When people start talking trash about you deliberately within earshot

[The Byronic Man]

I just finished this article, which was fantastic. But I have these interesting scenarios that happen occasionally at work. I'm sure this could happen outside work as well.

If I'm minding my own business (busy working) or talking to someone, and some guy walks by and starts chatting with another coworker to talk mad trash about me within earshot to deliberately rile me up, what is the best way to handle this? I typically ignore it, and sometimes the guy will say, "Haha, he's trying to ignore us," and he and the coworker will sometimes start laughing at my expense. This really gets under my skin. Do I just need to develop a thicker skin and continue to ignore? I do not want to get baited because I'm usually emotional if I do, and it only leads to me embarassing myself.

 

[Marty]

The Byronic Man:

You cannot tolerate this. If you are seen to ignore it, it will cause people to lose all respect for you.

I've been in plenty of jobs where people don't like me for one reason or another (usually because the role I fill lends itself to scrutiny, or because my character runs counter to the corporate culture), but they damn well respect me, so I can't easily imagine this happening. However, I know exactly what I'd do if it did.

I'd get up, exit my office (or cubicle or whatever), VERY SLOWLY, make eye contact with the first person, hold it way beyond the time it becomes uncomfortable (I'm talking 3+ seconds), turn slowly to the other, exactly the same again, then say:

"Interesting conversation?" ...with an "attitude" expression (no smile, slightly raised eyebrows, slightly averted body language i.e. relaxed, leaning back against a wall, making no effort to turn anything but the head or perhaps even just the eyes toward the other party).

The response is irrelevant. Then, with an exaggerated "flourish" gesture with the hand: "Please." (long pause) "Don't let me stop you." (abundance of STILLNESS) Think Al Pacino as Michael Corleone when he and his family have just been insulted by the US Senator for Nevada in his own home: The Godfather: Part 2 (1/8) Movie CLIP - My Offer is Nothing (1974) HD

That should be enough to get them to tuck tail but if not, you can see the direction it's going, continue in the same vein. You're not riled at all, in fact you have an exaggerated confidence and relaxedness, but you're setting boundaries and showing you mean to defend them.

Chase wrote somewhere I read recently about how you might challenge a couple guys who were implying that you somehow put a lot of effort into training but didn't grow big muscles, in front of an attractive girl. He suggested to look at one with a mock-confused expression and say: "What do you mean?", wait for an answer, then slowly turn to look at the other and say: "So?" and basically put social pressure on them to back down, just waiting for them to do it. I can't remember where it was, you'll have to look it up or perhaps someone else can point you in the right direction; it might have been his ebook.

Good luck!
-Marty

 

[The Byronic Man]

Thanks, Marty.

The times that I do confront the guy, he asks if it's true what he was saying about me...and then I get sucked in.

I try to be careful about whether the guy is joking around with me...I take it that's an exception when it's acceptable?