time all or nothing and see what happens than to NEXT her. Question is - ask her on Thursday night (before Valentines!) or 5-6 days after Valentines? Not sure what the theory says on this one!
Any comments are welcomed - including mocking me
