- Joined
- Feb 11, 2015
- Messages
- 20
Hello, not sure if this is the right forum category and I realise this is a crazy long but anyway haha
So I was dating this girl I met on tinder for about 6 weeks. It was going pretty well apart from being a bit slow for my liking but I think she was wanting it to go slow after just coming out of a relationship. We went on some really good dates and after each one she messaged me saying how she enjoyed it and liked hanging out with me. We never really went further than kissing and touching, as I was not trying to be to pushy. There were a few times I did really try to escalate when at her place or mine but nothing happened. Both our living situations were not ideal for this to happen as we both live at home, her basically in the same room as her mum. This may just be a convenient excuse though. The communication in terms of messages was pretty equal at the start. She would ask me how my day was a lot of the time. So I started asking her about hers- not every day though. She was asking a lot a personal questions early on over text to get to know me and I told her I prefer to talk in person but ended up answering them anyway, probably giving to much detail, not creating mystery lol. I didn't ask many of these personal deep questions back as I was trying to keep it light hearted over text. Things were making me think she was gonna be my girlfriend before she actually was. She would tag me in things on facebook as say take me here please. Ask me to call her babe or a cute nickname, she would start ending each message with a kiss and I would do the same stupidly. She would always say can’t wait to see you. Because I basically organised the first dates she said she was planning the next one and it required a weekend. This was getting me intrigued but she didn't really say when it was gonna happen. I think I made the mistake of telling her too many things we could do together like go to the gym, sporting events, certain games we could play together, basically getting ahead of myself. Although she said she was keen for all of it. I was hanging out with her on a saturday and I knew she was busy the next weekend with work so I said do you want to do something during the week. She suggested wednesday could work and we could watch a movie at mine. Wednesday came around and I sent a message in the early afternoon asking If shes still good to come over....I get a reply at about 6pm saying can we maybe postpone I don't feel to good. I dumbly said yep does tomorrow work(far to eager). Then I realised my mistake and quickly sent another message saying don;t worry about it, get well, maybe we could do something next week. I got a message back: basically saying shes exhausted at the moment, only as 4 hours from work till sleep, she been going to bed earlier and its a decent drive to my place(like 35mins) and the part I dread: "I think I might just need a bit of space for a bit". My natural reaction to these words is its over. Which was kinda hard to take at the time. I just said that's understandable have a good sleep. I decided not to make any contact with her for a few days and then sent a message on the following monday. It was basically a tell her how I feel text which I kinda regret. I said that I liked her and would want to continue seeing her if she felt the same way. She said back: "I do like you, I just feel like I need time to myself let it sink in. I struggle to be affectionate when I'm getting to know people and I feel like they like me. I just feel like they come on to me strongly and it pushes me away. I know it sounds stupid but it always seems to be the case and it must be super annoying. It's almost like I need to feel the other person isn't into me and I have to chase them. So I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Does this make sense?" I didn't answer her question and proceeded to send another dumb text in the moment that would of shown I was hurt. The truth is it does make sense now. She basically outlined what all these dating advice youtubers and articles say about women wanting to chase. I got ahead of myself and thought the chase part was over. Its an easy concept to understand but a hard one to put into practice. Basically I think I need to surround myself with more women(I do have female friends) and focus on myself- my job, my hobbies, my aspirations. It wasn't like I exactly threw all my eggs in one basket, but maybe she got that impression. I did tell her about a date I went on before her and I continued to use tinder and also flirt with girls in clubs/bars. I''ll admit I'm quite shy when it comes to flirting with girls during the day which I want to get better at.
So basically after giving her no contact she messages me a week later asking me how I'm doing. Part of me thinks it was just her trying to be nice cause she knows I didn't take it very well. (I wish I was more chill about it at the time). I replied saying I was doing really good, super busy with work and study and that I need to cut back on socialising haha. She told me her weekend was good and asked about mine. So I told her I had a fun night doing karaoke with some american girls. Also just small chat about her dog. She replied and I didn't feel the need to keep the conversation going.
My plan is to not message her for a while(its been 2weeks). I'm not sure what to do though really. Is there even much point in trying to rekindle something? I wouldn't even know what to say. I probably should just move on but it is hard to haha and there was a connection there. Every so often I think about messaging but don’t. I have been on a date with another girl since, but it lacked chemistry.
Any advice would be appreciated if you made it through
Thanks in advance
So I was dating this girl I met on tinder for about 6 weeks. It was going pretty well apart from being a bit slow for my liking but I think she was wanting it to go slow after just coming out of a relationship. We went on some really good dates and after each one she messaged me saying how she enjoyed it and liked hanging out with me. We never really went further than kissing and touching, as I was not trying to be to pushy. There were a few times I did really try to escalate when at her place or mine but nothing happened. Both our living situations were not ideal for this to happen as we both live at home, her basically in the same room as her mum. This may just be a convenient excuse though. The communication in terms of messages was pretty equal at the start. She would ask me how my day was a lot of the time. So I started asking her about hers- not every day though. She was asking a lot a personal questions early on over text to get to know me and I told her I prefer to talk in person but ended up answering them anyway, probably giving to much detail, not creating mystery lol. I didn't ask many of these personal deep questions back as I was trying to keep it light hearted over text. Things were making me think she was gonna be my girlfriend before she actually was. She would tag me in things on facebook as say take me here please. Ask me to call her babe or a cute nickname, she would start ending each message with a kiss and I would do the same stupidly. She would always say can’t wait to see you. Because I basically organised the first dates she said she was planning the next one and it required a weekend. This was getting me intrigued but she didn't really say when it was gonna happen. I think I made the mistake of telling her too many things we could do together like go to the gym, sporting events, certain games we could play together, basically getting ahead of myself. Although she said she was keen for all of it. I was hanging out with her on a saturday and I knew she was busy the next weekend with work so I said do you want to do something during the week. She suggested wednesday could work and we could watch a movie at mine. Wednesday came around and I sent a message in the early afternoon asking If shes still good to come over....I get a reply at about 6pm saying can we maybe postpone I don't feel to good. I dumbly said yep does tomorrow work(far to eager). Then I realised my mistake and quickly sent another message saying don;t worry about it, get well, maybe we could do something next week. I got a message back: basically saying shes exhausted at the moment, only as 4 hours from work till sleep, she been going to bed earlier and its a decent drive to my place(like 35mins) and the part I dread: "I think I might just need a bit of space for a bit". My natural reaction to these words is its over. Which was kinda hard to take at the time. I just said that's understandable have a good sleep. I decided not to make any contact with her for a few days and then sent a message on the following monday. It was basically a tell her how I feel text which I kinda regret. I said that I liked her and would want to continue seeing her if she felt the same way. She said back: "I do like you, I just feel like I need time to myself let it sink in. I struggle to be affectionate when I'm getting to know people and I feel like they like me. I just feel like they come on to me strongly and it pushes me away. I know it sounds stupid but it always seems to be the case and it must be super annoying. It's almost like I need to feel the other person isn't into me and I have to chase them. So I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Does this make sense?" I didn't answer her question and proceeded to send another dumb text in the moment that would of shown I was hurt. The truth is it does make sense now. She basically outlined what all these dating advice youtubers and articles say about women wanting to chase. I got ahead of myself and thought the chase part was over. Its an easy concept to understand but a hard one to put into practice. Basically I think I need to surround myself with more women(I do have female friends) and focus on myself- my job, my hobbies, my aspirations. It wasn't like I exactly threw all my eggs in one basket, but maybe she got that impression. I did tell her about a date I went on before her and I continued to use tinder and also flirt with girls in clubs/bars. I''ll admit I'm quite shy when it comes to flirting with girls during the day which I want to get better at.
So basically after giving her no contact she messages me a week later asking me how I'm doing. Part of me thinks it was just her trying to be nice cause she knows I didn't take it very well. (I wish I was more chill about it at the time). I replied saying I was doing really good, super busy with work and study and that I need to cut back on socialising haha. She told me her weekend was good and asked about mine. So I told her I had a fun night doing karaoke with some american girls. Also just small chat about her dog. She replied and I didn't feel the need to keep the conversation going.
My plan is to not message her for a while(its been 2weeks). I'm not sure what to do though really. Is there even much point in trying to rekindle something? I wouldn't even know what to say. I probably should just move on but it is hard to haha and there was a connection there. Every so often I think about messaging but don’t. I have been on a date with another girl since, but it lacked chemistry.
Any advice would be appreciated if you made it through
Thanks in advance
