Socializing When Socializing, what should you be aiming for?

[Rookie]

A bit of a vague question I know. But what I'm essentially asking is that say you meet someone at a party, be it a girl or a guy. How do you make this person like you and your friend. Again another dumbass vague questions so let me try to break it down.

I understand that people love to talk about themselves, I understand that asking the right questions as to why they chose to do XYZ(either study something or work in the career they are in) or how they ended up where they are doing what they do get's people telling you about there story and themselves. I understand that people feel connected to those who feel like themselves the most.

I also get the when making friends or making connections it's all about how you make then feel when around you, whether they feel excited, intrigued, happy, laughing, enjoying themselves or even connected to you.

I also get that being witty and having banter is a crucial part of being socially suave and charming and well downright fun.

But when I try to make new connection they end up with the person not being too interested or the conversation feels very dry.

i started relating more and trying to feed back what the person has said in other words to show i get them but again it feels like this person is just answering my questions as opposed to telling me things about them and bonding over it. I then thought it switch it up to interests and hobbies and whereas this can be better if you two do click on something like travelling, tv shows, going out, skiing etc again it feels like we are talking but not really connecting. Like the person in question is answering my questions.

What i'm asking is when talking to someone new what should be aiming for in terms of getting this person warmed up and feeling connected to. I feel like i have the part of conversation, deep diving, bantering and small talk but they feel so disconnected and superficial to the person.

How can i tie these all together? Am i aiming to make this person open up or feel good around me or for me to get to know all about him or her. What sort of dynamic am I looking to achieve.

Feels like i've got the all the pieces of the puzzle but just can't put them together. Feel free to ask anything if you want more info.

Rookie

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Sup dude, I get ya! Ya see I'm very social so this comes naturally to me, some of ma friends not so much. It sounds like ya very stuck to ya process and ya talking by numbers yah?

This doesn't feel natural cause it's not so ya lookin to fill in silence with ya next Q.. So what's ya favorite color? That's cool... So where ya go on holiday yah?
They don't even flow ma dude yah?

Conversation work when people want them to, how are ya? I'm good yah you? Ya get a reply, if a just went am good am closing that conversation down ma dude so ya might be talking to the wrong people or your energy isn't right yah?

Don't force it, live in tha moment and react to what they say and there emotions it'll all fall into place!

Yah?

 

[Rookie]

Cheers man,

Yeah I feel you, I posted this a while ago and since then i've had a hunch about what you are saying but it feels great to hear it from someone else. A lot of the people i was talking to were from older social circles and people who knew me from my uni course already. but you couldn't be more right.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Rookie

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Ya dude let us kno how ya get on!

It been a while yah so I reread your OT and got me thinkin bout being in tha field over Xmas nd stuff. Social connections just came without any thought some with tha lads and others with girls I wanted and I just developed a mini social circle from nothing yah? So I've tried to breakdown what a done cause theres difference between friends (lads) and lovers yah?

For lads the connection your looking at is he's cool, not weird, a can hang with him. Go for ya handshake or bro hug and break the touch barrier yah? A noticed I just hit a conversation and touch there shoulder or upper arm on high points and be comfortable with silence with just company if ya get me? Be calm and laid back like your not forcing conversation and they CHASE the conversation and be warm, inviting and enthusiastic to it when ya have to.

Lovers are similar yah? Small difference is different goal ya so touch escalation and looking to lead them where you want them and all ya logistics. Getting them warm to ya yah depends on them and there mood some ya need to start slow and persevere to get them into talking to ya. Touch can help a lot!! But you want to mirror them if there bored and aloof turning full energy will make her run yah!! Good preselection eliminates this cause ya only go for girls with the energy you want but sometimes the only girl ya like in the room just isn't up to party just yet...I'd still approach! Maybe an icebreaker and then walk of and come back later, very confident dude! Yah?

Its kinda ya ENERGY yah? How your body language talks and how welcoming you seem. Fold ya arms and ya strong and ofputting its like a barrier yah? Arms by ya side ya more welcoming! Posture and facial expressions also. If ya over thinking its not natural, but while your working on these parts it will seem forced. Next time ya being social if ya ever thinking bout ya next Q forget it, go blank and watch your autopilot. Let ya pieces of ya puzzle fall into place cause ya have them dude!