When a Girl Asks If You Like Her or Her Friend

[Troy]

I'm chatting to a female friend on whatsapp who just happened to ask me if I like her friend. Last week we were playing texting each other while we sat across from each other. And she texted me out of nowhere telling me she likes me. So of confused that she would ask me if I like her best friend.

What should I say? I've got to reply now. I know I might not get a instant reply but it will be good to know so I dont mess up in the future.

Obviously I cant tell her I don't like her best friend. They are always so flirty and nice to me. And I dont want to say I like her friend just in case she is trying to get me to realize she likes me.

The best response I can think of is " I like you and I like Shantai. You girl's are cool and great company. " What do y'all think I should say?

Also do you think I should just stop texting her now and wait till tomorrow or so?

Troy

 

[ray_zorse]

Well you can always deflect a question with a question...

her: so do u like me? or do u like Shania better?
you: haha, which of u likes me best?

In a way this is a good thing to do because answering a question on her terms looks like compliance. It's a fine line though because you want to reward her for asking... so I'll often crack a joke of some sort or give a non-answer but then shortly later give her the information she seeks. On my terms. Like this

her: haha! u have no standards!
you: I have standards! she has to be wearing a [something she's wearing]
her: hahaha
you: I was hoping you'd say "pick me pick me pick me"...hahaha I do like you

I guess you have to play it by ear sometimes, it doesn't always go exactly how you expect. How did things go anyway?

-Ray

 

[Troy]

Ray,

On seeing your reply I used your outline.

Makila: Do you like Shantai ( her best friend )

Troy: Who likes me better? You or Shantai?

Malika: MEE!!!

Troy: I like both of you. I like Shantai's warmth and nice smile. I like you. What I like about you is you speak your mind, fun being around, easy to talk to, has a nice smile....e.t.c...

Troy: I knew

Malika: So... you like who more now?

Malika: Oh and good morning sir

Now I'm not sure how to respond to that question, who I like more. Could this be a sign that she wants us to be together? Or maybe she is setting me up with Shantai and I wouldn't want to reply wrong and lose them both.

Additional information. When I see them at school Malika is the one who will stay in conversation longer. Shantai will talk yet is shy at times and will walk away. She treats me good though. Malika will sit down and talk to me for hours. And she does most of the talking and the approaching. Seriously I've she is the only girl I could ever sit down with and never feel nervous talking to. I can speak my mind and know that whatever I say will be something she wants to hear.

How do I know that she likes me for a relationship? Or if she is just getting me ready for her friend? Shantai could be nervous talking to me so bows out of the conversation early. What should I say and do?

Troy

 

[ray_zorse]

She is begging for it! Don't overthink it man, just forget about the friend and go for her Think attainability: Let her know you like her and let her know you are for real and you'll be golden... I would adroitly avoid all conversation about the friend.
-Ray
Edit: answer the question you want to answer, not the question she asks... in this case the question you want to answer is "are you into me?". Go on, ask her for a date right now
Edit2: remember the friend is capable of speaking for herself... since Malika is interacting with you, assume Malika is the one who's into you. Especially as she explicitly confirmed that.

 

[Troy]

I saw the both of them at school today and we talked quite a bit. Not on that, just general stuff. Tonight Malika whatsapped me and here the conversation continues.

Malika:Good night

Troy: Hi

Malika: What is with you and emotions?

Troy: Don't want to sound like a robot

Malika: Oh Ok Sup

Troy: I'm going home. I spent the whole day doing major assignments then spent forever printing it at Mr. G office. Finally I am finished

Malika: Something is wrong with my phone. It's like the touch isn't working.

Troy: It wants a phone doctor... I might be able to fix that

Malika: So you are a phone doctor now?

Troy: I'm learning... Yeah

Malika: Ok

Troy: Carry it tomorrow

Malika: So you have any other occupation?. Yeah I will ( referring to carrying the phone )

Troy: Pharmicist, retired athlete, fixer, chef. And a couple more

Malika: A couple more!!!! Your thing large then

Troy: Always... I like learning new things

Malika: Oh

This is where things started going uphill then back downhill...

Malika: All now you don't answer my question??? Which one of us you like more. Shantai or Malika??????????

?????? ( then a bunch of crying emoticons ) Tell me

Troy: I'll tell you tomorrow

Malika: NO!!!!!!! I want to know now

Malika: Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please ( that's how much she asked )

Troy: You ( I should not have said that...damn )

Malika: On a serious level man. Talk the truth that god loves you know

Troy: I just did

Malika: Troy Troy Troy this is a life or death situation. Is that really really and truly the truth? Make sure........ Cause once I give in the information to the big boss.....it can't be changed

Troy: Who is the boss? Big boss?

Troy: Remind Shantai we going town tomorrow

She hasen't replied and I'm wondering what I said wrong. What did I say wrong? I'm guessing that she messaged all her friends including Shantai immediately and told them what I said. She always tells them what I said so no surprise tomorrow if they love me or hate me for how I replied.

If Malika did really like me why did she put me under a microscope and test me so hard? She already told me three times that she likes me: once over text and twice in person. How do I move forward with her?

She and Shantai I planned on taking out tomorrow for dinner and now I haven't heard from them and I'm scared I lost another one. What do I do now?

Troy

 

[ray_zorse]

This is a bit bad situation as you've been a bit too compliant, oh well she's probably legit (wants to know if you are into her), and maybe at her age and experience level isn't good at assessing non verbals... so perhaps no real damage done.

But for future reference remember to only answer questions on your terms and only answer the question you want to answer. In this case it wasn't a comparative she was after, you could be totally into her friend and it would be none of her business, what she needed to know was are you into her, and you could've answered that by asking her to spend time with you alone (and kept her guessing as to what this means).

Now you do not really have much leverage to get her out on a date and will probably end up dating on her terms... on a related note in this text exchange you seem a bit anxious to please (offering to do stuff without demanding value in return, qualifying yourself)... cut that out, refer to the other threads in which we discuss this topic and start valuing yourself more and developing a strong frame in which you hold others to the same standard. C'mon u can do it!! Love yourself!!

-Ray