- Joined
- Dec 14, 2023
- Messages
- 8
I know this is a long post, but I would be beyond grateful for some input and advice. Thank you.
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My Background Info:
Before graduate school, I had never even kissed a girl, mostly caused by living a very sheltered life going to a high school with 150 students, having low self esteem, and being overweight. In the summer proceeding grad school, and in the first semester, I slimmed down to the point where I am now a 6'4" guy with a lean, muscular physique. I also started doing country dancing, where I slowly became much more confident with girls, flirting with them, going on dates with them, and sexually escalating. I started developing my game from scratch at 22 being a complete virgin.
Throughout grad school, I went on several dates with various women, but was only getting first and second dates, and only kissing, nothing more. I was being held back by my self-limiting beliefs. In last year of my two years in grad school, my confidence with women was much higher, and I rejected a lot of women, because I was still operating under the impression that I didn't want to just sleep with anyone, but also because I was nervous to have sex for the first time. My ego was also very high and I felt that I deserved a top-notch woman. I had several opportunities for causal or first date sex, but I didn't do it.
In March 2024, I was winding down my time in graduate school, and I had just recently decided to actually push for first/second date sex. I had one experience where I got to second base with a woman, but she would not let me get further. I never saw her again because she left the country. After going out with a few more high-quality women, and discarding them after they would would not let me hit after a few dates, I found my current girlfriend.
From the first date with my current girlfriend, I knew she had some red flags, mostly from her describing her past impulsive behavior. Nonetheless, she was a very fun person to talk to, and still is today. I had sex with her on our second date; losing my virginity to her. After going on a couple more dates, and having more sex with her, I asked her how many people she's had sex with, and she told me 14 or 15. I lied and told her I had sex with 7 people. As soon as she told me this, I initially felt somewhat disgusted, but I was not envisioning a long term relationship with her at the time, so I kept going out with her.
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Her Sexual Past:
She lost her virginity via rape at the end of high school, and in the first semester of college, she went on basically a sexual rampage, being drunk all the time, flunking classes, and only caring about being social and having sex. She described herself as being depressed and idealizing suicide during this time period. She has told me a few different reasons as to why she was so promiscuous in her past.
1- She's claimed she did it because she wanted to reclaim control of her body by choosing who to have sex with.
2- She's also claimed that she didn't feel like saving herself for someone special anymore since her first time was via rape.
3- She's also told me that she thought it was normal to have sex very quickly at the start of a relationship, and that she didn't realize that it was not normal if you were looking for a relationship.
4- She said she was self-destructive and didn't really care about life or having a future. All she cared about was having fun and having sex.
As you can see, there's quite the range of reasons in there.
At the end of the second semester, and after her sexual rampage, she got a boyfriend who she waited for several months to have sex with, because she wanted to make sure she actually liked him. Soon after starting a relationship with him, she attempted to commit suicide by taking a bunch of pills, and was then hospitalized. She has been formally diagnosed with depression and PTSD because of her rape. They stayed together for a year before breaking up.
Throughout the remaining two years of her time in college, she only slept with 2-3 guys, before running into me at the very end of her time in school.
**She has told me that she deeply regrets her behavior and wish she didn't do it. But at the same time, she says that her past does not matter, that she can't go back and undo it, and that I should only care about the present and the future. To be fair, she was very forthcoming with this information and told me she would understand if it was a dealbreaker to me, to which I told her it wasn't. Recently though, she has told me that she does not want to talk about her past very much anymore because it makes her feel bad.
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The Present:
After leaving grad school, I went back to my small hometown, where girls were scarce, so I decided to continue talking to her and visiting her. Our relationship has been relatively smooth sailing, but she definitely has some lingering emotional instability, which is mitigated with the use of SSRIs. She seems to be very loyal to me, affectionate, and kind, except for the occasional minor dispute/hurt feelings. She's also been pretty concerned that I don't like her as much as she likes me, which is probably true in reality. She is now ambitious and mostly depression-free, and has plans of going to medical school. She was even able to pull herself out of her failed first semester and finish school with a 3.5 GPA.
Recently I've taken a remote engineering job and have moved away from her to explore another city for a couple months, so we are doing long distance. This distance from her, despite still talking to her multiple times a day, has given me some time to reflect on her. Her past sexual behavior is starting to bother me more, to the point where I'm considering dumping her over it, even though in the beginning, I told her that I was ok with it given the situation that she went through.
Despite this slightly disgusted and disappointed feeling I have, I feel our long-distance relationship is still relatively strong, and I feel like we are still growing closer. We will be going on a two week vacation with each other soon.
In this new city, I am no longer in a scarcity mindset, and have multiple girls approaching me at these country dancing bars that I go to with my friends. This is causing me have the idea of pursuing other girls be even more present in my mind.
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My question:
Being more experienced that me, what would you suggest I do in this situation I'm in? I'm considering dumping her, cheating on her until I find a replacement woman, or trying to get into a polyamorous relationship. I've brought up the polyamory to her, but she is not willing to be a relationship like that.
I’ve even considered cheating on her until my bodycount is as high as hers. It definitely isn’t the best feeling as a man being a woman’s first who has had sex with 15 times more people than you.
Do you think she is just your typical ho, with a typical ho past? Or do you think I should give her a second chance, given her attempt at reforming herself? She told me that she probably would have slept with me on the first date, because sex is fun, so she seems like she maybe hasn't changed that much.
I have read Chase's articles on ho's, and it's starting to have me more concerned. She clearly hasn't gone to the opposite end of the sexual spectrum, because she still had sex with a few guys after breaking up with her boyfriend, and had sex with me on the second date.
---------------------------
My Background Info:
Before graduate school, I had never even kissed a girl, mostly caused by living a very sheltered life going to a high school with 150 students, having low self esteem, and being overweight. In the summer proceeding grad school, and in the first semester, I slimmed down to the point where I am now a 6'4" guy with a lean, muscular physique. I also started doing country dancing, where I slowly became much more confident with girls, flirting with them, going on dates with them, and sexually escalating. I started developing my game from scratch at 22 being a complete virgin.
Throughout grad school, I went on several dates with various women, but was only getting first and second dates, and only kissing, nothing more. I was being held back by my self-limiting beliefs. In last year of my two years in grad school, my confidence with women was much higher, and I rejected a lot of women, because I was still operating under the impression that I didn't want to just sleep with anyone, but also because I was nervous to have sex for the first time. My ego was also very high and I felt that I deserved a top-notch woman. I had several opportunities for causal or first date sex, but I didn't do it.
In March 2024, I was winding down my time in graduate school, and I had just recently decided to actually push for first/second date sex. I had one experience where I got to second base with a woman, but she would not let me get further. I never saw her again because she left the country. After going out with a few more high-quality women, and discarding them after they would would not let me hit after a few dates, I found my current girlfriend.
From the first date with my current girlfriend, I knew she had some red flags, mostly from her describing her past impulsive behavior. Nonetheless, she was a very fun person to talk to, and still is today. I had sex with her on our second date; losing my virginity to her. After going on a couple more dates, and having more sex with her, I asked her how many people she's had sex with, and she told me 14 or 15. I lied and told her I had sex with 7 people. As soon as she told me this, I initially felt somewhat disgusted, but I was not envisioning a long term relationship with her at the time, so I kept going out with her.
------------------------
Her Sexual Past:
She lost her virginity via rape at the end of high school, and in the first semester of college, she went on basically a sexual rampage, being drunk all the time, flunking classes, and only caring about being social and having sex. She described herself as being depressed and idealizing suicide during this time period. She has told me a few different reasons as to why she was so promiscuous in her past.
1- She's claimed she did it because she wanted to reclaim control of her body by choosing who to have sex with.
2- She's also claimed that she didn't feel like saving herself for someone special anymore since her first time was via rape.
3- She's also told me that she thought it was normal to have sex very quickly at the start of a relationship, and that she didn't realize that it was not normal if you were looking for a relationship.
4- She said she was self-destructive and didn't really care about life or having a future. All she cared about was having fun and having sex.
As you can see, there's quite the range of reasons in there.
At the end of the second semester, and after her sexual rampage, she got a boyfriend who she waited for several months to have sex with, because she wanted to make sure she actually liked him. Soon after starting a relationship with him, she attempted to commit suicide by taking a bunch of pills, and was then hospitalized. She has been formally diagnosed with depression and PTSD because of her rape. They stayed together for a year before breaking up.
Throughout the remaining two years of her time in college, she only slept with 2-3 guys, before running into me at the very end of her time in school.
**She has told me that she deeply regrets her behavior and wish she didn't do it. But at the same time, she says that her past does not matter, that she can't go back and undo it, and that I should only care about the present and the future. To be fair, she was very forthcoming with this information and told me she would understand if it was a dealbreaker to me, to which I told her it wasn't. Recently though, she has told me that she does not want to talk about her past very much anymore because it makes her feel bad.
---------------------------
The Present:
After leaving grad school, I went back to my small hometown, where girls were scarce, so I decided to continue talking to her and visiting her. Our relationship has been relatively smooth sailing, but she definitely has some lingering emotional instability, which is mitigated with the use of SSRIs. She seems to be very loyal to me, affectionate, and kind, except for the occasional minor dispute/hurt feelings. She's also been pretty concerned that I don't like her as much as she likes me, which is probably true in reality. She is now ambitious and mostly depression-free, and has plans of going to medical school. She was even able to pull herself out of her failed first semester and finish school with a 3.5 GPA.
Recently I've taken a remote engineering job and have moved away from her to explore another city for a couple months, so we are doing long distance. This distance from her, despite still talking to her multiple times a day, has given me some time to reflect on her. Her past sexual behavior is starting to bother me more, to the point where I'm considering dumping her over it, even though in the beginning, I told her that I was ok with it given the situation that she went through.
Despite this slightly disgusted and disappointed feeling I have, I feel our long-distance relationship is still relatively strong, and I feel like we are still growing closer. We will be going on a two week vacation with each other soon.
In this new city, I am no longer in a scarcity mindset, and have multiple girls approaching me at these country dancing bars that I go to with my friends. This is causing me have the idea of pursuing other girls be even more present in my mind.
----------------------------
My question:
Being more experienced that me, what would you suggest I do in this situation I'm in? I'm considering dumping her, cheating on her until I find a replacement woman, or trying to get into a polyamorous relationship. I've brought up the polyamory to her, but she is not willing to be a relationship like that.
I’ve even considered cheating on her until my bodycount is as high as hers. It definitely isn’t the best feeling as a man being a woman’s first who has had sex with 15 times more people than you.
Do you think she is just your typical ho, with a typical ho past? Or do you think I should give her a second chance, given her attempt at reforming herself? She told me that she probably would have slept with me on the first date, because sex is fun, so she seems like she maybe hasn't changed that much.
I have read Chase's articles on ho's, and it's starting to have me more concerned. She clearly hasn't gone to the opposite end of the sexual spectrum, because she still had sex with a few guys after breaking up with her boyfriend, and had sex with me on the second date.
