When To Give Up On A Girl? And Actually Getting A Date?

[Anonymous]

So I'm a twenty year old guy, was in my first sexual relationship since 18 till January of this year. I walked out and since then been single and looking for a few dates a such for around four months (after two month cool off period).

Problem is this is IMPOSSIBLE and I do mean that in every sense of the term. I'd say that I'm not a great looking guy, around a four facially but I'm not fat, in relatively good shape but my hair and my fashion is pretty impeccable. So looks a 4, facial looks a 4, everything else around a seven.

Currently at Uni where there are no guys interested in going out, finding women (it's a tiny Uni) so I'm pretty much on my lonesome. Not been too bad, I'd say I've had 2-3 girls actively come up and be interested but they weren't really my type (I'm not fussy but there is a standard) whilst I've gotten two girls number and one number off online game. Pretty much all of the potential dates have fizzled out.

Let's use the most recent number girl. Know her from time on a film set when at a party she comes up, chats give me a couple of signs she might be interested. So I give it a day then send the following message,

"Hey A, It was lovely to see you at the ball Monday! We should hang out and go for a drink some time. Are you free today/tommorow?"

She responds a few hours later around six with,

"Hey Could do tomorrow night "

Looking good right? I give it twenty mins before responding with,

"That'd be good Would you be okay to meet at around six or seven?"

And then no response and it's now tommorrow! And I know she's seen it too. Do that's the full extent of contact and I don't think there's anything needy. Put it granted not a lot of flirtation but that was done in person and she'd pretty much signed she was interested so what's happen.

Now with the other girl whose number I got she played us about for about a week, dilly-dallying before I said screw this move on.

With this one however, I'm trying to analyse what I should do for future dates on this with other girls. What advice do you guys have? My gut tells me send one more text today like at 2 saying, "Hey A, you still up for that drink tonight? Shall we meet at 7, outside of the GOMA?" and then making that my final contact on that level. Or is it a complete write-off already?

Seriously what am I doing wrong on this front to get dates? Should I screw the texts and go for the phone in the future and write the rest off as text being ineffective or? Any advice would be very much appreciated.

 

[Drck]

You are having problems with girls, and most guys (95% plus) have, that is not unusual. You grade yourself 4/10 facial look, but I don’t think that is the problem. The problem might be how you perceive yourself. If you think you are “ugly” you are projecting that you are “ugly” and thus she perceives you as “ugly”. On the other hand, if you project “I look great”, she will look at you as if you were looking great. The look is important for initial contact, but what prevails after that is the feeling you have about yourself. You should learn how to feel great about yourself, and project that great feeling.

Learn to be happy about how you look. Go to extremes. You have crooked nose? Great! Shove your nose in people’s faces and say: Look how great my nose is, nobody has such a great nose! You have big floppy ears? Even better. Shove them into people’s faces and say: Look how great those ears look on my head, you only wish you had ears like that! Crooked legs? How amazing! Stand in front of everyone and point at those amazing legs, make sure everybody sees them!

The truth is, girls will always notice your physical disadvantage but they won’t care, especially not if you work on your personality and if you improve how you feel about yourself. You already have girls come up to you and be interested, so it is not really looks.

Another things, the way you text shows that you are indecisive. Remember, she expect man to be a leader, she wants someone to lead her. If you want to be successful with women you have to take care of that job and lead.

For example: “We should hang out or go for a drink some time”. In her head she is thinking: We should hangout, maybe, or maybe not. Maybe we shouldn’t. What does hang out mean anyway? Walk somewhere, sit somewhere, go to the movies? Talk about what? I have no idea what he wants to do, he doesn’t know himself what he wants to do. “Some time” could be tomorrow, next week, or next month...

All this very indecisive, she reads that you can’t make decisions, that you are not used to lead, that you will have difficulties leading her.

Try: “Why don’t we go for a drink to XYZ on Monday or Tuesday?” In her head she is thinking: Ok, why not go get a drink? I can’t go Monday but Tuesday sounds good. He seems to know what he wants, he’s got specific date and place where to go. He makes decisions, he doesn’t ask me but he goes for what he wants. He is leading. And if she is interested she will go.

Another one: “Would it be ok to meet around six or seven?” The same. Would have, could have, should have… It would be ok, but doesn’t have to be ok. How do I know if it would be ok? Should it be ok? I have no idea, I’m a girl, I can’ t make decisions, he’s the one who should decide. I don't know what I want, he doesn't know what he wants either, all this is frustrating. Going out with him should be fun, not frustrating...

Try instead something like: “What is better for you, six or seven?”. Oh! This fucking guys is pushing now! He’s already decided! He wants specific time from me, I either have to choose to go with him or don’t go at all. I don’t really want to make the decision now because I’m a girl, but I have to.

It doesn’t mean that she can’t flake, she can still flake, but now you are at least projecting that you are decisive, that you know what you want, and that you can lead her. There are not so many guys who can truly lead her, once you learn to lead her you will rise to the top 5%.

You decide. You lead. You suggest what to do and where to go, you lead to what will happen next. Don’t leave it up to her, not only she hates doing that but she will never do that. It is ok if she doesn’t go exactly by what you suggest, but if she is interested she will easily give you another time or place. You push and then you wait for her response. Then you push again, and again, and wait more. Then you push again, and then you keep pushing till she gets used to that you are the one who is in charge and she is the one who follows…

Hope it helps

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

TCD,

I'd say my stats are similar to yours. About a 4/10 facially, not fat, dress alright. It took me 400 tries but I got a date.

*Note that all my advice is based on the assumption that you are doing cold-approaches.

1.) You mentioned having two numbers. If all you have is two, prepare to be disappointed (most likely). At the time I got a date, I had 6 or 7 strangers' digits in my cell. You want so many numbers in there that you don't give a rat's ass if one lizard flakes. Once you start forgetting which number belongs to who, you'll snag yourself a date.

Seriously what am I doing wrong on this front to get dates? Should I screw the texts and go for the phone in the future and write the rest off as text being ineffective or?

Remember this - for the most part, texts are only as effective as the quality of your interaction and the depth of her attraction for you.

Now,I asked this same question for 7 months my friend.I cannot guarantee that this method below will work for you; however, It's exactly what got me a date after starting my 50 approaches a week campaign:

1.) Approach 50 girls this week.
2.) Since you are 20 (my age), make sure they are all 23 or under. Preferably under 21. AND, make sure they are all as equally attractive as you or no more than about one point more attractive. Game isn't a magic trick; it's a value for value exchange.Your safest bet would be approaching girls as attractive as your ex-girlfriend, at least for now. Prove to yourself that you can get a date from cold approach.
3.) Ask every girl for a specific date: e.g. "Hey lets grab coffee [at specific place] in the next few days. My best days are [insert a specific day within the next 2-3 days]."
4.) If a girl nods and says "yes/ok" or says "maybe that can work," take her number. If she says, "that day isn't good for me" simply say "Ok, give me your number and we can work something out later"
5.) Text all those girls the next day around lunchtime (12-3pm)
6.) If she responds in under 30 minutes (assuming she has no job where a phone isn't allowed), this might actually work out. Text her about the day which would work, then tell her that you'll call to iron out the time. When you do call, chat for a minute or two, then iron out the date and hang up soon after because you "have to get back to XYZ."

Ta-da.