When she asks where I live after suggesting where to meet for first date

[The Byronic Man]

This has happened twice now. I take it she asks because the venue is a far drive for her.

By revealing where I live, she'll find out the place is a few minutes from me. Doesn't that make me look inconsiderate and make her suspect that I'm planning to take her home? It would seem like the it would be the more socially savvy thing to do if you ask here where she lives so you arrange to meet in the middle. Unfortunately, that makes pulling logistically difficult.

The first time this happened, she knew where I lived and then passive-aggressively joked that I made her do all the driving. So I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle. Surprisingly, she agreed to meet close to where I am anyway.

This other chick now is asking where I live. I could tease her that she's planning to take me home, but I think the serious response is the appropriate response. She's very ambitious and independent, so I'm sure she will not agree to meet at this venue once she realizes it's a few minutes away from my home.

Speaking of ambitious, independent women, does anyone here actually like those qualities in a woman? I think I find it too masculine...I'd still like to meet her for the experience though, haha, but I'm already turned off and may not even give a fuck going into the date.

 

[Ross]

Doesn't that make me look inconsiderate and make her suspect that I'm planning to take her home? It would seem like the it would be the more socially savvy thing to do if you ask here where she lives so you arrange to meet in the middle. Unfortunately, that makes pulling logistically difficult.

It's actually more considerate - taking her home is something that is good for the both of you, not bad.

The first time this happened, she knew where I lived and then passive-aggressively joked that I made her do all the driving. So I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle. Surprisingly, she agreed to meet close to where I am anyway.

It's part of the law of least effort to have her put in more effort than you do; that way, she is in the chasing position, rather than in the position of control. Women want to have sex with men, so why would they want to meet as far away from an ideal place as they could?

Having them drive farther to you satisfies both the values of the law of least effort and optimal logistics. Meeting in the middle is horrible for logistics, and doesn't abide by the law of least effort.

 

[The Byronic Man]

Yeah, but telling her about the Law of Least Effort isn't exactly going to persuade her to do most of the driving, right? So how would you respond back to this new chick's question of where I live? It seems like it would be an awkward discovery. "Oh hey, this guy is making me do all the driving. What an asshole. I think I'll not go on a date with this guy if he's such a dick."

Yes, I agree it's more considerate to take her to my place, but she doesn't know that until she finds out I know what she really wants (sex).

 

[Ross]

So how would you respond back to this new chick's question of where I live?

You think of the question as its a test to see if you are making her do more work or not, whereas I take it as a indicator of interest in how quickly I can bring her to a private arena. When women start asking about where I live, I take them there. For fun, let's see how I would respond if she decided to shit test me for it.

Her: Where do you live?
Me: Not too far away. (probably followed with a sexy smile)
Her: Oh; so you're making me do all the work?
Me: Hardly, my apartment is pretty clean. (joking around)
Her: No! I mean I have to drive all the way out there!
Me: Yeah, so?
Her: Why don't we meet closer to the middle?
Me: All to help you out *sexy smile* - (cut conversation thread to something else)

There's no need to logically convince a woman to sleep with you before you even go on a date. If you find yourself explaining every single last move, you'll hardly be efficient. It's like a king not needing to explain himself; the king knows what's right, he doesn't need input from those who do not know the lay of the land as well as he does. Silly to get in a debate over something that you know is going to make it easier to pleasure her. Just be sure to actually deliver; otherwise all that theoretical bullshit goes down the drain.

 

[The Byronic Man]

That's a great point. I can see that working well in person because you can force a new thread to stop her from dwelling on it. But this is happening over text while I'm setting up the date. But I see your point about having that strong kind of frame.

 

[The Byronic Man]

Since I'm experimenting, I've adopted this frame for this chick. So I just told her I live in the same area and it didn't even cross my mind to ask here where she lives. In hindsight, it may have been a bit insensitive, but maybe that's the angle that I should play anyway. Give me a bit of an edginess and unpredictability. Especially since she has a PhD in psychology...lol can't really hide anything from her this time. I was started to get intimidated (i.e. her attainability was starting to get too low for me), so I need to shake things up for her and for myself. I need to have a new frame where I believe I can give her what she wants, but I'm not even sure if I'm just lying to myself when her value is much higher than mine. Advice on how to handle social value imbalance SHORT-TERM (I know the long-term fix is to build up my social value)?