When the girl ends up hating you

[ramirezs316]

A few months back, I tried pursuing a girl at work whom I thought was interested in me. She had been engaged, and so I was treading lightly around her until I could get confirmation on her relationship status from a friend. By the time I found out she was seeing someone new, I had already made a vague romantic gesture, which she apparently did not like. Weeks later, after I backed off, she and I worked together, and she seemed really cool around me. When I grilled her friend about what she thought of me, her friend said that she was not into me at all and had even starting thinking of me as creepy. I had already backed off of her, so this revelation frustrated me greatly. The girl and I ended up working together again and she was very cooperative, showed no signs of nerves, and all seemed well. I've barely been in contact with her since and have made little effort to socialize. But she seems to be giving off serious negative vibes whenever I'm near, as if she thinks I'm going to ogle her or try to get her to go out with me. I know it shouldn't affect me, but we may end up working together again, so the fact that she has painted me as some obsessive guy after I have consistently not interacted with her (and even had several good interactions with her) pisses me off.

My question is: should I bother confronting her about it if we have to work together again? Should I just let it go? I'm not even trying to pursue her (and I didn't pursue her much to begin with). I just can't stand the thought that she thinks I'm someone I'm not. What's the correct/sexy thing to do here?

 

[Chase]

Ramirez-

My question is: should I bother confronting her about it if we have to work together again? Should I just let it go? I'm not even trying to pursue her (and I didn't pursue her much to begin with). I just can't stand the thought that she thinks I'm someone I'm not. What's the correct/sexy thing to do here?

When someone hates your guts, the best thing you can do is largely ignore them, while every now and again offering them some token of generosity when it's smooth and natural and convenient for you to.

e.g., you ignore her 99% of the time, but if you're sitting around talking with some people having chocolate chip cookies and she walks by, you say, "Cookie, Sarah?" and firmly gesture to her with a cookie. She'll say "no," and you'll just go right back to talking with the people again.

These have to be very low effort offers - the communication is that you're putting zero effort in other than the bare minimum to be thoughtful and inclusive when there's something you can be thoughtful and inclusive with.

It takes time, but you can eventually warm her up again this way. Eventually she reaches a point where she's still annoyed with you, but can talk to you openly about it now and say, "You know, when you XYZ thing last year, it really weirded me out." And you'll just say, "Okay..?!" and sort of laugh about her stressing out over something from the past you don't even really remember.

Basically, you're playing the role of cool, normal, social guy, who's trying to be a little considerate toward this girl who's acting weird and creepy. Eventually it'll be clear to her that you're behaving like a totally normal person, and she's not, and she'll want to correct the imbalance by making peace with you.

The other one is preselection... the bad emotion cure-all with women. Let her see some pretty girls flirting with you or competing for you and she'll change her tune much quicker than she will with you being the normal one and her being the creepy one.

Chase

 

[ramirezs316]

Ramirez-

My question is: should I bother confronting her about it if we have to work together again? Should I just let it go? I'm not even trying to pursue her (and I didn't pursue her much to begin with). I just can't stand the thought that she thinks I'm someone I'm not. What's the correct/sexy thing to do here?

When someone hates your guts, the best thing you can do is largely ignore them, while every now and again offering them some token of generosity when it's smooth and natural and convenient for you to.

e.g., you ignore her 99% of the time, but if you're sitting around talking with some people having chocolate chip cookies and she walks by, you say, "Cookie, Sarah?" and firmly gesture to her with a cookie. She'll say "no," and you'll just go right back to talking with the people again.

These have to be very low effort offers - the communication is that you're putting zero effort in other than the bare minimum to be thoughtful and inclusive when there's something you can be thoughtful and inclusive with.

It takes time, but you can eventually warm her up again this way. Eventually she reaches a point where she's still annoyed with you, but can talk to you openly about it now and say, "You know, when you XYZ thing last year, it really weirded me out." And you'll just say, "Okay..?!" and sort of laugh about her stressing out over something from the past you don't even really remember.

Basically, you're playing the role of cool, normal, social guy, who's trying to be a little considerate toward this girl who's acting weird and creepy. Eventually it'll be clear to her that you're behaving like a totally normal person, and she's not, and she'll want to correct the imbalance by making peace with you.

The other one is preselection... the bad emotion cure-all with women. Let her see some pretty girls flirting with you or competing for you and she'll change her tune much quicker than she will with you being the normal one and her being the creepy one.

Chase

Awesome advice. In fact, I've been doing just that. A week after I made the romantic gesture, I had to take staff pictures of her and her coworkers. As I was showing the photo to the group, she passed and I asked her, "Did you get a look?" and then went about my business.

As for flirting with other coworkers, its pretty slim pickings. But I am constantly interacting and collaborating with her coworkers, who all know me as a really sweet and funny guy (I never quite figured out how to be sexy at work). I'm really good friends with two of the girls she hangs out with outside of work, and they were both coming to my defense when she expressed her discomfort. Hell, her students (she's a teacher) all love me, and she's seen the work I've done with her kids (promo videos). On both of our last work projects, I was making her laugh and getting her to open up. I even ran into her and a friend outside of a bar a few weeks ago and played if off cool, knowing she probably wouldn't like it if I asked her to join me for a drink (I was alone by the way).

But she still seems so removed and distant like she's made up her mind for good. My friend said she's got a lot of baggage from her failed engagement, but who knows. Obviously if the opportunity presented itself, I would still like to ask her out. But right now I'm more concerned with not feeling weird at work.

 

[Flames]

As Chase said pre-selection and a lot of time, and more importantly don't fuck it up when you get that '2nd chance' because nobody comes back for being putting into the 'Creepy guy' a second time.

 

[ramirezs316]

Well, we ended up interacting again. I had to take some video of her class, so I went up to her room with the intention of just doing my job, being nice, and getting out of there. Not only was she super friendly but she showed me a funny class note one of her kids made, she helped me stage a shot, and then we had a good laugh about a skit she and the teachers are performing for testing season. She also suggested I come back to get more footage. She was acting the way she was weeks ago when I thought she was interested in me. And this was after weeks of me completely ignoring her. I ended up directing her and the other teachers for the skit and she was being really playful and cool. Right now, my plan is to initiate nothing and let her come to me. So far, it may be working.

 

[Flames]

That's just the way it is with some girls, they're like stray cats. Just offer them a warm lap and a saucer
of milk and they're yours.

 

[Tyme2k]

That's just the way it is with some girls, they're like stray cats. Just offer them a warm lap and a saucer
of milk and they're yours.

Priceless