When trying to escalate, should you...?

[Garrett]

1. Why should you invite a girl out for a coffee at say, Starbucks, as opposed to just inviting her to your house to cook some dinner or watch a movie? I just figure it's investment if she doesn't drive so you have to pick her up, pay for your own food/drink, then potentially cover her order (if it's small like a coffee). I just feel that it's easier to give off LESS value if you just invite her to your place and do the business . Also, it would be more work/investment, potentially disobeying the Law of Least Effort if you don't do things right (more risky) when you are out with her!

2. Say you've met a girl, and you like her. You get her out once in a while and the two of you hangout, but you didn't come across Girls Chase or just failed to escalate things forward in the past, and now you're shooting yourself in the foot. You've traced back your steps and you realize all the times you've messed up. Despite the fact that you haven't done anything physical/sexual with the girl during the past few occasions, you see an opportunity to escalate the next time you see her?

Firstly, should you gradually change up your behavior, even if you don't see them often? I understand it's best to just meet new girls and do it right with them, but I'm still able to get girls who I've messed up with OUT, I'm just not sure if it is worth it to escalate after a few months have passed of me knowing them and seeing them (sparingly, like I'll get them out once or twice a month for a drink or to hangout at my place, and I use texting to solely get them out but before I was making the beginner mistake of long text conversations). I figure, if they agree to see you I assume that's a sign of interest, but it may be on a friend level, seeing as girls WANT friends too.

I feel like some of the girls still have some interest (albeit, not as much); however, they still message me on occasion to see how I'm doing, and I've busy as heck with school so it's hard to go out and actively pickup new women (time/energy consuming) and my logistics aren't the best (I'd have to escalate in my car if I'm out with her, and I live at home since I'm only 19 so my parents/family would be there). So with girls in the past that you can TELL aren't auto-rejecting you and you feel that there is something still there, is it worth going back and trying to do things right and moving fast? Now I know what I'm doing, I'm not an EXPERT but I got my text game down, sexier vibe, better walk/speech and fundamentals, law of least effort/spezzura etc. I want to try out different things with them mainly to test out my much improved skill set, but I also have some interest in them so it isn't using them/manipulation, if things work out then cool, but if not, it's no big deal.

Any advice, experience, or opinions would be appreciated!
Garrett

 

[Chase]

Hey Garrett-

1. Why should you invite a girl out for a coffee at say, Starbucks, as opposed to just inviting her to your house to cook some dinner or watch a movie?

You absolutely can do this! You'll find this is generally a lot easier with women you've met through social circle or already have a great deal of rapport with... when I've met girls via social circle this was normally my M.O. The recommendations you'll read are normally cafes and coffee shops simply because most of the articles on the site are written from a cold approach point of view, since that tends to be the easiest way to get a lot of new women into your life in a hurry.

But, if you're meeting girls social circle, or sometimes even cold approach, if the girl is very interested in you or giving you strong hints she'd rather be alone than be out in public, you can set things up to start (and end) at your place.

Despite the fact that you haven't done anything physical/sexual with the girl during the past few occasions, you see an opportunity to escalate the next time you see her?

The problem is set expectations. Once a girl's accustomed to you NOT taking action, it'll seem "weird" or "off" or "creepy" for you to suddenly take action. Conversely, if she meets a new man who's constantly moving things forward with her, this guy can bed her in between platonic dates of yours with her and it'll feel 100% "natural" to her... something that "just happened."

There's really not an easy way to reset expectations once they're set. I'm personally not a guy who keeps women around for long unless A) we're lovers, or B) we're very good friends, so I haven'thad much experience with this... there may be a way to turn it around, but I haven't seen it / am not sure what it might be.

Firstly, should you gradually change up your behavior, even if you don't see them often?

My instinct is you want a sudden change, so that it's not like, "Oh, he's slowly changing... good for him!" but instead, "WHOA, I didn't know he was like THIS!"

Thing is, to pull off a sudden change, you need a major life incident, like you went off and meditated in Nepal for 3 months and came back a changed man. Because most people are now process-oriented improvement machines and rather are event-oriented "I go where life takes me" machines, they're jarred and unnerved by any idea of a person consciously changing himself, and need some sort of "event" to hang changes on that they can point to and say, "Oh, he went through X event... THAT's why he's different."

So with girls in the past that you can TELL aren't auto-rejecting you and you feel that there is something still there, is it worth going back and trying to do things right and moving fast?

From what I've seen, it isn't worth the headache, and infrequently works out.

I've seen a few guys get this going and manage to sleep with a girl like this. But it's typically only after an extended amount of time reframing who they are over Skype / IM / phone chats, and they finally change things on a date and take the girl to bed. Oftentimes, these girls are the exact same quality these guys can get via cold approach... they just take 10 times the investment of time and effort to get.

So, I'm skeptical of the whole "getting those girls I've known for a long time but now I'm different" approach, though I know it's tempting as you've grown fond of the girl and hold her in higher regard than some random girl you've just met off the street with whom you haven't developed the same level of temporal and emotional investment yet.

Chase