What's moving in this girls mind?

[Adamantimus]

Hi.

This girl has been puzzling me for a good while now, and I decided to ask from you, more professional than me.

These are the signals and actions which I have gotten from her:

1. I first catched her looking at me during a lecture, from the other side of the room. This was which caught me from behind the bushes and got me initially interested in her. All it took was one eye glance. We shared a few more looks later in that lecture, that's all.

2. The next day she asked to be my fb-friend. She hasn't initiated any chats, I have a few ones, but no clarity upon the situation can be given from these small talks.

3. After this she grew a bit more nervous around me. Sometimes she wouldn't even glance at me nor say anything when I greeted her and a friend of her, whom she had accompanied during a lunch break. The nervousness can be seen in the output which she gives. Sometimes when we chat - which unfortunately happens quite rarely - she might make a small laugh, where there can be sensed a bit of nervousness.

4. At bar evenings she usually has this friend male accompanied with her. I could say this is a good friend of her whom she frequently hangs around with, and could be classified as an orbiter. Possibly boyfriend-material for her and clearly an alpha male.

5. When this male guy is with her, she doesn't really pay attention to me, but more to the guy. At one bar night the guy leaved the bar, leaving the girl with her friends. She continued having fun with the girls, but showed some attraction towards me - the usual glances with a hint of smile.

6. Another night, when the guy was once again with the girl and I was hanging around with the group, the girl would go and engage with other guys, with her doing the opening phase and after that end the conversation and exit.


I'm new to these techniques so I haven't really tried them to the girl. But I clearly now see where I could've done better - for example at the bar, when I joined the group and the girl approached me, seemingly happily, we headed for the bar counter. But instead of ending up next to the girl at the bar counter and engaging in a conversation with her, I went more further away where there was another person serving the counter. This was probably because I was a bit anxious how quick it all came and wanted some space. After that the girl was more passive towards me, engaging other guys and not paying attention to me (see 6.). Eventually I too lost interest in the situation and didn't follow them anymore to the bar counter from the dance floor, where she headed with the alpha male leading.

All in all, I could say she is overall very social towards people, but a bit reserved towards me. I could say the same of my attitude towards her.

I am interested in her, but is she towards me? Or has the expiration date already gone in my case from the eyes of her, because of my lack of movement?

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Have you made you intentions known to her ?

I think that your at the stage where there is attraction but she is waiting for you to make the move as a MAN! if you don't make a move or make your intentions known you will stay in this position.

cause its highly unlikely see is going to make the first move and you making the firsts move is more dominant something a man would do and she probably is looking for a man not just someone she thinks is visually appealing.

The other man is either a friend or a potential partner
you should beable to determine what he is by the type of behavior they display around each other are they grabbing each other etc .

this is all i have for ya

 

[Drck]

She asked you to be her FB friend, she is nervous around you, she laughs, she showed some attraction/the usual glances = all of those are positive signs. She also initiated thus she is interested, and because she approached you first her interest was high. You initiated several chats, which was good.

You are right, at the bar she was waiting for you to approach her, but instead you sit further away. She probably thought that you don't like her or you are too shy, and that is why she became more passive and conservative. Now she is most likely little bit confused, but she knows you like her. Don't analyze it, she simply wants you to approach her.

1. Learn to have selective mind, only focus on these positive signs and ignore negatives (alpha guy, other guys,...), and then act upon those positive signs. Many times she only surrounds herself with Great Orbitals so she feels safer and more comfortable, but she is not really interested in them
2. Keep it simple: When you see an object of interest you move towards it, not away. When she gives you positive signs, you invade her personal space (gently, not like an ape), talk to her, and take her to dance, get a drink together.... Those are great actions
3. Learn to talk language of actions: You ignore those "alphas", you approach her, you invide her space, you start talking to her, you decide to take her dancing, you decide when to take her for date, and you suggest what will happen during the date. You touch her first (be gentle, don't be an ape), don't wait till she touches you. You do it, don't leave it up to her, she doesn't want that responsibility. You do these actions, and you let her do most of the talking. No need to be an asshole, alpha, bad ass or anything else. Just do it as a person. Those actions speak very loudly, she may choose not to be your girl but she will always respect you for the actions
4. You don't tell her that you like her. You show her that you like her by all those actions - and you never appologize for that, and you never feel sorry for that. You show her that you like her without worrying or knowing whether she likes you. You show her first, don't wait till she shows you or gives you signs that she likes you (she already did anyway)
5. Be nervous, it is ok. She is nervous as well. Some Nervousness is actualy good, it creates friction between you two, attraction, natural excitement between man and woman. You want to be nervous, being nervous is great! And don't worry if you screw up something, everybody did, that is why we are here at first place
6. Those two things between your thights are called balls. Before you go to talk to her and take her for a dance, it is ok to go to the bathroom and give them a good squeeze, to make them feel alive, to make them feel full of Life. You should actually do it every morning, when you wake up. Take them to your hand, shake them well, and say: Look, how beautiful they are - I wish she could see them too!

Hope it helps

 

[Adamantimus]

Thank you Yoda and Drck for answering. Your advices are very helpful - with the exception of advice #6 which was odd, albeit humorous, but thank you for that. The other 5 advices are extremely helpful in contrary, so a big THANKS from me !

Summer break is coming, so I won't see the girl any time soon. However, I'll be eager to see how things unravel when fall comes. Of course, it could be that emotions have cooled down by then.


However, there is yet another girl who has been puzzling me, and I simply cannot be silent about it now that I've gotten this good responses from you guys. The signals from this girl have been strong, like "Wow. Am I just mistaken or is this girl into me?"

Here are the signals and behaviours:

1. This girl asked me for a lunch date, which is a signal of interest.

I was quite surprised when she asked about it via a text message. We usually see quite rarely, and she was the first girl in a long time to actually go and ask "Hey [my name]. We haven't chatted in a long time. Would you care for a lunch date?"

So we had our date, and we agreed to have another one at a later time.
I messaged her about half weeks later, asking her for a cup of coffee, but she wrote she's busy, and that another time would be better.
I contacted her again a week after that about the same date. She didn't anymore even respond.

2. Still, we see each other weekly at the institution. Sometimes, when we're in a group of people, conversating, and I'm sitting next to her, talking at times, I can see that she's straightening her clothes, which implies of nervousness.
I still haven't asked her why she didn't respond to my message, and I still won't. I guess it's irrelevant now.

3. Sometimes when she has some alcohol in her blood, she's more eager to invade my personal space. Usually she's very rational and reserved, but when she's had a few drinks, she can come and hug me when we happen to meet at the bar, or stand really close to me when we're with a group of people. I recall one time when she was standing really close to me by my side, and I could actually hear her breathing very heavily. It felt a bit humorous to think of it that she would actually breath heavily because of me being so physically close to her.

4. Yeah, she has also flirted with me a few times. She has a somewhat powerful status amongst us students (I also have this heightened status, only in a different way), and sometimes when she speaks in a group, she can turn her eyes towards me, while continuing her speaking, face towards the group. This would continue for some seconds.(Think of the Lord of the Rings-scene where Galadriel is speaking to the fellowship, but addresses Frodo with her eyes. It happens like that).

5. What was the last point.. Damnit, I'm just thinkin LOTR now.. Oh yes, like the previous girl I mentioned, she still pursuits other men at the bar-evenings. She doesn't really stick with me that long, only for a few while and then moves for other men. One time she started making out with a guy when I was just a few tables from her. Not to say I got jealous, but it was a bit awkward.

Maybe it's again me who's at fault here. This girl has given me signals and I haven't responded correctly.
One reason of which I've hesitated, is that until I read Chase's articles, I've always thought negatively of one night relationships.
I've always thought that when I make out with a person, I got to have a really strong bond with her, and we must be heading towards a relationship.
we share a really different world view, me and this girl, and that's because I haven't made a strong move with her. I've kind of wanted her, but then I've hesitated, because I doubt our relationship would last.

Also, I was confused from her signals. "She asks me for a date, now she refuses, but she still keeps flirting with me? What's going on with this girl?"

One more thing, the previous girl which I mentioned have also mixed my feelings, because first, I'm strongly interested in her,

+ she's a good friend of this girl, which in my mind makes things complicated.

Now she's again become more passive. That's all I can say.



But yeah, what are your deductions?

Is this girl just teasing me, or is she interested in me sexually? And if she is, is this interest only in a "wanting to get me into bed"-kind of manner, or does she want to invest in me in a deeper, relationship-level?

 

[Drck]

Same story Adamantimus, don't get puzzled, keep it simple: She shows interest - you move towards her and talk to her, hit on her, with the intention to sleep with her. She runs away, ok, let her run - don't chase. She comes back - do the same.

Don't flirt too much. When you are flirting you are indirectly saying: Look, I am interested in intimacy, sex. When she flirts back she is saying: Ok, let's see what is in you. Or she is just fooling around, it is exciting for her to flirt with men. But when she flirts, now you have to move. Don't flirt back over and over, she already knows that you are interested, she is not retarded to hear the same thing over and over.

Don't ask her why she is not responding to your messages. Girls just don't, or they are testing you to see if you flip out. When she flirts with you again don't flirt back. Instead, tell her or send another message: Hey, why don't we get a coffee, what is better for you, Monday or Tuesday? This way she has to choose one day, this way she will know that you are interested in meeting her (and not just flirting), and this way she'll either have to accept your offer or reject you. If she goes with you, great, keep moving forward. If not, sorry, she's decided that you are not that guy.

If she is interested but can't meet you at the time you suggested, she will offer another day. Let her do it, get a specific day and time from her. If she is not interested, most likely she won't reply and she will not show up. Right there is your answer whether she is really interested or not.

Don't waste time on analyzing positive signs, don't wait for more positive signs. If they are there they are there - now you have to move. She's drunk? Ok, hug her back, get physical, do things with her. Don't let her leave for another guy. She is not drunk? Ok, well, you have to move anyway otherwise you'll end up being in her friend zone.

Your responses should be actions, not analyzing. When you sit in your car and you have a green light, you are not sitting and analyzing what to do either, right?. You just look around and if the road is clear you go. Same with her. You see a positive sign - it is a green light, you hit the peddal and you go, no analyzing is needed. You see negative signs from her - it is red light, you hit the breaks and don't move, don't chase.

Decide what you want BEFORE you meet this or another girl. Just friend? Or is it a one night stand or long relationship? To be her friend, you don't really have to do much. Just do nothing like the other guys do. To be her lover or BF, you have to move.

Connection: This one seems to be a puzzle. Why? Because guy wants to have real emotional connection with her before he feels comfortable to move on. If the guy doesn't feel that there is a good emotional connection, he simply won't move forward. And she knows it, so she lets him feel emotionally great by getting all excited around him - and then she suddenly pulls back, cools off and observes him. If he is confident enough he will still move forward, which is a great sign. In her eyes he is strong, independent of her feelings, confident and knows what he really wants - her. But if he is not confident he will hesitate, possibly pull back, get all emotional and weak. Bad signs, she will see him as unsecure and approval seeking, and because of that he appears weak. He doesn't know what he wants, he is not sure if he wants her. So by ACTIONS, by persistantly pushing forward - regardless whether she shows enough interest in him or not - he is proving that he is a strong man, and thus she is creating strong connection to him. She may of course reject him anyway, but she will always respect the fact that he likes her and did his best to get her.

In the end, it is not HIS connection to HER which is important. The important one is HER connection to HIM, and ACTIONS are the simplest and best ways to create really strong one...