When she comes over and then decides to leave prematurely...are you finished?

[iceberg slim]

Howdy gents. I just had a first date with a cutie and things went decently. Hung at the park, went to get a drink, and then brought her back to my spot. Touched her throughout, kept the conversation on her. I was a bit nervous and also kind of tired so I could have definitely been sharper and smoother (sounds like a contradiction but you get my point). But I got her back to my spot so good enough right?

Anyways. I went for the kiss and got a very sheephish peck in return. I pushed for more but just got another peck, so I let it go. I probably shouldn't have pushed for more in that moment. Shortly thereafter she said she was going to head out. All I said was "leaving so soon?" but made no attempt to stop her. When she saw I was chill about her leaving her mood seemed to perk up a bit and she actually stuck around a little longer and engaged me in a bit more conversation. I showed her my room and homemade kombucha and stuffed warthog and she seemed to enjoy it. Then she bounced.

I feel like she was just being nice by sticking around. But it got me wondering--when a girl comes over and then bounces after the kiss, it's pretty much over at that point right? Like, you can't use persistence to get her to stay longer and try to turn things around, right?

A lot is written on this site about persistence (like persisting that she come home with you), but once she's already come over and you've tried to escalate and she decides to leave, your goose is cooked yeah?

 

[Derek da man]

but once she's already come over and you've tried to escalate and she decides to leave, your goose is cooked yeah?

Not necessary. If she ghosts you or does not want to go out again then yes game over, but she may agree to another date if she enjoyed the first. If she comes back to yours this time then game on. Just be aware she may be trying to put you in the BF box. Going out again could move you towards that but you need to maintain your frame as to what you want, or don't want.

When she saw I was chill about her leaving her mood seemed to perk up a bit and she actually stuck around a little longer and engaged me in a bit more conversation. I showed her my room and homemade kombucha and stuffed warthog and she seemed to enjoy it. Then she bounced.

Good move, just be relaxed about it. There may have been an opportunity when she went to your bedroom for "persistence" or to kiss her further but in my experience I would set my body language as open and invite her to me and into an embrace so it's on "her terms" as it were. Sounds to me like she was testing you to see if you were pushy. You passed the first test when she initially said she was going, while you didn't "fail" the second test by being pushy you didn't optomise the opportunity to move things further.

 

[Chad Tyrone]

feel like she was just being nice by sticking around. But it got me wondering--when a girl comes over and then bounces after the kiss, it's pretty much over at that point right?

lot is written on this site about persistence (like persisting that she come home with you), but once she's already come over and you've tried to escalate and she decides to leave, your goose is cooked yeah?

Most of the time , yeah

We Are Not Having Sex Tonight: What Happens When You Don’t

We've been seeing more comments from readers lately asking about situations like what Mike ran into the other day as remarked on the "How to Steal a Girl" article: “Hey Chase, I am 19 and I really appreciate all the insightful information you've made available for guys like me to read who aren't...

www.girlschase.com

Working on your escalation guarantees you close most of the girls you bring home though.

Some girls you can rapidly escalate on them while some others you'll need to take your time and move a little slower with.

Articles that I'd recommend anyone read when it comes to escalation:

Things Guys Do that Cause Women to Resist Sex at the Last Minute

Guys do things all the time with girls they were 99% of the way there with that cause those women to resist sex. If you know what these mistakes are, though, they're simple enough to avoid. I've been hearing a lot of "I got this girl right up to the point where we were about to have sex, then I...

www.girlschase.com

Take Women to Bed: Successful Physical Escalation

A week ago one of the readers of this blog, Alex, requested I get a post up on physical escalation and getting on with the seduction once you’ve got a girl back somewhere private. Alex’s comment: As for inviting her home, I would really love to see a post about transitioning to getting...

www.girlschase.com

How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours

I haven't touched much on last minute resistance on this site, and it's about the time I got a proper post up on it. Before we jump in, I want to share a note from a reader who wrote in asking about how to get a girl in bed to illustrate what I'll be talking about and provide us an example case...

www.girlschase.com

Some others that'll up your chances of getting her out again :

Tactics Tuesdays: Be Happy as You Lead Her Out the Door

When you escalate but she stops you cold, it can be awkward walking her out. To keep things cool (and raise the odds you see her again & bed her later), be merry as you walk her out. Every guy has girls he pulls home who don’t go to bed with him. Maybe she stopped you at the kiss, or maybe you...

www.girlschase.com

Tactics Tuesdays: Recovering from Botched Escalations to Sex

When you try to have sex with a girl, but fail, often that's it: you won't get another shot with her. Yet all is not lost with her – you still have options. Failing in your escalation to sex is, often, a kiss of death. You were inches away from intimacy with a girl... and then you didn't reach...

www.girlschase.com

Like, you can't use persistence to get her to stay longer and try to turn things around, right?

You can , it's just a matter of figuring out what's missing in the seduction.

Say,if you are using the SAC model for instance...you can figure out whether it's similarity, arousal, or compliance lacking .

Then hone in on what's lacking before making your move again.

You can also use push -pull to your advantage and giving her an out every time you escalate to ensure they aren't leaving plainly because you were (are?) pussy hound.

Again ,all these up your odds...

You're in effect operating from a high probability standpoint right out of the gate.

Don't go beat yourself up just because you couldn't get all girls you brought home to sleep with you after you've read the articles.

9 out of 10 isn't a bad deal if you ask me.

Chad Tyrone

 

[iceberg slim]

Good move, just be relaxed about it. There may have been an opportunity when she went to your bedroom for "persistence" or to kiss her further but in my experience I would set my body language as open and invite her to me and into an embrace so it's on "her terms" as it were. Sounds to me like she was testing you to see if you were pushy. You passed the first test when she initially said she was going, while you didn't "fail" the second test by being pushy you didn't optomise the opportunity to move things further.

Yeah good point. That's such a tricky scenario.

Articles that I'd recommend anyone read when it comes to escalation:

Thanks for the articles. I have read at least 3 of those but will read the rest. Girls bouncing after they've come home with me is an issue I've been dealing with for quite some time.

 

[iceberg slim]

she may agree to another date if she enjoyed the first.

Do you think a case can be made that, when the probability of a 2nd date is low, you are better off just not going for it? Then at least you save some face, whereas if you push for a 2nd date and she ignores or says "thanks but no thanks," it feels like a loss (harms your winner effect) and is especially irritating when you already suspected she wasn't interested.

 

[Chase]

Do you think a case can be made that, when the probability of a 2nd date is low, you are better off just not going for it? Then at least you save some face, whereas if you push for a 2nd date and she ignores or says "thanks but no thanks," it feels like a loss (harms your winner effect) and is especially irritating when you already suspected she wasn't interested.

It is always better to try and fail then not to try and never know.

This:

I feel like she was just being nice by sticking around.

Well, you are just not going to know for certain.

Girls you thought were into you for sure will flake next time and never agree to meet again.

Girls you thought were "just being nice" will come out again and go to bed.

Always be careful with "mind reading" because a lot of the time it ends up being off-base.

If she won't come out to a one-on-one date, try using a social invite to reset her expectations.

Chase

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Do you think a case can be made that, when the probability of a 2nd date is low, you are better off just not going for it? Then at least you save some face, whereas if you push for a 2nd date and she ignores or says "thanks but no thanks," it feels like a loss (harms your winner effect) and is especially irritating when you already suspected she wasn't interested.

Try to get her out anyway

Some will come out ,others won't

That's ok.

By and large,you will get to a point where you don't have to follow up on girls that you don't get right off the bat.

Until then,try to see if you can pull off a victory from the jaws of defeat.

If you fail,you are still learning anyways.

Success can't be afforded by anyone not willing to fail.

Saving face will lose you more girls than you realize .

Go put your neck on the line .

Besides if you are really valuable,you don't lose any value just because some girl turned you down.

There are girls out there that'll pick up on it.

Also be totally detached when trying to move things forward with girls that are losing interest.

I'd advice gaming other girls on the side too while you're at it.

It helps. A lot

Chad Tyrone

 

[iceberg slim]

It is always better to try and fail then not to try and never know.

Yeah you're right I'm being defensive (you caught me doing this once before already ). I'll reread your article on 2nd date strategies.

By and large,you will get to a point where you don't have to follow up on girls that you don't get right off the bat.

What do you mean? You have so much abundance you drop the girls who you don't get quickly?

Until then,try to see if you can pull off a victory from the jaws of defeat.

If you fail,you are still learning anyways.

Success can't be afforded by anyone not willing to fail.

Saving face will lose you more girls than you realize .

Good points!

 

[Chad Tyrone]

What do you mean? You have so much abundance you drop the girls who you don't get quickly?

You could say so

What I'm really getting at is that it's always good to test,test,and test before coming with a rule of thumb whether to always proceed with such girls or not.

Ultimately,it's always up to you.

Though it's easy to chase these girls that aren't giving you much, especially when you don't know what you are doing ,and are trying to make something happen.

And that's where a rule of thumb comes up.


How far are you willing to go?

You start seeing the patterns of girls that will just waste your time .

Once those are ingrained in your mind you are almost there .

And if you've taken your game up a notch ,a notch,and a notch you have it in your mind that you can get girls as fast as you want (provided you are doing things right)

Maybe not all girls but a good number of them.

You know that if she wants you,it won't be that hard.

Not to mean that if she isn't easy to get she can't be gotten .Only that it'll take more time ,time you may not have .

If you are a busy guy with other things you've got to do or maybe you like doing things efficiently,what will you do?

Of course ,things that'll save your time.

Chad Tyrone

 

[rockstar]

Anyways. I went for the kiss and got a very sheephish peck in return. I pushed for more but just got another peck, so I let it go.

This is a bad sign for the interaction. I would have addressed this “Wow, that kiss sucked”, “Don’t give me one of those shitty Connecticut (or wherever she’s from) kisses”, “Has no one ever taught you how to kiss before?”, etc (these are all playful of course). You might be able to surface some concern or something. Ime, a girl is never going to let you pull her then not kiss you unless she has some concern/worry about the interaction (you’re a player, I’ll look too easy, etc) or you just fucked up on the date and kept things way too platonic. Or she’s just extremEly conservative or never kissed a guy or something.

But it got me wondering--when a girl comes over and then bounces after the kiss, it's pretty much over at that point right? Like, you can't use persistence to get her to stay longer and try to turn things around, right?

I remember a date where I was walking a girl to the elevator after her saying she has to go, then got her to cancel her taxi and took her back to my apartment and slept with her (after guessing/reading her feelings/concerns in the moment). I’ve also had girls who said they had to leave for other plans, but then still be really compliant about staying longer with me and being late or cancelling on the other plans.

What has not really worked out for me is just blind, dogged persistence when she tries to leave. Ime either she doesn’t really make much of an effort to leave, or I have to unearth something she’s worried about, get her opening up about it and make her feel understood. Or she leaves (most common outcome in this situation). But pulling her back in to making out and trying to turn her on more hasn’t worked for me there.

One time I was walking a girl who wanted to leave out of my place when we found our food delivery that we thought never arrived. Then we took it back upstairs to eat and I ended up sleeping with her

 

[iceberg slim]

Ime, a girl is never going to let you pull her then not kiss you unless she has some concern/worry about the interaction (you’re a player, I’ll look too easy, etc) or you just fucked up on the date and kept things way too platonic. Or she’s just extremEly conservative or never kissed a guy or something.

Yeah that's what I thought. Though about 4 months ago I went on a date with a chick (a daytime informational date) who then texted me the next day asking me if I wanted to hang out again, and who agreed to come over that very night to cook dinner with me. When I went to kiss her, she also rebuffed my kiss and then left. So the attraction was clearly there but fizzled out at some point leading to a rejected kiss and failed seduction (I was also tired on that date--a very clear commonality between both rejected kisses). I then read Chase's article on kissing and realized there is a technique to getting the kiss right. Before these 2 girls I can't remember the kiss ever getting rejected and I've kissed hundreds of girls, so it was honestly news to me that you could mess up the kiss. And yeah in both cases it was not platonic. The most recent girl, I was at a bar with her and had my hand on her bare leg before I pulled her. I do think it's possible that due to being tired (and having significant low back pain), I just didn't establish enough attraction on the date, though that still begs the question of why she came over. I like your idea of teasing her about the kiss, but I think it'll be a challenge for me to stay cool after getting rejected like that.

Ime either she doesn’t really make much of an effort to leave, or I have to unearth something she’s worried about, get her opening up about it and make her feel understood.

Interesting. That makes a lot of sense. How do you do this? Is it just cold reading based on the evidence you have available?

One time I was walking a girl who wanted to leave out of my place when we found our food delivery that we thought never arrived. Then we took it back upstairs to eat and I ended up sleeping with her

That's hilarious and awesome

 

[rockstar]

Interesting. That makes a lot of sense. How do you do this? Is it just cold reading based on the evidence you have available?

There's a handful of patterns you'll run into again and again. For example, if a girl starts getting really turned on, breathing heavy, grinding against you, and soon after just says she has to go and stands up - she's probably thinking something like "Oh no, this is happening....If I don't stop myself now I'm going to have sex with him". So you can address that and tell her what you think she's feeling to get her to open up about it, be vulnerable, talk things through with you, so you can help her feel more comfortable and deal with whatever underlying reason she has that's stopping her from fucking you. Rather than just accepting her closing herself off and leaving with some idea in her head like "He just wants a ons and I'm just another girl to him" (or whatever the underlying issue is).

That's hilarious and awesome

It was actually one of my funniest lay stories. Girl was this really glam-y bottle girl with fake tits and I had zero experience with girls like that at the time (she was my first one). I accidently slammed my bedroom door against my head when getting a charger and had this huge bump on my forehead by the time we had sex. My vibrator's battery died literally a second before she came when I was using it on her. She told me "If I have sex with you, you'll never see me again" and that's exactly what happened lol. I made my roommate hide in his room for like 5 hours that night.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

This is a bad sign for the interaction. I would have addressed this “Wow, that kiss sucked”, “Don’t give me one of those shitty Connecticut (or wherever she’s from) kisses”, “Has no one ever taught you how to kiss before?”, etc (these are all playful of course). You might be able to surface some concern or something.

I like this a lot. I always thought I should not verbalise what happened, the same way after a rejected kiss you change subject and continue normally.

But in this scenario there clearly is a concern that should be addressed if you want things to move forward.

What has not really worked out for me is just blind, dogged persistence when she tries to leave.

This. I have also tried it and they end up running away more or less.

My issue is that even by being more chill, and not pressuring them after a failed kiss at my place, there doesn’t seem to be a reliable way to start escalating again.

If you do manage to have a talk about her concerns and make her feel safe and at ease, it could be possible, but still not by jumping on her again right away after that.

I liked this idea of opening up and giving her some space to come to you herself. And even in a subtle way if she seems to be staying and starts giving you some hints by the way she looks, touches etc, that now she is ready, you can work with.

In the end it’s also about being abundant, and accepting that you do desire her but even if you don’t have sex with her, you’ll be fine.

And yeah I would suggest always following up since you have nothing to lose really, worst case scenario you never meet again anyway, but best case who knows.